Reviews For Darkness Within II
Reviewer: GHL Signed Date: 2017.08.10 - 08:29AM Title: Chapter 2 A Different Hogwarts
Greatly enjoyed the retelling, as well as the subtle changes that you introduce. Always interesting to see how those changes produce mounting divergence.
One minor stylistic note: your post-facto aside beginning with "He had grabbed her tightly..." is what I consider a missed opportunity. I would have conveyed it in the dramatic 'here and now' flow of that scene; doing so attaches more meaning to it (assuming that you actually do intend for it to be a reflection of character or plot development), and enhances the reader's immersive experience.
Other than that, another fine chapter!
Author's Response: Thank you so much! You are quite correct that I could have, and probably should have, made the physical interaction between the characters more immediate and dramatic. I think I was perhaps overly caught up on the conversation. As for the mounting divergence you mentioned, it is slowly coming!
Reviewer: Prongs I Signed Date: 2017.08.10 - 06:37AM Title: Chapter 2 A Different Hogwarts
It's a nice approach to tell the events from the books from the view of a third person, to add things that didn't happen in the books because Harry simply hadn't noticed them, and, of course, things that the third person changes simply by her existence. There's one thing I'd like to ask for. Please take care that Ginny and Anna don't ever come near Malfoy. I always feel that I need to wash my hands when he's around.
Reviewer: ginnyweasley777 Signed Date: 2017.08.08 - 09:44AM Title: Chapter 2 A Different Hogwarts
Fantastic chapter. It's amazing how something as simple as a few words can change things - Anna pointing out the truth to Seamus
Reviewer: Gin110881 Signed Date: 2017.08.08 - 06:20AM Title: Chapter 2 A Different Hogwarts
Great update. I liked how Anna set Seamus straight. I almost forgot about Percy's letter, nice you included it.
Reviewer: Aurorofthelight Signed Date: 2017.08.07 - 04:01PM Title: Chapter 2 A Different Hogwarts
WhooHoo! A new chapter - what a great way to start a Monday! I really like the way you follow canon but add your own unique flourish to it! Will be interested to see if they still call it the DA! I think Umbridge may be the one character in the HP world that came close to being more hated than Moldyshorts himself! Keep it coming! :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D