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SIYE Time:5:31 on 18th June 2018


Memoirs of a Red Headed Witch
By My Wicked Quill

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Category: Pre-OotP, Post-OotP, Post-HBP, Post-Hogwarts, Post-DH/AB
Characters:All
Genres: Action/Adventure, Comedy, Humor, Romance, Songfic
Warnings: Mild Language, Mild Sexual Situations, Violence
Rating: PG-13
Reviews: 134
Summary: Ginny Weasley was always overlooked. Always the youngest, always the smallest, and was never really given the chance to let her voice be heard. But sometimes the best insight comes from those who were always in the background. Her story of redemption, loyalty and love, proves that she was never just the Weasley brothers' little sister.
Hitcount: Story Total: 105104; Chapter Total: 5515
Awards: View Trophy Room




Author's Notes:
Newly re-written December 2017




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Entry 10

The Broken Hearted Resolve

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

"She's can't see the way your eyes light up when you smile,
She'll never notice how you stop and stare whenever she walks by,
And you can't see me wanting you the way you want her,
but you are everything to me,
I just wanna show you,
She don’t even know you,
She’s never going to love you like I want to,
And you just see right through me,
But if you only knew me,
We could be a beautiful, miracle,
Unbelievable,
Instead of just invisible…”
Invisible- Taylor Swift

“Where have you been?” I asked Hermione as she slipped into the spot next to me.

“Pacing a bit, trying to calm my breathing a bit, trying to not have a full blown panic attack basically.”

“You better be careful, if Rita Skeeter sees you this worked up she’ll write a new story before the task is over.”

Rita Skeeter was a journalist of the worst sort. The kind that wrote about celebrities and formulated rumors and contorted lies and misconceptions out of truth. Now that the Triwizard Tournament had given Harry a fame reboot Skeeter was all over searching for a new angle. She had recently taken to writing about Harry and Hermione’s new love affair.

“Ginny, who gives a damn if people think Harry is in love with me if he is dead by the time the story comes out?”

She had a point.

The arena was vast and utterly packed, I don’t think I’d ever seen that many people in my life outside the Quidditch World Cup. In the middle of the rocky ditch the audience surrounded, lay a nest of eggs, and one of them was solid gold.

“Am I right in assuming that that is what Harry is trying to best the dragon for?”

“Your intelligence often bewilders me Hermione.”

“Ginny, I don’t need your sass right about now.”

I knew I was being rather unpleasant, but it was a great way to let out my anxiety.

“Did he prepare?” I asked. According to Hermione, Hagrid had shown Harry to the Dragons under his cloak as planned. He knew about the dragons, but I had no clue as to what he did with the information.

“He met with Professor Moody, and he gave Harry a great idea.”

I was exactly sure why Harry had sought council from the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, Alastor –commonly known as “Mad-eye”- Moody. He wasn’t exactly a welcoming man; he was old and intimidating and his one mechanical eye sent chills down everyone’s spine. He was rough and less than friendly and I had a feeling that there was something a bit stronger than butterbeer in the flask he kept handy. The only reason I could come up with that would draw Harry to him would be the fact that Moody had a whole lot more experience with dark forces than anyone else in the castle. He was a retired Auror, Dark Wizard catcher, something like what the muggles would call detecteves or palice. Dumbledore seemed to have some sort of close friendship with the man, but to me he just seemed… off.

I glanced at the Professor’s box, noting the preoccupied expression on McGonagall’s face, Dumbledore’s calm and collected mask, and Moody’s concentrated contortion of his face.

Something about his eagerness seemed unnaturally daunting to me. No one really disliked the man and there truly was no reason to distrust him.

“Will it work?”

Hermione nodded, “It should. I practiced with him for a while, he out did himself in training for this, I must admit. He just hasn’t exactly practiced-”

“While facing a dragon.”

Our eyes met in understanding. Harry needed some impressive skill to pull this off.

“It’s starting!” called Ron from the other side of Hermione.

The announcer explained that the first challenge of the tournament was to retrieve a strategically placed gold egg that sat in the center of the rocky ditch in the quickest time possible, equipped with only a wand.

Sounded simple enough.

If it weren’t for the dragon the champion had to get through to reach the egg in the first place. It was decided that Harry go last.

As incredible as the whole thing sounded, the moment the champion stepped out into the ring, it seemed less like a game and more like a sacrifice. It was nearly barbaric.

“Dumbledore isn’t going to let anyone die, is he?” I asked just as Cedric’s robes were scorched at the bottom by an impressive flame. He was facing the Swedish Short-Snout while trying to transfigure a rock into a dog as a diversion.

Hermione was watching the even through her fingers, and beside her Ron was watching avidly with Seamus and Dean, but not cheering as much. “I…don’t know,” she replied.

Fleur was second and her dragon, a Welsh Green, was eventually put to sleep with a charm, but not without Fleur’s skirt catching fire first. Krum was third and he was out up against the Chinese Fireball.

Which meant that Harry was to fight the Horntail. Figured.

The three original champions each managed to fulfill the task and defeat the beast in some way or another, thus, by the time Harry came out to the scene, he had some pretty big acts to follow. As much as I was hoping he would just get the egg and be done with it, I was kind of wishing Harry would show them all who he was. He was Harry Potter and when put to the task, he didn’t do anything half way. Other than his homework.

“This is madness,” said Ron as Harry stepped out on the rocky arena.

“Still think it was Harry that got himself into this mess?” asked a bitter Hermione.

The crowd was still undecided on whether or not Harry deserved to be supported and the adults were anxious about having such a young student in such dire circumstances.

At first Harry seemed frazzled, unsure, out of place and completely disoriented.

“Poor Harry.”

“He’s defeated 100 dementors,” Ron offhandedly commented.

No one bought his act of indifference.

Harry was tossed around a bit but managed to get right back up each time. Finally, he did something none of the other champions had even thought of, and it blew all their performances out of the water.

He summoned his broomstick. “Accio Broom!” the crowd held its breath, waiting. Harry growing more worried by the moment must have been praying to Merlin the Broom would show up. It was a far distance from the pitch to the castle, it would have had to be a pretty powerful spell. A moment later a familiar figure soared toward Harry. He mounted swiftly and was instantly airborne.

“Brilliant!”

I had to agree with Ron, the idea was utterly brilliant. Whereas the other competitors tried many different charms and spells to confuse and fight the dragon, Harry performed one spell and was able to dodge, thwart and avoid the beast, taking the competition to a new height.

With strategic flight patterns Harry was leading the dragon away from its eggs. It was only one occasion that he flew too close and was harmed on his shoulder, but managed to not lose his balance and lead the horntail just far away enough for him to swoop down and snatch the egg.

“YES!!!” hollered Ron.

The crowd jumped up in a raging uproar. Harry had caught the egg in record time. He wound up tied for first place and with a load of new supporters; Ron became his number one supporter after he and Harry made up after the challenge.

The entire event was an extravaganza of danger and an indulgence of adrenaline. It was exciting to watch but all the while, I couldn’t help but think that perhaps it was all too…cliché.
What were the odds that Harry would be out in yet another life threatening situation? Of course he had to fight a dragon: he was Harry Potter and he was a hero. It all seemed so…

Contrived.

*******


Someday after the first challenge, we were all seated at lunch where I was watching Harry, embarrassing as it is to admit, but he wasn’t in his usual conversation with Ron and Hermione. My brother and my best friend seemed to be bickering again, but Harry was watching something else, or well someone else.

I followed his gaze ever so slightly, and of course he was gazing at none other than Cho Chang. Again.

He’d been doing that quite often lately. When her friends started giggling again, I rolled my eyes. They nudged her here and there, teasing her until she turned around. She met his gaze and smiled bashfully, and what happened next made me drop my head into my hands.

The great Harry Potter must have forgotten all about the drink in his hand because when he smiled the smile that made my knees go weak, the liquid in his mouth leaked out all down his front. The girls laughed even harder now and Harry blushed and turned his attention back to the other two. Thankfully, it seemed I was the only outsider witness, but I wouldn’t tease him for that. Especially when he was so noble to look past my nerves around him.

But when I dropped my head into my hands it wasn’t because one of my friends made a complete fool of himself, but because that damned girl made him so damned nervous. He was becoming giddy around her. He never seemed nervous around other girls… ok I meant me. Why couldn’t it be me?

I was the one who knew him, or well was beginning to know him better than anyone. It seemed that no else could tell when he was angry and frustrated. I knew when he needed someone to go up and talk to him, cheer him up. He’d been needed a lot of that lately, and even though I came across many an opportunity to go up and speak with him and be that person for him, I cowardly walked away.

Gryffindor: yeah right.

Not caring to eat anymore, I stood and made my way out of the great hall. When I passed Cho the conversation caught my attention and I slowed down.

“Well, If Cedric doesn’t come to his senses this year, then it looks like there’s another champion who thinks he’s worthy,” a girl by the name I knew to be Marietta Edgecombe, said slyly.

“Harry Potter making a fool for our very own Cho,” someone else laughed.

“I don’t think you would mind Cho, would you? Potter seems like a respectable second place.”

Cho laughed, “Maybe…”

But I just stomped away, using all my willpower to not take my wand out on the spot, back then, my Bat Boogey Hex was getting better by the day and I was itching to try it out one someone. I should have done it. However, looking back maybe it was for the best, I may had ended up in detention and missed the last two challenges of the tournament.

Harry Potter was no sloppy second.

Merlin, did I hate that girl.

She was giving Malfoy a run for his galleons.

“Hey Ginny!” Someone called from behind me.

“Hey Ron,” I replied irritably but unwilling to let him know what I had just heard.

“Listen about what I said a few weeks ago…I’m sorry.”

“For what?” I shrugged. “You were right, I am pathetic.” He stopped walking and I turned to face him. “Look you don’t have to say anything ok? I’m just glad you fixed things up with Harry.”

“Ginny? You’re my sister.. and I love you, you know that?”

“Of course, I do.”

“Then you should know that I was being a git and didn’t mean what I said. You’re not pathetic. I know you really like Harry-”

I raised my hand. “Ron, don’t even bring it up ok? It’s weird.”

His ears turned red, and I almost laughed. “It is isn’t it?”

“Very much so. I love you too Ron.”


*****

“Will you pleeeeeease wear it?”

“Hermione, it’s not that I don’t want to, it’s that… I don’t want to.”

“Some friend you are!” Hermione dropped her outstretched arm. She had been pushing me for weeks to wear a S.P.E.W. badge. Hermione was becoming relentless with her Society for the Promotion of elfish Welfare. After what happened with Winky at the Quidditch Cup Hermione had devoted herself to giving house elves equal rights and benefits. After she’d learned that over a hundred house elves work in the kitchens of Hogwarts, tending to the cooking cleaning and maintenance of the school for no pay, she’d become practically unbearable.

“But Ginny, if only you could see the conditions in which they work!”

“Hermione, I doubt Dumbledore has them chained together and tortured. House elves like their jobs. I doubt they even want to be freed.”

“Why does everyone keep saying that!”

I rolled my eyes and looked back down to my homework.

“Dobby is loving his free life! He loves being able to work for pay and benefits.”

“Dobby?” I asked, looking back up at her. Who in the heavens was Dobby?

Hermione raised her eyebrows, “Oh. Wow. I guess… why would you know?” She was speaking to herself an took a seat next to me.

“Hermione, cut it out. Who’s Dobby?”

“He’s this really sweet house elf who saved Harry’s life his second year.”

I blinked a few times, waiting for her to laugh and say she was joking. She didn’t. “When did a house elf save Harry life?”

“Well, he tried to save Harry’s life anyway. Dobby was the Malfoy’s house elf, they treated him most awfully.” Well, that I believed. “He found out about their plans to release the diary two years ago and he warned Harry. He even blocked the wall to Platform 9 ¾ so that he wouldn’t be able to go to school.”

I was blinking again.

“I suppose a lot of what he did landed Harry in trouble. OH! He’s the one who set the rogue bludger after him in the quidditch game that year, so that Harry would be sent home. He really loves Harry, he’s practically obsessed! But that’s because Harry tricked Lucius Malfoy into freeing Dobby, you know, as a thank you.”

Still blinking.

“Dobby was incredible happy. It changed his life, and now I want that for all the house elves.”

“Hermione, if I wear the badge will you stop talking?”

“Yes.”

“Give it.” I pinned the badge to my school robes and Hermione smiled brightly. Without a word, she scooped up her school things and walked out of the common room.

Looking back down to my homework, I couldn't help but think that I really wanted to meet this Dobby. He sounded like a hoot. It was just a shame that if it weren’t for Hermione, I’d never know anything about anything at all.


The year grew on as I watched my one heart’s desire fall for this girl who wasn’t worthy if she thought of him as a sloppy second. It was maddening, but I just couldn’t bring myself to tell anyone, not when he looked so happy around her.


When notice went up that there was a Yule Ball to be held the 25 of December the school positively buzzed with excitement. My first reaction was utter disappointment.

Since I was only a third year, the only way I could attend was if someone in their fourth year or higher invited me to go with them. There was only one person I could think of that would fit the bill. Well, only one person who I wanted to go with anyway. So I let myself hope. I let myself hope with every fiber in my being that Harry would ask me.

I didn’t even envy all the Beauxbatons girls who had every guy’s attention on them. I didn’t care about any other guy, just Harry.

But he seemed to be having as much trouble finding a date as I was hoping he’d ask me. It really was a stupid situation. If I had any courage at all, I would have just told him we should go together because it would benefit both of us. It just made sense. He’d have a date without out all the pressure and I’d be able to go to the ball in the first place.

The Yule Ball was coming closer and I wanted to attend so badly I was driving myself mad. Hermione took notice.

She told me Neville had asked her, but she had to recline.

“Neville? Really? He got the courage to ask you?” I asked in disbelief.

“Well of course he just wanted to go with a friend, you know, take some of the pressure off, but he barely got the words out!” she smiled, “I had to turn him down though.”

My eyes widened, “You had to? You’re not telling me you already have a date?”

She blushed and looked away; we were seated on my bed in the third year dormitory.

“Hermione Granger! Are you saying that my brother finally did something right?”

The small blush grew bigger but her face fell, “No, Ginny, no not Ron.”

“Oh.” I felt so guilty. “I’m sorry, then…um… who is it?”

“Victor Krum.”

My jaw dropped. “No, way! Hermione I am so happy for you!”

“And you, Ginny? Don’t you have a date yet?”

I looked down at my sheets, “No, I don’t. No one has asked me.”

“No one? Or just not Harry?”

I bit my lip, not wanting to answer.

“Ginny, if you don’t say yes to someone you won’t be able to go.”

Those were the words that resonated in my head on my way to the Great Hall for breakfast the next morning. There were plenty of other boys who I could go with, perhaps Dean Thomas? I’d always thought he was rather attractive…

“Err-um...Hi, Ginny.”

I was shaken out of my thoughts and found a red-face Neville Longbottom staring down at me.

“Hi, Neville!” I replied brightly.

We were standing outside the great Hall just out of earshot from the rest of the students bustling in. “H-how are you?”

“Bit peaky this morning, I was up all night working on a report for Snape on the difference between befuddlement draughts and-”

“Will you go to the ball with me?”

I should have seen it coming, but I honestly hadn’t. It looked like Neville had used up about everything in him to ask. But hey, my brother hadn’t gotten up the courage to ask one girl, let alone two.

I only hesitated a moment, imagining the opportunity to go with Harry diminishing but then again, it was unlikely anyway. And I really wanted to go to the ball. And Neville as a good friend…

‘Ginny, if you don’t say yes to someone you won’t be able to go.’

The pros undoubtedly outweighed the cons. “Sure Neville, I’d love to.”

His smile was more rewarding than anything I could have hoped for.

“Well isn’t this cute,” said a nasty voice. “Longbottom and Weaslette going to the ball together.”

“Go away Malfoy,” I said to him. Was Draco just waiting around looking for opportunities like this?

Draco smirked and look at Neville, who was doing his best to look indifferent. He didn’t look that convincing. I’d never understand why Neville let Malfoy get to him so. Neville’s insecurities only fed Draco’s bullying and it was a rough cycle.

“What Longbottom, can’t do better than a Weasley?” Malfoy’s loons laughed behind him. “On second thought, maybe it’s a perfect match, not sure who's the one slumming it!”

“Come on Neville,” I said motioning to the hall.

“Oh wait, Weasley what is that you have on your robe there?”

I tried to walk away but Malfoy grabbed the back of my robe and pulled me back. I almost lost my balance but Neville caught my arm and steadied me. “Hey! Dont’ touch her!” yelled Neville standing up to Malfoy.

“Oh I wouldn’t dream of touch that, Longbottom. It’s revolting. I just noticed she’s wearing one of those ridiculous pins Granger’s been running around with- what is it? Stupid Project for Elf Worthlessness?”

I clenched my fists and scowled. “I’m surprised to hear you say that. From what I hear, you relied heavily on your house elf, and apparently he was relieved to be rid of the task of constantly cleaning your soiled trousers.”

“That’s revolting Malfoy,” added Neville.

Malfoys cronies were giggling behind him and with a glare Draco marched off.

Neville and I grinned at each other. Turned out we made a pretty good team.


Later that evening, I was on my way back to the common room with Lavender Brown and a few others when we saw Ron’s attempt at asking Fleur Delacour to the Ball, it was rather a peculiar sight. He was literally green and she seemed frightened. A crowd was starting to form and suddenly Ron ran for it, and I ran after him. I felt bad for him, sure he was an idiot but Fleur didn’t have to stick her nose up so much.

“Oh it’s alright,” I said to my brother once we were both up in the the common room. “With all that’s going on, no one will remember this by tomorrow.”

Ron groaned.

“What’s up, Ron?”(GOF page 398)  said Harry, entering the scene.


“Why did I do it?” Ron wailed, “I don’t know what made me do it!”

“What?”

“He-er-just asked Fleur Delacour to go to the ball with him.” I tried not to laugh, and just patted my brother on the arm sympathetically.

“You what?” Harry gasped.

“I don’t know what made me do it! What was i playing at? There were people- all around- I’ve gone mad - everyone watching! I was just walking past her in the entrance hall- she was standing there talking to Diggory- and it sort of came over me - and I asked her!” Ron dropped his head into his hands. “She looked at me like I was a sea slug or something. Didn’t even answer. And then- i dunno - i just sort of came to my senses and ran for it.” (GOF page 399)

The next part of this story I remember as though it happened only an hour ago.

“She’s part veela,” Said Harry. “You were right-her grandmother was one. It wasn’t your fault, I bet you just walked past when she was turning on the old charm Diggory and got a blast of it- but she was wasting her time. He’s going with Cho Chang.”

Hmm… so she got her first choice then.

Ron looked up at Harry in question, “I asked her to go with me just now,” He said sadly, “And she told me.”

I stopped smiling.

“This is mad,” Ron began. “We’re the only ones left who haven’t got anyone- well except Neville. Hey - guess who he asked, Hermione!”

“What?” Harry’s jaw dropped this time.

“Yeah, I know!” Ron shook his head, “He told me after potions! Said she’s been really nice, helping him out with work and suff- but she told him she was already going with someone.
Ha! As if! She just didn’t want to go with Neville…I mean who would?”


I became furious as they started to laugh. “Don’t! Don’t laugh-”

Hermione decided to waltz in just then. My anger was flaring when she asked, “Why weren’t you two at dinner?”

“Because,” I started but the boys were still laughing, “Oh shut up laughing, you two- because they’ve both just been turned down by girls they asked to the ball!” That shut them up.

“Thanks a bunch Ginny,”(GOF page 400) my brother said sourly.

“All the good-looking ones taken, Ron? Eloise Midgen starting to look quite pretty now, is she? Well I’m sure you’ll find someone somewhere who’ll have you.”

Ron looked up at her thoughtfully, “Hermione, Neville’s right- you are a girl..”

My mouth fell open and Harry grimaced. “Oh well spotted,” Hermione said acidly.

“Well- you can come with one of us!”

“No I can’t,” She snapped. I suddenly realized that this conversation had long ago taken a turn for the worse.

“Oh come on,” Ron urged. “We need partners, were’ going to look really stupid if we haven’t got any, everyone else has…”

“I can’t come with you, because I’m already going with someone,” Hermione’s blush told me a story that the boys would never truly understand. The poor girl wanted to go with my brother… and it was now too late.

“No, you’re not! You just said that to get rid of Neville!” if one more person said something else about poor Neville, I was going to draw my wand.

“Oh did I?” Harry and I took a step back at the same time. Hermione was looking at Ron so dangerously I could almost feel the heat. “Just because it’s taken you three years to notice, Ron, doesn’t mean no one else has spotted I’m a girl.”

Ron grinned. HE GRINNED. He wasn’t taking her seriously. Merlin. He was so blind when it came to Hermione. So ridiculously blind!

“Okay, okay, we know you’re a girl, that do? will you come now?” His eyes beamed. I shook my head, as if this couldn’t get any worse.

Oh it did get worse, much, much worse.

“I’ve already told you, I’m going with someone else!” and with that she stomped away leaving Harry Ron and I alone.

“She’s lying,” said Ron after an awkward silence.

“She’s not,” I said softly.

“Who is it then?” (GOF page 401) Ron was suddenly very interested in Hermione’s social life.

“I’m not telling you, it’s her business.”

“Right.” Ron sighed. “Well, then this is getting stupid. Ginny, you can go with Harry…” in that moment Harry looked up at me, and our eyes locked.

And there it was, my perfect chance, I pictured it in my mind, dancing all night with him, laughing, smiling, magical. Harry looked as though the idea finally hit: the perfect plan. He opened his mouth hopefully, but that’s when reality hit.

“I can’t,” I said blushing softly looking away. “I’m going with- Neville. He asked me when Hermione said no.” I babbled on a bit more, giving some lame explanation can hardly remember now. “I think I’ll go have dinner,” i said miserably. Not that I regretted saying yes to Neville….but I regretted saying yes to Neville. Had he only waited a few more hours I’d be….going to the ball with Harry.

I left the common room hearing Ron say, “What’s gotten into them two?”

What had gotten into us? If Hermione didn’t kill my brother I would. Those two boys ugh! They were the most frustrating ever! The two girls that had been pining away for them for years gave them the perfect chance and it was too late. Now they decide to notice? Now they decide to do something about it.

It was too late, for Hermione and for me. I barely ate anything and felt guilty when Neville arrive for dinner looking so cheerful he could burst.

When I knocked on Hermione's door a bit later she opened her dormitory as though she was expecting me. “Ron is the thickest person I have ever known Hermione, don’t take it personally,” I said plopping onto her bed in a blob.

“I don’t honestly, I don’t,” she said, “He just… he just-”

“I know,” I said when I saw tears spring to her eyes.


She shook her head and focused on me. “I’m sorry by the way.”

“What?” I asked, my voice muffled through the pillow I had stuffed my face onto.

“I hid to hear how the conversation would end. I’m sorry about Harry.”

I really did feel pathetic then. “There’s nothing we can do now.”

“Have you ever thought, maybe, that Harry wasn’t the one for you? That maybe you shouldn’t hold onto him so tight?”

“What? Like give up?” I asked incredulously.

Hermione smiled softly, “It’s been three years Ginny.”

“Eight.” I muttered.

“What?”

“Never mind.”

“Maybe if you just learn to relax around him, let him get to know you better. Date other boys. You want it so much but nothing’s happening, you need to let it happen.”

“You really are serious about this?” I said through the knot in my throat clogged
With threatening tears.

“Yes, Ginny I am.”

“Well then what do we do now?”

Hermione threw herself onto the pillows beside me, “Wallow.”

“And in the morning it never happened?”

“Never.”


“Happy Christmas to us.”

It hurt worse than I could have imagined, letting go of Harry wasn’t easy, if it were, then I wouldn’t have been feeling to crummy and miserbally hating myself on my friend’s bed. He couldn’t see the real me, because I didn’t let him. I was scared and nervous and now I had lost my chance. He was the most amazing person I knew, gorgeous, sweet, caring and more loyal than anyone could ever be. Of course he wouldn’t like me.

I was just Ginny Weasley.

But I was Gin.

Why couldn’t that be enough?

That Christmas, despite what Hermione said, despite what I knew I had to do, I wished it would have been Harry I went to the ball with. Because sometimes daydreams are better than reality.
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