Reviewer: TomBombadil Signed Date: 2017.01.28 - 07:38PM Title: Concussions
Excellent, intriguing, and captivating chapter! I will confess to checking the "genre" categorization, having just read two of your comedies, and finding similarities here. Your tongue-in-cheek use of adjectives happens frequently enough to make me stop and think, perhaps, that we aren't really in a drama. It's a gift ... to be able to provide some relief of tension in the midst of the well-designed tension. Anyway, I like your writing very much! Thank you for sharing your talent with us!
And now for something completely different!
Point taken about the glimpses of humour, though. LunaGranger made a similar observation some time ago -- that I can change genre, but never completely put aside all of the quirks and tics that make me who I am, on paper and beyond.
As it truly stands, Splinters is indeed one of my less comedic stories, but you're right that there is some comedic relief in there. Sirius and the twins provide a bit; Henrietta Gravener (alter ego for... one guess) was a perfect joy to write...
Anyway, thank you for your kind words. Very encouraging that you could offer them after a chapter whose disorienting sequences are an effective filter on readers who 'are prepared for a trip', versus those who may merely have been along for the ride.
Hope you enjoy!
Reviewer: nayin1704 Signed Date: 2016.06.24 - 08:17PM Title: Concussions
So it's Ginny who came back?
Yes indeed -- it is Ginny and Harry who had the unexpected round of strange (somewhat overlapping) dreams and suddenly wake up in a tizzy.
Reviewer: KateP Signed Date: 2015.12.02 - 05:46AM Title: Concussions
Yay new chapter
Hey Kate! I would certainly agree that a hyper-powered Ginny would really upset a core balance in any overarching story, but... this story is really all about the *consequences* of stumbling onto mysterious powers. Trust not the gift if you cannot know the giver.
And let me also put it this way -- if anyone is convinced that the Legate is the greatest menace in this story, then they have been misled by a certain insidious authour :)
Reviewer: KateP Signed Date: 2015.10.17 - 08:11AM Title: Concussions
Another top class chapter with a ton of information to think about I loved the little warning about keep the dog home wonder if gin you will remember when the time comes also loved Harry standing up to fudge and Malfoy he was way to passive in cannon this year he just let umbridge trouture him and albus cost him his godfather and at the start of the next book he is best friends with him again so giving Harry a backbone is a plus with me
Thank you Kate! Great, as always, to hear from you!
I'm glad you enjoyed Harry's bit of moxy -- he is obviously benefiting from a bit of Weasley fire there. In reading various books, (especially the HP series) I have frequently wondered what could happen when one character (blessed of a certain set of strengths) could borrow complementary strengths from another. Since the canonical Ginny in OotP is such as a delightful firebrand, this brooch twist has really made for some fun writing.
You have, with fine reason, latched onto some interesting thoughts about the final moment in the Ginny/Dumbledore scene. I am going to drop a tiny hint -- Albus's response is composed half from his canonical mindset, and half from something that you have just seen him experience...
Is that helpful, or am I being just as infuriating as Duff? Quite possibly ;)
Reviewer: KateP Signed Date: 2015.09.30 - 02:46AM Title: Concussions
Another great chapter
Thank you most kindly, Kate!
With these questions, you're truly honing in on the fundamental issue of the story. You'll notice that I've now written a number of scenes that feature either the battle or a non-battle substitute taking place at roughly the same time (late spring, 1998). If you read closely, even among the 'battle' scenes there are subtle differences. This is key.
So, I would reframe your questions a bit. What is real? Will things proceed to a perfectly canonical ending? If not, who's to blame?
Finally, are Harry and Ginny the only ones influencing their future?
Great to have insightful readers such as yourself to bandy things about with!
Reviewer: PsychoGeek Signed Date: 2015.09.11 - 06:33AM Title: Concussions
The story idea is interesting, but the dialogue tags are constantly distracting me. See the dialogue tags in chapter 2 for instance: exclaimed, stammered, interjected, enthused, answered, asked philosophically, responded tentatively, continued..... it continues in that vein for the entire story. You rarely, if ever, use the simple dialogue tag 'said', and if you do use it, it is always accompanied by an adverb. 'Said' should in fact be your default dialogue tag, with others used sporadically if necessary. And the problem with using adverbs is that they’re always telling to your reader. Remember that old maxim, “Show, don’t tell”?
Not afraid to step straight into a fine arts grad school religious war, are you?
Plenty of vitriol has been written on either side of the debate you're raising. One of the more balanced pieces is:
In truth, while I would never simply succumb to repetitious saidification of my stories, I do admit to a deliberate overuse of dialogue tags. The motivation of this deliberate sin is a belief that a fun story is meant to be read aloud.
I read a lot of things aloud, frequently to tweens (the planet's most discerning age group, in my opinion), and there's nothing that kills the mood faster than me scrabbling back and forth through the text trying to figure out who spoke a given line so that I can judiciously adjust the volume and intonation (I often use voices too).
So, while I prefer to avoid the "said / not said" jihad, and freely plead guilt in over-peppering the text with dialogue tags, there is one saving grace: having an over-tagged draft is that one is literally only one good PERL script away from satisfactory cleanup.
If you're serious interested enough in this story to ask, I really wouldn't mind clobbering it with a good PERL cleaning, and sending you a judiciously low-tagged (over even hyper-saidified) version. Service with a smile!
Anyway, thank you for the spirited admonition, PsychoGeek!
Author's Response: I know that many readers skim the reviews, so in that light I'd like to mention that PsychoGeek and I took this discussion off-line (braving the most evil PM tool) and although I'm not certain our views align perfectly, the exercise brought to my attention a *third* way of handingly dialogue attribution in dialog, which is active attribution. Most instances of 'said' and 'asked' are replaced with nonverbal actions. That way, the reader knows who's speaking, *and* gets insight into their character from the instinctive tics and cues we all share in normal conversation. I liked the idea enough that I've done a fair bit of rewriting to Chapter 1. If you have a chance, give it a skim and let me know what you think.
Reviewer: Cole Signed Date: 2015.08.28 - 10:20PM Title: Concussions
I greatly enjoyed the first chapter, I think it's off to a great start!
Thank you Cole! Great to hear that you're enjoying this relatively non-linear tale!
Reviewer: DukeBrymin Signed Date: 2015.08.24 - 07:47PM Title: Concussions
Thank you very much Duke! Always chuffed to find words of encouragement from someone who's composed some of my favourite material on the site!
Shall we be seeing the gifts of your golden quill again?
Reviewer: MollyandArthur Signed Date: 2015.08.15 - 07:58PM Title: Concussions
Great start to this story. Sirius is wonderfully pragmatic, and Harry is his usual clueless, kind self. Not sure where the dreams will continue to fit in, but I am eager to read the next chapter.
Sincere thanks, Molly and Arthur -- great to have you as reader(s)!
The dreams, of course, prove to be a key part of the story, with their impact being hinted at in chapter 2, and starting to become tangible in chapter 3. Where they fit into the big picture is, of course, a mystery that will unfold fairly gradually.
Reviewer: Aragorn Signed Date: 2015.08.13 - 06:40PM Title: Concussions
...and so we begin!
Ah? Such weighty words bring to mind some ominous epic. You may end up with a modest ~100K novella instead, but I hope you enjoy!
Great to see you on board with this; glad you brought your quill!
Reviewer: ginnyweasley777 Signed Date: 2015.08.08 - 09:28AM Title: Concussions
Oh what a delightful (and a little confusing) tale this is!
Ah, well I'm most delighted for the opportunity to confuse you!
Thank you very much for offering your supportive words!
Reviewer: LysCsuri Signed Date: 2015.08.05 - 08:31AM Title: Concussions
Oh my! You're certainly not afraid to go from very edgy stuff to pure sweetness, are you? Will the whole story be like this?
Yes, the story will continue to blend the edgy and the sweet, although this first chapter has the sharpest contrasts that you'll see for a while.
Yes, on re-re(x-times)-reading it I do admit that the final scene gets a bit explicative at times. Another editor (besides myself) might have hacked it down a bit. I may also revisit it at some point -- what was written all wanted to get said, but after I've let it sit for a bit, I may find ways to make it more trim and smooth.
Glad that you forgave me nonetheless! Thanks for reading and reviewing!
Reviewer: Arnel Signed Date: 2015.08.04 - 08:59PM Title: Concussions
I almost didn't read past the first dream, thinking the story was going to be a rehashing of the final scene in DH through Ginny's eyes rather than from Harry's point of view. This is indeed an intriguing start to the story and I hope explanations will be forthcoming as well as the promised spiriting of Harry out of Ginny's room before Molly Weasley gets home! Well done. Looking forward to the next chapter.
Ah yes, the subtle early tip that this was not exactly DH was Ginny's constant deja vu through the scene -- a feature that the story will come back to. Anyway, I'm glad you persisted and enjoyed the first taste!
Answers will indeed be forthcoming, but beware as I shall be somewhat stingy with them for a while :)
Always great to hear from you, Arnel -- thank you for reading and reviewing!
Reviewer: v_t Signed Date: 2015.08.04 - 05:15PM Title: Concussions
Excited to read more :) looking forward to the updates.
Hey, great to hear that you enjoyed it! I promise to not keep you waiting too long for the second chapter, on which I put an hour's worth of editing today. More to be done, but I'll likely post this weekend.
I see that you too have posted. Looks like In have a little reading of my own to do now!
Reviewer: lunagranger Signed Date: 2015.08.04 - 04:01PM Title: Concussions
Molly wll eat Sirius alive. But that's fine. That's what they are. Very intriguing story.
Ah, how fascinating that you don't believe that the secret keepers will keep their secret. How long have you known me, now?
As always, a LunaGranger review is a ray of sunshine on a grey day!
Reviewer: mdauben Signed Date: 2015.08.03 - 04:52PM Title: Concussions
Well! You are off to a very interesting and mysterious start. I'm certainly going to be looking forward to reading more of this story and find out exactly what is going on.
Ah! Most gratifying to hook an authour of your calibre -- hopefully I can justify your initial interest!
With any luck I'll have the next installment posted by the weekend or so. Thank you sincerely for tuning in!
Reviewer: dannbard Signed Date: 2015.08.03 - 01:52PM Title: Concussions
Well well well, isn't this a twisty little tale? Is the Elder Wand misbehaving, or is something else snapped? Why does Ginny know so much one minute and then go blank? And what in the blue blazes do the Romans have to do with all that? Wait wait, don't tell me! Not yet, anyway!
Don't tell you? Okay, I can do that!
Wonderful to see your dulcet keystrokes grace the reviews once more. Thanks Dann!
Reviewer: Dad Signed Date: 2015.08.03 - 01:14PM Title: Concussions
Not quite sure what's going on, but good style.
Great to hear from you, Dad!
Ah, Good! If you had already known what was going on by this point, I would now be suffering from a Haemorrhaging ego. My most astute readers (you may be one of these) might be starting to form plausible hypotheses by chapter 4, but it will be well beyond that before the non-divination practitioners among you have a reasonable idea what the title means. I think. Well perhaps I should steer clear of bold statements -- you people have proven to be appallingly prophetic before.
Glad to know that you like the style -- more of that on the way. Thanks for offering your thoughts!
Reviewer: Gin110881 Signed Date: 2015.08.03 - 08:46AM Title: Concussions
At the beginning, I had to do some calculations. The story starts in the summer after GoF, right? OK, it is AU and probably it is not important.
Calculations are correct! This morning I modified my story capsule to clarify the exact timeline so yes, this story could be classified as a post-GoF AU.
Sadly, Ron just can't get a break with me, can he? No sooner have I re-rehabilitated him in Trix, when I knock him down in this story. And he doesn't even have Hermione to keep him company...
Thank you ever so much for your detailed thoughts, and for reading with a keen eye!
Reviewer: gracepark Signed Date: 2015.08.03 - 07:54AM Title: Concussions
Oh, you make those words just quiver! Can you imagine JKR writing a death scene like that? I got misty in the two rescues too. Great start!
I do admit that I fussed over some of those lines. Now, of course, I somehow need to sustain that precedent. Here's hoping!
Thanks for the comment and continued loyal readership, Grace!