Wanna hear a story?

Why are you looking at me like that? I’m smug that’s all. It worked, I got them together, and now I want to gloat.

Minerva was so proud of me when I told her all about it. I mean, she’s the cat of my dreams, and I’ve got to do something to impress her.

It was the first thing that came into my head.

So, you wanna hear a story?

Great.

Now, it all started back when I finally got my human. She’s a real nice girl, just a little, well, she’s a bit to much of a bookworm.

Not that book worms don’t taste good... That room with all the books, that’s where my human lives. And there are an awful lot of worms. Mmmm.

Well, I noticed straight away that one of her friends seemed pretty lonely. And my suspicions proved correct, he always seemed to be sep- separ- purrrrr- oh, right there, oh that’s good, right under the neck, oh. Thanks, pal, I needed that.

Where was I? Oh. He seemed to be separating himself over the next few dozen years. (My human thinks it was only three, but I know better.) And then he changed.

He started to, well, frankly he looked like he saw a really nice looking kitty. But when I followed his gaze, all he was looking at was another of my Human’s friends. The girl with my fur, just darker.

He kept staring at her. All the time. Every time he was near her. Ironic that, because she always used to stare at him. You human’s are weird, you know that?

Then I realized that he wanted her as more than just a friend. Like Minerva and I. But I personally think that we’re more like my Human and her boy. Don’t you think so? The fur, and all?

Well it had taken a while for Minerva to notice me that way, so I knew how the kid felt. I decided I needed to do something about it. But how?

That’s the question I asked my furry little self. How do you put two people together that are, well, people?

Dunno?

Well, I started by seeing if any other humans would get in the way. You know, like that other boy I used to see her with. Yeah, one of the blue people. I always thought that colors should stick together. My Human and her friends? Oh, they’re all reds.

Minerva calls them Gryffindors, whatever that means.

Oh, good, I thought. I snuck into her room one night, and it turned out she was talking in her sleep. About him. What luck. Fate seemed to be on my side.

My fur was getting thick, so I knew that the tree would be there soon. In the room with all the red. There were these things on the ceiling then, that people seemed to lick each other under all the time. And they were great, when you ran as fast as you can, across the mantle, and jump. If you grab one, they taste excellent. I usually just jump back down and do it again.

Minerva calls it mistletoe, and seems to think that they aren’t licking each other, but kissing. Honestly, I have no clue where she gets these words.

Okay, so about a year later, the tree comes, and I start forming my plan.

I know that the tree will be there for a while after they give me all that funny paper. I especially like it when they crumple it, you know? So I can bat it all around the floor, and...

Back to the matter at paw. One night, everybody stays awake. They always do, once every twelve years. Some stay in there beds, and look at their legs. One of the front ones, with the little circley thing on it. Then they count under their breath, or something and it’s all very strange.

I decided to get him, and her, out of bed and down under the mistletoe. It was purfect. It couldn’t fail.

So, when the night came, I dashed up to his room. That’s what he calls it. His room. As if I hadn’t claimed as soon as I adopted my Human. He looked at me. “Hello, Crookshanks.”

Why do they always say that? Do they think it’s my name or something? Don’t they all know my name is Furdinand?

I grabbed his socks. Right off his paws, too. I think I might have got a bit of skin, but I was back out the door too fast to notice.

Then on to her room. Same thing. Walk in. “Hello, Crookshanks.” Socks. “Ow!” Run.

He was already coming downstairs when I got back. He’s a fast human, I’ve noticed.

I walked slowly under one of the mistletoes, and wait patiently for them to catch up. She was pretty quick, too.

They walked up to me and both bent down to reclaim their socks.

“Come on Crookshanks, it’s nearly midnight. What did you do that for?”

Obviously, I did not just willingly give up the socks. Instead, I looked strait up.

They followed suit.

“Er...”

“Erm...”

His circley thing meowed.

So did hers.

“Er...” He seemed to be thinking for a moment. And then, “Happy New Year, Ginny.”

He licked her! Well, it didn’t really look all that much like licking when you look up close, but they seemed to enjoy it anyway.

He pulled away. She seemed to have other ideas.

They stayed like that for, like, well, a long time. They didn’t even notice when my Human’s boy came down the stairs, saw them, and pumped his paw. I went over to him. “Ha!” he barely even said it out loud. “A galleon to me!” He noticed me. “Your master lost a bet to me, Crookshanks. First time since we met that I actually won a bet.”

My what? I always thought he was a bit loony.

And that’s the end of my tail. I mean tale. How’d you like it? You can leave a review if you like.

Ah, here’s Minerva. Wait, she’s not coming this way. She- she turned into a human! I need to lie down. Oh, thank you. That book in your lap is just p-per- purrrrrfect.