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SIYE Time:7:06 on 19th October 2017


Reviewer: TomBombadil Signed Date: 2016.03.02 - 01:44AM Title: Vis Insita: Interval

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I have been remiss in not providing enough reviews. I even lost this story for a while. Ugh! I have not listed you among my "Favorite Authors" so I should not fall into that situation again. This is a superb story and I am looking forward to its continuation. Scott is a complex character, and he has grown favorably upon me. I love Lila and hope she is featured more fully in Vis Insita. I love your take on Ginny and look forward to her role as the saga continues. Thank you for sharing your prodigious talent with us!

Author's Response: Thanks for the kind review. I'm glad Scott grew on you as a character. As for Lila, she does take a larger role in Vis Insita, especially in recent chapters, so I hope you'll enjoy those.



Reviewer: Hippothestrowl Signed Date: 2015.09.11 - 05:25PM Title: Vis Insita: Interval

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Fine story, well told. Scott does have a good side but he's never going to win any protagonist popularity contests. Kylie is an intriguing side story - be interesting to see how she fits into the sequel. I mean, it's unthinkable that she be abandoned.

Just looking ahead to the sequel, both your summaries are dreadful - in the sense of not being real summaries that will attract the interest of readers. I stumbled across this by chance because it was newly updated and completed around one of the months when I visit here. I'm surey I've probably skipped over it several times over at FFN because the 'summary' gives me no clue as to what the story is about. I recommend you change them both if you want to attract more readers.

I'm pleased Ginny is being drawn into your DH Take 2. I did it in my Noble Spirit too because the character is important and needs more air time.

Looking forward to continuing into the sequel probably tomorrow....

My 9 rating below is really for the whole story.

- Hip

Author's Response: "Fine story, well told. Scott does have a good side but he's never going to win any protagonist popularity contests." Ha. Interesting timing, as you said this not long after I received a review at FFN describing how Scott is the reviewer's favorite character. Scott is generally quite popular with my long time readers, but not everyone appreciates his sense of humor in the same way, I'm aware. "Kylie is an intriguing side story - be interesting to see how she fits into the sequel. I mean, it's unthinkable that she be abandoned." You think? I'd hesitate to classify her involvement in TTM as having any kind of story at all, she has only a handful of lines and shows up sporadically, and has no real character arc to speak of. I've always found it interesting how many readers liked her, regardless of those facts. "Just looking ahead to the sequel, both your summaries are dreadful - in the sense of not being real summaries that will attract the interest of readers. I stumbled across this by chance because it was newly updated and completed around one of the months when I visit here. I'm surey I've probably skipped over it several times over at FFN because the 'summary' gives me no clue as to what the story is about. I recommend you change them both if you want to attract more readers." It doesn't really matter, I've found. When originally posted, TTM had a complete and fairly descriptive summary, with an even longer version I used at other sites. It was gradually shortened over time, until it became quite vague. It never seemed to change how many readers I attracted; whether it stated there were OCs or not, most people stop reading when Scott shows up in the first chapter. They've been conditioned to do so by countless other fanfictions with prominent OCs, and I can't change that. It was only recently I gave up trying to sell TTM to a larger audience and gave it a summary that matched the one for Vis Insita. Honestly, I think the physics-based summaries do a better job of bringing in the sort of curious readers who are more willing to give a story with OCs a shot. And ultimately, like I said, I've given up trying to make this anything but a cult story. If there's a summary that will make it more palatable to mainstream fanfiction tastes, I don't know how to write it.



Reviewer: Hippothestrowl Signed Date: 2015.09.11 - 09:17AM Title: Of The Essence

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No Review



Reviewer: Hippothestrowl Signed Date: 2015.09.11 - 09:16AM Title: Gazes Also Into You

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Sorry, too immersed to notice I continued to next chapter ... or two... Powerful action. Believably ugly and clumsy. Excellent description of Harry v Snape. I'll give this a 9. Maybe go back and give the last one a 9 too.

Author's Response: "Powerful action. Believably ugly and clumsy." I appreciate that a great deal, actually, I've spent a lot of time trying to capture that side of combat. Especially in this case, when the combatants are unskilled.



Reviewer: Hippothestrowl Signed Date: 2015.09.10 - 04:00PM Title: Summer Was the Reason

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Good Dumbledore as usual and good Luna too.

Author's Response: "Good Dumbledore as usual and good Luna too." Dumbledore isn't actually in this chapter, but I'll take my compliments wherever I can get them.



Reviewer: Hippothestrowl Signed Date: 2015.09.09 - 05:35PM Title: So Helpfully Anomalous

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Very good chapter in many ways. Real progress. Scott not quite so obnoxious. Interesting how this new story has these contact points with the original. The effect on Scott of the Felix was fascinating. He was incredibly dumb with the mead though. "Oh, what's this? A drink? And it's really important to the UO? Good or bad? Oh well, I'll just take a big swig. If I die then we'll know..." The raid was quite well told. An attack on Death Eaters doing their evil seems more acceptable than callously ordering his sister to kill a shopkeeper in an earlier chapter.

Good writing as ever. Well-checked.

Author's Response: "The effect on Scott of the Felix was fascinating. He was incredibly dumb with the mead though. "Oh, what's this? A drink? And it's really important to the UO? Good or bad? Oh well, I'll just take a big swig. If I die then we'll know..."" It wasn't the smartest move he's made thus far, though in his defense he had no reason to believe the mead was poisoned. Seeing as the shape brought him to the mead, for all he knew he was *intended* to drink it. Not the case, as it turned out, but not an entirely ridiculous assumption. "An attack on Death Eaters doing their evil seems more acceptable than callously ordering his sister to kill a shopkeeper in an earlier chapter." The shopkeeper in question was Borgin, a man who Scott knew as having Dark ties, given that he'd promised the necklace to Malfoy. Scott also told Lila to kill him only if he saw her, at which point she would have little choice if she didn't want her description given to the authorities. Lila's response was really the coldest part of the exchange, as she questioned whether Scott thought a murder would make her actions look more like a simple armed robbery. However, she was likely assuming that any target she was being sent after belonged to the enemy.



Reviewer: Hippothestrowl Signed Date: 2015.09.07 - 03:51PM Title: The Dark Line on the World

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Another good chapter. Even though it's mostly talk, we feel the story moving forward, drawing us on... Good writing as ever.

Author's Response: Thank you, I appreciate that.



Reviewer: Hippothestrowl Signed Date: 2015.09.07 - 01:59PM Title: Unimprobable

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Good chapter. Ron/Hermione tension resolved. Ginny drawn in and we see her thoughts. Luna too. Scott's secret shared. Progress!


Author's Response: It's a busy chapter, to be sure.



Reviewer: Hippothestrowl Signed Date: 2015.09.06 - 09:07AM Title: Remember October, November? Part I

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Mmm... these time and scene changes are confusing - especially an uncued flashbacks. I can see why the flashbacks, to get another pov, but it's very awkward that way.

Scott's saving grace is that he does seem genuinely concerned about Trevor and Kylie so maybe there is hope for him after all. I had wondered if that was only because she was a major player in his OU but I recall he was surprised she got into Gryffindor so I think he didn't really know anything about her before. I mean, he only seems concerned about the trio pairings because presumably those bonds will help the OU. Or is that UO? Anyway, the universal objective.

Author's Response: "Mmm... these time and scene changes are confusing - especially an uncued flashbacks. I can see why the flashbacks, to get another pov, but it's very awkward that way." I don't believe there are any flashbacks in this chapter. The chapter itself begins at some point prior to the end scene of the previous chapter, but there aren't any actual flashbacks in the chapter itself. "Scott's saving grace is that he does seem genuinely concerned about Trevor and Kylie so maybe there is hope for him after all. I had wondered if that was only because she was a major player in his OU but I recall he was surprised she got into Gryffindor so I think he didn't really know anything about her before" Kylie is a side character who was originally created merely because there had to be someone on the boat with Scott when first arriving at Hogwarts. When she ended up more or less clinging to his friendship due to her personality, she gradually became more important to the narrative. "I mean, he only seems concerned about the trio pairings because presumably those bonds will help the OU. Or is that UO? Anyway, the universal objective." Yes, if given the choice Scott would have preferred to allow his Primes to engage in romantic relationships on their own time. It's not something he feels compelled to meddle in. However, certain relationships can be useful to the mission, and therefore to be encouraged.



Reviewer: Hippothestrowl Signed Date: 2015.09.05 - 03:46PM Title: The Best Kinds of Monsters

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I'm with Dumbledore on this one - the Kharans are definitely a nasty couple of uncaring murderers, and their neverending conflict, crudity, and rudeness makes them sound like emotionally-challenged juveniles - albeit with godlike powers. Their lack of warmth fits them better to be Death Eaters, so it is strange they're authorised by an advanced civilization to act as inter-universe gestapo. Just as with Voldemort, "Kill the spare" is their way of life.

Nevertheless, they are fascinating and well-fleshed out characters and the story continues to intrigue. Good work! :)

Author's Response: "I'm with Dumbledore on this one - the Kharans are definitely a nasty couple of uncaring murderers, and their neverending conflict, crudity, and rudeness makes them sound like emotionally-challenged juveniles - albeit with godlike powers." I don't think Dumbledore was accusing anyone of being an uncaring murderer; I think the argument was more whether 'murder' was even the correct nomenclature considering the state of war. As for being an emotionally-challenged juvenile, that's exactly what Scott is. The change of age is absolute, as he once pointed out. He is a child with an adult's memories and training, not an adult with a child's body. "Their lack of warmth fits them better to be Death Eaters, so it is strange they're authorised by an advanced civilization to act as inter-universe gestapo." Lack of warmth towards whom? The Death Eaters aren't exactly sympathetic sorts. Frustrated as the Kharadjai may be with Dumbledore's unwillingness to fight his war in the way wars must be fought, I think it's clear later in the story that Scott has respect for Dumbledore and his difficult situation (Lila is a bit harder to peg, I'll admit). As for being authorized to act as a gestapo, they aren't. I don't think secret police is a very apt comparison for what Scott and Lila do, as they are neither secret (on their end, at least) nor police. They are soldiers, and are intended to fight the war with Harry's enemies. The time when the conflict could be considered a police action is long passed, especially in the absence of any reliable justice system.



Reviewer: Hippothestrowl Signed Date: 2015.09.04 - 05:08AM Title: Shape and Diverge

I meant to add that I like the descriptiveness, especially at chapter start. Nice.

Author's Response: "I meant to add that I like the descriptiveness, especially at chapter start" I seem to recall rewriting the beginning portion of the chapter many times. It was a difficult opening to get right in regards to presenting an original character's POV, and though it did free me from having paraphrase the book in any large capacity I still regret the necessity. If I did it again, I'd use a canon cast member's POV.



Reviewer: Hippothestrowl Signed Date: 2015.09.04 - 05:06AM Title: Shape and Diverge

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Apart from a few Brit-oddities, this story is nicely-written and certainly interesting.

The new character is still unlikeable: arrogant, condescending, slightly racist (demeans local customs and attire and regards magical Brits as morons because they haven't studied quantum physics?) and he's devious (might even be a Polyjuiced adult) so he's definitely Slytherin material so far. But he can't be all bad if he downed Malfoy. Actually, he's a bit like Barty Crouch Junior in many ways.

I liked Hermione's reasoning after the Borkins incident where she sussed out there was more to the new guy than was apparent.

Good stuff. Incidentally, my rating is compared to the best of English literature so 8 is really good!

Author's Response: "The new character is still unlikeable" I doubt you'll get much out of the story, then. Most readers tend to like Scott, overall. He's not always admirable, of course. "arrogant, condescending" I won't argue that, he can be both on occasion. "slightly racist" Magical England is not a race. Ethnocentric, maybe. "demeans local customs and attire and regards magical Brits as morons because they haven't studied quantum physics" More that they haven't even tried to engage with scientific advancement. A person is not an idiot because they haven't studied quantum physics, but a society in the late nineties that does not even acknowledge quantum physics is willfully ignorant (willful ignorance being perhaps the most defining trait of wizarding society). As for their modes of dress, if you don't think robes are ridiculous then I guess you might be a hit at the right kinds of parties. Neither Scott nor this story take wizarding culture very seriously — not that the books do, either. Rowling tended to alternate between whimsy and satire when it came to the bigger picture of who wizards were.



Reviewer: Hippothestrowl Signed Date: 2015.09.03 - 05:55PM Title: Nothing Important Happened Today

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Intriguing start. What happened to the Trace? Personally, I think they ignore underage magic if they detect an adult wizard nearby (ie, Tonks) and regard them as supervising.

Annoying person reminds me of someone - always beating around the bush and slow to come to the point. Unless he came right out with it at the start, I'd have told him to clear off and headed for home.

Author's Response: "Intriguing start. What happened to the Trace? Personally, I think they ignore underage magic if they detect an adult wizard nearby (ie, Tonks) and regard them as supervising." This will be answered, but it's a long time coming.



Reviewer: MollyandArthur Signed Date: 2015.08.16 - 01:34PM Title: Vis Insita: Interval

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Great story. This is completely different from anything else I have read on this site. I enjoyed the characters, including those of your invention. It was wonderful to be able to read a story straight through, though I admit I was exhausted, emotionally drained by the end.

Author's Response: I was aiming for something different, and I'm glad I delivered. It's always gratifying to hear when someone enjoyed the story.



Reviewer: Fleek Signed Date: 2015.08.06 - 04:42AM Title: The Best Kinds of Monsters

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Full glad am I to see one of my favorite stories from FFN on SIYE. I honestly had not read this story in many years and was treated with reading it again as I had forgotten several aspects of the story. Thanks for bringing it to SIYE.

Also note that even though it has been many years since I have seen that Kool-Aid flavor on the shelf, the sharkleberry pink joke was not lost on me. As with many of your jokes on Scotts behalf, I found myself deeply amused.

Fleek

Author's Response: "Full glad am I to see one of my favorite stories from FFN on SIYE. I honestly had not read this story in many years and was treated with reading it again as I had forgotten several aspects of the story. Thanks for bringing it to SIYE." Hey, thank you for reviewing. I'm glad to see the story being received well here. "Also note that even though it has been many years since I have seen that Kool-Aid flavor on the shelf, the sharkleberry pink joke was not lost on me. As with many of your jokes on Scotts behalf, I found myself deeply amused. " You're the first person to comment on that joke, which I assume flew right past most of the audience.



Reviewer: Gin110881 Signed Date: 2015.08.04 - 03:51AM Title: Nothing Important Happened Today

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That's a very interesting beginning. I suspect that this is the story of Scott Kharan and how he guides Harry Potter to the fulfilment of his destiny. A word count on Harry, Ginny and Scott seems to confirm my suspicions.
Lucky me, that I don't have to wait for the next chapter.
many thanks for sharingthe story!

Author's Response: "I suspect that this is the story of Scott Kharan and how he guides Harry Potter to the fulfilment of his destiny" Yes… Sort of. It's not the kind of guidance you may be imagining, nor does Scott really understand the way forward. What he knows has more to do with how to handle the kind of things Harry is up against, than how things are intended to work out. Many thanks for reviewing, I hope you enjoy the rest of the story.



Reviewer: potternut190 Signed Date: 2015.07.31 - 01:36AM Title: Remember October, November? Part I

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What Scott said to Draco was epic! I lol'd at that while reading.

Author's Response: I've gotten a lot of comments about Scott's line, which I actually feel a little guilty for. Readers seem to assume I made it up, which isn't true. I was under the impression it was a fairly common insult, but apparently it isn't.



Reviewer: potternut190 Signed Date: 2015.07.31 - 01:36AM Title: Remember October, November? Part I

What Scott said to Draco was epic! I lol'd at that while reading.



Reviewer: GREYWOLF Signed Date: 2015.07.30 - 03:42PM Title: Vis Insita: Interval

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A pleasant if whimsical tale, kinda like Ferris Bueller meets Guardians of the Galaxies.

Author's Response: That's possibly the strangest description of my story that I've heard. I can't say that I see the comparison, exactly, but as long as you enjoyed it then I'm content enough.



Reviewer: hills Signed Date: 2015.07.27 - 07:17PM Title: Vis Insita: Interval

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Soo... I don't know how to begin this review, because this story is so HUGE and AWESOME it's like, no review can effectively match up to it. First, i appreciate the speed of the uploads, there is nothing better than being able to read a fic in it's entirety in one sitting (a rare feat which i most certainly took advantage of). A side effect of this was that i was unable/unwilling to stop and review each chapter, for that, i'm sorry. Moving on to the story it was just an amazing read- i loved that you stuck to the story line even while making significant deviations. I never felt lost or confused at the changing POVs and you were ale to really capture the essence of each character in these POVs (Harry was missing a lot in the first few chapters but you more than made up for it later on). Your OCs Scott and Lila were great and funny and interesting and sympathetic and just really memorable. I loved the progression of the relationship between Harry and Scott and i can't wait for their relationship to grow even further. I love that at the end of this, there is still the excitement of wondering what would happen in the next book even though i'm pretty sure you'll probably stick to Canon like you did here. Probably the only criticism i could give is that i wish there was more Harry and especially Ginny POVs but that's just me being a petulant Harry/Ginny loving child. I really loved this I'm really looking forward to the next book! Thanks for your hard work!

Author's Response: "Soo... I don't know how to begin this review, because this story is so HUGE and AWESOME it's like, no review can effectively match up to it." Kind of you to say. "First, i appreciate the speed of the uploads, there is nothing better than being able to read a fic in it's entirety in one sitting (a rare feat which i most certainly took advantage of)." This story was already completed (and even revised) quite some time ago. Rather than space it out unnecessarily, I decided it would be best to get any new readers caught up and then move on to the in-progress sequel. "Your OCs Scott and Lila were great and funny and interesting and sympathetic and just really memorable." I consider that the greatest praise of all, considering how fandom generally views OCs. As for Harry and Ginny, there's a great deal more focus on them in the sequel, as I imagine you've already discovered. Thank you so much for your encouragement and kind words.




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