Reviews For Darkness Within II
Reviewer: Prongs I Signed Date: 2017.08.14 - 09:43AM Title: Chapter 3 Thestrals and Snakes
Reviewer: Gin110881 Signed Date: 2017.08.14 - 06:32AM Title: Chapter 3 Thestrals and Snakes
Didn't know the house elves are such a nosy species, lol. It was quite cute.
Reviewer: Aurorofthelight Signed Date: 2017.08.13 - 06:11PM Title: Chapter 3 Thestrals and Snakes
Oh what a dastardly cliffy that was at the end(even tho we know what happens - canonwise)! Looking forward to your take on that!
Reviewer: alterdream Signed Date: 2017.08.13 - 01:30PM Title: Chapter 3 Thestrals and Snakes
Another nice chapter. So Draco is considering Anna now? This is going to get strange :)
Reviewer: GHL Signed Date: 2017.08.10 - 08:29AM Title: Chapter 2 A Different Hogwarts
Greatly enjoyed the retelling, as well as the subtle changes that you introduce. Always interesting to see how those changes produce mounting divergence.
One minor stylistic note: your post-facto aside beginning with "He had grabbed her tightly..." is what I consider a missed opportunity. I would have conveyed it in the dramatic 'here and now' flow of that scene; doing so attaches more meaning to it (assuming that you actually do intend for it to be a reflection of character or plot development), and enhances the reader's immersive experience.
Other than that, another fine chapter!
Author's Response: Thank you so much! You are quite correct that I could have, and probably should have, made the physical interaction between the characters more immediate and dramatic. I think I was perhaps overly caught up on the conversation. As for the mounting divergence you mentioned, it is slowly coming!
Reviewer: Prongs I Signed Date: 2017.08.10 - 06:37AM Title: Chapter 2 A Different Hogwarts
It's a nice approach to tell the events from the books from the view of a third person, to add things that didn't happen in the books because Harry simply hadn't noticed them, and, of course, things that the third person changes simply by her existence. There's one thing I'd like to ask for. Please take care that Ginny and Anna don't ever come near Malfoy. I always feel that I need to wash my hands when he's around.
Reviewer: ginnyweasley777 Signed Date: 2017.08.08 - 09:44AM Title: Chapter 2 A Different Hogwarts
Fantastic chapter. It's amazing how something as simple as a few words can change things - Anna pointing out the truth to Seamus
Reviewer: Gin110881 Signed Date: 2017.08.08 - 06:20AM Title: Chapter 2 A Different Hogwarts
Great update. I liked how Anna set Seamus straight. I almost forgot about Percy's letter, nice you included it.
Reviewer: Aurorofthelight Signed Date: 2017.08.07 - 04:01PM Title: Chapter 2 A Different Hogwarts
WhooHoo! A new chapter - what a great way to start a Monday! I really like the way you follow canon but add your own unique flourish to it! Will be interested to see if they still call it the DA! I think Umbridge may be the one character in the HP world that came close to being more hated than Moldyshorts himself! Keep it coming! :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D
Reviewer: GHL Signed Date: 2017.08.06 - 10:10AM Title: Chapter 1 Serious Discussions
A brilliant bit of mystery, your last vignette! Writing like that really captures readers. And yes, I said 'capture' rather than 'captivate', though it is captivating too.
There was one line earlier on ("Ron began joking about the punishments he would like to dole out to certain Slytherins, particularly Crabbe and Goyle, causing everyone other than Hermione, who was determined to take the responsibility of prefect seriously, to laugh.") that I would have loved to see created to 3-5 paragraphs of real dialogue. I can't recall if Rowling had already done that bit explicitly, but if not then it would make an interesting capsule -- one that adds a little bit of the human element to some of the peripheral characters.
Anyway, great to see another story from you. Hope things are well at home!
Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm glad you enjoyed the little mystery. It will become extremely important in the future. Rowling did expand on Ron's idea (he joked specifically about punishing Goyle, causing Luna to roar hysterically at his 'baboon's backside' comment). I admit it didn't even dawn on me to have them come up with something fun for Crabbe. Oh, well! Thank you for your concern about my husband's medical condition! I will message you with a quick update.
Reviewer: alterdream Signed Date: 2017.08.03 - 09:39AM Title: Chapter 1 Serious Discussions
Glad to see you are writing this again! It's a good start for a new year.
Reviewer: ginnyweasley777 Signed Date: 2017.07.31 - 04:22AM Title: Chapter 1 Serious Discussions
Fabulous start to the sequel. I look forward to seeing where this story takes us. :)
Reviewer: Gin110881 Signed Date: 2017.07.30 - 04:53PM Title: Chapter 1 Serious Discussions
It's great to see the sequel. The discussion with the Malfoys didn't sound good. In chapter 10 of part one they already discussed Anna’s status regarding betrothal contracts. I just hope they won't sell her to the Malfoys. To get a betrothal contract with the granddaughter of their Dark Lord, they'd stop at nothing.
Reviewer: Aurorofthelight Signed Date: 2017.07.30 - 04:49PM Title: Chapter 1 Serious Discussions
So happy to see a sequel from you! Well this one started out with a bang! (No pun intended) Good to see all the gang together again for 5th year! That bit with Dorko and his mom doesn't bode well for somebody! The last scene was obviously Bill and Fleur - they obviously share a very intense relationship with each other! Vive amour! :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D
Reviewer: Dad Signed Date: 2017.07.30 - 03:45PM Title: Chapter 1 Serious Discussions
Good to see this story continuing.