|SIYE Time:1:51 on 17th January 2018|
Memoirs of a Red Headed Witch
By My Wicked Quill
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Category: Pre-OotP, Post-OotP, Post-HBP, Post-Hogwarts, Post-DH/AB
Genres: Action/Adventure, Comedy, Humor, Romance, Songfic
Warnings: Mild Language, Mild Sexual Situations, Violence
Summary: Ginny Weasley was always overlooked. Always the youngest, always the smallest, and was never really given the chance to let her voice be heard. But sometimes the best insight comes from those who were always in the background. Her story of redemption, loyalty and love, proves that she was never just the Weasley brothers' little sister.
Hitcount: Story Total: 96320; Chapter Total: 2152
Awards: View Trophy Room
Here is the conclusion to the previous chapter, as well as to Prisoner of Azkaban. Tell me what you think!
THE POTTER PATTERN part 2
"He's tragedy with,
more damage than a soul should see
and do I try to save him, my whole world could cave in,
it just ain't right....."- Beautiful Disaster, Kelly Clarkson
“Wh at do you know about Sirius Black?”
Professor Lupin stopped what he was doing and turned ever so slowly to face me. His eyes, as always, were sad and haunted, and there was now a questioning looking in them.
“Why do you ask?”
“Well, I’ve recently come into some disturbing information, and was hoping you’d know more.”
“Well, aside from the fact that you’ve never been anything but truthful and open with me,” I carefully took out the old photograph from my bag that was hanging over my shoulder, and lifted it so he could see, “I’ve also found this.”
It seemed I had surprised Lupin, for he dropped his quill and stood, “Come in and close the door behind you, please Miss. Weasley.”
I did as I was told, noting the anxiety in his expression.
“Let me see that,” he said as I came closer.
I handed him the photograph, completely unexpecting the reaction that followed. Professor Lupin took it from my hands softly and gently, and then slowly examined the people in the photo, as though it were a priceless artifact. It seemed that to him at least, it was in fact.
After a moment, his face dropped any hints of nerves and concern and his usually grim frown turned up just a bit, before a sole tear leaked out of his eye and fell onto the picture.
I was enthralled in the way it affected him so.
He glanced up at me, startled, he must have forgotten I was there. Embarrassed, he eased back into his desk chair and sighed, “Where….where ever did you find this?”
“It was shoved inside a copy of the wizarding encyclopedia in the library, no one uses that thing these days, but Hermione and I were looking up a specific word, and we found this on that page.”
A ghost of a smile emerged through the crack of his lips. “And that word, was what, might I ask?”
His smile widened.
“But I’m sure you knew that already.”
“You know a lot of things too, Ginny, much more than any girl your age should.”
“I still want to know more.”
“Haven’t you ever heard the saying, curiosity killed the cat?”
“Good thing I’m not a cat.”
Lupin looked at me for a moment, considering. “I’ll answer what I can, from what you ask. On one condition.”
“You don’t show that picture to Harry, nor mention it to him. I only think it will upset him.”
He was right, and after seeing his attachment to the photo I knew there was really only one thing to do, “I was going to ask if you wanted to keep it, actually.”
He smiled again, “That would mean the world, Ginny. Thank you. What is it you want to know?”
“Those boys in the picture. The one in the glasses, that’s Harry’s father, isn’t it?”
“And the one on the end, that’s you?”
“And the boy in the middle…. That’s…. that’s Sirius Black.”
I swallowed, “So it’s true then? Sirius was James Potter’s best friend?”
“Yes he was. And so was I.”
It was a troubling thought. How could someone as utterly demented as Sirius Black have had friends as good as James Potter and Remus Lupin? Lupin was good. I knew it deep down inside. I could trust him. But... how could he have been friends with such a monster?
Perhaps Hermione was right, Sirius Black had turned into one bad seed. He snapped.
“Does Harry know this? That you were his father’s best friend?”
“He knows I was acquainted with his parents, yes, but not the extent of our friendship.”
“Are you ever going to tell him?”
“When the time is right, I believe the truth will come out.”
“The truth being that you four, you were the Marauders?”
His eyes gave me the answer Hermione had been looking for.
This was insane. Would the mysteries and the shocks and the confusion and the complications ever end? What was normal anymore? I had lost all sense of it.
“How could you have ever been friends with a man so dark? Unless…unless you are still friends with him? Have you been the one letting him in-“
“GINNY! Please. You know better than that.”
I sat in my usual chair opposite him, “I don’t know what to believe anymore. I feel like there are lies and secrets hiding behind every corner and the truth is something I have to search for myself! You were best friends with Sirius Black, Harry Potter’ Godfather! A man hell bent on killing Harry! A man who has killed innocent people already! I want to trust you, but you must understand my hesitation.”
“I do.” He sighed and rubbed his tired eyes, “But believe me, Ginny, Sirius Black was not a madman when I knew him. He was a kind, mischievous boy, who was rough around the edges and grew up in a messed up family, but a man who I trusted my life with. Whoever this man is blasted on all the papers wasn’t the boy in this picture.”
He looked up at the ceiling, and took a deep breath. “When Harry was born, James and Lily named him godfather, and he was in love with the boy, the best god damn godfather I’ve ever seen. But when the first wizarding war started, Sirius changed. He started becoming paranoid…. he distanced himself from me. He became completely inseparable with our other friend, Peter Pettigrew,” he said pointing at the rat-like, chubby boy in the photo. “The Potters went into hiding….and I never saw them again. The next thing I heard of my best friends, was that James and Lily were dead, that Harry had been taken away… and that Sirius had killed Peter….along with several others.”
“All that was left of Pettigrew…was his finger. Sirius was locked up, and I was completely alone.”
The pain in his eyes was as evident as ever and I started to understand why this man looked so torn apart. His story was as sad as Harry’s.
“Why are you telling me all of this?”
“Isn’t it what you came her for? The truth?”
“Well, yes but, I never thought that- I mean-”
“Miss. Weasley, I know what it’s like to be kept in the dark. You found this picture, you want answers, and knowing my story isn’t going to land you in any trouble. There’s no harm in my telling you the truth, after all you’ve told me your personal secrets. Now we are even.”
He made a great point, and for that, I was grateful to him. No one else would have trusted such a young girl with so much information.
“What do you think happened to him?”
Remus Lupin slanted his head and pressed his lips together, “His family…was dark. They….supported Voldemort’s regime. I’ve spent twelve years trying to figure out what happened, where my best friend went wrong. The only thing I ever came up with, would be that he gave into his bloodline.”
“I’m so sorry, Professor.”
“Sorry for what? That I lost all my dearest friends, that one of them killed the other? That Voldemort tore apart a beautiful new family? And an old friendship? No, Ginny, don’t be sorry for things that happened before you were even born, I’m sorry for burdening you with this tragedy.”
“I’ve burdened you with mine, I guess that makes us even.”
He smiled. “Still, I hope you don’t think I have anything to do with Black getting into the school. I’ve not seen him in twelve, almost thirteen, years.”
“But you knew him well once, do you have any idea how he did it?”
An eye brow was raised and I swear I could see a twinkle in his eye. “I have my theories. James, Peter, Sirius and I did get up to a whole lot on these grounds, we had many secrets, and they will remain secret, Miss. Weasley.”
“But if you know-”
“I don’t know anything, I only think I know. But it’s all handled, you will sleep safe tonight, I assure you.”
A whole world went on before I existed, the walls of Hogwarts had seen so much, things I couldn’t even begin to dream of.
I had already become part of the chaos.
I began to stand when another thought came to me. “What will they do to him? When they catch him, I mean.”
“If they catch him.”
My eyes widened, and I took a deep breath, “If.”
Professor Lupin’s tears welled up again in a subtle manner. “I suspect he will be subjected to the Dementor’s Kiss.”
“What is that?” I thought he had told me everything there was to know about dementors.
“It’s when a dementor feeds off someone enough to suck out their soul.”
I blanched, not believing that was even possible, “Why not just kill him?”
I could see why he was so upset, we were discussing the demise of his once most loyal and trusted ally; a brother.
“Because being soulless… a Dementor’s Kiss is a fate worse than death.”
I never told Harry, Ron or Hermione what Remus Lupin confided in me. To this day, I wonder if it would have changed the outcome of what happened that year. However, at 12 years old I was still kept in the dark, and in truth, all the events of that year flew right over my head without my knowledge. I was told to keep a secret and that is precisely what I did. Looking back, it’s easy to say that perhaps things would have turned out better, but I can’t only blame myself.
Lies and secrets were all over and it all led to unfortunate circumstances. As happened each year I attended Hogwarts. But it was something I had to get used to if I wanted to sustain my sanity.
I was doing very well in all my classes, turns out, I could be almost as brainy as Hermione. My favorite class was charms; Professor Flitwick had quickly grown a liking to me as I seemed to be a natural. There was something about being able to use magic to perform the simplest tasks, there were so many uses for magic, and I was obsessed with the ability to harness and use magic whenever I could. I was eager, I was talented and I was determined to prove to my brothers that I was just as good as they were. My least favorite subject was potions. This was not only due to the fact that Professor Snape was most probably the worst human being I’d ever met, but because there was little wand waving and actual magic used in potions, it was more like cooking- as helpful as it could be. Aside from that, attending classes was something I looked forward to and enjoyed doing.
“Is your brother doing any better today?” Colin Creevey asked during our Transfiguration lesson. We were practicing turning animals into goblets, and his bearded dragon was rejecting his attempts.
I paused and looked at him questioningly, “What’s wrong with my brother, and which one, for that matter?”
“Ron, he came bursting into our dormitory last night screaming for his rat, Scabbers. He was pretty upset, he nearly tore our room to shreds searching for him, until Harry and Dean Thomas came in and practically dragged him out.”
My jaw dropped, “You’re joking?”
“He kept muttering under his breath something about Hermione Granger’s ‘stupid cat’,” Colin shrugged, “Looks to me that he blames her cat for Scabber’s disappearance.”
Typical Ron. “Why am I always the last to know around here?”
“Well, it’s not such a big deal, he was only in our room for a few moments-”
“I actually meant about the rat, Colin.”
He flushed, “Oh.”
“That was my brother’s Percy’s rat, he’s been in the family for twelve years.”
“Isn’t that a little long for a rat? I mean, do they usually live that long?”
“No,” I said, “That’s why he’s so important to our family, if Ron lost him…Percy will say it’s ‘preposterous’,” I mimicked, raising my nose in the air and pretended to pushed up imaginary spectacles.
“Mrs. Weasley, Mr. Creevey!” called Professor McGonagall, who had appeared out of nowhere, like the stealthy cat she was, “Would you care to inform me why there is so much conversation and laughter coming from the two of you as opposed to what you should be doing?”
The class snickered.
“Go on, tell me, what is so funny?”
“Nothing, Professor,” said a shamed Colin.
“Sorry, Professor,” I piped in.
“Well, then, if you have found the time to tell jokes then you must have mastered the spell. Let’s see it, Miss. Weasley.”
Professor McGonagall was known for her lack of tolerance for funny business, but she was nowhere near as cross as Snape. Still, she was able to send the ice cold stab of intimidation into the souls of any of her students. She was a great teacher and I held her in the highest respect, being chastised by her was almost worse than being torn apart and humiliated by the Potions Master, because deep down we all knew that she was right.
Colin fidgeted beside me, because we both knew I had yet to even try the spell, I had to make it look as though I’d been practicing. She was asking me to perform a success, and that was a very tall order. Unfortunately, I didn’t really have a choice.
Focusing all my concentration on the newt before me, I tapped my wand three times envisioning the scarlet newt transform into a glass. “Feraverto.”
A stream of energy flowed through my arm and from my wand to the completely unsuspecting animal, in one fluid moment the newt grew into a blood golden water goblet. I picked it up and felt the cool metal that had just been a scaly creature. The wonder of magic dazzled me yet again.
The class was very quiet, from what I knew, I was the first to be able to cast the spell without any kinks at all.
“Very impressive, Miss. Weasley especially on your first try,” she tried to hide her smirk.
I replied with a guilty smile, the woman was too cunning for her own good.
“When were you going to tell me you lost Scabbers?”
“I didn’t lose Scabbers! Hermione’s bloody cat got to it.”
“Alright, no need to be so testy with me, I haven’t done anything.”
Ron crossed his arms in an immature pout, “I have every right to be testy; my rat’s been eaten.”
Shaking my head, I sat beside him on the couch in the Common Room. “I’m sorry, Ron.” It was a crummy situation. “But, I hear you’re being awfully rotten to Hermione.”
“Mind your own business, Ginny.”
“Oh that’s nice! Why don’t you just go back to pretending I don’t even go here like you did last year? I’ll do the same and that way I’ll never have to get in your business again. Let me just say one last thing: If you keep pushing Hermione away, you are going to lose her as a friend.”
I walked away after that, boiling and blazed with anger. If Ron had been dead set on making up for the previous year, he had failed. He was also failing Hermione. There was only so much more my friend would take before she gave up on Ron. I was fully aware they had their history and I knew that there were times when Ron could be the most loyal and rightfully deserving of her friendship, but those times were few and far in between,
I hadn’t spoken to Ron much at all that year, it was as if my brothers were in another universe, on another plane of existence while we were under the same roof. Those early years, I was in the background and I was hiding in the dark, I rarely came to them for anything, and they rarely noticed I was a student at all.
This is why I was surprised when Ron approached me a week or so later.
“When were you going to tell me you’ve been having private sessions with Professor Lupin?”
My eyes widened in shock and I quickly scanned the area to see if anyone had heard him before looking up from my studies and vehemently whispered, “They’re private for a reason, Ronald! Be quiet!”
Sensing the ice in my voice, he carefully sat across from my at the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall. “Private or not, I’m your brother and I should know these things, not hear about them second hand from my best mate.”
“Hermione told you?”
“No, Harry. Apparently Lupin casually mentioned it to Harry weeks ago, and Harry just happened to casually mention it to me just now. He figured I’d already knew!” he said raising his voice again.
“Low your voice or I’ll turn you into a water goblet.”
“What is Lupin teaching you?”
“He’s not teaching me anything. I just go and talk to him from time to time about how I feel, and what I went through last year. It’s not a big deal, I just don’t want people around here thinking that I need help or therapy or something.”
“But that’s obviously what you’re doing, so, you do.”
“NO!” I half yelled. Padma Patil looked over from where she had been studying with Lavender Brown. Blushing, I shrunk back into myself, “Look, he’s just helping me analyze what happened last year. It’s personal and private okay? And I didn’t tell you because it’s not your business.”
Ron’s ears went red at the tips. Throwing his own stupid words at him was always the best way to put him in his place. He sat in silence for a few moments as I memorized the intricate details of my quill. “Has he helped you any? Professor Lupin, I mean?”
More awkward silence ensued.
“I….I… cleared things up with Hermione, by the way.”
“Yes, I told her it wasn’t her fault. Scabbers was pretty old…it might not even have been Crookshanks at all.”
I thought back on the whole year, thought back on the hours I spent in Lupin’s office, speaking my mind and expressing my fears and anxieties. I thought about how I finally let got Tom out of my life, and I felt guilty for not telling any of my brothers of the progress I’d made. While it should have been in their own interest to check up on their sister from time to time…I could have made an effort too. I was grateful to have found an incredible friend in Hermione; somehow, after that year, I knew she’d be the sister I’d always longed for.
Looking at Ron now… I knew that he’s grown some too. We both still had so much more to go, so many more tragedies to go through, but as my second year came to an end, I was satisfied with what I’d accomplished.
“Ron!” Hermione’s voice broke my soliloquy. We both turned to see her rushing up to the table looking frantic and very upset. “Ron, Hagrid’s just sent this for us,” she told him, shoving a note into his hands.
I watched, utterly perplexed, as he read the note. His face paled, “Oh, no. We have to go see him. Now.”
“What’s going on?” I asked.
“One of Hagrid’s pets is being executed. Tonight.”
I frowned, “That’s terrible.”
Hermione shook her head, “I don’t know.”
“Let’s go wait for him in the common room,” he said, already getting up and ushering her away.
“Bye!” I called, but there was no point, they were already gone.
I sat there left behind, in the dust, in the dark, every cliché you could possibly think of. And so it began. That moment was one of the first of many in which I would be tossed aside and hidden from the truth. I sat, and I watched them run out of the room. Onto yet another adventure I would never hear about.
No. All I heard was the same thing everyone in the school heard the next morning.
SIRIUS BLACK- CAPTURED RIGHT OUTSIDE SCHOOL GROUNDS!
SIRIUS BLACK ESCAPES IN THE NIGHT FROM HOGWARTS IMPRISONMENT!
ESCAPES ON THE BACK OF FUGITIVE HIPPOGRIFF, EVADING DEMENTOR’S KISS!
They had him. And yet somehow, he’d managed to fly off in the distance. All I wanted was for him to pay. Pay for what he did to Harry, pay for what he did to Lupin. And it seemed like it would never happen.
Oddly enough, when I saw Harry the next day, where I had been expecting a disgruntled and angry frown, I found the happiest grin I’d ever seen on his face. It made no sense. But I was still too shy to ask him why.
“He got away. HE GOT AWAY! I can’t believe it! How good of a criminal do you have to be to- What are you doing?” I froze mid-rant when I actually noticed what Professor Lupin was doing. I had walked in shooting words out of my mouth, and he’d been…packing.
“I’m packing my things, Miss. Weasley.”
“But the term doesn’t end for a few more weeks. Why are you putting everything away now?”
“Because I’m leaving.”
“Ginny. I’m leaving Hogwarts, leaving my post.”
I was confused, “Why? Dumbledore couldn’t have sacked you, why would he?”
“I’ve not been sacked, but I do think I should go before someone sees fit to bring the issue up to the ministry of my removal from teaching students. I’d rather save Dumbledore the headache,” he calmly stated as he folded up worn out robes and placed them in his trunk.
I slunk down into a desk in disbelief. “But….but…I don’t understand. Why is your teaching an issue?”
Lupin stopped what he was doing and took out his wand; he pointed it at the door and it slammed shut. “Ginny,” he sighed, “You’ve been awfully honest with me this year, and though I’ve tried, I’ve not been fully honest with you.”
My throat was exceedingly dry, but, I nodded for him to continue.
“One of the reason’s Dumbledore asked me to help you was because I have my own demons as well, I’ve lived a very dark and challenging life. He felt, that I could learn from you the same way you could learn from me.”
“Learn from me? What could I have possibly taught you?”
He gifted me a sad smile, “You are one of the strongest, good willed people I’ve ever met. You are so talented, Ginny, and you don’t let anyone, or anything get in the way of that. You’re a fighter. And through your resilience, and seeing someone as young as you come to terms with darkness and come out from it I’ve learned to hate myself a little less, and I’m inspired to be a little more like you.”
His words were beautiful. They were so genuine, I actually believed them myself. I felt tears come to my eyes when I realized he was saying goodbye.
“Why do you hate yourself, Professor?”
Closing his eyes in resignation, he spoke, “When I was very young, I was attacked by a man named Fenrir Greyback.”
I gasped, I knew that name. Fenrir Greyback was an infamous… “You mean you’re a-”
“I’m a werewolf, Ginny.”
Suddenly it all made sense, he’d been “indisposed” for class often throughout the year, and it explained the scars on his face, and why he always looked so tired. Professor Lupin was a creature of the night.
The poor man.
“I…. I don’t know what to say.” I wasn’t scared of him, I knew there were potions one took to help with the transformations and they only turned under the full moon. I knew I was totally safe with this man.
“You don’t have to say anything, just as long as you forgive me for never telling you.”
“There’s nothing to forgive.”
He smiled a true smile. “Now you can see why I should leave, somehow my true identity has been revealed.
There was an edge to his voice when he said that which made me think he knew exactly how the information leaked. But I didn’t ask.
“I’m going to miss you, Professor.”
“As I you, Ginny. You’ve got a long and adventurous life ahead of you, I’m sure we’ll cross paths again one day.”
Being bold, I took a few steps forward and hugged the man. He was startled, and I wondered how long it had been since he’d received a hug. But after a moment, he returned it gently.
“Be good,” I told him, reluctantly heading for the door.
“Be good,” he replied.
It was sad to leave, knowing that I’d never find solace in that room again. But as I realized it, I also realized, I didn’t need it anymore. Tom was gone, and I was happy. I had forgiven myself, and only hoped that Lupin would follow suit one day.
Lost in my musings, I bumped into someone who must have been on their way to visit Professor Lupin as well.
“Oh, hello, Gin.”
Straitening my stance and smiling brightly, I replied, “Hello, Harry,” without a single blush.
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