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SIYE Time:3:09 on 24th February 2018


Reviewer: potterfan2008 Signed Date: 2017.11.05 - 03:51PM Title: Chapter 3 The First Victim

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If Albus does complain to his father, I hope Harry ignores him. Al is just like Malfoy was years ago - 'Wait until my father hears about this.' That being said, Minerva should reprimand Malfoy for his behavior. Again, no one to root for in this story - make someone likeable. Draco is horrible so who really cares if he's killed or loses everything.
Some of the phrases you use need some reworking 'his duties had completely been diligent and unsuspicious'. That is very awkwardly worded and doesn't make a lot of sense. I think you are trying to say that he is an ordinary, hard working person, but not sure. 'Putting on the dog' not a clue what that is supposed to mean.

Author's Response: Thank you again for advice. I edited some with your kind suggestions. Talking of the characterization of Albus, I think a son of Potter does mistakes, too. He is also a boy who needs to learn how to do the right things and gets to know respecting the others at school. I think his grandfather James Potter did mistakes in his younger days, too. Given the hard circumstances, Harry had not been like that, he was destined to be a hero from the start. And I would like to give a chance to Malfoys even they are losers of the previous war.



Reviewer: skiutahnum1 Signed Date: 2017.11.01 - 06:19AM Title: Chapter 3 The First Victim

Al everyone is learning at the moment but Albus still has Ginny temper to contend with....kutgw

Author's Response: Hi, thank you for stopping by. :)  Yeah, Al has definitely has Ginny's temper and her ability in writing an essay (her career as a sports writer).




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