SIYE Time:3:15 on 19th March 2019

Reviews For Darkness Within II

Reviewer: GHL Signed Date: 2017.12.03 - 09:06AM Title: Chapter 10 Betrayed


First of all, a general comment: it's wonderful to see the remarkable improvements in your writing since the beginning of your first story. This time last year, it was words and prose; now it is flow and images and catches of breath as we're swept along with a story that glides well clear of cliche.

And speaking of clearing cliche, I follow up my joy with how you handled the discreet kiss last chapter to a nod of glowing approval, in this one, for using a degree of separation (i.e., waiting for a chapter and the passage of a few thousand words) to offer a very tasteful recollection of details that we (even the most decorous of us) can't help but hope to hear. It is choices such as these, as well as an ever-sharpening feel for written constructs, that take this work beyond the realm of hobby and up towards 'serious' composition.

Author's Response: Wow! Thank you so much for your comments! Occasionally I wonder what on earth I was thinking of to come up with such a long, complicated story for my first attempt at fanfiction writing. Honestly, I had no idea how challenging it would be or how much time it would take (a few pages of an outline that covers about four years does not a story make!!!). I now realize it would have been far wiser to try a couple of one-shots first! Oh, well! Nothing quite like diving in;)

Reviewer: Prongs I Signed Date: 2017.10.04 - 06:43AM Title: Chapter 10 Betrayed


I wonder about the real reasons why Malfoy waylaid Anna outside the castle, and why I suddenly felt the urgent need for a hand washing when he approached her.
Thanks for another fine update.

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm glad to hear you're suspicious of Malfoy. More will be revealed in the next chapter. I also understand the 'need for a hand washing'. He really is that type of character.

Reviewer: Aurorofthelight Signed Date: 2017.10.03 - 05:37PM Title: Chapter 10 Betrayed


Another stellar chapter! Glad you stuck with Marietta Edgecombe as the traitor! (Always thought Kloves was an idiot to have it be Cho in the movie)! Poor Anna is in a real quandry about all the betrothal letters but fortunately it looks like Charlie might have the edge! At least his was from the heart! Bet she wishes Dorko would give it a rest! I know his come-on routine to Anna almost made me gag on the Australian Shiraz I was sipping while writing this and that is too good a wine to waste! Can't wait for the next chapter! (Thanks for the toast you made on the last chapter review response!) :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I always enjoy reading your reviews! While I have never particularly liked Cho as a character, she was not as bad as Marietta. I've always been a bit disappointed by the many little changes (and a few big ones) in the movies. Anyways, Anna is indeed overwhelmed by her options and the decision she will have to make. As for Dorko...I can only apologize for almost upsetting your glass of Shiraz!!!

Reviewer: alterdream Signed Date: 2017.10.02 - 10:43PM Title: Chapter 10 Betrayed


Things are certainly not getting any simpler for Anna. How terrible, having so many to choose from :p

Author's Response: Thank you so much! You're quite correct - things are not getting any simpler.

Reviewer: aryell Signed Date: 2017.10.01 - 12:15PM Title: Chapter 10 Betrayed


I quite like this story. I don't usually like OC but Anna is very thought out. I would suggest you give her a few more flaws and have her make mistakes because t would make her even more real.

I also love Charlie being in this story more. I always wanted to know more about Charlie. I felt that he was sort of the forgotten Weasley

Author's Response: Thank you so much for reviewing! I guess in my mind Anna is inherently flawed since she continually lies to everyone around her (generally lies of omission or stubborn silence) and is often manipulative of people and situations (the smile and sweet tone should not be trusted). I'll have to think about how to make her character a bit more obvious, and perhaps a bit less subtely Slytherin! I'm glad you are enjoying Charlie in this story. Being the forgotten Weasley, he is perfect for my purposes. You will see more of him over time!

Reviewer: Gin110881 Signed Date: 2017.10.01 - 04:55AM Title: Chapter 10 Betrayed


I just hope that Anna won't regret the time alone with Malfoy. Who knows what Malfoy will claim, that Anna and he have done in this time. I don't know what protective effects Anna's ritual will have, or better should have, however, I hope for her that it will help.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for this review! I quite agree that Anna is not always as careful as she should be. The scene with Malfoy is a perfect example!

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