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SIYE Time:13:31 on 17th August 2017

Reviews For Darkness Within

Reviewer: Gin110881 Signed Date: 2017.07.11 - 09:28AM Title: Chapter 23 Alive

I really don't want to push, I just want to show that I'm still interested and, well...nosy. Is there any news worth telling regarding the Sequel?

Author's Response: Thank you for asking, and you are certainly not pushing! I'm honestly thrilled by your interest. I hope to post the first chapter of the sequel in a few weeks.



Reviewer: GHL Signed Date: 2016.12.14 - 12:33PM Title: Chapter 23 Alive

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Well done!

This is definitely a novel addition to the great compendium -- rather doubt there's anything else quite like it. Actually, let's say I'm quite certain of that.

Can I make a statement that, although a bit crude in a Henry James sort of way, is intended neither as a backhanded compliment nor a forehanded insult? The statement is that, in several prolonged instances throughout the reading of this story, you have annoyed the jiggers out of me, but I've always held my tongue, somehow knowing that you would make it all better. Best case in point, here in this final chapter, was to see Ginny suddenly rise up, firm and resolute. Up until that very moment, your Ginny character was much more the mousey girl from CoS than the ginger & spice from OotP, but it certainly looks to me that the trajectory has shifted. I realise she can't go all the way overnight, but it certainly assuages my private petty grumbles.

One final point that I probably can't quite articulate is to muse a bit about the constant tug in this story between sharp and sweet. I personally would never veer back and forth between 'whistling in the spring flowers' sweetness and 'blood on the knife's edge' poignancy, and there were times I raised first one eyebrow and then the other. To be reading through the subject bifurcations kind of messes with my head, but now that I've seen the whole package I actually rather like it, and I commend you on the innovation. I can only imagine that our latest generation of young readers (who are all more warped than I am, I might add) would adore this sort of bitter-sweet dark chocolate fiction, if you ever decided to try your hand outside of the fanfic world.

Anyway, I'm sure I've done enough damage for one review :) Brilliant first story!



Author's Response: Thank you very much! I have sincerely appreciated your interest and support of this story. You have given me a great deal to think about in this final review!



Reviewer: GHL Signed Date: 2016.12.06 - 12:02PM Title: Chapter 19 The Yule Ball

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The problem with being so late in reading a story is that, often times (especially when one ends up vetting and approving a lot of the chapters), one gets tipped off to certain plot developments before one has a chance to read them properly in sequence. So, unfortunately, I knew that you would be doing something rather creative with the Yule Ball.

Luckily, the 'spoiler' didn't spoil it. I did very much enjoy how you twisted things around judiciously to involve your main character; how you had apparently been artfully setting up that character for her surprise role; how you managed to sustain the relative innocence you've crafted with these young teens; how it all fit nicely with the story.

So, well done!



Author's Response: Thank you so much! You are of course quite correct that I set this up. Mapping out a bit over four years and then dividing the story in half leaves certain plot points reasonably well explained and others rather hanging unfortunately. Glad you enjoyed the Yule Ball!



Reviewer: BrianMcLyr Signed Date: 2016.12.05 - 07:18PM Title: Chapter 4 Sirius Black

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No Review

Author's Response: Thanks!!!



Reviewer: GHL Signed Date: 2016.12.05 - 06:28AM Title: Chapter 18 Dragons

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This is my favourite fanfic line in a while: “Still my favorite though,” he said.

There's such understated wit within those four words; it's a picture that tells us much more about Charlie than the average thousand words of descriptive text that one gets in lots of stories. You should play to your sly side more often -- it becomes you. It was something that Rowling herself could pull off in spades yet, imho, also held back on too often.

In my mind, real people are funny; I think even the unfunny ones are funny. Sometimes it's just a matter of letting them speak.

One slight criticism, though. The two narrative sentences beginning with "She realized Ron must have apologized..." are superfluous. I think the sentiment and plot point are best carried by the following two statements by Anna and Neville.

I'm guessing that the reason you included the two previewing descriptive sentences is perhaps that you wanted to have Ginny be the first to reach that observation. If so, you might have instead had Ginny subtly point out (verbally or nonverbally) the changed Ron/Harry dynamic.

Anyway let me close, not stewing on such a subtle point, but rather on having enjoyed another fine chapter! Thank you for livening up site!

Author's Response: Thank you!!! In my mind, Charlie is wonderfully sarcastic and can truly get away with lines like this. Since Rowling told us so little about him, I feel quite free to create many aspects of his personality! I will have to look over the extra sentences in this chapter. Sometimes, I can definitely get a bit wordy, unnecessarily!



Reviewer: BrianMcLyr Signed Date: 2016.11.30 - 10:14PM Title: Chapter 3 Diagon Alley

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:)

Author's Response: Thank you!



Reviewer: BrianMcLyr Signed Date: 2016.11.30 - 10:13PM Title: Chapter 2 Longbottom Manor

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kutgw, to paraphrase Ski

Author's Response: Thank you for the review!



Reviewer: carolyn jinn Signed Date: 2016.11.26 - 01:03AM Title: Chapter 23 Alive

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I have thoroughly enjoyed your story.
Very sad that it is finished.
Glad you are writing a sequel.
Hanging out for the sequel.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review!



Reviewer: Gin110881 Signed Date: 2016.11.15 - 08:10AM Title: Chapter 23 Alive

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I suppose that the second and third task of the TWT must have been a suspenseful, but also boring affair for the spectators. I'm glad you let Cedric survive.

It's a good thing that Anna finally knows the identity of his ancestor. However, I'm afraid that Dumbledore will now send Harry back to the Dursleys to "recover" from his physical and mental injuries.

I must admit that the completed sign has surprised me a wee bit. However, I'm looking forward to the sequel now. The last two chapters were great and a worthy completion of the story.

And by the way, I am proud to have witnessed the birth of the idea of the expandable ears.


Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review! I agree that the last two tasks of the tournament had to be rather boring for the spectators, as well as stressful for the close friends and family. When I planned out this story, I decided it would be too long as one book, so I split it at a place I hoped would be sensible for readers. I'm glad you caught the part about the expandable ears. It was too perfect an opportunity to pass up!



Reviewer: Gin110881 Signed Date: 2016.11.15 - 06:59AM Title: Chapter 22 The Maze

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It's been a brilliant description of the events in the maze. Cedric's part was quite the surprise. I loved it.
I guess that the help for Harry will be too late, and, once again, he needs to help himself.

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm glad you liked the part about the maze. I felt the need to make some changes!



Reviewer: Aurorofthelight Signed Date: 2016.11.14 - 12:24PM Title: Chapter 23 Alive

In the sequel, that is! :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

Author's Response: Thanks! I have the sequel mapped out, but unfortunately have not started writing it yet. Hopefully soon!!!



Reviewer: Aurorofthelight Signed Date: 2016.11.14 - 12:21PM Title: Chapter 23 Alive

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Oh this one was a beaut! Loved your take on the final task! Glad Cedric survived! Poor Anna - what a way to find out ol Gramps is back! Glad she is determined to make her own choices about who she is! Can't help but wonder if Moldyshorts knows about Anna?!. I wish Hermoine had kept Skeeter in that jar or turned her over to the ministry! Keep those chapters coming!

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm very glad you enjoyed this chapter. Anna learning the truth about Tom Riddle is definitely a turning point for her. I admit I hadn't considered it, but you are quite correct about Skeeter. Hermione really should just keep her in the jar!



Reviewer: ginnyweasley777 Signed Date: 2016.11.13 - 06:06PM Title: Chapter 23 Alive

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Superb chapter! You've left plenty of things to be pondered over for the sequel. I look forward to it and seeing how things turn out and how Anna deals with the news of her grandfather being Voldemort, what is the situation with Charlie and his infatuation with Anna, and Ginny's deepening feelings for Harry. And Im glad Cedric seems to have survived the year too :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much for this review! I do indeed have a lot to cover in the sequel, and you mentioned many of them to add to the stress of the prophecy, OWLS, and everyone's least favorite professor, Dolores Umbridge! I'm glad Cedric's survival has been accepted so favorably.



Reviewer: alterdream Signed Date: 2016.11.12 - 02:48PM Title: Chapter 23 Alive

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Great conclusion for the year. Of course a lot of things are left open... so I'll be patiently waiting for that sequel ;-)

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm glad you'll be patiently waiting for the sequel because I admit it will probably be a while!



Reviewer: Dad Signed Date: 2016.11.12 - 08:51AM Title: Chapter 23 Alive

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The end of the year and a lot of dark clouds on the horizon. I hope in future you can shed some light on them. In particular, what Anna has too do with it.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for this review! You are quite correct about the dark clouds on the horizon! Anna's role in the future is important, but of course in the end, it has to be a battle between Harry and Voldemort. The sequel is mapped out, and I hope to start actually writing soon.



Reviewer: Arnel Signed Date: 2016.11.12 - 03:37AM Title: Chapter 23 Alive

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More brilliance to end this wonderful rendition of Goblet of Fire. I'm so glad Cedric's safe; that Ginny is slowly realizing that she cares more deeply for Harry than her first-year crush would allow her to; that Anna has learned more about her grandfather, and while what she learned may not be positive, her attitude certainly has; and finally, that Rita Skeeter is getting her just desserts for all the nastiness she wrote about Harry during the year. You're setting up your next story quite nicely and I look forward to reading it. Well done.

Author's Response: Thank you very much! Knowledge certainly is power, and Anna needed to fully understand the truth about her grandfather for the troubled times ahead. With Cedric alive, Harry should suffer less guilt and anger over the summer (I hope!). Ginny has definitely developed strong feelings for Harry. Of course, Harry may need a bit more time to figure it all out! I greatly appreciated your support and help with this story.



Reviewer: Arnel Signed Date: 2016.11.07 - 02:10AM Title: Chapter 22 The Maze

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Wonderful chapter! I especially liked reading about the Triwizard Tournament from Cedric's point of view. He indeed encountered more traps and snares and creatures than Harry did, but what I'm happiest about is that he was able to escape the graveyard alive, even if he did Splinch himself in the process. I sincerely hope Professor Flitwick arrives in time to get him to the hospital and learn what's going on with Harry.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed that Professor Dumbledore puts two and two together to realize that the absence of Harry and Cedric in the maze means more than just a spot of trouble and that his lack of response time, because he had to delegate the task of investigating Madam Rosmerta's note, doesn't make the difference between life and death for poor Cedric... and Harry as well.

Glad to know Bill enjoyed coming back to Hogwarts, too. Well done.

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm glad you enjoyed reading Cedric's point of view. I always felt that Cedric would have tried to do something (cast a spell, apparate, etc) in the graveyard, if he actually had a bit of warning. The movie made it all seem to happen too fast for him to react, but in the book, he seemed to have more time and was more wary. While Cedric may not yet have an apparition license, as a Hogwarts student, he would have likely at least had apparition lessons. I greatly appreciate your review!



Reviewer: Aurorofthelight Signed Date: 2016.11.06 - 03:16PM Title: Chapter 22 The Maze

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Really like how you're doing the 3rd task! Nice spine tingling cliffy at the end there too! Nice twist having Cedric get away instead of dead! The splinch doesn't sound good tho! Sounds like Anna's grandpa is still coming back to body form - wonder if she has any clue?! I also enjoyed having Bill notice Fleur at the family gathering! I believe it was the other way around in the book! We didn't even see Bill in the GOF movie, and then that was followed by Bill and Harry supposedly not knowing each other in the DH1 movie! Neither of which was a surprise considering how Steve Kloves made a mess of so many things in the last 5 movies! Can't wait for the next chapter! :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I guess I did leave a bit of a cliffy, but the next chapter will be posted soon. Your comment on splinching was spot on; it is not good at all. Glad you noticed Bill noticing Fleur! I definitely agree with you about the movies. It is a shame how many scenes were completely left out of the films, particularly since it leaves a confused vision of all of the relationships between the supporting characters and the main characters.



Reviewer: ginnyweasley777 Signed Date: 2016.11.06 - 01:13PM Title: Chapter 22 The Maze

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Ooh, I didn't expect that to happen! :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm glad it was unexpected!



Reviewer: alterdream Signed Date: 2016.11.04 - 08:10PM Title: Chapter 20 The Second Task

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I loved this chapter. Your handling of the second task was great.

I'm rather curious where the whole Charlie thing is going. I have some theories as to what might be happening but not a clue about how you'll eventually make it matter to the story. Should be interesting to see.

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm glad your curious!




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