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SIYE Time:1:24 on 19th August 2017

Reviews For Darkness Within II

Reviewer: Prongs I Signed Date: 2017.08.14 - 09:43AM Title: Chapter 3 Thestrals and Snakes

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Great update.
I like the subtle changes you made, but I hope that Arthur's fate won't change, but maybe Sirius' fate will...
The Anna/Malfoy moment worried me a bit. On the other hand, maybe the mystery about her and Charlie will save her from the ferret at the end?
The relationship between Ginny and Harry is obviously progressing slowly but steadily. Maybe too slowly to get their great scene in the Common Room one year earlier? Let's wait and see...


Author's Response: Thank you so much! Your comments are very insightful! I won't admit to much right now, but I will be following canon less as time goes on. More on certain relationships coming quite soon!



Reviewer: Gin110881 Signed Date: 2017.08.14 - 06:32AM Title: Chapter 3 Thestrals and Snakes

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Didn't know the house elves are such a nosy species, lol. It was quite cute.
I just hope that Anna's cheeks growing warm doesn't mean she's developing a crush on Malfoy.
It's a good thing the defence club is running so well. I don't remember, did McGonagall really know about the DA? Not that it really matters.
May I hope to soon witness a discussion between Ginny and Harry about how it feels to be possessed?
Great update, thanks!


Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review! Somehow I think the Longbottom house-elves would be prone to eavesdropping on occasion, though of course it would only be because they are trying to anticipate the needs of the family they serve. You raise an interesting point about Minerva and the DA. I don't know that JKR told us one way or the other. My hunch is that she probably figured it out eventually, smart witch that she is. The possession talk will be coming up soon!



Reviewer: Aurorofthelight Signed Date: 2017.08.13 - 06:11PM Title: Chapter 3 Thestrals and Snakes

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Oh what a dastardly cliffy that was at the end(even tho we know what happens - canonwise)! Looking forward to your take on that!
Nice active chapter with the DA starting, the thestrals, Umbitch and Ginny getting the seeker slot! Also noticed no kissing scene between Harry and Cho which I appreciate. I've never understood why that idiot movies screenwriter Kloves had the kissing scene between Harry and Cho be so passionate and then the first kiss between Harry and Ginny, which should have been several sunlit days passionate, be just a timid peck on the lips - that fool Kloves obviously had a problem with the Harry-Ginny ship and much of his writing did a disservice to JKR's books! Can't wait for the next one! :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I quite agree with you about the relationship between Harry and Cho. It never made sense! The way the sixth movie skipped over Harry and Ginny's relationship was also highly disappointing. They certainly deserve more than a peck on the lips!!!



Reviewer: alterdream Signed Date: 2017.08.13 - 01:30PM Title: Chapter 3 Thestrals and Snakes

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Another nice chapter. So Draco is considering Anna now? This is going to get strange :)

Author's Response: Yes, it will, and thank you for the review!



Reviewer: GHL Signed Date: 2017.08.10 - 08:29AM Title: Chapter 2 A Different Hogwarts

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Greatly enjoyed the retelling, as well as the subtle changes that you introduce. Always interesting to see how those changes produce mounting divergence.

One minor stylistic note: your post-facto aside beginning with "He had grabbed her tightly..." is what I consider a missed opportunity. I would have conveyed it in the dramatic 'here and now' flow of that scene; doing so attaches more meaning to it (assuming that you actually do intend for it to be a reflection of character or plot development), and enhances the reader's immersive experience.

Other than that, another fine chapter!



Author's Response: Thank you so much! You are quite correct that I could have, and probably should have, made the physical interaction between the characters more immediate and dramatic. I think I was perhaps overly caught up on the conversation. As for the mounting divergence you mentioned, it is slowly coming!



Reviewer: Prongs I Signed Date: 2017.08.10 - 06:37AM Title: Chapter 2 A Different Hogwarts

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It's a nice approach to tell the events from the books from the view of a third person, to add things that didn't happen in the books because Harry simply hadn't noticed them, and, of course, things that the third person changes simply by her existence. There's one thing I'd like to ask for. Please take care that Ginny and Anna don't ever come near Malfoy. I always feel that I need to wash my hands when he's around.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for this lovely review! I share your opinion of Malfoy and can at least assure you that neither girl will seek him. Your quite correct about the need for hand washing, full submersion in a bubble bath even better.



Reviewer: ginnyweasley777 Signed Date: 2017.08.08 - 09:44AM Title: Chapter 2 A Different Hogwarts

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Fantastic chapter. It's amazing how something as simple as a few words can change things - Anna pointing out the truth to Seamus
I really am looking forward to the next chapter :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm glad you enjoyed the bit with Seamus and Anna. It was fun to write!



Reviewer: Gin110881 Signed Date: 2017.08.08 - 06:20AM Title: Chapter 2 A Different Hogwarts

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Great update. I liked how Anna set Seamus straight. I almost forgot about Percy's letter, nice you included it.
I've always been wondering why Harry never had done anything against Umbridge. Of course he was too proud to show weakness. However, I can't believe that he was the only one who got this kind of detention. This way he tolerated that other students were hurt as well, and this doesn't sound like the Harry we know, does it?

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I enjoyed writing the scene between Anna and Seamus. He always struck me as a pretty decent guy. As for Percy, I'll be kind and say he is misguided. You bring up an excellent point about Harry and Umbridge. Though Harry was likely the first, other students were surely subjected to the quill torture as well. The fact that none of the students apparently reported it in OotP reinforces the concept that "kids don't tell." Definitely disturbing on multiple levels.



Reviewer: Aurorofthelight Signed Date: 2017.08.07 - 04:01PM Title: Chapter 2 A Different Hogwarts

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WhooHoo! A new chapter - what a great way to start a Monday! I really like the way you follow canon but add your own unique flourish to it! Will be interested to see if they still call it the DA! I think Umbridge may be the one character in the HP world that came close to being more hated than Moldyshorts himself! Keep it coming! :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I quite agree that Umbridge is awful. Besides being a dreadful teacher, there was always something about her that just felt creepy!



Reviewer: GHL Signed Date: 2017.08.06 - 10:10AM Title: Chapter 1 Serious Discussions

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A brilliant bit of mystery, your last vignette! Writing like that really captures readers. And yes, I said 'capture' rather than 'captivate', though it is captivating too.

There was one line earlier on ("Ron began joking about the punishments he would like to dole out to certain Slytherins, particularly Crabbe and Goyle, causing everyone other than Hermione, who was determined to take the responsibility of prefect seriously, to laugh.") that I would have loved to see created to 3-5 paragraphs of real dialogue. I can't recall if Rowling had already done that bit explicitly, but if not then it would make an interesting capsule -- one that adds a little bit of the human element to some of the peripheral characters.

Anyway, great to see another story from you. Hope things are well at home!



Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm glad you enjoyed the little mystery. It will become extremely important in the future. Rowling did expand on Ron's idea (he joked specifically about punishing Goyle, causing Luna to roar hysterically at his 'baboon's backside' comment). I admit it didn't even dawn on me to have them come up with something fun for Crabbe. Oh, well! Thank you for your concern about my husband's medical condition! I will message you with a quick update.



Reviewer: alterdream Signed Date: 2017.08.03 - 09:39AM Title: Chapter 1 Serious Discussions

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Glad to see you are writing this again! It's a good start for a new year.

Author's Response: Thank you so much!



Reviewer: ginnyweasley777 Signed Date: 2017.07.31 - 04:22AM Title: Chapter 1 Serious Discussions

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Fabulous start to the sequel. I look forward to seeing where this story takes us. :)

Author's Response: Thank you very much!



Reviewer: Gin110881 Signed Date: 2017.07.30 - 04:53PM Title: Chapter 1 Serious Discussions

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It's great to see the sequel. The discussion with the Malfoys didn't sound good. In chapter 10 of part one they already discussed Anna’s status regarding betrothal contracts. I just hope they won't sell her to the Malfoys. To get a betrothal contract with the granddaughter of their Dark Lord, they'd stop at nothing.

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm hugely impressed that you remembered the conversation between Augusta and her friend about Anna's status. "To get a betrothal contract with the granddaughter of their Dark Lord, they'd stop at nothing." Wow!!! I can only agree with your extremely insightful assertion.



Reviewer: Aurorofthelight Signed Date: 2017.07.30 - 04:49PM Title: Chapter 1 Serious Discussions

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So happy to see a sequel from you! Well this one started out with a bang! (No pun intended) Good to see all the gang together again for 5th year! That bit with Dorko and his mom doesn't bode well for somebody! The last scene was obviously Bill and Fleur - they obviously share a very intense relationship with each other! Vive amour! :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I had fun writing the bit with Dorko (love that) and his mom. As for the couple you mentioned, yes indeed, very intense relationship!!!



Reviewer: Dad Signed Date: 2017.07.30 - 03:45PM Title: Chapter 1 Serious Discussions

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Good to see this story continuing.

Author's Response: Thank you so much!




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