SIYE Time:10:40 on 14th December 2018

Euphemism is a Perfectly Good Word!
By Pottermum

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Category: Post-Hogwarts
Characters:Harry/Ginny, Hermione Granger, Ron Weasley
Genres: Comedy, General, Humor, Romance
Warnings: Mild Language
Story is Complete
Rating: PG-13
Reviews: 10
Summary: Innuendo's and Euphemisms aplenty in this story!
Hitcount: Story Total: 4549
Awards: View Trophy Room

Disclaimer: Harry Potter Publishing Rights J.K.R. Note the opinions in this story are my own and in no way represent the owners of this site. This story subject to copyright law under transformative use. No compensation is made for this work.

Author's Notes:
So I wanted to write a friendship story between Hermione and Ginny, which it starts out as. Then my mind took over as I was writing, and this is the result. Warning is for the 'P' word. Happy Easter!


“Come on Hermione, it'll be fun. A chance to let our hair down before you're slogging yourself out at the Ministry, and I'm in full-time training with the Harpies,” pleaded Ginny Weasley.

“I know, but a strip club? It's not the kind of place I'd feel comfortable 'letting my hair down' as you put it,” said Hermione.

“It's traditional for a hen's night. I didn't pick it, Alicia did. You know we're only invited because we're close with Angie,” reasoned Ginny.

Angelina Johnson, who was bridesmaid for her best friend Alicia Spinnet's wedding to Oliver Wood, was currently spending a lot of time with George, so both Hermione and Ginny had seen a lot of her since the end of the school year.

“I tell you what, we'll go and check it out, then, if you want to leave, we will, promise,” said Ginny.

“Okay,” sighed Hermione. “Maybe we can meet up with the boys after?”

Ginny sighed and looked away. Things with Harry had changed since Christmas; his letters had seemed distant and were short. He'd been so busy with his Auror training she had hardly seen him since she'd returned home from Hogwarts just over a week ago.

'Ginny, what-” began Hermione, knowing something was going on with Harry and Ginny.

“I'll just go and fire-call Angelina and tell her we're going,” interrupted Ginny, not wanting to have that discussion with Hermione.


“It's a bit nuts. Women going crazy for strange men getting their clothes off, isn't it?” said Ron, watching as his girlfriend ran her hand over her hair and adjusted her new dress.

Harry chuckled, feeling slightly envious as Ron put his arms around Hermione.

“Well Ron, Hermione probably likes you taking your clothes off, and there's nobody stranger than you,” said Ginny, coming down the stairs.

Ron scowled at her, Hermione smothered a laugh, and Harry's jaw dropped. Ginny came into the kitchen and ruffled Ron's hair. He jerked away.

“What the bloody hell are you wearing?” he asked her.

“What, this? It's new, do you like it?” asked Ginny, twirling around. She was wearing low riding jeans and knee high boots, and a top that showed her midriff. While Harry enjoyed the view, he didn't like the thought of other men checking her out.

“All those strange men will be checking you out, and that's not right, Gin,” said Ron, throwing Harry a look as if to say 'say something!'

“The only men there will be the strippers, Ron,” said Ginny, standing with hands on her hips. “Come on Hermione, it's time to go,” said Ginny, threading her arm through Hermione's.

“Wait!” called Ron. He took Hermione in his arms and kissed and hugged her. Harry and Ginny seemed embarassed, and looked anywhere but at each other.

“Good one, Ron. Get her all turned on, then send her out to see strippers,” teased Ginny.

“Ginny!” exclaimed Hermione and Ron. Harry chuckled nervously.

Ginny winked at Ron. “See ya,” she said, in the general direction of Harry and Ron. She disappeared into the floo.

Hermione pulled away from Ron. “I won't be late,” she said, kissing his cheek, “I'm only going to be there to celebrate for Alicia. However, I do want to know what's going on with you and Ginny,” she said to Harry. “You two were so happy at Christmas, what changed?”

Harry flushed, and looked away. “It's nothing. You better go.”

Hermione and Ron exchanged a look. “Harry, we want you to be happy. If there is something we can help you with, please tell us,” said Hermione, gently.

“No, it's between me and Ginny,” said Harry.

“Come on, mate. You two belong together. There-there's not someone else, is there?” asked Ron.

“No! Never. I-look, I don't want to talk about it. Hermione, you should go. Ron, you ready to head to the Leaky, we told George we'd meet him there ten minutes ago,” said Harry.

“Yeah, okay. Have a good time, Hermione, just-not too good a time, okay?” smirked Ron.

Hermione laughed. “Okay. You guys have a good time, too. Bye.”


Hermione fought through the crowds to make it to the table near the front reserved for Alicia and her friends. She was surprised at the amount of women in the club, of all ages.

“Wow, this place is not what I expected,” she called over the music.

“I know. Great, isn't it?” asked Alicia giggling. Hermione surmised it wasn't Alicia's first drink of the night. She greeted Katie Bell and Angie, and saw a few other ladies in their group. Alicia did quick introductions, then asked Hermione if she wanted a drink.

“Sure. I'll have a Butterbeer,” said Hermione.

“Make it a Firewhisky,” said Ginny. “Come on, Hermione, it's a party. A bacholerette party. One day we'll be having one of these for you and Ron.” She tossed her drink back and ordered another one.

“Hey, slow down, Ginny,” said Hermione. The waiter came over with their drinks, just as the lights dimmed. In the confusion, Hermione took Ginny's drink, and Ginny took Angelina's cocktail.

“And now, ladies, it's time for our first entertainment of the evening. Tell me, is it getting hot in here?” asked the announcer.

Some of the ladies squealed. Hermione fanned her face. Yes, it was getting warm in the club. She grabbed a glass of what she thought was water, and drank it in one go. Coughing and spluttering, she realised it was vodka.

“Let's hear it for Fireman Phil. Ladies, are you on fire? Do you want to see what Phil can do with his hose? Here he comes!”

A man in a fireman costume came out. Hermione's jaw dropped. He was the most handsome man she had ever seen. She watched him dance around, removing his shirt, and kicking off his boots, then all of a sudden, he ripped his pants off. What he wore underneath left little to the imagination.

“Oh my,” said Hermione, watching him move around the stage. She tried to imagine Ron doing that. She fanned herself again.

“All right,” cheered Ginny, waving her hands in the air.

Alicia and Angelina were waving some money in their hands. The fireman came over, and they slipped the money into his pants. Ginny hooted, and the man winked at her, before going off to another group of ladies.

Alicia's other friends cheered her on, and they settled back to watch the rest of the show. Fireman Phil left the stage to a round of applause.

Alicia called for another round of drinks, and all her friends toasted her as they did shots. Hermione could feel herself getting a bit of a buzz happening; her head felt a bit foggy.

“This is great, isn't it?” yelled Ginny, tossing back another drink. “A great way to unwind. How hot was that fireman?”

“He had a big hose, didn't he?” asked Angelina. Hermione burst out laughing, just as the announcer called out the next dancer.

“Any Quidditch fans here tonight? Our next entertainer loves Quidditch. He'd really like to take you for a ride, ladies! Let's here it for Samson. He's a Beater, and he knows how to use his bat, so look out you naughty ladies,” teased the announcer, as Samson flew in on a broom.

“I prefer Keepers myself,” said Hermione to Ginny.

“Me too,” agreed Alicia.

“Well, that's definitely not a regulation Quidditch uniform,” smirked Ginny, as Samson flung open his cape to reveal his naked torso. He was only wearing a g-string.

Katie giggled. “I'd like to ride his broom.”

“I'd like Ollie to wear that outfit,” sighed Alicia.

Another witch pushed past Ginny to get closer to the stage. It made Ginny spill her drink over Katie.

“Hey, watch it,” said Ginny. The other witch turned around and gave her a dirty look.

“Sorry Katie,” apologised Ginny. “Waiter, more drinks,” she called. She did a quick Scourgify on Katie's dress, and it was as good as new.

The waiter returned with more drinks, and they all did more shots. They toasted Samson, and all the Quidditch players in the world.

“To Keepers,” toasted Hermione and Alicia.

“To Beaters,” toasted Angie, thinking of George and Fred.

“To Seekers,” said Ginny. When Hermione shot her a look, she asked “What?”

“What's going on with you and Harry, Ginny?” she asked.

“What's Harry got to do with anything?” asked Ginny, looking away.


“Can I tell you a secret, Gin?” asked a tipsy Hermione.

“Sure can,” slurred Ginny.

“I love your brother. Like, really, really, love your brother,” sighed Hermione, happily.

“I'm glad. Which one?” asked Ginny, swaying in her seat.

“You know, the red head one. Won-Won,” said Hermione, nodding her head. “One day, I'm going to marry him. I really want to marry him. I've been thinking about it for a long time.”

“Took you long enough to get together. He's liked you forever. Probably since the Yule Ball, at least,” said Ginny, squinting her eyes and thinking hard.

“Just think, when I marry Ron, you'll get a sister,” smiled Hermione, drunkenly.

“Bloody hell, Mum's not preggers, is she?” asked Ginny, tossing back another drink.

“What? No, I meant me,” said Hermione, confused.

“Oh. Well, Fleur is already my sister-in-law. Angie will be if she and George stay together, and Percy has just brought this witch Audrey home to meet Mum and Dad. But you'll be my favourite one, Hermione,” said Ginny, patting her arm.

“Oh yeah, I forgot about your other brothers,” said Hermione. Her mind wasn't as sharp as it usually was.

“Wish I could sometimes,” sighed Ginny. She looked at Hermione, and they giggled.

Just then, a loud siren made them all jump. “Please ladies, stay calm. Do not be alarmed. Someone has called the Aurors. It's a raid!”

A few ladies screamed in alarm. The witch who had pushed past Ginny earlier stepped back, and stepped on Ginny's foot.

“Ow. Listen lady, be a bit more careful, would ya?” slurred Ginny.

Several men in Auror costumes mingled with the crowd. They dragged several women up on stage. Katie and Angelina tried to get them to take Alicia, but one of them grabbed Ginny.

“No no, not me. Alicia is the bride to be,” giggled Ginny, pointing at Alicia.

He let go of Ginny and headed for Alicia, but the rude witch intervened. “Take me. I've been naughty, Officer.” She practically threw herself into the Aurors arms.

“No, take Alicia,” said Ginny, pulling the witch away.

The witch pushed Ginny away, and she fell backwards onto Hermione. The Auror/stripper tried to intervene. “Now, ladies...”

Ginny pushed herself back up. “I've had just about enough of you, lady.”

“What's a little thing like you gonna do?” asked the rude witch, smirking.

“Ginny, don't,” cried Hermione, as Ginny went for her wand. The Auror/stripper moved in between them, and took Alicia by the hand, bringing her up on stage.

“Ladies, any fighting, and you'll both be kicked out,” warned a security officer to Ginny and the rude witch. She thought he was part of the entertainment. She held out her wrists for handcuffs. “Take me away, lock me up and do what you want to me,” she cried. He shook his head and walked away.

“Oh boy,” said Ginny, rolling her eyes. “Desperate much?” The two witches began pushing against each other.

“Don't look now, Ladies, but it's the hero of the Wizarding World, Harry Potter himself,” cried the

Both Ginny and the rude witch stopped pushing, and looked at the stage. A handsome wizard, wearing glasses and with a lightening bolt painted on his forehead graced the stage. He too had Auror robes on, and he pranced around the stage, slowly removing his Auror robes.

“Ooh, I love you, Harry Potter,” cried the rude witch, ignoring Ginny. She waved to him. He smiled back.

“Did you see that? Harry Potter smiled at me,” the rude witch turned to Ginny trimphantly.

“Ha. You're not even Harry's type,” said Ginny, angrily.

“How would you know?” asked the rude witch.

“He's, he's...”

“What?” asked the rude witch.

“Come on, Ginny,” cried Hermione, trying to pull Ginny away. The rest of their group was cackling at Alicia, who was on-stage with another Auror, getting a lap dance. Her face was red, as he waved his groin in her face. Hemione and Ginny fell down in the closest seats.

“Who would like to be the master of my wand?” called Stripper Harry, as he stripped down to nothing but a g-string with a lightening bolt on it.

“Wow,” gasped the rude witch. “He has got a big wand.”

Ginny burst out laughing.

“What's so funny?” asked Hermione.

Ginny pointed to the Harry on stage. “Trust me, Harry's 'wand' is bigger than that!” Then she clasped her hand over her mouth.

Hermione looked shocked. “Ginny Weasley! Are you saying that you and Harry, you and Harry have had...”

“Sex. Yes, Hermione. That is what I'm saying,” said Ginny.

“You had sex with Harry Potter?” scoffed the rude witch.

“I wasn't talking to you,” said Ginny, angrily.

“What, like Miss Bushy Hair knows about that. You can tell she's a vir-”

“Shut up. Don't talk about my friend like that,” yelled Ginny.

“Come on, Ginny, let's go,” said Hermione, standing up. Her head swam. “Oh my.”

“What's wrong-woah!” said Ginny, standing up too quickly. She stumbled into the rude witch.

“Hey, watch it,” she cried, pushing Ginny again.

“Stop. Pushing. Me,” yelled Ginny, through gritted teeth.

“What are you gonna do?” asked the rude witch. “All talk and no action from what I can see.”

“You wanna see some action, lady?” growled Ginny. “You stay away from Harry Potter, got it.”

She got out her wand, and waved it. The rude witch screamed, as the Bat Bogey hex covered her face.

“Right, you two, you're out of here,” said the Security officer, putting his hands on Ginny and the rude witch's shoulders and escorting them out of the club.

“Um, Angie, I think Ginny and I are done for the night. Would you make our excuses to Alicia, please,” said Hermione, hurriedly, following after Ginny.

“If she ever gets off stage,” giggled Angie, watching her best friend dancing around and having a great time.

Hermione rushed out the door, looking for Ginny. She sent her Patronus out, calling for Harry and Ron's assistance. Then she went over to where Ginny and the rude witch were continuing their fight.

“Look what you did. I was having a great time,” screamed the rude witch.

“Yeah, well, too bad. You ruined it for me and my friend. Apologise to her,” demanded Ginny.

“For what?” asked the witch.

“You were so rude to her,” said Ginny.

“It doesn't matter. Let's go, Gin,” said Hermione, tugging on Ginny's arm.

“I'm not done with you, Red,” said the rude witch, pulling on Ginny's other arm. “You owe me.”

“For what?” asked Ginny.

“You got me kicked out and banned from the place for a month,” said the rude witch.

“Good!” said Ginny. She was being pulled in both directions, and the fresh air was making her feel ill.

“Why you little witch,” cried the rude witch, pulling back her fist.

It all happened so fast. Ron and Harry Apparated to the spot just as Ginny leaned over to throw up. Hermione raced to help Ginny, but instead copped the force of the punch.

Harry ran to hold back Ginny's hair as she threw up. Ron raced to get Hermione, who fell to the ground, holding her face.

“I'm taking Hermione home,” said Ron. “You all right to look after Gin?”

Harry nodded. Ron shot the rude witch a dirty look, and side-Apparated him and Hermione away.

“Harry? Is that you?” asked Ginny, still leaning over.

“Yeah, Gin, it's me.Come on, I'm taking you home,” said Harry, gently.

“Hey, it's really you. You're Harry Potter,” gushed the rude witch.

Harry turned to look at her. “I don't know who you are, but don't you ever mess with my witch again, understand?” His green eyes were blazing.

The rude witch nodded without saying anything.

Hary gathered Ginny tenderly in his arms, and they Apparated away, without another glance in the rude witch's direction.

“How about that? She did know Harry Potter,” said the rude witch to herself. “Damn!”


Hemione woke the next morning and tried to open her eyes, but one of them felt strange. She put her hand up to it, and winced.

“Good Morning. How are you feeling this morning?” asked an amused Ron.

“Sore,” admitted Hermione. “My eye and my head.”

“Here, drink this,” said Ron, handing her a hangover potion. She took it and downed it, then lay back against the pillow.

“I've got some bruise paste for your eye, too. I'll put it on after you've showered,” said Ron.

Hermione watched him, as he levitated a breakfast tray to her bedside. “Eat what you can, it will help with the potion,” he said.

“Thanks. It looks great. Did your Mum make it?” asked Hermione, nibbling on some toast.

“No, Mum's gone to Diagon Alley to talk to the editors of the Daily Prophet. I made it,” said Ron.

“You made my breakfast?” asked Hermione, surprised.

Ron nodded, blushing. “It's okay, isn't it? I mean, I know how you like your toast, and your tea. I've watched you have breakfast at Hogwarts for years.”

Hermione was touched. She smiled at him. “Thank you, Ron. It's perfect.”

Ron looked relieved. “So, how was last night? Besides the last bit,”he chuckled.

Hermione smiled at him again. “It was okay, but when we get married, I am NOT having a hen's night at a strippers club, I can assure you of that.”

Ron gulped. “Married?”

Hermione looked aghast. “Oh, I didn't mean any time soon. Or ever. I mean, I don't know if you want to, or if you're even thinking about it, not that I am, I mean, I do, sort of, but, well-”

“Hermione, breathe,” chuckled Ron. Then his face got serious, and he took Hermione's hand in his.

“I think about marrying you all the time. Now that you're finished with Hogwarts, well, I feel like we're really starting our life together. It will happen one day, 'Mione, I just need to get some money behind me, get established. I'm not really sure if this Auror business is really what I want to do. I've been thinking of working full time with George, but the money isn't as good.”

“Ron, I want you to do what makes you happy. I'll support you in whatever you want to do,” said Hermione, squeezing his hand.

“I love you, Hermione. The happiest day of my life will be the day you become my wife,” admitted Ron.

“Oh, Ron, me too,” said Hermione, pulling him down on the bed and kissing him. They snogged for several minutes, before pulling apart.

“Thanks for looking out for Gin last night,” he said to her.

“That's okay. Even if I did get a black eye for it. It didn't really hurt as much as I thought it would,” admitted Hermione.

“That's because you were drunk, love,” said an amused Ron.

“No, I wasn't,” said Hermione. “Tipsy, maybe?”

“Mione, you asked me to ride my broom in a g-string,” said Ron.

“Oh?” said Hermione, blushing. She couldn't look Ron in the eye.

Ron chuckled and headed for the door. “I'll leave you to shower and get dressed.”


Ron turned to look back at Hermione. “What was your reply when I asked you to do that?” she asked, quietly. She held her breath.

Ron blushed. “I didn't really say anything, you know, I just thought you were drunk.”

Hermione shrugged. “It might be nice.” She couldn't believe she was being so daring. She and Ron had come close a couple of times to consummating their relationship, but she'd always pulled back.

“Bloody uncomfortable,” chuckled Ron. The he stopped chuckling. “Are you serious?”

“I, (deep breath, Hermione!), just think I'd like to ride your broom sometime. Soon,” she clarified.

“But you hate flying, Hermione,” said Ron, puzzled.

“Ugh! It's a euphemism Ron. I'm talking about sex!” cried Hermione, sitting up in bed.

Ron smiled, a slow sweet smile that made Hermione's heart do flip-flops. “I know, I just like to get you riled up. When the time is right, Hermione. I want to make it special for you. Soon,” he agreed. He winked at her and left the room.

Hermione stared at his retreating form, then fell back against the pillows again. She smiled, gingerly feeling her eye. Ron was right. They'd know when the time was right, and it would be soon and it would be perfect


Ginny woke slowly, feeling like she was wrapped in the warmest blanket ever. She lay there, feeling content. Awake, but with her eyes still closed. Until she felt foreign hands roam her body, and someone let out a breath against her hair.

She turned slowly, only to find herself in bed with Harry. He'd released her as she turned over, then drew her back close to him, sighing contentedly.

Ginny quickly realised that a) they were at Grimmauld Place and b) she was wearing some clothes. Her shoes and jeans had been removed, but she still wore her knickers and top. With that in mind, she lay still in Harry's arms, their legs tangled. It had been a while since she had last been there, and she wanted to relish this time.

She became aware that Harry's breathing had changed. She knew he was awake. “Morning,” she said softly, keeping her head down on his chest.

“Good Morning,” he said, brushing a kiss on her forehead. “How are you feeling?”

Ginny thought about it for a minute. “Okay. I think that hangover potion you gave me last night helped. Thanks.”

“Hungry?” he asked. “I can have Kreacher bring you something to eat up here,” he offered.

“Not right now,” said Ginny.

They were silent a minute again; a comfortable silence. Until...

“Harry, I-”

“Ginny, I-”

They both chuckled. “You go first,” said Harry.

“No, you go,” said Ginny.

“I'm sorry I haven't been around much since you got home from Hogwarts. It's just been a really busy time at work. I-I've missed you,” he said, holding her tight.

“Have you? Really? I don't know what to think, Harry. We-we gave each other our virginity at Christmas, then, when I went back to Hogwarts, everything changed. Your letters didn't say anything. Do-do you regret it, what we did? Because I don't,” said Ginny, fearfully but stubbornly.

“Merlin, no. Damn, I knew I'd stuff it up, and I have. Gin, I'm sorry. I didn't want to hurt you,” said Harry, kissing her forehead again.

“I don't understand,” said Ginny.

Harry took a deep breath. “Making love with you was...the most beautiful experience of my life. I mean, I know the first time was a bit awkward, but after that, well, you know, you were there. It was amazing.”

Ginny smiled against his chest. It had been amazing, after the fumbling of their first time. She kissed his chest, and felt Harry shiver.

“When you left, I could barely stop thinking about you, about what we had done. I was a part of you, and you were a part of me. For that time, we were one person, joined in the most intimate act possible. I thought about it over and over. I wanted you so much, it scared me, it was pretty intense,” admitted Harry.

“I wanted to write and tell you how I was feeling, but I was worried I'd scare you, or if someone else found the letters and read them, like Hermione, she'd think I was some kind of pervert or something. I didn't have anyone I could talk to about how I was feeling.” sighed Harry. “So I just wrote mundane stuff, like about training and that. When I really wanted to tell you how much I wanted to touch you, how much I needed you and wanted to see you, lying in my bed, in my arms.”

“Like I am now,” said Ginny softly.

Harry let out a sharp breath. “Yes,” he said, huskily. “Except in my dreams, you'd be naked. Sometimes you'd be covered in treacle, and I'd have to lick it all off. Oh, God, I can't believe I just told you that,” he groaned, burying his face in her neck.

Ginny smiled. “Harry, you're a healthy young man. There's nothing wrong with liking sex.”

“I think I could get addicted,” he said, laving her neck and feeling her pulse hammering.

“To sex?” asked Ginny.

“To YOU!” said Harry. “Being with you, being in you-it's my home. You're my home, Ginny. When I'm with you, I feel complete. Happy. What I'm trying to say is that I love you, Ginny.”

“I love you too, Harry. The thought of doing what we did, well, it just about killed me when I wondered if you regretted it,” said Ginny.

“Never,” said Harry, tilting her chin up to kiss her lips lightly.

Ginny deepened the kiss. Harry rolled her over so she was under him. As he moved between her thighs, Ginny felt his manhood against her tummy. She remembered what she had told Hermione last night, and she tried to suppress a giggle.

“What, love?” asked Harry, pausing from nibbling on her earlobe.

“Tell you later,” she sighed. “Come home to me, Harry,” she whispered in his ear.

Together, they became one.


Ginny and Harry Apparated to the Burrow. They walked hand in hand, although Harry stopped her several times to kiss her. He just couldn't get enough.

They walked through the door to whistles and cat calls. “What's going on?” asked Ginny. She headed to Hermione to hug her and check out her eye.

“Have you seen the Daily Prophet?” asked George, smirking.

“How's your wand, Harry?” said Bill, nudging Percy.

“Fine. Gave it a polish last night. Why, what's up?” asked Harry.

Bill was laughing so hard, and even Ron was trying to suppress a smile. Hermione looked embarassed, and couldn't meet Harry's eyes.

“What's going on?” repeated Ginny.

“Oh Harry, Ginny, I just want you to know that I've handled it. The Daily Prophet will print a retraction tomorrow. It was too late to pull it today, of course.”

Even Percy had to laugh at that. Harry and Ginny just looked dumbfounded. “I don't think they've seen it, Mrs Weasley,” said Hermione.

“Oh, I think Ginny's seen it, all right?” quipped Percy. George snorted and held up the paper.

“Harry Potter and his big 'wand'” read Ginny. She blushed, as she realised what it meant. She glanced at Hermione, who grinned.

“I don't get it,” said Harry. “My wand's about the same size as everyone else's.”

Bill, George and Percy laughed. “Not according to Ginny.”

Harry looked over at Ginny, who's face was red. “Gin?”

Ron took pity on his best friend. He placed his hand on his shoulder. “It's a euphemism, Harry. They're not talking about your wand, they're talking about your-'wand'.”

“A euphemism ? Bloody hell, how do you know words like that?” asked George, surprised.

Ron winked at Hermione. All eyes fell on her. “What? It's a perfectly good word,” she stated, defiantly.

“Would you never mind about that, and tell me why they're talking about my wand in the paper?” demanded Harry.

“It's about your penis, dear,” said Molly.

The Burrow was silent. Until Percy, George and Bill burst out laughing. Harry didn't know where to look and he could feel his face turning red.

“Mum!” shrieked Ginny.

“Well dear, if you're going to be telling people about the size of Harry's, er, 'wand', best not to do it in a public place, I'd suggest,” said Molly calmly. “Treacle tart, Harry?”

Harry could not, would not look Molly in the face. Not only had she mentioned his penis, but if she knew what he'd been dreaming about involving Ginny, treacle and the afore mentioned penis, well, bugger Voldemort, Molly would finish him off in no time.

“No, er, thanks, Mrs Weasley, I think I should be going. Gin, are you coming? With me, I mean. I mean, back to Grimmauld Place. I think there's a few things you need to tell me,” said Harry, turning red as George and Bill snickered quietly.

“Yes, I think we do need to talk,” said Ginny. “We'll be back later.” She grabbed Harry's hand.

Harry and Ginny couldn't escape out of the house quick enough.

Molly sighed. “Oh, I do hope that in this case, talking isn't a euphemism for sex. Merlin knows, they need to get on top of this before it gets out of hand.”

She didn't understand why her boys all burst out laughing again, while Hermione just shook her head.

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