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Reviewer: M_And Signed Date: 2010.04.08 - 06:45PM Title: Chapter 1: First Meeting
Nice start to the story. I like the premise that Harry's not famous, that's a nice twist. I also like that this is from Ginny's perspective. Look forward to reading more! - M
Author's Response: Thanks!
Reviewer: GoDons Signed Date: 2010.04.07 - 01:21AM Title: Chapter 1: First Meeting
No Review
Author's Response: Thanks!
Reviewer: Professor_Chris Signed Date: 2010.04.05 - 03:18PM Title: Chapter 1: First Meeting
Interesting start... Looking forward to seeing what happens... The fact that she told Harry that she had six older brothers and he still wanted to see her again is a good sign :).
Author's Response: Thanks, I've submitted chapter 2 so it should be up soon.
Reviewer: Zanthus Signed Date: 2010.01.10 - 09:15PM Title: Chapter 1: First Meeting
Like the unknown HP idea. Will be following with interest. Enjoy.
Z
Author's Response: Thanks!
Reviewer: BrutallyHonest Signed Date: 2010.01.10 - 02:54PM Title: Chapter 1: First Meeting
oooo please update soon! this is a really interesting and hope it doesnt get abandoned. however, how does ginny not know who harry potter is?
Author's Response: I won't be abandoning this story and I've already written several chapters. Ginny doesn't know wh Harry is because he isn't famous in this story. There was still and war and his parents were still killed by Voldmort but that's all I can say for now. More will be explained in later chapters. Thanks for taking the time to review. ~ Hannah
Reviewer: skiutahnum1 Signed Date: 2010.01.08 - 08:56PM Title: Chapter 1: First Meeting
Fun how harry is talking to a girl and that he can make it work and ginny can talk with out thinking about the harry potter....kutgw
Author's Response: No one knows who Harry is as they've never heard of Harry Potter before. More will be explained soon. Thanks for the review. ~ Hannah
Reviewer: knightsbridge Signed Date: 2010.01.08 - 04:52PM Title: Chapter 1: First Meeting
Great start. So the Wizarding world has no idea who Harry Potter is??? VERY interesting premise.
Darian
Author's Response: Nope, the name "Harry Potter" means nothing. More will be explained soon. Thanks for the review. ~ Hannah
Reviewer: Ginny Guerra Signed Date: 2010.01.08 - 11:58AM Title: Chapter 1: First Meeting
Love this!
Update soon, please"!
Author's Response: Will do!
Reviewer: Phx tears Signed Date: 2010.01.08 - 01:26AM Title: Chapter 1: First Meeting
Two things:
I think your story is going waaaay to fast. Write some descriptions about the surroundings, how characters are feelings, what they're thinking DURING a conversation - not something really long but a sentence or a few words. The dialogue here is just bang bang bang bang bang. It sounds flat.
The description of Ginny's brothers was unnecessary. Although you're introducing "your" characters, they're very very similar to canon characters write? So you could imply this in the story, reveal it through conversations with Harry, give us a mini bio when the character is introduced into the story, or flat out tell us.
I don't think I've seen many stories written in present tense. They sound..odd. I'd suggest writing in that way but maybe you're more comfortable like this. However be careful to stick to it. You seem to switch back and forth e.g. "I stepped out of the fireplace.........I don't want Mum to know about..."
I recommend skimming or reading through the writing of Kezzabear, hgfan1111, PrincessPotter, or notadryeye to gather some tips on writing with the descriptions etc.
Good luck with your other chapters.
Author's Response: Thanks for your review and I'll definatly take your advice into consideration in future chapters. ~ Hannah
Author's Response: I've now sorted the tense thing and changed it to past tense. Thanks for pointing it out and I'll take more care with future conversations.
Reviewer: Johnymclonesome Signed Date: 2010.01.07 - 10:53PM Title: Chapter 1: First Meeting
Very nice,
Author's Response: Thanks!
Reviewer: hp_fanatic Signed Date: 2010.01.07 - 09:51PM Title: Chapter 1: First Meeting
Great start !
Author's Response: Thanks!
Reviewer: ReaderRabbit Signed Date: 2010.01.07 - 08:05PM Title: Chapter 1: First Meeting
Sorry I'm some what confused. There was no war and voldie? and if not why in the world would Harry be kept from school?
Just some quick thoughts. Hard to really form an opinion just yet, but my interest is peaked.
Author's Response: More will be explained in later chapters but there was still and war and Voldemort was still alive, which is part of the reason that Harry didn't go to Hogwarts.
Reviewer: Hugendubel Signed Date: 2010.01.07 - 08:05PM Title: Chapter 1: First Meeting
Hi,
a nice start. I liked the introduction of the Weasley family but the talk between Harry and Ginny was a bit rushed. You should perhaps think about describing the conversation (like facial expressions, body language) rather than just writing what they said. That makes it come out more alive.
I don't want to sound rude or anything, sorry if that seemed that way. Feel free to ignore my advice, it is your story after all ;-)
I'm looking forward to the next chapters. Keep them coming.
H.
Author's Response: Thanks for your review and I'll take your advice for future chapters.
