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Reviewer: freshwater Signed Date: 2018.06.17 - 02:57PM Title: A Cornered Mouse

Written warnings of violence and death are common in fanfic....your "story" is a gratuitous bloodfest using the names of beloved HP characters for characters SO outrageously different from canon that I can't believe this story was accepted by this site.

Clearly I struck a nerve, or you wouldn't have written and explanatory response that rivaled the length of the story. That fact that you has only 3 positive reivews should be a hint that the quality of this fic is sadly lacking. You may have the potential to write a decent story, but I'd suggest something closer to the spirit of the series rather than tacking HP names onto characters with personalities nothing remotely like those in the series.

Write another lengthy and cranky respone if you wish....I won't bother to check back.

Author's Response: Well, well, well, speaking of striking a nerve. Thanks for bumping up my review count. I see my evil plan has succeeded. Muahwahaha!!!

You should know that much of what I wrote to you was copy pasted from something else I wrote on another site where I had this fic posted, as well as the author notes. But feel free to inflate your ego. Of course, you won't know that because you won't bother to check back. Cool! Or you could come back and give me another review. That would be a win for me too.

Again, I responded to you primarily because of "...that half-star review you left simply because you didn't like violence in a story marked as being violent..." Quite frankly, I thought that was rather petty of you. When I don't like a story, I close it and go on my merry way, but you went out of your way to drop my story's rating. Hey, to each their own, right?

Oh, dear me, you have mortally wounded my be bringing up the number of reviews this story recieved. A lack of reviews is the name of the game for the fanfic writer, as are recieving flames posing as reviews, like the one you just left me. Come play on FFN or AO3 sometime.


In my response, I laid out my case as to why Hermione was at least somewhat in character in this story. To partially reiterate, Hermione kidnapped and wrongfully imprisoned a woman. For the rest, see my previous response. I should also add that Hermione (in canon) violently attacked Ron with conjured birds. She is quite capable of violence when she feels provoked.

I will rest well knowing that I have successfully refuted your illogical and emotionally overwrought arguments.

I make no apologies for violently killing the fictional character of Draco Malfoy.

Author's Response: Also, I should note that I don't give warnings without reason.

In addition to the standard SIYE warnings form: "Warnings: Death, Violence" I wrote in the Author Note: "There are moderate amounts of graphic violence ahead. I don't think it's too bad, but YMMV." Graphic means graphic.

Obviously, your mileage did vary. That's cool, but you were warned. This is not the most violent story on this site. I rated it PG-13 for a reason. I've seen similar levels of violence in PG-13 movies. Maybe I should have given it a higher rating. You could have argued that, but you didn't. I didn't dwell on the gore, so I made it PG-13 instead of R. Maybe I'll change it but I thought that the discerning audience of SIYE would read a warning and take it seriously.

Raiders of the Lost Ark is rated PG and is far more violent than this fic. Granted, that was before PG-13 was invented (thank Temple of Doom for that rating even existing) but I rated this PG-13 so that is not an issue here.

I was born cranky.

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Reviewer: freshwater Signed Date: 2018.05.16 - 12:02PM Title: A Cornered Mouse

I really couldn't get past the gruesome double homicide....and by Hermione! It's too out of character and not compliant with the tone or message of the books. Please don't write a sequel.

Author's Response: Thanks for reading, but I did put warnings for death and violence. I also said in the preliminary Author Note: "There are moderate amounts of graphic violence ahead. I don't think it's too bad, but YMMV."
I don't know if you read the author note or not, but perhaps you should begin to read them a bit more carefully.

As far as Hermione being in character, I said:
In canon, Hermione kidnapped, illegally imprisoned, and blackmailed Rita Skeeter. She permanently disfigured Marietta Edgecombe. If she were desperate enough, she would definitely commit murder.
And I also said:
Hermione was cornered. She was trapped. Book!Hermione will panic when she is overwhelmed. This was not cold blooded, premeditated murder. It was an impulsive crime of passion, an act of desperation.

I very much see this story as being something that Hermione Granger would do if she found herself in the situation she was in here in this story.
I also said in the preliminary Author Note:
Today's trope is "people being forced into an arranged marriage against their will."
This story was an exploration of a literary trope often found in Harry Potter fanfic. In 99% of the "arranged marriage" fanfics, the parties involved go along meekly, because the author wants to ship that couple, even if the pairing goes against all sanity. I believe that Hermione would fight back against being paired with the Malferret. She was desperate. Desperate people do stupid things, bad things.
Hermione Granger is not the perfect princess that the movies and much of fandom made her out to be. Her kidnapping of Rita Skeeter was premeditated, I might add.

You said, "not compliant with the tone or message of the books."
Harry James Potter used the Cruciatus curse twice. In book 5 on Bellatrix Lestrange. In book 7 on Amycus Carrow. The second time was because Carrow had spat on McGongagall.
Is torture a just punishment for spitting in someone's face?
Molly Weasley killed Bellatrix Lestrange in a duel. Fred Weasley died a senseless death.
I could go on, but the HP books slowly get darker and darker as the series progresses. Book 1 is a lighthearted children's book. Book 7 is not for children, in my opinion.
I would thank you not to lecture me about the tone or message of the books.

Additionally, this is fanfic. I sincerely hope that you don't expect all fanfic to be 100% canon. For the love of JK Rowling, don't read Brennus.

You said, "Please don't write a sequel."
I said that I have no plans to do so, but now I'm tempted just because you don't want one.

I don't know where you get the idea that a sequel would be a splatter-filled gorefest.
A sequel, at least as I envision it, would be Ron and Hermione living as fugitives and Harry and Ginny trying to figure out what had happened to their friends, while the wizard!cops do an investigation into the two murders and the disappearance of the two most likely suspects. Along the way, people discover just what a creep evil!Dumbledore really was. I suppose it could be written as a violent action movie-style story, but I see it more as drama with a touch of angst.


I would conclude this author note by noting that death and violence aren't really my style. I much prefer madcap comedy.

However, that half-star review you left simply because you didn't like violence in a story marked as being violent didn't leave me feeling very charitable.
Perhaps next time, you should read the warnings a bit more thoroughly before reading a fanfic.
Good day.

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Reviewer: Dad Signed Date: 2018.05.11 - 09:33AM Title: A Cornered Mouse

Seems a bit short.

Author's Response: It is.

Author's Response: My apologies for the curt reply. At the time I thought I was being funny. I had considered writing a backstory explaining everything, but the "arranged marriage" trope seemed well-known enough to me for readers of HP fanfic to be able to get the story without me writing on it. To my mind at the time, everything that came before this was superfluous and the aftermath wasn't in my wheelhouse.
To me, this was the relevant part of the story, the part I wanted to tell.

Author's Response: And since I didn't say it earlier, thanks for reading and reviewing.

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