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SIYE Time:20:55 on 24th November 2017

Reviews For Darkness Within II

Reviewer: GHL Signed Date: 2017.08.10 - 08:29AM Title: Chapter 2 A Different Hogwarts

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Greatly enjoyed the retelling, as well as the subtle changes that you introduce. Always interesting to see how those changes produce mounting divergence.

One minor stylistic note: your post-facto aside beginning with "He had grabbed her tightly..." is what I consider a missed opportunity. I would have conveyed it in the dramatic 'here and now' flow of that scene; doing so attaches more meaning to it (assuming that you actually do intend for it to be a reflection of character or plot development), and enhances the reader's immersive experience.

Other than that, another fine chapter!



Author's Response: Thank you so much! You are quite correct that I could have, and probably should have, made the physical interaction between the characters more immediate and dramatic. I think I was perhaps overly caught up on the conversation. As for the mounting divergence you mentioned, it is slowly coming!



Reviewer: Prongs I Signed Date: 2017.08.10 - 06:37AM Title: Chapter 2 A Different Hogwarts

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It's a nice approach to tell the events from the books from the view of a third person, to add things that didn't happen in the books because Harry simply hadn't noticed them, and, of course, things that the third person changes simply by her existence. There's one thing I'd like to ask for. Please take care that Ginny and Anna don't ever come near Malfoy. I always feel that I need to wash my hands when he's around.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for this lovely review! I share your opinion of Malfoy and can at least assure you that neither girl will seek him. Your quite correct about the need for hand washing, full submersion in a bubble bath even better.



Reviewer: ginnyweasley777 Signed Date: 2017.08.08 - 09:44AM Title: Chapter 2 A Different Hogwarts

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Fantastic chapter. It's amazing how something as simple as a few words can change things - Anna pointing out the truth to Seamus
I really am looking forward to the next chapter :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm glad you enjoyed the bit with Seamus and Anna. It was fun to write!



Reviewer: Gin110881 Signed Date: 2017.08.08 - 06:20AM Title: Chapter 2 A Different Hogwarts

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Great update. I liked how Anna set Seamus straight. I almost forgot about Percy's letter, nice you included it.
I've always been wondering why Harry never had done anything against Umbridge. Of course he was too proud to show weakness. However, I can't believe that he was the only one who got this kind of detention. This way he tolerated that other students were hurt as well, and this doesn't sound like the Harry we know, does it?

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I enjoyed writing the scene between Anna and Seamus. He always struck me as a pretty decent guy. As for Percy, I'll be kind and say he is misguided. You bring up an excellent point about Harry and Umbridge. Though Harry was likely the first, other students were surely subjected to the quill torture as well. The fact that none of the students apparently reported it in OotP reinforces the concept that "kids don't tell." Definitely disturbing on multiple levels.



Reviewer: Aurorofthelight Signed Date: 2017.08.07 - 04:01PM Title: Chapter 2 A Different Hogwarts

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WhooHoo! A new chapter - what a great way to start a Monday! I really like the way you follow canon but add your own unique flourish to it! Will be interested to see if they still call it the DA! I think Umbridge may be the one character in the HP world that came close to being more hated than Moldyshorts himself! Keep it coming! :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I quite agree that Umbridge is awful. Besides being a dreadful teacher, there was always something about her that just felt creepy!




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