Reviews For Darkness Within II
Reviewer: GHL Signed Date: 2017.12.03 - 09:06AM Title: Chapter 10 Betrayed
First of all, a general comment: it's wonderful to see the remarkable improvements in your writing since the beginning of your first story. This time last year, it was words and prose; now it is flow and images and catches of breath as we're swept along with a story that glides well clear of cliche.
And speaking of clearing cliche, I follow up my joy with how you handled the discreet kiss last chapter to a nod of glowing approval, in this one, for using a degree of separation (i.e., waiting for a chapter and the passage of a few thousand words) to offer a very tasteful recollection of details that we (even the most decorous of us) can't help but hope to hear. It is choices such as these, as well as an ever-sharpening feel for written constructs, that take this work beyond the realm of hobby and up towards 'serious' composition.
Author's Response: Wow! Thank you so much for your comments! Occasionally I wonder what on earth I was thinking of to come up with such a long, complicated story for my first attempt at fanfiction writing. Honestly, I had no idea how challenging it would be or how much time it would take (a few pages of an outline that covers about four years does not a story make!!!). I now realize it would have been far wiser to try a couple of one-shots first! Oh, well! Nothing quite like diving in;)
Reviewer: Prongs I Signed Date: 2017.10.04 - 06:43AM Title: Chapter 10 Betrayed
I wonder about the real reasons why Malfoy waylaid Anna outside the castle, and why I suddenly felt the urgent need for a hand washing when he approached her.
Reviewer: Aurorofthelight Signed Date: 2017.10.03 - 05:37PM Title: Chapter 10 Betrayed
Another stellar chapter! Glad you stuck with Marietta Edgecombe as the traitor! (Always thought Kloves was an idiot to have it be Cho in the movie)! Poor Anna is in a real quandry about all the betrothal letters but fortunately it looks like Charlie might have the edge! At least his was from the heart! Bet she wishes Dorko would give it a rest! I know his come-on routine to Anna almost made me gag on the Australian Shiraz I was sipping while writing this and that is too good a wine to waste! Can't wait for the next chapter! (Thanks for the toast you made on the last chapter review response!) :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D
Reviewer: alterdream Signed Date: 2017.10.02 - 10:43PM Title: Chapter 10 Betrayed
Things are certainly not getting any simpler for Anna. How terrible, having so many to choose from :p
Reviewer: aryell Signed Date: 2017.10.01 - 12:15PM Title: Chapter 10 Betrayed
I quite like this story. I don't usually like OC but Anna is very thought out. I would suggest you give her a few more flaws and have her make mistakes because t would make her even more real.
Reviewer: Gin110881 Signed Date: 2017.10.01 - 04:55AM Title: Chapter 10 Betrayed
I just hope that Anna won't regret the time alone with Malfoy. Who knows what Malfoy will claim, that Anna and he have done in this time. I don't know what protective effects Anna's ritual will have, or better should have, however, I hope for her that it will help.