Reviews For Darkness Within II
Reviewer: GHL Signed Date: 2018.04.22 - 01:26PM Title: Chapter 35 The Plan
Oh, you too? Essentially every story I wrote, I had plans to finish it according to a nice even schedule, then ended up scrambling at the end. I'd advise you to not rush it -- the last few chapters are disproportionately important to most stories and, all too often, are accorded the least amount of editing time. Anyway, best wishes!
Reviewer: GHL Signed Date: 2018.04.21 - 09:36AM Title: Chapter 35 The Plan
And so continues my personal growth as a reader of your story!
Prior to this chapter, the work seemed sometimes to blur the lines between novel and serial, but now all of your master planning begins to tie together, and the story binds coherently into the trajectory of a dramatic novel. Well done! It's not easy to keep all of the threads aligned over the course of two years of writing.
Author's Response: Thank you so much! Now I must find the time to finish a story that is so close to being complete ;) I have truly appreciated your support throughout the course of this rather lengthy project.
Reviewer: Gin110881 Signed Date: 2018.04.15 - 11:29AM Title: Chapter 35 The Plan
Reviewer: GHL Signed Date: 2018.04.14 - 07:41AM Title: Chapter 34 Touched by Darkness
I rather think you had fun writing this chapter! And that, of course, makes it fun to read.
First of all, the 'darkness has touched us all' observation is salient and fundamental. It is not over-elaborated; it is just there, and it is true. Secondly, I did smile at the almost offhand mention of Charlie breaking his hand. Not that I wish for violence of pain, but rather it was something you vaguely promised, and you delivered. Finally, in the spirit of a 'single word' making the entire image, I loved the mention of Sirius cursing 'fluently'. On the surface it seems a bit of casual irreverence, a throw-away, but it does more to paint the atmosphere than any writers would achieve in hundreds of words.
Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm glad you enjoyed this chapter. Part of what makes Harry and Ginny who they are is the darkness they were exposed to because of Tom and the fact that they chose to survive it. I think that may be part of the reason JKR put them together as a couple. They can understand each other in a way others may not be able to due to their history. As for Charlie breaking his hand, I couldn't resist and am thoroughly impressed you remembered my earlier reference :) Regarding Sirius, though he cursed fluently about the meeting, he may have cause to feel better later on.
Reviewer: Aurorofthelight Signed Date: 2018.04.12 - 08:34PM Title: Chapter 35 The Plan
Wonderful chapter! Glad Anna didn't Hold Kat against Charlie and they broke their record! ;) I must admit that Sirius and Kat hooking up has definite and interesting potential! And Sirius certainly didn't waste any time hitting on her! I thought poor Charlie was going to have a stroke when he realized what Dumbledore had in mind with the dragons and Anna! Augusta was none too happy either! Dumbledore's plan seems to be well thought out but a lot could go wrong, especially since the last word you'd use to describe the Malflunkys is "trustworthy"! I'd advise them all to remember an old saying" "The best laid plans of mice and men often go astray"(Robert Burns)! Can't blame them all for getting well oiled after the meeting! Really looking forward to the next chapter! :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D
Reviewer: hpforever85 Signed Date: 2018.04.12 - 07:00PM Title: Chapter 35 The Plan
Reviewer: Gin110881 Signed Date: 2018.04.09 - 10:34AM Title: Chapter 34 Touched by Darkness
Great scene with all those who'd been touched by darkness.
Reviewer: hpforever85 Signed Date: 2018.04.08 - 03:56PM Title: Chapter 34 Touched by Darkness
Reviewer: GHL Signed Date: 2018.04.08 - 07:41AM Title: Chapter 33 Much to Discuss
Perfect! No wonder you're winning awards with this one -- you caught me completely by surprise on multiple levels here. Let no one suggest that you do not know how to keep a secret.
In any case, I am amazed to have gone so many months, so many words, chapters, and only now recognise how the title of the works is rather less metaphorical than I had ever guessed.
Author 's Response: Thank you very much for a lovely review and a wonderful compliment! I fully admit this is perhaps my favorite chapter, at least so far....
Reviewer: Aurorofthelight Signed Date: 2018.04.07 - 07:55PM Title: Chapter 34 Touched by Darkness
Great to see a new chapter from you - I was starting to get worried! That was quite a meeting of the bonded Weasley couples - alot to discuss indeed! Can't blame Harry for being alittle freaked out about the horcrux that had been within him! However, I would think, between Moldyshorts and his Deathmunchers, you'd be hard pressed to find anyone in the magical world not to mention many muggles who hadn't been touched by evil! Good thing Anna is confident in her bond with Charlie or Kat might have ended up hexed! Will be interesting to see how the bond between Harry and Ginny will develop! Congrats on the Silver Trinket which I voted for- very well deserved! :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D
Reviewer: alterdream Signed Date: 2018.04.07 - 06:15PM Title: Chapter 34 Touched by Darkness
All of it was great to read. Nice work!
Reviewer: GHL Signed Date: 2018.04.07 - 04:13PM Title: Chapter 32 For a Price
I'm back! Back to say, more clearly, that I actually did think it was a great chapter!
My earlier review was actually intended as a positive one too, but used so much negative language that it might have raised eyebrows. I attribute that to a bad attitude associated with hacking cough and fever. Excuses excuses.
Author's Response: No worries!!! I actually thought your previous review was lovely and accurate about cliff hangers. I hope your hacking cough and fever go away soon. My husband has been in bed all weekend with the same thing. Not fun :(
Reviewer: GHL Signed Date: 2018.04.07 - 02:09PM Title: Chapter 32 For a Price
Ah! Now here's a great example of the unfairly maligned 'cliff hanger'. Used judiciously, it's a great literary device.
Given how much I harp in immersion, I can't fault a great sequence like that for pulling a reader deep into the thick of things and (semi-figuratively) beating him or her over the head with blunt anticipation :)
Normally, I would race ahead to the next chapter but, for all the times I've been on the doling end of such experiences, I will use this as payback.
All that aside, a fine chapter!
Author's Response: Thank you so much! I completely understand the love/hate relationship when it comes to cliff hangers ;) I've tried to find the balance and have one occasionally without leaving readers hanging all the time. Hope you enjoy the next chapter!
Reviewer: ginnyweasley777 Signed Date: 2018.04.06 - 05:58PM Title: Chapter 34 Touched by Darkness
Great chapter, I just really hope you're not about to put the Kat amongst the pigeons in Anna and Charlie's relationship!
Reviewer: zephyr_goddess Signed Date: 2018.04.04 - 01:30PM Title: Chapter 33 Much to Discuss
Wonderful story so far! Iím thoroughly enjoying your writing and I do believe this will be my first review in a long time. I havenít read anything quite as compelling here at SIYE for some time now so itís such a wonderful refreshing feeling to have come across your work. Now Iím really excited for future chapters!!
Reviewer: alterdream Signed Date: 2018.04.01 - 07:00PM Title: Chapter 33 Much to Discuss
Great chapter once again.
Reviewer: GHL Signed Date: 2018.03.31 - 12:32PM Title: Chapter 31 An Unexpected Letter
Your very last capsule here -- the reflections and ruminations of Lucius Malfoy -- may be one of the best passages thus far in your stories. It is a powerfully compact infusion of description, contemplation, character, recollection and foreshadowing. To accomplish that, credibly, in less than 200 words, is a badge of fine writing!
Reviewer: GHL Signed Date: 2018.03.31 - 12:27PM Title: Chapter 30 The Ones You Love
Congratulations on the latest award and recognitions! I'd say you've cultivated quite a following!
Reviewer: ginnyweasley777 Signed Date: 2018.03.26 - 05:13PM Title: Chapter 33 Much to Discuss
Great line to end it on, can't wait to see what comes of it next chapter :)
Reviewer: GHL Signed Date: 2018.03.24 - 08:50PM Title: Chapter 29 Temptation
A great deal of interesting information, in a story with great sophistication and complexity!
If you don't mind, I might make a few stylistic comments? This is obviously an intensively dialogue-oriented chapter, and those can frequently rather challenging. One of the greatest challenges revolves around the immersion factor. Specifically, does the reader read words and process information, or is the reader there in the room, watching with rapt 'tennis-match' eyes?
There are two ways I know of to try to optimize the latter. One way that you made good use of is nonverbal communication. I always enjoy the visual complement to spoken words. Another that you might consider judiciously amplifying in your further writing is a real Rowling mainstay -- adapting dialect and vocabulary to key characters. Tonks, of course, has her Cockney (just as Hagrid has a Yorkshire) accent. This can be accomplished with even as few at 5-10% of words being slightly modified. Then there's pure vocabulary. Hermione uses bigger words than Harry, who used bigger words than Ron. Snape is not just brusque; he also loads the fore-end of his sentences with deliberately pompous words. Dumbledore and Arthur are almost always understated. Sirius uses more salty words than the others. And so forth.
Ultimately, having so many people in the same room speaking in alternation is immensely tough to ace. Kind of takes every trick one can throw at into the mix.
Author's Response: Yes, indeed! Conversation chapters are definitely challenging for me, particularly when so many characters are involved. I wish I had a better ear for dialect :) It's been a dozen years since I was last in the UK and many more since I lived in England, so I know I've lost the awareness I used to have. My husband has been binge watching Keeping Up Appearances this weekend, while I've been obsessed with Jane Austen. I should probably watch a few hours of something more modern to obtain the correct sound for reference ;) Thank you as always for a most thoughtful and sincere review!