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Reviewer: RighT3rantZ Signed Date: 2018.03.20 - 02:40PM Title: Chapter 1
Did somebody give Brennus the keys for authorizing stories?
Also I declare Arnel to be blessed for offering to Beta her, I don't know, 2000th story(?) in the most prim and proper passive aggressive manner. Respect.
Author's Response: Thank´s for reviewing. But my understanding of English is maybe poor. I did not understand. What had Brennus with it? And what Arnel?
Reviewer: Gin110881 Signed Date: 2018.03.19 - 06:48AM Title: Chapter 1
It's a quite unique approach. I liked it. I didn't even mind the Tonks POV because she is a favourite of mine. Considering that I've only one real favourite, it means something.
A few passages were a bit hard to read, especially Tonks' musings at the beginning. I suspect the imminent deadline and the last-minute delivery prevented a proper proofreading.
Good luck with the challenge.
Author's Response: Thank´s for reviewing, Yes, the deadline was a reason, that two peoples, that I would like to use as betas, found not time to read it. They are not native speakers, but they are very good in English, one of them even work as translator. And they have one big advantage - they are family. Then, if i will writte my next project,that I have planed in English, they will be my betas. Even because this project is a crossover with one sci-fi serial, that is their favorite ones. It will be many time travel. There are two persons in the HP universe, that are born for crossover with this serial - Tonks and Luna. I am glad, that I fit with your favourite Tonks this time. But in the planed project it will be Luna. On the end - check my response for other review too, because some things repeat (in right), then some answers, that will be interest you, are there.
Reviewer: Aurorofthelight Signed Date: 2018.03.17 - 08:40PM Title: Chapter 1
A little hard to read but good first effort! Take more time on your next one and a beta would be a real asset for you! :D:D:D:D:D:D
Author's Response: Thank´s for review. I am looking for time turner or other time machine. But I haven´t found any working one until now. About betas it will be better. Read about it, and about the other tings too, in my response under other reviews, please.
Reviewer: Arnel Signed Date: 2018.03.17 - 01:55AM Title: Chapter 1
I commend you for submitting your very first story and your very first Challenge story in one. I admire your courage to submit a story written in your second or third language; it's good practice if you want to become fluent in the language, but rather than submitting a story that has not been checked by a native English-speaker, it would be a good idea to find someone who will be willing to help you perfect your writing.
You have some good ideas and a unique approach to the Challenge. I wish you luck in the contest.
Author's Response: Thank´s for reviewing. This is not my first Challenge story in reality. But... The first one is on Challenge named as Twins Challenge, but it is not about F+G, but about time travel. It has two disadvantages - it would need a time turner and move some years back to submit it on the date and it is in Czech. It was published on one Czech FF server. The second my Challenge story - I am not sure, if it was release as Challenge. It was in proposed themes and it was about, what will be Lily say to Ginny. I was hard thinking, how to do it, that most of canonical stories will be keept and even Lilly can speak to Ginny - and dont use my beloved time travel or some ghosts. Then I find the solution: I kill the Longbottoms and let Lilly and James stay on St.Mungo on permanent damages dept. Aggain two disadvantages: Czech languange and still not finished. I am not planing to translate any of them to English. Then this is my first on SIYE published Challenge story, to be exact. Maybe I will writte another English story and I will have two betas for it. It will be several times longer than this. But another problems - it will be crossover with one sci-fi serial and the main HP world person wil be Luna. Harry or Ginny - minimum only, practicaly nothing. Then nothing for SIYE. And nothing for next few months, may be for some years. But never say never.
Reviewer: potterfan2008 Signed Date: 2018.03.16 - 08:25AM Title: Chapter 1
Congrats on your first story! I would highly recommend getting a good beta. The story was very hard to read, there are many grammatical errors that make it difficult to understand what you mean at times. Plot wise - I'd much rather read a Harry/Ginny story than Tonks/Remus. I didn't really understand the beginning - did her parents' actions make her a metmorphmagus? If Remus had taken his potion, he wouldn't turn into a werewolf, he would turn into a regular wolf.
Author's Response: Thank´s for review.
I was starting too late with this story. There are some published there, and I find it all very similar (at least in the first chapter). Then I do, what I am used to do: Think, what can be different. I found different point of view, different love story involved, different origin of the wrong portkey. Even if it was on Grimbauld place too. I planed to do it, as this two love stories - HP/GW and RL/NT will be equivalent in the volume. And I like to be as canonical as possible, then I dont will end with HP and GW realy together. But this target and me poor English was not compatible with the time left, Then the simpliest story - RL/NT result as dominant.
The first part - yes, I think, that medling with time in the first period of pregnacy can lead to involving of the magic of fete. I thing, that ability to use a magic is genetical deviation. The above mentioned medling with time does not do genetical deviation, it influence the development only. And it can lead to some crosslinking between magic, mind and body or maybe in releasing some bariers in connection of this three parts of personality, that show as the methamorphmagie. And with the clumsiness and time incoherency, I mean it too. The personal magic remember the time shifts, is disoriented with this time shifts and once in time it react in wrong time adjusting - and the step is shorter or longer and Tonks fall. Not to much help, that I read recently on other server a story, where Tonks is an alien using the time travel and I found, that Tonks is realy the best person in Harry Potter world to use time travel.
The wolfsbane? The FF comunity is such benevolent in this think, that I can not remember, what is canonical explanation. Sorry, but it fit better in my story that way.
See the response for the other reviews too, because some complains repeat there (by right) and were answered there.
