|SIYE Time:1:54 on 17th January 2018|
Memoirs of a Red Headed Witch
By My Wicked Quill
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Category: Pre-OotP, Post-OotP, Post-HBP, Post-Hogwarts, Post-DH/AB
Genres: Action/Adventure, Comedy, Humor, Romance, Songfic
Warnings: Mild Language, Mild Sexual Situations, Violence
Summary: Ginny Weasley was always overlooked. Always the youngest, always the smallest, and was never really given the chance to let her voice be heard. But sometimes the best insight comes from those who were always in the background. Her story of redemption, loyalty and love, proves that she was never just the Weasley brothers' little sister.
Hitcount: Story Total: 96333; Chapter Total: 5047
Awards: View Trophy Room
Based on JK Rowling's Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, Here's the next chapter!!!
"Wait, I'm wrong
Should have done better than this
Please, I'll be strong
I'm finding it hard to resist
So show me what I'm looking for
Save me, I'm lost
Oh lord, I've been waiting for you
I'll pay any cost
Save me from being confused
Don’t let go
I’ve wanted this for too long
Mistakes become regrets,
I’ve learned to love abuse," Show Me What I'm looking for-Carolina Liar
I've seen him angry- trust me, it's not a sight you want to witness on a daily basis. I've also seen him hurt, wounded in a way that would send anyone into a right fit of pain and they wouldn't even try to hide it. But of course, he always puts on his brave face and acts as though it was but a scratch because everyone had to worry about everything but him. It was most likely do to growing up without anyone there to take care of him.
I've seen him happy, truly happy, but those moments come later. Moments where his eyes shine and he can truly breathe.
But I've also seen him at rock bottom, where he feels so alone no matter how many times we try to convince him otherwise. I've watched as he shut out the world. And Merlin help me, I will never allow that to happen again.
It started the summer before my fourth year; it was one of the scariest times of my life. The Dark Lord had returned at the end of the previous year and my family being blood traitors went into hiding. Of course at that time no one from the wizarding public believed Voldemort was alive and it seemed as though it finally happened:
The Wizarding World finally turned its back on Harry and Dumbledore.
Fools, every last one of them.
It seemed that no one could believe Harry's story. No one wanted to believe that the Triwizard Cup had been bewitched into a portkey during the third task. No one wanted to believe that when Harry had touched the cup he had been transported to the graveyard located at the home of Tom Riddle. No one wanted to believe that the recent attacks like the ambush at the Quidditch World Cup had all been signs, warnings and omens that the Death Eaters had rekindled their old fire to bring back their old leader.
No, no one wanted to believe that Harry had once again slipped from the grasps of You-Know-Who.
Everyone was content to think that Cedric Diggory fell dead on his own accord. Everyone was content to believe that the Dark Lord could never be back.
After all, ignorance is bliss, is it not?
But anyway, that was the summer I spent at 12 Grimmuald Place; the summer I discovered the Order of the Phoenix, a group of witches and wizards led by Dumbledore that fought on the light side in the first war, and worked apart from the ministry as an underground organization; the summer I met Sirius Black.
And I'd be lying if I told you it was easy. For all my life I knew Sirius Black to be a mass murderer, a dangerous, dark wizard that would forever be incarcerated in Azkaban. When I was twelve, I learned that he had also betrayed his two best friends, Lily and James Potter, to the Dark Lord; I learned that he was the one to be blamed for Harry being an orphan.
So when I was fourteen and discovered that not only had he been framed by another old friend, Peter Pettigrew, but that Harry, Ron and Hermione, had a major role in his quest for freedom, and Pettigrew's escape from the dementors and justice, I was utterly baffled.
Merlin, I remember that conversation well…
"Me too," my admission was followed by silence. "Hermione?”
"How is this possible? How could this happen?"
Hermione didn't reply for a few still beats. "I...don't know."
That was a first.
It had been several hours since the third task and all the students had been ordered to go to bed. Harry still hadn't returned after being taken away, and Ron, Hermione and I hadn't been able to see, nor speak with him. Hermione and I, we were hiding away in her bed, as all the other Gryffindors were sitting in huddles down in the common room.
I still hadn't taken the sleeping drought that Dumbledore had given me, but I still didn't want to be around people, and I knew Hermione didn't either. Ron had left us for a while, swearing that no matter what it took he was going to get some answers. I told him it was hopeless.
Tom was back. I knew he was. I could feel it. I could feel him. He was the shiver in my spine, the goose bumps at the back of my neck, the pit in my stomach. He was alive. The only question was, how?
Dumbledore gave me no clarification other than black magic, and that death eater- Croung Jr was involved. I didn't have much more information and Ron was not satisfied.
"You really have no, tiny inkling-"
"I said, I don't know, Ginny," she replied rather curtly. I turned my face to hers, our bodies were covered by the white sheet like children pretending to be ghosts or playing hide and seek under the covers. Only, the funny part was I had never felt less like a child.
I knew the more questions I asked, the more frustrated she would become, (Hermione hated not knowing the answers to things) but I was so desperate for the truth! Any truth, that I couldn't help but ask something more.
"What does Peter Pettigrew have to do with Tom returning?"
Hermione's head snapped up, "Excuse me?"
"Peter Pettigrew. I know he is the one who was murdered by Sirius Black, one of Lupin's and Harry's parents' old friends. But I don't see why he'd be related to this in any way. He's been dead for thirteen years." I hadn't asked Dumbledore due to the fact that I would have gotten in trouble for eavesdropping.
Hermione winced at the mention of Sirius Black, and was biting her lip suspiciously.
"What do you know, Hermione?"
"The better question is what do you know? Why are you bringing this up? What even gave you the idea that Pettigrew is in some way involved?"
"That's just it, isn't it? He couldn't be involved-"
Hermione waved my next sentence away, "Where did you get this idea from?"
"Harry. He was frantic...obviously and he didn't stop....screaming...when he appeared with the body and the cup... even as Dumbledore took him away. Harry mentioned something about Peter Pettigrew; no one else seemed to be paying attention to him though. They were focusing on Cedric. But Dumbledore-Dumbledore told him to calm down and to be careful of what he said."
"Wait, wait, wait!" Hermione said quickly. "How did you even hear that? We were up in the stands! They wouldn't let us anywhere near enough to hear anything but screams!"
It was my turn to hold back and bite my lip suspiciously, "It's this new spell Fred and George are working on. They are creating a new product called 'Extendable Ears' and I just used the simple charm behind their idea. It doesn't work that well, so I could only hear a few select things, but I'm positive I heard the name 'Peter Pettigrew'."
"I've never heard of such a spell-"
"Hermione!" I snapped. "Please. Tell me what you know."
She struggled for a bit, but finally determination set in her eyes and she looked me dead on, "There's something we haven't told you, something Harry, Ron and I haven't told anyone... except Dumbledore."
I wasn't really surprised that they would have a secret, but I was shocked that I was going to be the first to hear a secret that absolutely no one else knew. "Figures."
"Sirius Black is innocent."
I almost laughed. INNOCENT? That man killed his best friend!
But I didn't get a chance to reply.
She told me a tale about my brother, Harry and herself ending up in the Shrieking Shack, with the notorious Sirius Black, the apparent werewolf, Remus Lupin, the supposed dead, Peter Pettigrew (who until that time was pretending to be Scabbers, my brother's old rat) and the slimy Severus Snape.
Rather mixed company, I would say.
However, I was in such a state of shock I couldn't find anything to say. Apparently, Peter Pettigrew framed Sirius Black. He went as far as cutting off his own finger to successfully land the man in Azkaban. The truth came out in that Shrieking Shack and, unfortunately Peter Pettigrew escaped. He slipped through their fingers like a cloud of smoke.
Sirius ended up captured by the dementors that were guarding the school, and determined to rescue him, Harry and Hermione used a time turner to actaully travel in time, to fix all they could.
Saving Sirius' life, and Hagrid's Hippogriff, Buckbeak.
"I don't think I can take anymore," I said rubbing my forehead thoroughly confused. There was this whole other adventure that I would have never known... a whole history between Harry and his godfather, Sirius, as well as Ron and Hermione, had passed without even a whisper of rumor or speculation.
I felt like an idiot, a stranger, an outcast. "Look, I know it sounds insane, but the point is, Pettigrew is out there somewhere, and Sirius is the innocent victim in this mess. Pettigrew was working for Voldemort before he betrayed Harry's parents and went into hiding as your brother's rat. If Harry mentioned something about Pettigrew, it probably means that he went back to serve the Dark Lord."
The Dark Lord. The Dark Lord had risen....
"I just can't..." my head was spinning; it was just too much information, too many things to think about.
"How could...how can...everything I thought was true..." I stopped and took a deep breath as I pulled the blanket off my head. I needed to collect myself. The fact that Tom was back, that he could get to me again...that he was back at all...."I just can't believe this is happening." I needed to get a grip on reality. I needed to hold my chin up and I couldn't be afraid. I couldn't let Tom get to me again, not ever.
"I can't either."
Fred, George and I instantly grew a liking to him. Sirius and I became close that summer, seeing that everyone else seemed to have someone to talk to about the things that I was "too young" to know about, Sirius would seek me out and asked me all sorts of questions about Harry.
"The only full proof way to gage his moods is to read his eyes- he's become quite the actor over the years. But you can tell through his eyes what he really thinks or feels," I told him one evening while we sat by the fireplace as the rest of the house got ready for dinner.
"You reckon Ron and Hermione know that?" he asked in an offhandedly.
I scoffed, "Please, if they did then they wouldn't argue as much as they do."
"So that's something about Harry that only you are aware of?" there was a playful tease to his voice, as well as in his eyes. I froze.
He thought…well you know what he thought. I swallowed, and blinked. "And now you."
"And now me."
We stayed silent for a moment; I was trying desperately to conceal my blush. I should have seen that coming, I walked right into his trap.
"Well, I guess there's just something about Potters and red heads…"
"I…I no! Sirius, Harry and I… we're not…I'm seeing someone!" I stammered, blurting the last part out. The sly smirk on his face…it was so…juvenile. If I hadn't known better I would have thought Sirius thought he was still a teenager.
"Ahh…I see," he nodded, it may have been my imagination but I swear I remember a slight bit of disappointment in his voice.
I had to keep a strong exposure, staying true to what Hermione said; it would be harder if everyone still expected me to be fawning over Harry. And this was his godfather, not to mention an original Marauder, something Fred and George never failed to mention at least three times a day.
"It's just- the way you spoke about him…I figured there was something there."
I didn't take my eyes off of my hands resting on my lap; it was hard enough without having to look him in the eye.
"Tell me if I'm wrong Ginny."
I sighed; he would figure it out anyway, the moment Harry got there. I could say I was over him until I was blue in the face but apparently I couldn't help the longing in my eyes.
"Unrequited love is a simple story, not much else to say."
"Oh," was all he said as he put a hand on my shoulder. "He's young Red, and he has much more on his mind than any other teenage boy, give him time."
"I know, and I know he doesn't deserve any of this, and if given the chance I would wait for him forever, but I honestly don't think it's ever going to happen anymore."
I looked up when Sirius didn't answer; he was looking at me as though I surprised him. I shoved him a bit. "You wanted the truth, just being honest."
He laughed, "It's just, that's the exact same thing James told me about Lily in our sixth year," his grey eyes glazed over a bit, and I knew he was somewhere long ago.
I remember smiling at those words, still not sure what he meant by them, now, it seems obvious.
"Not a word about this to anyone you hear? Especially my brothers." I pulled him back out of his reverie.
"I've seen what you can do with that wand; I'd be a fool to cross you."
"Too right you are."
That was the night we got the message that Harry had been expelled from Hogwarts, but that Dumbledore was already working on his case. The house went into a right frenzy. The entire Order of the Phoenix was running about getting ready to go pick up Harry, my brother's voices were heard all around and not without at least one swear in each sentence. Hermione and my mother I remember were crying, out of fear and downright rage but that didn't stop them from bustling everyone into order and getting his room ready.
I sat in an armchair away from the noise with my resolve. If Harry wasn't going back to school, well then neither was I. And Merlin help anyone who tried to stop me.
When Harry did arrive, I caught the first glance at what was to come. There was no expression in his eyes, he was too thin, and he didn't seem too pleased with the fact that neither Ron nor Hermione had written to him that summer. Not that I was surprised, it was rude to leave him out in the cold for six weeks when he'd been a wreck.
My greeting was bright as it could be, trying to get some kind of cheer out of him, "Oh hello Harry, it thought I heard your voice." I turned to Fred and George who were already seated around the trio, holding an extendable ear, seeming ready to listen for information on the Order again. "It's no go with the Extendable Ears, she out an Imperturbable charm on the kitchen door."
Typical Molly Weasley not letting her children now what was going on with the world.
That night we sat and caught Harry up on everything we knew, but mostly I was just looking for changes in his features, another summer, another change. Of course one that made him only more handsome.
When we reached the subject of Voldemort, things started getting ugly, Harry finding out that the Ministry thought of him as a joke didn't fair very well.
And when he went off on his rampage, I was the one who could stop him; it seemed no one else knew how. "We know Harry," he had to understand that we were there for him; that the people in that room stood beside him, we weren't the enemy. No matter how hard he could try to make us think he really was all alone, I seemed to be the only one to have the nerve to make him see otherwise.
My mother interrupted shortly thereafter sending me off on a chore before dinner, I was always sent away! However this time it was worth it, because when I came out of the bathroom, I got to witness Harry's first encounter with his godfather. It had been two years since he'd seen him last and Harry's eyes practically danced; I hid in the doorway not wanting to ruin the moment, but I saw that Sirius knew I was there. When he swept Harry into a manly bone-crushing hug he met my eyes, and I smiled. He'd apparently noticed Harry's eyes.
Dinner started as usual, everyone sitting around the table, Tonks- an order member I'd grown fond of- was making faces and the only difference was we all seemed to relax more, it was always better when Harry was in sight. Still, it wasn't too much longer before the argument broke out. My mother was desperately trying to keep Harry out of the Order's business- she wanted him oblivious- while Sirius and a few others disagreed. It got rather heated, and Sirius seemed as though he was about to start steaming.
"Very well," My mother caved, her lower lip still trembling. My insides were soaring; I was about to actually hear the information I so desperately wanted to know. "Ginny-Hermione-Ron-Fred-George- I want you out of this kitchen, now." She finished.
My mouth dropped.
"We're of age!" Fred and George bellowed together.
"If Harry's allowed why can't I?" shouted Ron.
"Mum, I want to!" I wailed; there was no way I was going to be chewed out again.
"NO!" she shouted, "I absolutely forbid-"
"You can't stop Fred and George, they are of age," my father intervened.
"Fine, Fred and George can stay but Ron-"
"Harry'll tell me and Hermione everything you say anyway!" he turned to Harry, "Won't you?"
"Course I will," Harry replied.
"FINE! Ginny- BED!"
Oh, I did not take that lightly.
"YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!"
"DON'T YOU DARE USE THAT TONE WITH ME YOUNG LADY!"
"OH RIGHT BECAUSE, IT'S ALRIGHT FOR YOU TO TELL ME THAT GIRLS MATURE FASTER THAN BOYS WHEN IT'S CONVEINIENT TO GET ME TO SHUT UP, BUT YOU GO ON AND LET THEM LOT IN ON WHAT EVER IS GOING ON, BUT NOT ME! IT'S NOT FAIR MUM!" I took a deep breath, but didn't drop my mother's glare. She pointed out of the room with such force that I had no choice but to leave as she followed me out to make sure I got to my room.
I heard a few chuckles behind me, but what I distinctly heard was Sirius' voice, "I told her she reminded me of Lily."
"Don't you even think about coming down and listening!"
"I think I have a right to know!"
"You are a fourteen year old girl; it's no business to you!"
"YEAH A FOURTEEN YEAR OLD GIRL WHO HAS SEEN MUCH MORE THAN ANY OTHER TEENAGE GIRL EVEN OLDER THAN ME!" I was so frustrated that I didn't even care that everyone in the kitchen could hear us bickering all up the stairs.
I slammed my door before she could say anything else, and went and plopped myself on my bad to await Hermione's return. I'd get her to tell me everything. I was glad that Harry got his time- his explanation whatever it was- but the injustice of the situation was ridiculous. When would they understand that I wasn't just a little girl?
Harry was allowed back at Hogwarts, thankfully, but things were getting tense. There was very little talk over the last few weeks at Grimmuald place and I wasn't the only one to notice. The morning we were leaving for King's Cross Station, we said our goodbyes to Sirius; he gave me an extra squeeze and whispered in my ear,
"Take care of him, even when others can't or don't know how, I know you can."
"I promise." Whenever I thought of those words I would laugh, I had been making that promise over and over ever since I was five it seemed.
On the train Ron and Hermione left us for their Prefect duties, and so I found time to spend with Harry, and now that my nervousness around him ceased, I could really just be there for him as a friend. Unfortunately, however, the nervousness had turned into secret longing.
"Come on," I said, "If we get a move on we'll be able to save them places."
Harry quietly nodded, "Right."
I didn't say anything else, what was I supposed to say to a mood like that? I would have to think of something. Unfortunately, every compartment seemed to be full, save for the last one. We met Neville Longbottom at the last carriage, holding Trevor and looking a bit unsure.
"Hi, Harry. Hi, Ginny...Every where's full...I can't find a seat..."
I looked into the compartment he was standing before, Luna was the only one seated there reading the most current Quibbler Edition. Figured. Everyone was always avoiding Luna, her nickname 'Looney Lovegood' was more popular than her actually name. It truly was a shame.
Well, they were about to see how great she really was. "What are you talking about?" I asked, squeezing passed Neville, "There's room in this one, there's only Looney Lovegood in here." I usually abstained from using the name but they probably didn't even know her by her real name.
"I didn't really want to disturb..." mumbled Neville.
Harry, for his part, just seemed thoroughly confused.
"Don't be silly, she's all right," I replied opening the compartment door. "Hi, Luna. Is it okay if we take these seats?"
She looked up, smiled and nodded. "Thanks," I said. The boys were obviously uncomfortable as they settled in. It was rather funny; Luna didn't seem to think anything was out of the ordinary at all. "Had a good summer, Luna?"
"Yes," she dreamily replied. "Yes, it was quite enjoyable, you know." Without break face she turned to Harry, "You're Harry Potter."
I had to hide a smile, hoping that Harry's reaction wouldn't be one of spite and biting sarcasm.
"I know I am," he said.
Well so much for that.
Neville chuckled, catching Luna's attention, "And I don't know who you are."
"I'm nobody," said Neville hurriedly.
Before I made to introduced Neville, I caught eyes with Harry. In that one quick moment I could have sworn I saw his smile. But it vanished just as quickly. Maybe Harry wasn't completely hopeless.
Or maybe it was just wishful thinking. Either way, sitting there with the three of them, I knew something was coming. Something big was about to change everything.
"I'm glad you didn't get expelled Harry. My father and I knew Dumbledore wouldn't allow it, we didn't think our readers would like to find out that Harry Potter didn't finish his education. It's really important you know," Luna's dreamy voice said, and I smiled that may have been the least odd thing I had ever hear her say.
Harry leaned over to me and whispered, "Readers?" Luna had gone back to her magazine, "And she's not holding that upside own is she?"
"Yes she is. It's how she reads it, The Quibbler, the magazine her father publishes."
"Oh," he said still seeming confused..
"It's more like a tabloid, rather fun to read, you'll find yourself as the main topic pretty often."
"Wonderful," he groaned sitting back in his seat.
I let out a small quiet laugh, "You'd be surprised, the articles are far more truthful than anything The Prophet could imagine writing."
He looked over at me thoughtfully for a moment, and then gazed out the window.
The rest of the train ride was an interesting one. Ron and Hermione joined us soon after Harry, Neville and I had begun swapping frog cards. Luna was extremely entertaining, and conversation flowed easily enough. It was even worth the visit from Malfoy; Harry and Hermione were getting better at putting him in his place, let me tell you that.
Thinking back on that moment, the first moment the six of us were together, I feel somewhat nostalgic. If we knew then, what we know now, maybe we would have appreciated each other more. Together, the six of us, in that one train compartment, were heading towards a destiny bigger then ourselves.
Harry started drifting away from us at school; he would only spend time with Ron, Hermione and I when it was absolutely necessary. It was like watching a ghost, only Harry was much more alive than Nearly Headless Nick, but it was hard to see him so sad.
The whispers of the students were enough to make me want to curse someone terribly. He closed himself off but acted as though nothing was different. Everyone could see it; I could see it clear as day. No one tried to do anything! Ron and Hermione paid no vigil, no attention, they ignored it and I just knew they were hoping it would just blow over.
He would still smile at Cho, he would study, he would eat, he would answer his letters to Sirius, but he was hallow. There was no feel to anything he did.
He got angry and frustrated very easily, and if I didn't know him any better I would have been frightened.
Of course I blamed most of Harry's bottled up anger at Umbridge who would always find a way to enrage the fire building inside him.
Dolores Umbridge. Well if there ever was a woman deserving a spot on my enigma list, right after Cho and Romilda, it was Dolores Umbridge. And then of course, Rita Skeeter and Bellatrix Lestrange. But we haven't gotten to them yet.
Inside her pink, puffy and bloated exterior was an evil soul. Umbridge was cruel and hideous, and at the time I only had a feeling she was working for the Death Eaters. She was appointed the new Defense Against the Dark Arts Teacher that year, and she somehow managed to become the shortest dictator Hogwarts had ever seen.
But things started looking up again when the D.A. formed. Getting it started was an affair all on its own, but with Umbridge teaching- or well not teaching- it was the best idea Hermione ever had. Getting the people at the Hog's Head convinced that Harry would be the best teacher wasn't hard at all. There was excitement naturally, and for the first time all year everyone put all their distrust in Harry aside, and started treating him as they had before. With unconditional faith.
At the end of that first meeting I watched as Harry, Ron and Hermione walked down the street together; Harry was actually smiling. Just like he did a few minutes before when I made a joke. I had never thought I'd be able to make a joke in front of him yet I did. It felt so right.
"Hey, Ginny you want to go over and get a bite to eat at Madam Puddifoot's?"
"Um…" I looked over to the retreating backs of the trio, "would you mind if I got a rain check Michael?" I asked my boyfriend who was currently watching me with curious eyes, "I have to talk to Hermione."
"Yea, sure no problem." Michael shrugged and with a wave he marched away towards some Ravenclaws I recognized as his friends.
Michael Corner. That was…a milestone. My first boyfriend; my first kiss. He wasn't the most typical boyfriend, and as I think back I realize that was one of the reasons I dated him.
Michael was not clingy by any means.
I probably could have bluntly flirted with every guy that passed right in front of him and he wouldn't have noticed.
He was unconcerned, unbothered, and I know that sounds terrible, but he really could be a sweet guy…sometimes. I figure now, that I chose to date him because not only would it be a great distraction but he wouldn't have demanded my commitment, wouldn't have asked for my heart (that sounds like some over used soap opera cliché) and that was just as well, because I was still head over elbows for Harry.
Plus I hated Madam Puddifoot's. Still do.
I was about to go up to them and walk the rest of the way, but I stopped a few feet behind when I heard the conversation swiftly turn to me.
"They met at the Yule Ball and they got together at the end of the year." Hermione said, before getting distracted by a shop window. "Hmm… I could do with a new quill."
A new quill? She had just told my brother- and Harry- that I had a boyfriend. The whole purpose I hadn't told Ron- or Harry- was because I was afraid of the reaction, and she had blown it all up now. I ducked into the space between the two shops, the Hog's Head and the shop that Hermione had stopped to look through the window when I heard them speak again.
"Which one was Michael Corner?" Ron asked strictly.
"The dark one," said Hermione.
"I didn't like him," I heard Ron but they had turned into the shop, I quietly followed, they all seemed distracted enough to not notice me. Big surprise.
"Big surprise," Hermione startled me with her words.
"But, I thought Ginny fancied Harry!" Ron perused her as she looked through rows of quill and parchments; I hid behind the shelf opposite them.
"Ginny used to Fancy Harry, but she gave up on him months ago. Not that she doesn't like you, of course." She gave Harry a smile, and Harry to this point didn't seem to be listening, but at this, his head snapped up. My heart pounded to see what he had to say about this.
"So that's why she talks now? She never used to talk in front of me." I slapped my head with the palm of my hand; of course he would've thought that odd. I was hopeless!
I was about to run for it, thinking that was the last of that before I saw Hermione turn to Ron once more, "Ron, this is why Ginny hasn't told you she's seeing Michael, she knew you'd take it badly. So don't harp about it for heaven's sake!"
"What d'you mean? Who's taking anything badly? I'm not going to harp on about anything…"
They walked out of the shop, and I was ready to stay in there until they were well down the street but Hermione managed to catch my attention again, "So speaking of Ginny and Michael…what about Cho and you?" she whispered.
"What d'you mean?" he said a bit too quickly.
"Well, she just couldn't keep her eyes off you."
And they were gone. Hermione and I were going to have a chat later. A really long and possibly loud chat.
I found it funny that in only a few days time, Umbridge made a new decree. All school organizations were utterly disbanded. Any meeting of more than three students was forbidden and any student caught in a club or team that had not been a approved by her,
would be expelled.
Coincidence? I think NOT!
Did it stop us? I think NOT!
We used the Room of Requirement. Brilliant Idea really, it was a room that could only be revealed to those who needed it most, and, boy, did we need it. Umbridge wasn't teaching, so Harry would.
We arrived to the first meeting with high hopes and nervous excitement. The room was incredible; the walls were lined with wooden bookshelves with all the spells and jinxes we could ever hope to master. The room was providing us with materials and anything we could possible need to become...an army. A force to be reckoned with. It was perfect.
"This magic stuff just keeps getting better and better," said a voice from beside me.
I had been wandering around alone, checking out the text books when I turned to find Dean Thomas, Ron and Harry's roommate inspecting the place as well. He was a muggle born, so like Harry and Hermione, magic was still relatively new to him.
"It never stops," I replied.
Dean's dark eyes sparkled, "Really? Even though you've been surrounded by it your whole life?"
"Even then." I meant what I said too. It might have been something that I grew up with but it still lit my eyes with wonder when something incredible, that defied what Muggles believed to be basic, indisputable science.
Dean was surprised to hear my answer; I didn't know him well at all, but he was what seemed to be an open book. I could tell. Or, maybe…I was just that good at reading people.
"Oh, hi, Michael," I greeted my boyfriend. When I looked back to introduce him to Dean...Dean was already gone. It didn't matter, however, because we were going to start. Everyone took a seat on the cushions the room provided.
"Are you excited?" I casually asked Michael as we settled in.
He shrugged, "I just hope we are really going to be learning valuable information, and not just rallying together to complain about Professor Umbridge and discuss the possibility of You-Know-Who returning."
I rolled my eyes, "How many times do I have to tell you that it is not a possibility, it's true."
"Do you have any proof of that?"
"Other than Harry Potter's word?"
I couldn't exactly tell him that I wasn't running on just Harry's word, but the Order of the Phoenix's insight as well as my own deep seeded feelings. I just sensed him. I knew he was back. Tom was no longer in me, but he still left an impression that would never go away. So since I was not allowed to give him anything he would consider proof, I just said, "No. But Harry's word is enough."
"Okay, everyone, I suppose it's time to get started.
Hermione's first order of business was to elect a leader, which confused most, as it was already unspokenably agreed that Harry was our leader. He one by a landslide.
"We also need a name," she said.
That was true. I've already mentioned our name, but at our fist meeting it was yet to be decided. Angelina Johnson, the Gryffindor Quidditch captain, suggested the Anti-Umbridge League. I liked it but...it wasn't a strong enough name.
"I've got it!" said Fred, "The Ministry of Magic Are Morons Group."
That was shot down too. "We need something that can be discussed outside this room, but won't cause much attention," added Hermione.
"I've got one," chimed Cho Chang, "The Defense Association. D.A. for short."
I had to admit that was good. But still not good enough. We needed soemthing that would forever go down in history, a name that stood for change. Something symbolic. Something...grand. We were the rebellion, and there was one person I knew who was at the head of such a rebellion. (And I swear the next words out of my mouth were not because I had a minor animosity towards Cho Chang)
"Yeah, the D.A. is good. Only let's make it stand for Dumbledore's Army because that's the Ministry's worst fear, isn't it?" (392)
The reaction was exactly what I was going for.
Dumbledore's Army was set into motion.
Soon after tragedy struck again, this time with my father. Things had been so great, Harry had said that when everyone came back from Holiday Break we'd actually work on patronuses. He was finding himself, only to lose himself again in the worst way.
Being whisked out of your dormitory in the middle of an extremely cold night was never a good sign, especially when you take some kind of part in Harry Potter's life. McGonagall was trying to comfort me on the way to the headmaster's office, which worried me even more, but she wouldn't tell me what was wrong. Only that my father had been injured.
I almost sighed when I saw Harry in the office, he would tell me, or so I thought, "Harry-what's going on? McGonagall said you saw dad hurt…?"
Dumbledore was the one to speak, Harry just looked beside himself, fear, anger, helplessness, but mostly anger.
"Your father has been injured in the course of his work for the Order of the Phoenix," replied Dumbledore before Harry could. Not that Harry seemed to be in the right mind set to reply rationally, or even speak.
George beside me gasped quietly, Fred on my other side stopped breathing all together. I wanted more answers than was possible at the moment. What did Harry have to do with my father being hurt? Why was he the first to be informed? As much as I hated it, I knew it wasn't the time nor place to ask. I was going to have to listen for clues and grasp at anything I could understand.
But before anything happened, plans were made to get the lot of us to Grimmuald Place to meet my mother, and eventually my father.
Things just never got easier.
The moment we got to Sirius' house he pounced on us, "What's going on?" he asked extending a hand to help me up from our quick port key arrival.
Watching the struggle as Harry tried to explain, it reminded me of myself, trying to make sense of what Tom had done to me. "It was…I had a- a kind of- vision…"
"A vision?" asked a very concerned Sirius.
"I was sleeping and, well…It, I- I saw,"
Ron took a step forward and placed a hand on his shoulder, "Harry was dreaming, at least, that's what I thought it was, but it seems that somehow…it was really happening."
"How is that possible, Harry?" I asked.
He turned his eyes to me and I could tell what he was thinking, he was afraid that this was somehow his fault, that it made him some kind of evil. I knew this because it was how I felt for a while after the Chamber, and if I was really honest, I still felt it knowing at my conscience.
No matter what anyone told me…to some extent it was all my fault. I wrote in the diary, I told Tom all about, and no one could tell me otherwise. Sure I was twelve, sure I didn't know that Tom Riddle was really Voldemort and sure he did take control of me. But if there was one thing my father told me over the year, "Don't trust something that thinks for its self but you can't see where it keeps its brain."
Did I listen? No.
But Harry…he had some kind of connection with Voldemort. And although the lot of us wouldn't truly realize what that connection was for another two year, we knew that it wasn't good.
Not good at all.
But, I didn't think it was Harry's fault that Voldemort's snake attacked my father. It was Voldemort's and his alone. My father was in critical condition…on the brink of death, if Harry hadn't seen my father when he did, he wouldn't have been able to alert anyone in time. As it was my father was at St. Mungo's Hospital For Magical Maladies and Injuries fighting for survival, and if anyone thought I was just going to sit around and wait- they were dead wrong.
"We've got to go to St. Mungo's," I told them as I began standing up, "Sirius, can you lend us cloaks or anything?"
"Hang on, you can't go tearing off to St. Mungo's!" said Sirius.
"'Course we can go to St. Mungo's if we want," countered Fred, "he's our dad!"
I felt inclined to agree. How could we just sit around while my father… I couldn't even think of it! We were only met with refusals, but thankfully, when word from our mum arrived, informing us that dad was alright, we calmed down a bit.
Harry was the only one who, though obviously glad to hear that my father was okay, didn't seem altogether okay himself. He went to his room…and didn't come out.
His eyes were so dark, it seemed that Voldemort had dragged all the light out and left a broken piece of what Harry was becoming.
He didn't understand how grateful we were to him; Harry only saw what he wanted to see, he believed that we were accusing him of having something to do with it, just because he saw the attack take place. What he didn't understand was that if it weren't for him, my father would be dead and…I'd be dead. Yet that didn't stop him from blaming himself as though it was he who did all the terrible things he only witnessed.
Hermione, Ron and I were failing as friends to convince him otherwise. Over the break Harry would lock himself in a room and hide away from the rest of us, I knew he felt we were being too understanding; he felt that we should all hate him he felt he didn't deserve to be around us. He had it all wrong. Again.
It was when he stopped accepting food that I finally had enough, I literally had had to drag Ron and Hermione with me to get him, Hermione had just arrived after spending Christmas with her parents and when Ron told her what had been going on even Hermione was hesitant to go up and check on him. It was getting that bad.
"Ginny, why don't we just give him some time? He's been through a lot."
"Hermione, Harry is always going through a lot, is that going to stop us from stopping him drift away lonely thinking he has no one left in the world?" I grabbed her arm and pulled her up the stairs, "He hasn't been that way since the moment he found out he was a wizard, I'm not just about to let him go back there."
That seemed to shut them up and they followed me willingly. It wasn't surprisingly hard to get to him thankfully. He was stiff, and quiet.
"So how're you feeling?" asked Hermione.
"Fine," He said.
I held back a snort.
"Oh, don't lie, Harry, Ron and Ginny say you've been hiding from everyone since you got back from 's."
"Oh they do, do they?" he looked up to my brother and I who were seated on the bed opposite him, he glared, Ron dropped his eyes to the floor, but I didn't back down to took his glare straight on. He was being unreasonable.
"Well you have!" I said, "And you won't even look at any of us!"
"It's you lot who won't look at me!" Harry growled. I almost laughed.
"Oh stop feeling all misunderstood. The others have told me what's going on." Hermione said sharply. I was glad she was actually trying.
"Yeah? All been talking about me behind my back…well I'm getting used to it."
"We wanted to talk to you Harry," I told him, "but as you've been hiding ever since we got back-"
"I didn't want anyone to talk to me."
"Well, that was a bit stupid of you, seeing as you don't know anyone but me who's been possessed by You-Know-Who, and can tell you how it feels." The words we out of my mouth before I could comprehend what I was doing. I didn't regret them, as time went on I couldn't think of anything I could've said that would have worked any more efficiently. I told him he was being stupid. And he was, even if he could justify it.
I won't ever forget the look he gave me, so shocked, surprised and yet not surprised that I had just said that. Ron's eyes were wide, and Hermione was biting her lip, but I didn't tear my eyes away from Harry, our locked gaze was intense and intriguing, thoughts of what happened down in the chamber passed between us.
Then he grimaced, apologetically, "I forgot."
Those two words stung with a pain I still remember today. I understood that he was dealing with more than one person's fair share of hardships…but the fact that he could forget something that for me, was the center of my universe, something that affected me so it changed me forever, something that up to that point I had though created a special bond between us, hurt more than I thought possible.
"I'm sorry," and I could see that he meant it. "So you think I'm being possessed then?"
"Well, can you remember everything you've been doing? Are there big blank periods where you don't know what you've been up to?"
"No," he said thoughtfully.
"Then You-Know-Who hasn't ever possessed you," I said surly.
His face lightened, and by the end of that conversation I could tell he finally believed it himself.
Later on I was in an empty room on one of the higher landings, away from all the ruckus of dinner downstairs, I didn't feel like eating. I don't remember the room exactly but I was sitting on some kind of chair, and looking through old photo's I found of Sirius' family. My thoughts flew around, from Harry back to Sirius' depressing past, to my boyfriend Michael.
"What did you do?" a familiar voice came from the doorway.
I looked up, "To what?"
Sirius crossed the room and sat in the chair before me, "Well a certain green eyed boy is actually seated at the dinner table with the rest of the family, and he's eating."
I looked back down to the album before me, there was one of his mother yelling and screaming at the house elf, who looked beside himself with happiness as he raced down the stairs because he had something to do. "That's great."
"It is…but I wonder…if the reason for his sudden reappearance had to do with a certain someone."
"Did you have anyone exact in mind, because if you don't I can't help you," I met his eyes, no emotion in my face, I was far too tired to play any games.
"Why aren't you eating?"
"You should eat something,"
"You're not going to start acting like my mother now are you?" I closed the album harshly, annoyed.
"Never. But it's not like you to pass up a home cooked meal, and it's not like you to enclose yourself away to stare at pictures of horrid people." His voice was soft but accusing.
"Maybe it's just that there are too many people in this god forsaken house, and I just want to find a moment to myself!" I stood angrily, annoyed with the interrogation.
"Ginny, it's alright." He stood as well, grabbing my shoulder before I could walk away. "I'm sorry I just wanted to thank you for keeping your promise."
That was when I felt my eyes filling with sudden tears, "You don't have to thank me, I just told him he was being a git and that seemed to wake him up."
"There's more to that and you know it."
"What do you want me to say Sirius? That Harry came up to me and told me all his inner darkest secrets? That we had some kind of revelation together and we now have each other to know that everything is going to be fine?" The tears were falling now, despite my best interests. "I can't tell you that, because it wouldn't be true!"
"I'm so sorry, I never meant…it's just Harry doesn't seem to be the kind of person you can get through to easily."
"Can you blame him?" my voice was horse, and that was why I never cried, it made everything so weak. "With everything he's gone through you'd think that the storm could only get better, but it only gets worse!" I cried, and Sirius pulled me into a hug, it was loving and caring and I cried into his shoulder like I had never done with anyone before.
I was just so frustrated with my never dying feelings for Harry and my father's close call, and Voldemort's ascendancy… it was just too much all of a sudden.
"I know, I know, but we have to keep strong, we have to keep our heads up, if not for our own sake, then his."
"You're right," I said sniffing. "It's just…not fair. To him, to me, to any of us."
"Life is like that," he laughed, "Hasn't anyone ever told you?"
I pulled away, wiping my eyes. "Of course, but everyone gets a break at some point, shouldn't he get one too?"
"Hem hem." Sirius and I turned our attention to the door, yes of course it was Harry, but I didn't even have the energy to blush, whatever he heard, so be it. "Uh...Sirius can I…talk with you for a minute?" he asked looking from me to his godfather with an utmost confused and bewildered expression in his eyes.
My eyes were red, so I looked away, "I was um…just going." I turned for the door avoiding their gazes before Sirius stopped me.
"Yes?" I said without looking up, or turning around.
"Give it time. I'm sure it'll happen one day."
I nodded and passed Harry out of the room. But I stopped just outside in the hall to see if Harry had something to say.
"What…was all that?"
"What was all what?" Sirius' voice dripping of innocence, he would have to teach me to lie so smoothly.
"Is… is she ok?" Harry asked worriedly, it made me smile sadly.
"Yes, she's just fine."
"Then what…what was wrong?" he stammered when he was confused.
Sirius sighed, "If you never find out, then I was wrong and she was right, but you are a smart boy, you'll come to your senses sooner or later."
There was a moment of silence, "I'm so lost."
"Not for long, my dear boy. Now what is it you wanted to tell me?"
With that, I walked down the stairs thinking to myself, "Sure I'll give it time, but he's going to be wrong, nothing will ever happen between me and Harry, it was hopeless." But even that thought didn't make my feelings change one bit.
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