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SIYE Time:19:50 on 28th March 2024
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Reviewer: GHL Signed Date: 2015.11.28 - 09:35AM Title: Chapter Three - First Introductions

Hey Bethany,

Already reviewed this ages ago, but am gradually finding time to re-read in the hopes of catching up with up the story. Some new thoughts occurred on this pass.

First of all, a small glitch: I think you mean hurdle (obstacle) rather than hurtle (careen wildly).

Secondly, my kudos for a modest but rather brilliant little passage:

“Good afternoon,” Severus glanced down at the two children who were gazing expectantly up at him and nearly lost his calm composure. The girl, thankfully, looked nothing like Lily. She had dark brown eyes and flaming red hair, as opposed to Lily’s green eyes and auburn hair. However, seeing Lily’s beautiful green eyes staring at him out of James’ face was nearly more than he could bear and bitterness welled up inside of him. James had stolen Lily away from him, wormed his way between them, creating a chasm that had broadened beyond repair after Severus’ thoughtless, hurtful words of derision to the one and only friend he had ever possessed.

Really, your whole introduction of Snape to the children is very well done, and I don't believe I can recall any better canonical or fanfic encapsulation of Snape's bete noire. Truly inspired! This illustrates a beautiful confluence of observation, memory, and psyche.

On the flip side, however, is the following:

Harry quickly loosened his fingers, but Ginny gripped his hand a moment longer, defiantly staring back at her mother. Another thing Harry was beginning to detest was being in the middle of these silent matches between mother and daughter. He felt he had no place in them, but invariably he was the cause and had no choice in the matter. He knew that Mrs Weasley felt threatened by the innocent gesture of holding hands because she couldn’t understand it. To her it symbolized something he and Ginny had only been informed about, but had no real concept of yet. To him it was merely a way to better communicate with Ginny and at the moment for her to help ease his worries and fears, which were unfortunately numerable. He hoped that his greatest fear, that the Weasleys would reject him and somehow find a way to break the bond in order to be rid of him, would fade and become a distant memory.

The first two sentences in the paragraph are a superb statement of action/reaction... but unfortunately you proceed to haul out a spade and bury them with editorialising recapitulations. Those are like two sins wrapped into one: over-explanation and repetition. Without the occasional ugh like this, I would have given the chapter five and a half stars.

Anyway, a fine story. Life permitting, I truly do hope to find time one of these epochs to read it through without interruption. Best wishes for inspired writing!



Author's Response: GHL, I am sorry it has taken me so long to respond to your kind and thoughtful review. I can see your point about over-explanation. In my pursuit to improve my writing (description being where I have been lacking in the past), I suppose I have teetered too far in the opposite direction. I have an urge to strike out the offending passages and keep the paragraph succinct. I may go do that right now! Thank you again for reading, and I hope real life releases me from its grip soon so I can resume writing!



Reviewer: hgromance Signed Date: 2015.09.12 - 10:09AM Title: Chapter Three - First Introductions

LOL. I keep wanting to call that Head Goblin Adirondack instead of the name you gave him. Is it wrong of me to be enjoying this angry Molly? Not sure why I do because I like Molly. Maybe because it's just so different.

Author's Response: Ha! I can see why you would want to refer to Adoyrak as Adirondack - they are very similar! I'm glad this Molly doesn't seem to be too much for you. I think at this early juncture she has a right to be angry. Her world has become topsy-turvey. Thanks for reading and commenting!



Reviewer: MollyandArthur Signed Date: 2015.08.14 - 06:51PM Title: Chapter Three - First Introductions

starstarstarstarstar

This is a really well written story and the kind of story that makes you keep wanting to know what will happen next. I understand Molly's reaction, but I do wish that she was a bit more reasonable and logical, so that Arthur does not have to be the voice of reason all the time. Excellent chapter!!!

Author's Response: There are times with every mother that she acts unreasonably or stresses out far more than she should (I know from experience;)). Molly is very lucky to have Arthur to be her rock during those times. Thank you for the stars and review!



Reviewer: Aragorn Signed Date: 2015.06.19 - 10:59PM Title: Chapter Three - First Introductions

starstarstarstarhalf-star

Am so glad you felt inspired to continue this story.

A quite delightful one...

Author's Response: Thank you, and for the stars. I am glad to read you are enjoying it so far!



Reviewer: DukeBrymin Signed Date: 2015.06.19 - 07:27PM Title: Chapter Three - First Introductions

I don't think 'nonplussed' is the word for Luna's response. 'Nonplused' means upset by, or disappointed by, but I can't imagine Luna being upset at Molly's look.

Author's Response: Thank you for pointing that out. I believe I have since changed it!



Reviewer: GHL Signed Date: 2015.05.20 - 02:14PM Title: Chapter Three - First Introductions

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Ah -- the story is really starting to roll nicely now! Although you cited this chapter as being a bit fluffy, I really see it as providing tangible binder for the character drama you're unfolding. Very nicely written!

Author's Response: Thank you very much. I suppose I had forgotten some of the pivotal moments in this chapter. Glad that you are still enjoying the story. Thanks, as always for reading, commenting, and for the stars!



Reviewer: carolyn jinn Signed Date: 2015.05.11 - 09:13AM Title: Chapter Three - First Introductions

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Great story.
Molly does overreact before she thinks. Poor Arthur has had to have a mini 'talk' as a result.
Love Luna and her carefree way.
Looking forward to the next chapter.

Author's Response: Thanks, Carolyn! Molly does tend to overreact. Now we know where Ron gets it from ;) Oh, the mini-talk was so hard to write - lol! I didn't want it to be cheesy, but how else to talk about the birds and the bees to pre-teens in a PG way? 'Personal parts' it had to be.

Thank you for always taking the time to read and comment. And for the stars!



Reviewer: Charly42 Signed Date: 2015.05.08 - 04:55PM Title: Chapter Three - First Introductions

starstarstarstarstar

great story so far I really like it, i reread both it and Aphrodite's Destiny several times already and really enjoyed them both,
please keep up the good work

Thank You for writing

Author's Response: Thank you for reading, commenting, and the stars. I am so glad you like both of these stories and hope you will like the later installments as well!



Reviewer: skiutahnum1 Signed Date: 2015.05.07 - 05:12PM Title: Chapter Three - First Introductions

Ah Luna is one smart girl but also one of the oddest.......kutgw

Author's Response: You have to love Luna! Thanks for reading and the encouragement!! I will try to kutgw.



Reviewer: Gin110881 Signed Date: 2015.05.06 - 04:59PM Title: Chapter Three - First Introductions

starstarstarstarstar

What is worse than a Howler … Molly’s physical presence. That's a good one!
In discussing how the Bond can be hidden when the two of them are going to Hogwarts next year, I was wondering which name the Sorting Hat will use for Ginny, lol.
I am still of two minds about Molly. I just thought that she slowly gets used to the idea that Ginny and Harry are together when she overreacted so Molly-like. Always according to the motto: What I myself do think or do is what I expect from others too. At the end I was amazed that the two of them were allowed to eat alone in a room at the same table. On the other hand, when the two of them are able to assert themselves against Molly, the fight against Ol' Tom is a breeze.

Great chapter, thanks a lot!
Btw, you forget to set the tissue warning flag in the story header. ;-)


Author's Response: Hmmm, you are quite the detective! I just wonder what the Sorting Hat will make of Ginny. Only time will tell. Molly is of two minds, as well, as I think she exhibits in this chapter. She is going to have her moments, both good and bad, but in the end she has the best of intentions. I hadn't thought this chapter warranted tears, but perhaps I was mistaken? Thank you for taking the time to read and review, and for the stars!



Reviewer: Dreaming Haven Signed Date: 2015.05.06 - 03:59PM Title: Chapter Three - First Introductions

starstarstarstarstar

I love your story and very nuch enjoyed this chapter. Ginny and Harry are so cute together! Molly's over reaction was very on character for her. Poor Arthur having to have the sex talk with them, before he even had it with the twins. All due to his wife's inability to not over react. (Shaking head) It seems she is the one with a filthy mind. Lol
Oh, and I loved how you had Luna show up, and now they were bonded.


Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad to hear you are enjoying the story!. Molly did overreact, but she is still trying to come to terms with the sudden changes in their lives. It is a good thing she has Arthur; his calm, cool demeanour is much needed in this situation to subdue Molly's hotheadedness. Thank you for the stars and the comments! I really appreciate them!




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