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SIYE Time:2:19 on 22nd November 2017

Reviews For Two Conversations

Reviewer: jerryfs2 Signed Date: 2016.10.26 - 04:45AM Title: Two Conversations

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No Review



Reviewer: FloreatCastellum Signed Date: 2016.03.07 - 12:45PM Title: Two Conversations

Apologies for the misunderstanding - as a TEFL teacher, a lack of contractions and overly formal language is something I come across in a lot of advanced students, I hope I didn't come across as rude. I definitely see why upbringing might cause us to have differences in opinion in natural dialogue, but as a London-born Brit myself, I find it a little unusual that two teenage girls would talk to each other like this. They seem a lot older.

Author's Response: No worries. I found your comments more amusing than anything. I live on the outskirts of London, bordering Surrey, hence how I speak. Plus it was reinforced at the high school I attended, which was an all girl school. To me, it is the norm. But even so, I also felt that Ginny and Hermione would be appear a bit older and more mature than they actually were, just due to what they had been through.



Reviewer: RighT3rantZ Signed Date: 2016.03.07 - 11:02AM Title: Two Conversations

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Cute little one

Author's Response: Thank you.



Reviewer: FloreatCastellum Signed Date: 2016.03.07 - 08:32AM Title: Two Conversations

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This is a cute little one-shot, I love missing moments! I think you've got them both in character too. One piece of constructive criticism - the dialogue is a little awkward and clunky. I think it could be really improved with the use of contractions. When we talk, we tend to have an informal tone and we smoosh words together. Dialogue should feel natural, as if someone is really talking. So, instead of saying 'you are', we say 'you're'. Instead of 'it is', we say 'it's'. Instead of cannot, we say can't. We don't tend to be so formal in asking "can I ask one favour of you?", we tend to just say "Can I ask a favour?"

I don't know if English is your first language, so I hope you take this as friendly advice rather than criticism - it really is a very sweet glimpse into Hermione and Ginny's friendship, something that should definitely be explored more!

Author's Response: Thank you for your review. I am going to apologise now and admit that I did laugh at some of your comments. English is my first language, the only language I speak and write fluently. I was born and bred in London, still live there in fact, and what I wrote is how I was raised to talk myself. So to me, what I wrote feels natural and is how I talk, though I flip between your suggestions and how I wrote, dependent on the situation I am in. I remember my mum telling me constantly that there was no such word as "can't", obviously there is, but my mum thought it was impolite. Even so, I picture both Hermione and Ginny speaking this way, due to the way they were raised, though Ginny is more likely to slip out of it. But in this conversation, politeness was key to the advice and favour Ginny was asking for. By the way, I am not offended by your review, but no one has ever asked if English is my first language.



Reviewer: skiutahnum1 Signed Date: 2016.03.07 - 06:33AM Title: Two Conversations

H if only hermione had used her head when ginny asked that last request...harry would have been closer to her in a few minutes.....kutgw

Author's Response: But I think she did and hinted at it, Harry just didn't get it!



Reviewer: decdraft Signed Date: 2016.03.06 - 11:04PM Title: Two Conversations

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Very well done! I think that is very much how their conversation would have gone.

Author's Response: Thank you. That conversation has always been something that has intrigued me and I am not actually seen too many attempts at it.



Reviewer: pottermania Signed Date: 2016.03.06 - 06:15PM Title: Two Conversations

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I really liked this, but especially the bit at the end when Ginny told Hermione to say that she had moved on. It always annoyed me that Hermione said this to Harry as I felt it was not her place to say it. But your take on it now makes it alright lol! I'm just gong to imagine this is exactly what happened from now on! 😄😄😄

Au thor's Response: That bit always intrigued me as well. I was thinking about it after I read your review and in a way, you could say Hermione was hinting at Harry that she had moved on from her crush, not actually her feelings. But Harry being a boy, just didn't get it, though he was intrigued by the fact that Ginny was now talking to him with no problems! But I am glad my story helped you! Thank you.




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