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SIYE Time:3:31 on 12th December 2017

Reviews For Vis Insita

Reviewer: ProfessorBinns79 Signed Date: 2015.09.15 - 09:36AM Title: Go to the Ant, Thou Sluggard

Ok, since you said you like a public record (and this will be a lot shorter), here goes:

Sophie! I can't believe I forgot that! Now, I remember her noticing something about Remus when they met at the park...

I wouldn't go so far as to say the canon breakup was sexist either, but I see how some might say that. It doesn't so much have to do with gender, but Harry does have a tendency to treat those he cares about as precious objects to be protected rather than as people who make their own choices. Those are the terms in which his "saving people thing" and excessive guilt need to be discussed, and I always imagined Harry and Ginny having that discussion at some point in their relationship. With the canon breakup, I read Ginny as having the maturity to realize that the eve of the Horcrux Hunt was not the time for it. (And yes, I realize she didn't know about the Horcruxes, but she knew that Harry was going off to do something to end the war.) I totally get how your version of these events is consistent with your Ginny and arc of her character development.

The way you answered my "reader/author centered" comment sounds like you developed Scott for some other project. Is there a work of original fiction about Scott and his people? That would be interesting. I can even imagine a TV show about Scott's career. Each season could be about a different mission in a different universe with a different set of primes. I think the Sci-Fi network would totally go for that!



Author's Response: "I totally get how your version of these events is consistent with your Ginny and arc of her character development." And that's really what I was going for. I placed internal consistency over matching the book, essentially. And maybe that's due to a build up of mistakes I made with Ginny's character, ultimately leading in a different direction than canon. But by this point, it kind of is what it is. "Is there a work of original fiction about Scott and his people?" No. The basics of Scott and his universe were developed purely as a mental exercise, I've imagined him in more or less every work of fiction I've ever enjoyed, from the X-Files to Star Wars. Those imaginings, of course, are entirely self-serving fantasies for my own enjoyment, and not fit to be written without significant alteration. You might see this story as the end result of such imaginings actually applied to a real, less personal narrative. The Kharadjai, as a concept, were nothing worth sharing before I began writing TTM and Vis. I've done enormous amounts of world building and character development to make them palatable for anyone other than myself (my old story On Earth as it is in Hell contains some extremely primitive, vague ideas concerning the Kharadjai, as well as a proto-Scott). I always had it in mind to expand upon the Kharadjai-verse, of course, in the event I chose to write an original story about them, but that was just an idea. TTM and Vis Insita have forced me to prove that Scott and his cohorts are actually workable, can be expanded upon, and can be given depth and reason. Whether I've succeeded is, of course, left up to the reader. Anyway, I've realized I didn't remark on all of your comments, so let me address something I missed: "(although I was unclear on what their perspective was in regards to time, considering Scott's ability to go back and talk to Dumbledore in the 40s)" Reread a certain section of Some Internal Bell. Scott does not offer a full explanation, but he never time-traveled.



Reviewer: ProfessorBinns79 Signed Date: 2015.09.14 - 06:20PM Title: Go to the Ant, Thou Sluggard

Responding to your response: I wanted to make sure you didn't take offense to anything I said. I didn't mean any of it in an overly critical way, I was just sharing thoughts that occurred to me as I read. In case it didn't come out clearly in my review, I loved the story! (note the stars!)

You are of course quite right about my first two points from the point of view of Scott's superiors inside the story (although I was unclear on what their perspective was in regards to time, considering Scott's ability to go back and talk to Dumbledore in the 40s). Those two observations were more reader/author centered and involved me thinking, "Hm, what is Caleb Nova's point with this story since so little is changing?" That became more clear as I read, with the focus on Scott & Lila as OCs and their use of science interacting with the Wizarding World.

I think all of us HG shippers wished Ginny's character was fleshed out more in canon, and especially that she had been given a larger role in book 7. I worded my original comment here poorly: I wasn't meaning to suggest a lack of mental understanding of the canon source material here, but was referencing your FFnet author's note about not really tracking with JKR's decisions regarding the breakup (understanding as in: being able to go along with, much in the way that Ginny uses the term during the breakup in question!). This is where I always feel like I "got" Ginny most, when she said "I understand," I think she understood more than Harry did, and this was confirmed for me in the birthday kiss scene in DH. She "got" that Harry wasn't able to discuss things rationally and so her "understanding" was her way of letting him do what he needed to do while (I think) being completely certain of where she really stood with him. Some may find my interpretation to be a slight Super!Ginny or Mary Sue situation, but I think it is this emotional strength (rather than her surface-level Gryffindor ferocity) that makes Ginny worthy of Harry. Your characterization of Ginny's emotional development is much more realistic (given her age and how long she and Harry have been together) and more consistent with her actions in canon (as opposed to my focus on her words and possibly reading too much into them). I certainly wasn't meaning to imply in my original comment that your reading is any less valid than mine, and I meant to say that I am really enjoying seeing your Ginny develop emotionally as seen here in the conversation with Bill. It's really significant when a youngest sibling can stand up to an eldest sibling as an equal, especially when they are still this young!

Regarding Remus, I had forgotten about Scott not being present for his visit. Ok, same theory, but perhaps Scott did it when he removed Remus from the Fidelius in the first place. I don't know. I thought I had it, but I guess I missed it.

Oh, and one of the things I forgot in the first review:
5. I love what you've done with Kylie! I was surprised to read in your FFnet author's note that she wasn't intended to be a central part of the story at first, but she is a great addition. For me, the thought you had about her possibly dying at the end of TTM would have been plenty impactful, even though she's an OC, but I'm glad you kept her around. Early in TTM, I thought she (and possibly Trevor as well) might be a Prime that no one knew about. Scott has explicitly said that isn't the case, but I'm glad you've given her a role to play anyway. It was poignant in Scott's dream where she's in the tree with his loved ones instead of in the hallway/stairs with his work concerns/Primes. Trevor is the perfect best friend for her (and possible future love interest?). The main characters seem to treat her as if she's younger than 12 (certainly younger than the Primes seemed in book 2). Is this intentional? Because of the trauma she's been through?

Anyway, I'm sorry for clogging your review page up with two lengthy reviews. I do enjoy discussing stories like this with the depth to explore these issues. If you wish to continue conversing beyond your response to this review, feel free to do it in a PM. Otherwise, I'll look forward to the next chapter when it's ready!

Author's Response: I wish SIYE would allow paragraphs in review responses. You'll have to pick through and try to see the quotes within all the difficult-to-parse italics. "I wanted to make sure you didn't take offense to anything I said. I didn't mean any of it in an overly critical way," I'm very rarely offended by anything people have to say about my story, and tend to welcome the opportunity to debate any criticisms. If I ever am offended, I'm usually offended by someone's stupidity. I reply to every single review I receive, with two exceptions: anonymous reviews which cannot be replied to, and reviews so wrong-headed that I don't see any point in trying to correct such a person. Yours falls under neither category, and is in fact my favorite kind of review. There's little I love more than seeing a couple paragraphs worth of analysis in a review notification. It means I'll get to answer questions and defend my choices; it means someone actually felt my work was worthy of that kind of thought. "Those two observations were more reader/author centered and involved me thinking, "Hm, what is Caleb Nova's point with this story since so little is changing?"" Arguably the point of any work of fiction is to entertain (or at least most). The point of TTM was first and foremost to explore what would happen if I put my character, Scott Kharan, and his universe into Harry Potter. Of secondary importance was that it be entertaining. I think Vis Insita flips that around, where it is intended first to be entertaining and second to be an extrapolation of that base idea. In regards to Ginny, I know some people accepted the breakup and interpreted as a moment of strength on her part, in being calm and letting him go. There are also many people who felt it was sexist and condescending. I don't know if I'd go that far, but, as I've said, it was more a matter of consistent characterization from an internal standpoint. My thought when writing that moment wasn't, 'What would Ginny do based on what she did in the book?', but rather, 'What would Ginny do based on what she's done in my story thus far'?. I was seeking to keep her constant within the frame of reference I had created. It wasn't intended as the moment where I was making some kind of point about her or sending a 'screw you' to Rowling (who will never know about it anyway). I do appreciate that you felt Ginny's emotional reactions were more realistic concerning her age and the short time she's been with Harry, especially in contrast to that time versus how attached she is to him. I like to think the characters are more likely to act like real teenagers in my version than they were in canon. "Regarding Remus, I had forgotten about Scott not being present for his visit. Ok, same theory, but perhaps Scott did it when he removed Remus from the Fidelius in the first place. I don't know. I thought I had it, but I guess I missed it." You aren't entirely far from the mark. But you're looking at the wrong Kharadjai. 5.) Kylie, as I've said, was created merely to fill some space. She became useful in TTM as a way to humanize Scott without having to accelerate his friendship with the trio. I was ambivalent about my original decision not to kill her, as I thought she might exit the story entirely and at least if I had killed her I would have had some more use for the character. However, in time I came to realize that she had further utility in Vis and I could expand her hinted at backstory to plug some gaps in my narrative. It all came together much better than I had expected. I should point out that she wasn't in the tree in Scott's dream, she was crucified in the corn field. Interesting that you've interpreted the locations as having that significance. Without knowing who the other people in the tree were, I guess you can't know for certain. "The main characters seem to treat her as if she's younger than 12 (certainly younger than the Primes seemed in book 2). Is this intentional? Because of the trauma she's been through?" Yes, and because of her general demeanor. She's so quiet and unassuming that it's very easy to talk down to her. Keeping in mind that she apparently had few, if any friends before Hogwarts and doesn't seem to understand much about social interaction. Despite her slow recovery, the canon cast still tend to walk on eggshells around her, which may not be the best thing for her, really. It doesn't help that her closest friend is an indeterminate amount of years older than she is. Telling Scott off for dumbing things down for her was the closest she's been to normal behavior for her age. If she were to become more forthright and prove she wasn't so fragile, I'm sure the Primes wouldn't be so careful with her. "Anyway, I'm sorry for clogging your review page up with two lengthy reviews." I wish more people would 'clog' my review page with lengthy reviews. "If you wish to continue conversing beyond your response to this review, feel free to do it in a PM" If you have any further questions you can certainly put them to me that way. Generally, however, I don't mind having discussions on the review page as, on occasion, other readers have had questions answered when I answered them for someone else. It can be useful to have a public record of the interaction for any Q&A. That said, I do reply to PMs and emails with questions or critiques.



Reviewer: ProfessorBinns79 Signed Date: 2015.09.14 - 02:06AM Title: Go to the Ant, Thou Sluggard

starstarstarstarstar

Like many here, I just finished reading the entirety of both of your stories. It's been a very interesting ride, especially the fighting the diadem sequence! I haven't gone back to the chapter where Remus visited, but I'm assuming he didn't transform because of something Scott did when checking what "strands" of the shape were connected to him when he visited Grimmauld Place. Scott would have been looking for the Fidelius, but gotten the Lycanthropy as well, rather like he did with Harry's connection to Voldemort. I remember Scott noticing something with Remus, but I didn't pick up on him removing anything at the time.

A few observation on the whole series that I've saved for this review:
1. When I first started TTM I found myself wondering why Scott's superiors sent him to Harry's universe, as Harry did defeat Voldemort in canon and Scott didn't manage to change very much during 6th year. We've seen more changes in this story, but I'm still wondering how much substantively better this universe will be in the end. Moody's still alive (for now), and the whole thing seems to be going quicker, but that's all I see so far.
2. By the end of TTM, I did enjoy the complexity of how Scott could only change several small things without too much consequence. It really helped illustrate how the shape worked. Of course, some of those little changes had larger results (the encounter with Mundungus, for example).
3. I find myself wondering how Scott's severing of the connection between Harry and Voldemort has effected the Horcrux in Harry. A part of me wondered at first whether Scott may have killed it. If the resulting connection has been severed, has that harmed the health of the Horcrux since it has been cut off from it's source?
4. I think I read in your author's note on FF.net that you had to create your own Ginny because you had trouble understanding the canon version. I agree with that assessment, especially in how you had her react to Harry's attempt to break up with her...very unlike canon Ginny. Lately, however, I've grown to like your Ginny and am finding her a little closer to my head canon for how she would act had she been on the Horcrux hunt. I especially liked how you had her handle Bill in this chapter. With an assist from Lila, she came off very mature and seemed like she belonged on the mission.

I'm sure there was more, but that's all I can think to mention now. I had wanted to wait until I was caught up in case you addressed the things I was thinking of. Anyway, I look forward to more!

Author's Response: I'll try to respond to your observations in the same numbered format, though first your initial paragraph: "I'm assuming he didn't transform because of something Scott did when checking what "strands" of the shape were connected to him when he visited Grimmauld Place." Maybe, though if you'll recall Scott was still out of action when Remus came to visit, and hasn't interacted with him directly since they met at The Burrow in TTM. Now for your numbers: 1. You seem to be approaching the story from the standpoint that Scott's superiors have read the Harry Potter books like you have. From the standpoint of this AU story, this is the first time any of this has ever happened. Scott has no way of knowing what would have happened without his interference, nor do his military superiors. Any question of whether things will turn out 'better' is meaningless to the characters. 2. TTM is much more experimental in structure than Vis Insita. TTM was more concerned with having Scott act in a manner that was consistent with the information he had, not with entertaining the reader with massive changes to book six. The end result was that very little changed, because why would it? Now Vis Insita is building off any long term ramifications of minor differences in TTM. And much more impactfully, once freed from the constraints of the school year, Scott's own training and the advice he imparts have begun to change the canon cast's approach to things a great deal. 3. That remains to be seen, though there are no indications that the link was necessary for the Horcrux's survival. All of the Horcruxes in the books were self-sufficient. 4. It wasn't so much that I had trouble understanding the canon version of Ginny, as it was I felt the canon version of Ginny barely existed. Let's face the facts: she hardly qualifies as a third-tier character in the books. The twins have more lines and more impact on the narrative. And seeing as Ginny probably had more lines within a chapter or two of my using her than she did in all seven books combined, I needed more to work with. As far as her reaction to Harry's 'attempted break up', I would honestly argue that moment was out of character in book six based on what had been established of Ginny in book five. Rowling is the canon author and therefore everything she does is canon characterization by default, but I don't think that means it's always best. I questioned how mildly Ginny reacted when first reading the end of book six. I didn't think, even at the time, that it came across as anything but Rowling rather transparently removing her from Harry's inner circle so that the books continued to focus on the central three characters. More to the point, given how I had written Ginny up to that moment in my version of book six, I didn't feel I could reasonable have her react in the same way she did in canon without butchering her characterization. And I say that because there remained the question, right up until the very end, whether I would take her on the Horcrux hunt. Ultimately, the characterization decided for itself.



Reviewer: wardwhite Signed Date: 2015.09.11 - 08:54AM Title: Go to the Ant, Thou Sluggard

starstarstarstarstar

Found your stories a couple of weeks ago. Truly unique and outstanding storyline. Keep up the great work and update soon please.

Author's Response: Thank you, I hope you continue to enjoy it.



Reviewer: lunagranger Signed Date: 2015.08.26 - 11:44PM Title: Go to the Ant, Thou Sluggard

starstarstarstarstar

A great chapter. I hope the information Bill gave them (and the traps' replicas) is enough. When I read the scene with Lila and sophie I cringed _ Isn't Lila supposed to be excellent at manipulating relationships? Of course she was doing the right thing and I was just lazy to think harder about it. Good piece.

Author's Response: "When I read the scene with Lila and sophie I cringed _ Isn't Lila supposed to be excellent at manipulating relationships? Of course she was doing the right thing and I was just lazy to think harder about it." Yes, when I wrote that I figured it would make some people wonder what Lila's problem was, and why she was essentially acting like a child. Hence the delayed reveal at to what she was actually up to.




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