All My Heart by ginnyweasley777
Summary: A distraught Harry disappeared from the Wizarding World, but what happens when he returns to Hogwarts for Ginny's seventh year?
Rating: R
Categories: Alternate Universe
Characters: None
Genres: None
Warnings: None
Challenges: None
Series: None
Published: 2018.01.08
Updated: 2018.02.14
Index
Chapter 1: Chapter 1: Surprise
Chapter 2: Chapter 2: Faces From The Past
Chapter 3: Chapter Three: Bittersweet
Chapter 1: Chapter 1: Surprise
Author's Notes: I wrote this story ages and ages ago and only just found it again on my hard drive. I'll be editing a few things as I go so probably post once a week or so.
All My Heart
Chapter One: Surprise
Ginny Weasley clambered out of the carriage with Luna when it pulled to a halt outside the castle. She shuddered as she walked past the Thestral that pulled it, remembering why she could see the large sketal creature and wishing that she couldn’t.
The sky was growing ever darker and there was a chill in the air that gave the promise of the winter to come and a few fat drops of rain fell down as they walked up to the huge front doors along with the rest of the students.
‘This is it,’ she said to Luna, as they walked across the threshold, ‘our last year at Hogwarts.’
‘Yes,’ replied Luna, ‘I hope I can find a Flibbering Nargle for Daddy before I leave; they’re very rare and are supposed to live in the castle but I haven’t found one yet.’
Ginny stifled a laugh and was excited but apprehensive as she entered the Great Hall for the start of her final year at Hogwarts; it was scary to think that it wouldn’t be long and she would be finished at school for good, not to mention that for the first time in her life she was the only Weasley there. Last year she’d still had Ron there, but that had been a strange year in itself…
She gave herself a mental shake as she separated from Luna and sat down at the Gryffindor table; this year was about looking to the future, not dwelling on the past again. They’d all had to try to move on with their lives, no matter how hard it was, no matter how much they all still wondered what had happened to…
Her best friend in Gryffindor, Evelyn Walker, sat down next to her with a smile. ‘Hi, Ginny! Sorry we didn’t get much chance to talk on the train…Zak is already talking his Head Boy duties way too seriously and he wouldn’t let me get away for long! I’ve told him I’m not patrolling with him all the time just because I‘m Head Girl!’
‘Hi, Evie,’ replied Ginny, smiling at her, ‘don’t worry about it. How was your summer; it sounded like you had a great time from your letters?’
‘I did,’ exclaimed Evie, tossing her hair over her shoulder impatiently, ‘I spent three weeks in Australia with my aunt over there and that was just amazing! How about you, you didn’t say much when we met in Diagon Alley?’
‘It was pretty quiet,’ she admitted. ‘Bill and Fleur got married, just a small ceremony - you know how they put it off last year...’
‘Yeah, I know,’ nodded Evie sympathetically.
‘Ron got accepted into the Auror programme though,’ she said brightly, ‘so he was really pleased.’
‘That’s great! Is Hermione still nagging him all the time?’
Ginny laughed. ‘Yes, but he loves it in their weird way!’
‘Well I suppose they can’t change the habit of a lifetime, can they,’ exclaimed Evie with a roll of her eyes.
‘No, and it certainly took them long enough to get together.’
‘I know, if they hadn’t finally got together when they did last year then I swear I was going to lock them in a broom cupboard and not let them out until they’d snogged.’
‘That might not have been a bad thing, then I wouldn’t have had to see it when they finally did…I kept finding them wrapped around each other all over the place at the Burrow this summer; it’s been like Lavender all over again,’ she joked, scanning the staff table as she spoke. ‘I wonder who’s going to be the new Defence Against the Dark Arts professor this year…I can’t see anyone new up there yet.’
Evie shook her head. ‘I don’t know, I just hope they’re better than the idiot we had last year.’
‘Yeah, he was nearly as bad as Lockhart,’ she replied. She noticed the first years filing in through the door. ‘There’s a lot of them this year.’
‘Jess starts this year,’ replied Evie, waving to a small girl with long black hair who’d just entered the hall, looking just as nervous as the rest of the first years. ‘I hope she’s in Gryffindor.’
‘I’m sure she will be,’ replied Ginny quietly as Professor Flitwick set down the stool and Sorting Hat.
After the Sorting and the feast, Professor McGonagall rose to her feet and waited for silence to fall as the last of the food disappeared from the tables to the kitchens below. ‘I’ve just got a few announcements to make before you may all go to your common rooms,’ she said. ‘All students are reminded that the Forbidden Forest remains just that - forbidden.’ A few students laughed but quickly disguised it as a cough as Professor McGonagall glared down at them. ‘There is only one new staff appointment this year, and that is for Defence Against the Dark Arts…again.’
Ginny and Evie exchanged glances at this as no new teacher had arrived throughout the meal.
‘He has been delayed tonight,’ said Professor McGonagall with a disapproving frown, ‘but I assure you that he will be here bright and early for your classes tomorrow and will introduce himself then, I am sure. Now, prefects, please lead the way for your new students, and you may all head off to bed now.’
‘This new professor is certainly a bit of a mystery,’ commented Evie as they made their way up to the Gryffindor common room.
‘Yeah he is…well at least we know it’s a man now,’ replied Ginny.
‘Odd that she didn’t tell us his name though, but maybe he is like Lockhart and wants to make a big entrance in the morning.’
Ginny laughed. ‘I hope not! I wonder who’ll have his class first in the morning?’
‘Probably Slytherins,’ replied Evie, pulling a face, as they arrived at the portrait of the Fat Lady.
‘Password?’ she asked looking down at them.
‘Godric,’ replied Evie.
The Fat Lady swung forwards and they clambered up into the Gryffindor common room.
The next morning Ginny and Evie waited as Professor McGonagall walked along the Gryffindor house table handing out timetables. Ginny looked down at hers once she’d received it. ‘We’ve got Defence first,’ she said.
‘Great,’ replied Evie, looking over her own. ‘It’s nearly time anyway, shall we go now?’
Ginny nodded her agreement and picked her bag up off the floor.
There was a ripple of excitement among the students as they filed into the classroom just as the bell rang. There was still no teacher and Evie shrugged at Ginny as they sat down at the second row of desks.
The door snapped shut and a tall, dark haired man walked into the room. He reached the front and turned to face the class, allowing Ginny to get a good look at his face. She gasped in recognition; it was Harry.
Chapter 2: Chapter 2: Faces From The Past
All My HeartChapter Two: Faces From The Past
The door snapped shut and a tall, dark-haired man walked into the room. He reached the front and turned to face the class, allowing Ginny to get a good look at his face. She gasped in recognition; it was Harry.
Blood drained out of his face as he stared at her and his legs twitched as they ached to run for the door. How could he have forgotten that Ginny was still at school when he’d accepted the post? Why hadn’t he realised that he’d be expected to teach her?
He swallowed hard and tried to find his voice, but it felt like it had already escaped the classroom, just as he wanted to. He was out of his depth and he didn’t know what to do. He thought hard as he stared at the sea of faces, but the only one his eyes kept coming back to was Ginny, who looked as though she’d been struck by a bolt of lightening.
‘Er, divide into pairs and practice shield charms please,’ said Harry, finally finding his voice and scratching his head awkwardly.
He watched surreptitiously as the rest of the class scrambled to their feet and drew out their wands while Ginny remained seated, apparently still in shock, not that he could blame her.
A cloud of darkness descended over his thoughts as he cast his mind back to the day he’d left.
He felt sick at the sight and thought of what he’d caused. He felt the room suffocating him as he backed quietly away from the sobbing group of people surrounding the bed in the corner of the hospital wing. He fought to take a breath. He had to get away; he couldn’t stay there, forcing his company on the people who should hate him.
Eyes cast down toward the floor, Harry hurried past the countless other casualties in the room, ignoring the half-hearted attempts of people calling him back. No one wanted him there, and he certainly couldn’t blame them. He slipped through the door and into the relative calm of the wide stone corridor beyond and tugged his Invisibility Cloak from the pocket he’d stuffed it in so many hours earlier. He threw it over his head and felt instantly safer.
He made his way through the castle, wincing at the battle scars that it bore: glass missing from the windows, huge chunks of stone ripped away by the force of the spells it had taken the brunt of, great long bloodstains leading to or from pools of blood. It was all his fault.
It was eerie how silent the castle was now, compared to the shrieks of the wounded and dying that had pierced the air not so long ago. He stumbled over a fallen statue and realised that his feet had inadvertently led him to the place where Fred Weasley had been murdered.
He bit his tongue and swallowed the bile that rose in his throat at the thought. He stumbled against the wall and groped his way into a nearby classroom. It was remarkably untouched, so he slumped down into a chair, still covered by the Invisibility Cloak, and rested his head in his hands, not caring that they were still covered in blood…he didn’t even know whose it was.
A sob tore at his throat and tears stung in his eyes. He’d caused so much death and destruction when he should have just gone straight to find Voldemort in the Forbidden Forest as soon as the Death Eaters had started attacking the castle. Dumbledore had said it would have been suicide to do so, but it had been worse not to.
Dumbledore…another life he could have saved if it hadn’t been for him…he’d jumped in front of Voldemort’s curse to save him, and for what? Because he’d said Harry had a whole life in front of him while he was growing old and weak. He might have survived the battle, but he couldn’t live a true life now…he was cursed. How could he move on with all of the guilt he was carrying? He carried the weight of every single death and injury on his shoulders.
No one wanted to know him now, they all must surely blame him. Oh, he was sure the Weasleys would pretend like they didn’t, but just look at what he’d caused their family alone - Fred was dead, Bill had been attacked by Greyback and no one knew if he’d even survive, let alone be a werewolf, George had lost an ear, and Ginny had been tortured by Bellatrix Lestrange.
He’d even caused little Teddy Lupin to become an orphan as Remus and Tonks had also died in the battle. That was something he had in common with his godson, he thought bitterly.
He slammed his fist down on the desk, not even registering the pain, and knew he had to get out of there. Leaving was the only thing he could do to make things better for everyone. He was just thankful that Dumbledore had found a way to remove the Trace from him without the Ministry’s knowledge, and for teaching him how to Apparate during their lessons this past year while they’d been searching for ways to bring down Voldemort.
With the thought of leaving fixed firmly in his mind, Harry rose to his feet, pulled the Cloak tighter around himself and set off quickly through the castle; he knew that the wards were down and he’d be able to Apparate from the grounds outside once he‘d Summoned his things from Gryffindor tower. He hoped the tower was still standing, such was the state of the rest of the castle.
He reached the Entrance Hall and Professor McGonagall was just leaving the Great Hall. He slipped on one of the Gryffindor rubies from the broken hourglass in his haste to avoid her and caught the Cloak with his heel. He saw her eyes widen as she saw his foot.
‘Show yourself, Harry, I know you’re under that Cloak,’ she sighed.
His hands pulled the Cloak off himself against his will.
‘Where do you think you’re going?’ she asked.
‘I’m leaving,’ he replied simply.
‘To go where?’ she asked sharply.
He shrugged. ‘I’ll find somewhere to go.’
Professor McGonagall tugged tiredly at her sleeve which was singed and ripped, showing a burn on her arm underneath. ‘You cannot just leave, you’re not of age yet…and what about everyone else?’
Harry steeled himself. ‘Everything is my fault…and I’ll be seventeen soon, but it doesn’t matter because Professor Dumbledore found a way to remove the Trace, and he taught me how to Apparate. I can look after myself now, I have to.’
‘Harry!’ she exclaimed, ‘none of this is your fault…how can you think that? And I’m not just going to let you leave.’
Harry clenched his wand in his pocket, although he was unwilling to use it. ‘It’s the truth, Professor, I should have gone straight to Voldemort when he ordered me to, and then I could have saved all those lives. And you can’t stop me from leaving.’ He walked past her determinedly.
‘But the Weasleys-’ she called.
‘Have got enough to deal with without me burdening them.’ He turned to face her again. ‘I’ll ask you to let the Ministry know that it’s no use them trying to find me because Professor Dumbledore taught me ways to hide myself - they won’t find me at all. And [lease tell the Weasleys that I’m sorry for everything.’
‘But-’ She stopped in surprise when she saw the determined look in his eye. ‘Will you keep in touch?’
‘I’ll send you an owl to let you know I’m safe…I can’t promise anything more than that,’ replied Harry. He turned and walked through the huge oak doors which hung askew. It was time for him to disappear.
As soon as the lesson was over, Harry escaped the classroom and rushed to find Professor McGonagall; he found her in the Headmistress’ office.
‘You could consider knocking, you know, Professor Potter,’ she said as she looked up from the piece of parchment she was reading.
Harry barely registered her use of ‘Professor’ as he launched straight in. ‘You could have told me,’ he exclaimed.
‘Told you what, exactly?’
‘That I’d be teaching Ginny!’ He paced around the room and ran his hand through his hair, making it stick up even more than it already did.
Professor McGonagall arched her brow at him. ‘I did not think I would need to; I assumed that you knew Miss Weasley’s age.’
‘I’m perfectly well aware of how old she is now,’ he barked, ‘ I just haven’t exactly thought about how long it is that I’ve been…away…it feels like I’ve been gone a lot longer.’
‘Clearly. Do sit down, Harry, you’ll wear a hole in the floor in a moment, walking around like that.’
He threw himself down into a chair and rubbed his face. ‘I can’t teach her.’
Professor McGonagall sighed. ‘Why?’
Harry shot her a haunted look, his emerald green eyes betraying the emotion and pain he still carried. ‘I can’t teach her because of what I did…she must blame me, just like everyone else.’
‘Don’t be so ridiculous, Harry! No one blames you for anything, least of all the Weasleys!’
‘But-’
‘No buts, I told you the day you left that no one blames you. The Weasleys certainly had it tough, losing Fred, and Bill being attacked, but they have got on with their lives, just as you need to.’
‘I still can’t face teaching Ginny. I can’t face any of the Weasleys.’
‘You must,’ said Professor McGonagall.
‘I can’t,’ repeated Harry, ‘I’ll have to go away again.’
‘You will do no such thing,’ exclaimed Professor McGonagall sharply, ‘you signed a contract and are bound to teach for the year. You will just have to deal with being around Miss Weasley.’
Harry sighed heavily. ‘There’s no way out?’
‘No, there isn’t. And to quote Albus - it does not do to dwell on the past and forget to live. You would do well to remember that, Harry.’
‘He died to save me…I killed him too,’ said Harry in an anguished voice, staring at the portrait of Professor Dumbledore on the wall where was sat in a chair, dozing, with his half-moon spectacles perched on the end of his nose. He looked far more peaceful than Harry had ever known him.
‘You are not responsible for his death - He Who Must Not Be Named is the one who cast the curse.’
‘But-’
‘No buts, Harry. To be honest, it was a blessing in disguise.’
Harry looked at her in shock. ‘How can you-’
She dabbed at her eyes with a handkerchief. ‘He was dying anyway…his withered hand was the result of a curse that was on that blasted ring he put on…it was slowly taking over his body. Taking that Killing Curse for you saved him from a lot of pain, so don’t torture yourself over it any more.’ She sniffed and looked at her watch. ‘You’d better be getting ready for your next class.’
Feeling chastised and weary, Harry left the office and made his way down the spiral staircase. As he walked through the castle back to his classroom, he couldn’t help but wonder just what he was supposed to do now.
Chapter 3: Chapter Three: Bittersweet
Author's Notes: My apologies for the delay in getting this chapter out. I'm in the run up to the time of year that's most stressful and where all my time is spent staring intently at sheep's...er lambing I mean. So updates will continue to be slow until April for that reason.
All My Heart
Chapter Three: Bittersweet
Ginny was vaguely aware of murmurs around the classroom as the realisation that Harry Potter - who had defeated Voldemort and then disappeared more than a year ago with many fearing him dead - was their new Defence Against the Dark Arts professor dawned on them, but she just sat in stunned silence after her initial reaction. It was apparent from the look on his face that he clearly hadn’t expected to see her, and a mixture of emotions ran through her at the sight of him: relief that he wasn’t dead, sadness at the memory of the battle, and anger at him for leaving without a word and letting everyone - her mother especially - worry about where he was and if he was even alive.
Evie nudged her. ‘Come on, Ginny.’
‘What?’ asked Ginny as Evie’s voice pulled her from her thoughts.. She looked around and was surprised to see the rest of the class on their feet.
‘We’re supposed to be practising shield charms,’ replied Evie, rolling up her sleeves and brandishing her wand.
‘Oh, right,’ muttered Ginny, standing up and pulling out her own wand, all the while feeling as though she’d just been hit with a Bludger.
‘Are you okay? It’s a bit of a shock, isn’t it.’
‘Yeah, you could say that.’ She looked around to see that Harry was still stood awkwardly at the front of the room, apparently lost in his own thoughts with a look of pain etched across his face. She had the sudden realisation that perhaps it had just been as much of a shock to Harry as it had been to her.
By the end of the day, the news that Harry was the new Defence Against the Dark Arts professor was all around the school; the whole place was buzzing. Ginny felt exhausted as she finally sunk down into an armchair near the fire and wished that everyone would just shut up about it. She’d already threatened Romilda Vane with a Bat Bogey Hex if she didn’t stop quizzing her; Romilda seemed to think she knew some inside information on Harry’s reappearance into the wizarding world and didn’t seem to believe her when she said that she knew as little as everyone else.
As she stared at the flames crackling merrily in front of her, she wondered what she was supposed to do; her family surely didn’t know about it or she would have no doubt heard from them by now. But what was she supposed to tell them? Somehow, the idea of writing a letter saying, ‘Hi everyone, just to let you know that Harry is back and is the new Defence Against the Dark Arts professor. Love, Ginny,’ didn’t exactly seem right to her.
And she couldn’t do that to Harry either, because her family would surely barge in unannounced as soon as she told them, and if his reaction to seeing her again was anything to go by then he was just as likely to bolt and disappear into the unknown again. No, she should try to find out why he’d left in the first place, if she could, and let him know before she told her family. So she would have to talk to him. She looked at her watch and saw that it was too late to go then, so she determined to speak to him the next day.
She sighed and wondered just what she would say to him. It had been more than a year since she’d seen him or spoken to him - the last time had been when she’d stubbornly refused to leave the castle along with the other students when Riddle had launched his deadly attack and Harry had inadvertently told her he loved her. She remembered is as clear as day even though it was bittersweet now.
She joined the rest of the Gryffindor students filing out of the portrait hole ready to be escorted to Professor McGonagall’s office where they could Floo to safety only at her family’s and Harry’s insistence. She was halfway down the corridor when she stopped in her tracks, barely feeling the other students pushing and shoving her in their race for safety. She just realised that she couldn’t do it - she couldn’t walk away from everyone she loved and leave them to their fate while she fled, that wasn’t her. She couldn’t leave her family, and Harry…she couldn’t leave Harry.
Without thinking, she turned and spun on her heel, ignoring the cries of several of her friends and shaking off the hands that tried to stop her as she bolted back the way she’d just come, back towards the Gryffindor tower. She flung the portrait hole open roughly, much to the Fat Lady’s disgust, and tumbled into the common room.
Regaining her footing, she flew towards Harry, who, despite the furious look on his face, lurched forwards to meet her halfway. And then she was in his arms and she kissed him as she fought back the fear that threatened to consume her.
“I just couldn’t do it,” she said against his lips, “I couldn’t leave you!”
“You’re so stupid, Ginny,” mumbled Harry as he kissed her again. He pulled back and cupped her face with his hands. “You were meant to leave, Ginny! I needed you to leave and be safe because I love you!”
“I love you too! I’m sorry, I just couldn’t go…” He kissed her again and pulled her close.
That had been the last time she’d seen him properly, except for fleeting glimpses during the battle but she’d been too busy staying alive to speak to him. And then after that last fight he’d had with Tom everything seemed to happen so fast and then he disappeared.
She’d missed him so damn much after that, but in a way she’d been furious with him too for leaving the way he had. But seeing him again here in the castle made her realise that she couldn’t hold it against him when he was obviously in so much pain.
It was after classes the following day before Ginny was finally able to track Harry down in his office and she was filled with trepidation as she knocked on the door.
‘Come in,’ called Harry.
Ginny wasn’t prepared for the panicked look on Harry’s face as she pushed open the door and stepped into the office and she froze, unsure of what to say or do. He was sat in the chair behind the desk and looked for all the world as though he was ready to flee right away, his body poised to leap out of his seat.
The door fell shut behind her with a sharp rap and it brought her to her senses. ‘Hi, Harry,’ she said, walking forward with the thought that it was probably best to act as normal and casual as possible in the situation.
A nerve twitched in Harry’s face as he swallowed hard and tried to force his words out. ‘Gin-Ginny,’ he stuttered eventually. ‘What are you doing here?’
Ginny sat down in the chair opposite him and shrugged. ‘I just thought I’d come and see you.’
‘There was no need,’ said Harry, looking down at his hands which gripped the edge of the desk so hard his knuckles were white. ‘I wouldn’t even be here if McGonagall…’
Ginny took a deep breath and pushed down all the questions she so desperately wanted to ask him. ‘I can come and see a friend if I want to,’ she said lightly, trying to put him at ease and abate the tension that hung in the air between them.
Harry’s head shot up in surprise and Ginny was shocked by the haunted look in his emerald green eyes. He reached up and ran a hand nervously though his hair, making it stick up even more that usual. ‘We’re not friends,’ he replied shortly.
‘We were once,’ retorted Ginny quietly. Much more than friends once, she thought. She sighed. ‘Listen, Harry, I’m not here to have a go at you or ask you where you’ve been or what you’ve been doing. I just want to see how you are and give you a warning before I write home.’
‘You can’t tell them!’ exclaimed Harry, jumping up from his seat and pacing to the window.
‘There’s more than just me in the school, Harry, it’s going to get out somehow,’ she replied reasonably.
He turned back to face her, the pale sunlight filtering into the room around him. ‘No, McGonagall is supposed to be taking care of that somehow…’
‘But-’
He walked back across the room and threw himself down into his chair, wringing his hands together. ‘Don’t tell your family, I don’t think I could cope,’ he stressed.
‘I can’t lie to them,’ replied Ginny incredulously.
Harry looked at her properly for the first time since he’d left. ‘Please, they wouldn’t…I’m not…’
Ginny didn’t know what it was that was troubling Harry, but it was obviously upsetting him at the thought of her family knowing of his presence in the school. ‘I suppose I can wait a while before I mention anything,’ she found herself saying hesitantly.
Harry sighed with relief and visibly sunk in his seat. ‘Thank you,’ he said sincerely.
She shrugged. ‘I can’t keep it from them forever...’
‘I know,’ he replied quickly.
‘I didn’t mean to come in here and upset you...it was a shock seeing you yesterday.’
Harry looked away guiltily. ‘Yeah, for me too...I just didn’t...I’m sorry.’
‘What for?’ she asked.
A tortured look crossed his face. ‘For everything I put your family through...’
‘None of that was your fault,’ she replied quietly.
Harry put his head in his hands. ‘It was...I can’t do this right now, can you go please?’
‘But-’
‘Just go,’ he exclaimed, struggling for breath as panic clogged his throat.
Stunned, Ginny rose, unsure of what to do. He looked up at her with anguish in his eyes, begging her silently to leave.
She left, and felt worse that when she’d arrived.