Reviews For Darkness Within II
Reviewer: Aurorofthelight Signed Date: 2018.02.19 - 06:58PM Title: Chapter 30 The Ones You Love
Certainly a near X-rating there at the end but what a beautiful first time for Anna and Charlie! She's one lady who knew what she wanted and didn't give Charlie a choice - not that he wanted one! ;) Good to see both Ron and Harry pulled their heads out at the same time and asked their ladies to the dance! Harry and Ginny are growing closer together - bond time may be close if it already didn't happen in the chamber!(which I've always felt was likely) Harry sure got it right calling Twiddle twisted! Clever move getting the Hufflepuff cup from the Lestrange vault! SIrius finally found a good use for the Black family name! Nice sword work by Remus destroying the cup! Just hope this chapter wasn't the calm before the storm! :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D
Reviewer: Gin110881 Signed Date: 2018.02.19 - 01:18PM Title: Chapter 30 The Ones You Love
Good to know that Ron's learning from old mistakes.
Reviewer: ginnyweasley777 Signed Date: 2018.02.19 - 12:25PM Title: Chapter 30 The Ones You Love
Oh I've got to love Ron for finally at last pulling his head out of his arse and learning from past mistakes! :)
Reviewer: Gin110881 Signed Date: 2018.02.19 - 10:08AM Title: Chapter 29 Temptation
The flu? Rest assured that I feel with you. I'm just recovering from a sinus surgery and I'm struggling for every breath of air I can get, lol.
Reviewer: ginnyweasley777 Signed Date: 2018.02.17 - 12:37PM Title: Chapter 29 Temptation
Fantastic chapter, glad it's out in the open now who her grandfather (if you can call him that) is.
Reviewer: alterdream Signed Date: 2018.02.14 - 10:24PM Title: Chapter 29 Temptation
That was very well done.
Reviewer: Aurorofthelight Signed Date: 2018.02.14 - 01:48PM Title: Chapter 29 Temptation
Great to see a new chapter! Looks like the girls had a closer call than we realized - with alot of luck as well - good thing Charlie and Remus got there in time! That doofus Snape is lucky Charlie didn't punch him in the nose! So I was correct - Anna does know of her relation to the Dork Lord - but from her Grandma not snake face! Anna and Ginny have obviously been sharing more than boyfriend stories with each other! Not good Voldyschmuck is interested in the girls but I'm glad Anna doesn't share the murderous tendacies of her scumbag Grandpa Tom Twiddle Jr.! (Although you couldn't blame her if she turned Dorko into a soprano with that knife)! That bit about not harming witches sounds ominous, but at least Ginny, Anna and Hermoine already have their men! Can't help but hope that Lucius Malflunky remembered, despite his pain, to launder his jockey shorts once he left the clearing! EWWWW! (Personal note: Hope you get to feeling better!I know a flu researcher who always says to get a flu shot because even if you still get it it won't be as bad)! I myself have probably been thru several bottles of hand sanitizer! Get well soon!!! :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D
Reviewer: HPforlife Signed Date: 2018.02.13 - 08:04PM Title: Chapter 29 Temptation
AHHHHH!!!! It's finally here!!! I loved the chapter! Anna's finally revealed who she is. Can't wait to see what happens next!
Reviewer: GHL Signed Date: 2018.02.10 - 10:07AM Title: Chapter 22 Conversations
I didn't think to mention it when reviewing the previous chapter, but I have enjoyed your benignly devious Dumbledore. It also hit a bit close to home, the implication that his actions are dictated by goals that he has for a fixed and rather short remaining life span. At a certain point my grandfather acted comparably -- being fairly certain that he had only a defined amount of time left, and that a portion of that time would be blessed with the energy to still accomplish what he deemed necessary. I am not certain that what I'm going to relate is real or pleasantly apocryphal, but the minister who would soon preside over the funeral said that my grandfather's last words to him were, "I have done what I must. That's all there is."
Anyway, back to your story, these have been fine chapter for this and other reasons.
One minor point stylistically is that I noted a couple of paragraphs where you went a little too long in identifying the speaker. In particular, I was thinking of those beginning with:
'He stifled a scoff.'
and 'Albus is a brilliant wizard.'
The reason I bring that up is because there can be a little distraction in reading something where one doesn't know which internal voice to assign to a statement. A minor point.
Anyway, a great bit of work you have here!
Author's Response: I truly appreciate your kind words! Albus is a difficult character to write, in large part because I have mixed feelings about him. I suspect living in relative health while knowing you are dying is both positive and frustrating. Hopefully being reminded of your grandfather was comforting. His words to the minister sounded very much like something my own grandfather would have said. He was a tough man in many ways (retired as a US naval captain, having served in multiple wars beginning in WWII) but I admired and respected him greatly (he passed away in Nov of 2008). Thank you for the writing tips! I will go back and see how I can clarify those paragraphs a bit.
Reviewer: GHL Signed Date: 2018.02.10 - 09:37AM Title: Chapter 21 Making Plans
A very sweet interlude!
Author's Response: Thank you!
Reviewer: ginnyweasley777 Signed Date: 2018.02.05 - 12:02PM Title: Chapter 28 Guests
This story gets me more and more curious every time. I really like the way this chapter was written from Ginny's point of view even though it left me wondering about what was said between Anna and Riddle. I suspect Anna now knows that Riddle is her grandfather and I'm hoping Ginny has figured it out too from what he said.
Reviewer: Dad Signed Date: 2018.02.05 - 04:44AM Title: Chapter 28 Guests
Wow! That was one exciting chapter. Keep it coming.
Reviewer: alterdream Signed Date: 2018.02.04 - 07:52PM Title: Chapter 28 Guests
Wow, that was over quickly! Can't wait to see how that mess will unfold.
Reviewer: Aurorofthelight Signed Date: 2018.02.04 - 04:03PM Title: Chapter 28 Guests
Wowsers! *Expends big sigh of relief* I'll have one of those calming drafts, please! Glad Charlie and Remus, with perfect timing I might add, got there in the nick of time just after Anna had the presence of mind to cast the shield on her and GInny! Wonder is she felt Charlie was near and ready to come for her? This one had you on the edge of your seat for sure! I'd give a sack of sickles to know what Moldyshorts and Anna were saying to each other in parseltongue - almost wish Harry had been there to translate! I have a bad feeling Anna now knows who Tom Twiddle is to her! Lucius is apparently lucky he didn't pay for his son Dorko's transgression against Anna with that knife - only question was if he was going to digest it or become a soprano?! I hope this doesn't affect Anna's psyche too bad but at least she has Charlie to help her! And Ginny has Harry who wasn't shy about snogging her right in front of her parents! Bet Snape returns to the castle rather sore! Voldeschmuck likely won't be happy at the girls escape! Can't wait for the next one! :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D
Reviewer: Gin110881 Signed Date: 2018.02.04 - 11:24AM Title: Chapter 28 Guests
The tension was not only almost tangible, it was tangible throughout the whole chapter. I could even swear I've heard the tension crackling in the air. I think it was a brilliant idea to tell the chapter from Ginny's POV.
Reviewer: GHL Signed Date: 2018.02.03 - 09:50AM Title: Chapter 20 Power
Commending you on a balanced, plausible and analytical view of the bond! I will confess to having an instinctive tendency to cringe at the mention of 'S.B.', since it always seems to be the ironic antithesis of romance -- a little like turning love into a disease. However, in this case, you render it as a secondary facet to what is otherwise a normal, nascent relationship. It lies somewhere between a challenge and a blessing, but does not alter much about the fact of two young(ish) people beginning to discover each other. And that, of course, sounds like the makings of a romance :)
I'm dropping you a separate PM with a stylistic comment that need not clutter up this space.
Good job, as always!
Author's Response: Thank you so much! Unfortunately, I was unable to open the PM beyond seeing the subject. Technology is certainly fussy sometimes :) Perhaps you can e-mail me if you have the time.... Regarding the S.B. I quite agree that sometimes the concept feels a bit disturbing and occasionally seems to remove consent. In this case it is supposed to be mostly about magical power melding and strengthening. Somewhere between a challenge and a blessing is a reasonable way to consider the relationship I am trying to explain, so I am happy to see your comment regarding it as such ;)
Reviewer: Aurorofthelight Signed Date: 2018.01.29 - 09:21AM Title: Chapter 27 Hogsmeade
You are forgiven for the cliffy! Incidentally, with me it'd be a glass of Austrailian Shirraz wine! :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D
Reviewer: Aurorofthelight Signed Date: 2018.01.28 - 09:41PM Title: Chapter 27 Hogsmeade
Oh you dirty, no good(BLEEPED)! What a gut-wrenching cliffy to leave us with! I knew when the girls left without the guys something bad was going to happen! I had sensed a dark turn coming in this thing! for the last 2 chapters I just hope something even worse happens to those deathknibblers that took them! I just hope Charlie and Remus catch up with them quickly since the goons don't know about the bond between Charlie and Anna! But then Anna and Ginny might happen to them first! How am I gonna be able to relax until the next chapter!? Please don't leave us hanging very long! :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D
Reviewer: alterdream Signed Date: 2018.01.28 - 09:03PM Title: Chapter 27 Hogsmeade
Aside from the bad-things-happen-in-Hogsmeade cliché, that was a pretty good chapter with a suitably dramatic ending.
Reviewer: HPforlife Signed Date: 2018.01.28 - 08:10PM Title: Chapter 27 Hogsmeade
OMG!!! I love your story!! I've been following your story for so long, and every time you update I get so happy! I am so curious about what happened to the girls?!? Can't wait for your next update!