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SIYE Time:14:50 on 28th March 2024
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The Trouble with Family
By BigIve

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Category: Post-DH/AB
Characters:Harry/Ginny, Hermione Granger, Luna Lovegood, Minerva McGonagall, Neville Longbottom, Nymphadora Tonks, Other, Ron Weasley
Genres: Action/Adventure, General, Humor, Romance
Warnings: Death, Mild Language, Mild Sexual Situations, Spouse/Adult/Child Abuse, Violence
Rating: PG-13
Reviews: 19
Summary: It is after the Battle and the search for Hermione's parents uncovers some unexpected branches on a previously well known family tree.

Canon Relationships.

Some Mature/Adult Themes and Language.
Hitcount: Story Total: 51827; Chapter Total: 1600







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By the time, we had reached the table poor Dave had a look on him like that of a hunted animal that knew it was cornered.

Sandra, Gabrielle, Andrea, Fireball, Cassy, Fleur, Madame Delacour, Ginny, Hermione and I must confess me had effectively surrounded and cut off Dave from any hope of support from any of the other boys. Even the remaining girls from Dave’s team Izzy and Abby had helped by ‘randomly’ choosing seats that pushed Mick and Jono further down the table.

Gabrielle still had her arm looped through Dave’s. Although I could no longer tell if that was for her enjoyment, to support Dave or to keep him from escaping. Or maybe even a mixture of all of them who can tell. She is a rather devious woman when she sets her mind to it.

I have always prided myself on the subtle ways I could extract information from my children without them ever knowing what it was that I was trying to find out. My sister on the other hand uses a much more direct approach. Commonly referred to as a ‘frontal assault’ to get information out of her children. It was on full display during this interrogation, I mean conversation with her son.

It also enlightened me as to where Dave truly got his own ‘eloquence’ from despite any objections that my sister might raise on the issue. Dave truly seems to be his mother’s son when it comes to the fine art of being subtle.

“Now Dave, I find myself in the ‘difficult’ position of needing to know everything that occurred in the so called ‘Paris Incident’ back in March.” Sandra began with a deceptively straight face.

“Now that we have started to mend relations with the British it is imperative that we not alienate any other European governments as well.”

“So, I need you to give me a full de briefing…” she began to say before Fireball and Andrea totally lost the struggle at keeping a straight face and began to laugh almost to the point of hysterics.

Dave just sat stoically much like a prisoner of war might, while giving his sisters such a filthy look that I could imagine that had it been put into words we would need to be washing his mouth out.

“If you two young ladies can get a grip on yourselves…” Sandra tried to say. This only seemed to set them off even more.

“You told them, didn’t you?” Dave said to Fireball giving her a very direct look that probably would have reduced most other people to tears of terror instead of tears of hysterics.

“You happily sold me down the river in Paris and now you have done it again, haven’t you?” Dave remarked to his sister.

Fireball eventually got herself under enough control to hold her hands up in mock surrender and protest her innocence.

“I swear I haven’t told another living soul.” She managed to say before once more succumbing to an attack of the giggles.

“So why then is Andrea also in near Hysterics then? I mean if you haven’t told anyone, how did she find out?” Dave questioned.

“I read about it.” Andrea replied in between fits of giggles as well.

Dave’s eyes looked like they were almost about to fall out of his head. “You mean it made the papers?” he asked in abject horror.

While some of us girls were struggling to keep a straight face at this point Andrea and Fireball felt no such conviction. They were reduced to gooey puddles of mush at the look on Dave’s face.

Even Gabrielle had by now a slight upturning of her lips at the continued antics of Dave’s sisters.

Eventually Andrea was composed enough to answer, “No. I didn’t read about it in the newspapers.”

You could see a degree of relief start to appear on Dave’s face.

“It was more like the official report from the police that arrived on the scene and rescued you from that group of women.” She managed to get out before both she and Fireball began laughing so hard that they fell off their seats.

Poor Dave wasn’t fairing any better. He had managed the magnificent feat of somehow going white as a sheet while still retaining the ability to blush hard enough that it was just possible to feel the glow from his cheeks, neck and ears.

It was at this point that Gabrielle could no longer hold a straight face and started to smile at the proceedings. Her timing proved to be almost fatal for poor Dave who had looked to her for support only to see her ultimately lose her battle and begin to smile and laugh.

Of course, his look of surprise just sent her over the edge and only served to set her off even more.

Dave collapsed onto the table and tried to bury his head in his hands.

At this point we could have used him for a heater in the winter time.

“I’m never going to be able to show my face around here or in France again after this.” Came a voice from within the folds of Dave’s arms on the table.

“But it ez such a cute face.” Gabrielle almost purred to Dave.

He lifted his arms away and off his head and raised his eyes to enable him to look up to Gabrielle. She smiled at him and added, “Especially when you blush like a little school boy.”

At this we all just lost it and fell into fits of giggling. I honestly couldn’t say if it was from Dave’s reaction or Gabrielle’s reaction to his reaction. All I can remember it was some time before we had ourselves under a semblance of control.

Eventually through the liberal application of some well-placed kisses and hugs Gabrielle was able to coax a still glowing Dave out from under his arms.

When he eventually did sit up, he wouldn’t make eye contact with anyone. Not even Gabrielle, but he was ‘allowing’ her to put her arms around him for ‘support’. Or it could have been that she sensed he wanted to flee the scene. Like I said she is a devious woman at times.

“Do you still have a copy of this report Andrea?” Sandra asked her daughter while Dave cringed.

“No I don’t. I really wished that I was able to keep a copy but when a certain French Auror realised that it had been ‘accidently’ left out on the table he hurriedly collected it and put it away.” She said between giggles.

“Jean-Luc had a copy of that report?” Dave asked with increasing worry.

“That means that Shelly has seen it too as he shows her every bloody thing.” This remark set Andrea and Fireball off into another fit of laughter.

“Get your mind out of the gutter girls.” Sandra chided her daughters.

“You are supposed to be helping me de brief Dave…”

This resulted into another round of hysterical laughter which almost caused an injury to Fireball when she tried to stand up.

“Now really girls what is the problem with you two?” Sandra was starting to get rather frustrated with her daughters at this point.

Eventually around alternating fits of laughter between them they managed to get out,

“But…”

“…that’s…”

“…what…”

“…those…”

“…women…”

“…were…”

“…trying…”

“…to…”

“…do.”

Befo re they completely lost control.

As realisation dawned on the assembled group as to what they had implied, Dave now found himself the target of 8 different sets of stares all from women who now JUST HAD to know what had occurred in Paris.

“I think I’m just going to go and hide away in my tent until you all forget about this ruddy conversation.” Dave said as he made to get up and leave.

Only to be forced back down into his chair by Gabrielle who then promptly sat herself on his lap to ensure he wasn’t going anywhere.

I told you she could be devious at times.

She placed her fingers under Dave’s chin and lifted it up till his eyes met hers.

Then displaying her own predatory grin, she said one simple word, “Talk!”

Dave now knew that he was well and truly trapped with no hope of escape. Gabrielle’s gaze held him as surely as though he was chained to the wall.

To soften the blow somewhat she leaned in and gave him a solid set of kisses. Solely for medicinal purposes she would claim later.

Whatever her real motivation for the kisses, they seemed to have done the trick of loosening Dave’s tongue.

Get your own mind out of the gutter here also. I simply meant that he began to talk. Really! Some people.

“I blame ‘Pretty Boy’ for the whole mess.” Dave said as he acknowledged his inevitable defeat and began to spill the beans as to what happened.

“How is Thomas to blame for this incident?” Sandra asked her son.

“He’s the one who performed the Translation charm on me to teach me French.” Dave answered a little defiantly.

“But Thomas doesn’t speak French dear.” Sandra replied a little confused.

“Yeah I know that... Now.” Was Dave’s answer.

Sandra’s only response was an amused look at Dave and a raised eyebrow to indicate that he should continue.

“After some disastrous attempts at French during my time here I decided to give in and use one of the Language spells from the Ministry. After all I figured, ‘what’s the worst that could happen’ you know.”

Andrea and Fireball were now at the point where their self-control was a touch and go kind of thing.

“So, when I was home in Feb, I looked up the list of people who were qualified to cast the spell for French and found Pretty Boy’s name on it. Given that he owed me some favours I asked him if he could perform the charm on me before I had to head back to France on the next day.”

“He agreed and did the spell for me right then and there. I thought that all was going well and I would easily be able to carry out Grandma’s request and organise part of her present when I was back in France.”

“What was your Grandma’s request?” Sandra asked.

“She wasn’t happy with my ‘formal attire’ that I wore to her Birthday last year. So, she requested that I find something more suitable for this year, preferably from Paris. Given that it is her 90th I thought that was a reasonable request and decided that I would get something special in Paris on my next day off.”

“That’s what you get for having only 2 rules of fashion Dave.” Fireball smirked at him.

“What are your two rules of fashion?” Hermione asked Dave.

“Does it fit?” Fireball answered.

“Is it comfortable?” Andrea answered next.

“I don’t understand?” Fleur questioned.

“I have had so much trouble over the years finding ‘fashionable’ clothes that fit me I just basically gave up on what I was wearing.” Dave answered.

“That’s one way to describe your wardrobe” Fireball laughed.

Seeing Fleur’s questioning look Dave continued, “I would make my decisions on what I would get based on what fitted me without splitting when I moved or sat down.” Andrea was close to losing it at that comment.

“Every single female in my family seemed to think this was a betrayal of the world of fashion for some reason I could not understand.”

“They would take every opportunity to point out the short comings of my wardrobe to me.” Dave said with a sigh.

“But not Emma?” Gabrielle asked.

“I wish.” Dave replied, “She was the ruddy ring leader in this particular campaign.” he remarked.

Gabrielle had to stifle a giggle at this point mostly due to the expression on Dave’s face.

“You have to understand it from her point of view Dave. If she was going to be seen in public with you, she wanted you to look a bit better than a beach bum with no fashion sense.” Andrea said before having another fit of giggles.

“Yeah, when he isn’t working Dave’s idea of formal is shoes and socks.” Fireball added.

“I still don’t see what your problem with my T-Shirts and Shorts are Fireball?” Dave asked clearly bewildered.

“You wear them all the time. That’s my problem with them.” She answered.

“You make it sound like I have only one set or something.” Dave shot back.

“No, I mean all the time. You even had them on when we were in Scotland during the winter for crying out loud.” She exclaimed.

“What was wrong with that?” Dave asked.

“It was snowing.” Came the reply from a disbelieving Fireball.

“So?” Dave asked.

“It was snowing Dave. It was bloody cold. We were all wrapped up in whatever we could find and here you were walking around in a T-Shirt, Shorts and Sneakers.”

“I wasn’t” Dave answered indigently.

“You bloody well were.” Fireball added.

“I had a jumper on as well” he replied to the disbelief of the rest of us there.

“A bloody jumper? Like that would have made a difference.”

“It did. I was comfortable.” Dave replied.

“Well I wasn’t. Every time I looked at you I could feel myself loose another degree or two of body heat.” She added.

“You might be a human hot water bottle, but the rest of us bloody well aren’t.” Fireball exclaimed. I did notice Gabrielle take note of that particular comment though.

“So, don’t look next time if it bothers you.” Dave replied.

“I had to look as we were following you. You great big galah.” Fireball added in exasperation.

“Galah?” Gabrielle asked with an amused look.

“It’s a type of bird in Australia. They are notorious as being a bit dim witted and silly creatures.” Sandra explained.

“Oh, I see.” Gabrielle replied looking back at Dave with a very amused smile on her face.

“Please don’t encourage her.” Dave almost begged Gabrielle.

“Who said I was going to encourage ‘er?” Gabrielle said with a wicked little grin.

“No one. I could see it in your eyes, what you were thinking.” Dave said with his own smile.

“Ah… Zen I don’t need to say it, do I?” Gabrielle said with a throaty chuckle followed by a kiss.

This got more than a few smiles around the table as well as a knowing glance between Sandra, Fleur and Madame Delacour.

“Ok now that we have discussed the faults of Dave’s wardrobe. Can we get this conversation back onto its intended topic?” Sandra asked as the colour once more departed Dave’s face.

Sandra smiled at her son and remarked, “You thought that you had changed the topic, didn’t you?”

The rueful look on Dave’s face was all that was needed for this to be confirmed.

“So, we have you planning on going into Paris to try and get something decent for Grandma’s 90th” Sandra said to get things back on track, “What happened next?”

“I made the monumental mistake of agreeing to take Fireball along. She said that she would help me pick out something special for Grandma’s 90th party”. Dave said with a rueful smile.

Fireball was once again sitting on the edge of her seat with a look of almost pure evil again on her face.

“We jumped over to Paris and found one store that Jean-Luc had recommended to us. We went in and found the salesman who seemed to be very helpful. He started to assist me with finding both some formal robes as well as a Muggle style suit.”

“While I was trying on the suit, which was actually quite comfortable by the way. I stepped back outside of the change room to ask the salesman if he had any shorts that would match the suit.”

At this Fireball rolled her eyes and groaned at her brother.

“What?” he asked her, “If we have a formal occasion at Uncle Jason’s place in Cairns it would nice to have something a little cooler to wear than full length trousers don’t you think?”

“Don’t try to change the subject Dave.” Sandra reminded him.

“But mum this IS the subject.” Andrea replied gleefully.

All eyes again turned to Dave who was trying to fade away into the background.

Once more Gabrielle lifted his face up and planted another kiss on him and told him to keep talking.

“Well you see, when I stepped out to ask the salesman about the possibility of shorts I wasn’t really paying attention to what was going on around me.” He said to the ever-increasing volume of giggles coming from Andrea and Fireball.

“Go on” Sandra said.

“I tried to ask him in French about the possibility of shorts to go with the suit. I didn’t realise that the person I was talking to wasn’t actually the person that I thought it was.”

“Or what you had said either” Fireball remarked with glee.

“It was a simple translation mistake.” Dave replied, “But she seemed to want to take it literally.”

“She?” Sandra asked.

“Yes. She.” Dave said in resignation, “The salesman had been called off to a different part of the store and a young saleswoman had taken his place.”

“So, when I stepped out asking for the possibility of trying on a pair of matching shorts I didn’t realise who I was talking to.”

“Or that she would be so enthusiastic about her job suddenly either.” Dave added starting to go red.

Fleur had been starting to smile when she asked, “What word did you use to describe what you were after?”

Dave just looked at the ground and refused to say anything. Gabrielle tried to lift his face again but he wouldn’t allow it. He buried his face into her shoulder in an attempt to hide.

Needless to say, this crowd that wasn’t going allow that tactic to work.

Eventually after some prompting from Gabrielle, Dave whispered something in her ear. She immediately began to giggle almost as bad as Andrea and Fireball were.

Fleur’s eyes flashed and she said in a very stern voice “Just say it Gabrielle.”

Once she had a degree of control Gabrielle said, “un caleçon”

Fleur’s eyes and that of Madame Delacour both went wide and then they too began to laugh.

Poor Dave meanwhile was still trying to hide his embarrassment in Gabrielle’s shoulder. She also didn’t seem to mind him snuggling up to her like that either.

Sandra and the rest of us were a little annoyed at being left out of the joke. After a few moments, Fleur regained enough control to say, “It is a word in French zat can have multiple meanings. One meaning is as per Dave intended to describe shorts.”

“But ze ozer meaning is for what ze English call ‘boxer shorts’ as in underwear.” She said with a smile.

“Did she offer to measure you?” Fleur asked Dave with a knowing grin.

“I have no idea what it was that she said” came the voice from Gabrielle’s shoulder.

“What did you say back to ‘er?” Fleur asked.

“It was when you didn’t reply that she took ah… ‘matters’ into her own hands that the trouble began.” Andrea said with tears now running freely down her face.

Dave now extracted himself from Gabrielle’s shoulder and fix his sister with a very direct look. One that was a mixture of curiosity and horror.

“Just how much information was in that report?” he requested from his sister.

“More than enough to keep you ‘honest’ in its retelling” she replied while struggling for breath at the ever-growing worry on Dave’s face.

“So, what happened next Dave?” Cassy asked him with feigned innocence.

“She suddenly became far too enthusiastic about her job.” Was all that Dave would say.

“Can you blame her?” Fireball asked.

“Yes, I most certainly bloody well do.” Dave replied with his cheeks once again starting to colour up.

“Now come on Dave I’m sure it was an ‘honest mistake’ on her part.” Fireball replied trying to defend this unknown sales woman.

“Look at it from her point of view, will you?” she said as fresh tears of mirth ran down her cheeks.

“You stepped out of the change room with your shirt on but all undone. You had your pants on but not done up all the way”

“That’s because they had those silly bloody hook things that I can’t use because my hands are too dam big. I still don’t see why they can’t use a normal fly and a button.” Dave remarked.

“Be that as it may Dave. When you were umm ‘mostly dressed’ like that can you blame her for wanting a closer look?” Fireball got out before she and the rest of the ladies around the table (yes including Sandra and Gabrielle) burst out into laughter.

“A closer look at what?” Dave asked. Only to be met with looks of incredibility by Madame Delacour, Fleur, Gabrielle, Ginny, Hermione and myself.

“You dummy.” Fireball answered rolling her eyes.

“Why would she have wanted a closer look at me for?” Dave asked with genuine confusion.

Fleur looked like she was about to say something rather naughty (judging only by her smile and expression) at this point, but she caught the almost imperceptible shake of Sandra’s head. It gave a clear indication she wished the conversation to not venture into that area.

“Per’aps she only wished for better access for ‘er tape measure? No?” Fleur said instead of her original comment.

Sandra smiled at this statement (along with the rest of us) she also mouthed ‘Thank you’ to Fleur who smiled by way of reply and raised a questioning eyebrow.

Sandra acknowledged the response and mouthed ‘Later’ to her, which Fleur seemed to accept.

Madame Delacour and Gabrielle caught this exchange also and were equally curious about it. But they seemed willing to wait for the more private discussion to come ‘later’.

It goes without saying that Dave missed this whole exchange and continued with the conversation.

“Maybe but that’s still no reason to try and remove my dacks.” Dave replied to renewed laughter from his mum, Andrea, Fireball and Cassy.

The rest of us were confused for a few moments until Sandra explained that ‘dacks’ was an Aussie slang term for pants or trousers.

With this bit of information, we all joined in with the laughter.

“She didn’t have to pull them down by much. As you basically jumped the rest of the way out of them.”

“I thought you were going to end up in the next aisle of clothing.” Fireball said, now having to hold her sides due to the strain of laughing so hard for an extended period.

“Now that part wasn’t in the report.” Andrea said with a twinkle in her eyes.

“The sight of your bear arse running behind that rack of clothes was one of the funniest things I had seen in a long time.” Fireball added to Dave’s abject horror.

“David!!!” Sandra exclaimed, “I certainly hope you had something on underneath.” She said before her own giggle caught up with her surprise.

“I did mum. Despite the accusations from my supposedly ‘loving sister’ I had a pair of undies on. So, don’t worry.”

“Given how old and threadbare they were, you needn’t have bothered.” Fireball shot back, clearly happy that she had added some extra embarrassment to her brother’s predicament, “About the only part that wasn’t threadbare was the writing on the back of them.” Fireball said just as Dave went fully white.

“No. You wouldn’t” He exclaimed.

“Try me.” She answered with her predatory grin once more on display.

Dave opened his mouth to speak only to have Gabrielle place her hand over it and motion for Fireball to continue.

Grinning from ear to ear Fireball said, “#1 petit mignon bum” before having a fit of hysterics.

Madame Delacour, Fleur, Gabrielle, Andrea and Cassy all were now in hysterics also. The rest of us along with Sandra were all rather confused as to what it meant.

Dave had once more taken refuge in Gabrielle’s shoulder and she had happily enfolded him in her arms and was rubbing his back trying to impart some sort of comfort to him. All the while merrily joining in with the laughter.

Sandra eventually spoke up and said, “I don’t see what’s so funny? You said yesterday that it was a surfing term.”

This of course just set Fireball, Andrea and Cassy off again.

“He might have been given that ‘title’ during a surfing comp mum. But it certainly isn’t a surfing term.” Andrea said looking over at Dave who was now clearly dreading his mum finding out just what it meant.

“Is it related to this LCB term that I used to keep hearing about?” Sandra asked.

Andrea could only nod her head by way of reply.

“So, what does it actually mean?” she almost demanded. The rest of us were also itching to find out as well.

It was Madame Delacour who ended up selling Dave out when she said, “It means, Little Cute Bum.”

It was like someone had released a tickling or laughing hex on the group of us.

Sandra’s eyes were as big as tea cups as she realised the meaning and then she succumbed to the hysterics that were affecting all of us.

Even the boys at the other end of the table now knew something was up. They seemed happy to leave Dave to his fate however.

I noticed that Abby and Izzy were also using every inch of their own self-control not to also burst into laughter at their boss. While they were struggling mightily I could also tell it was a losing battle and would only be a matter of time.

Dave was looking over at Madame Delacour with such a look of shock that she felt sorry for him. She got up and came over to him and said, “I’m sorry Mon cher, but a mère should know zese zings about ‘er enfants.”

After this she kissed his cheeks (I was almost worried about her getting burnt from the glow that they were now producing) and gave him a hug before going back to her seat. Once there she also was laughing hard enough to produce tears.

Gabrielle had a very amused little smile on her face and she had to again extract Dave from her shoulder. Once he was looking at her she asked, “Where did you ever get such a pair of un caleçon?”

Dave did not have a chance to reply before Fireball answered for him.

“They were a gift for him from Emma.” Fireball answered.

“Emma?” Sandra exclaimed. “How did she find out about that ‘title’? As she wasn’t there.”

“Yeah Fireball.” Dave asked rather pointedly, “How did she find out? I wonder who would have told her ALL about it.”

Fireball was trying to display an air of innocence at these accusations. But she was also far too busy laughing at her brothers’ embarrassment to be able to pull it off.

“Oh, all right. I told her about it.” Fireball admitted, “You both were still in the hospital and having a rough time of it too. I thought that anything that could raise her spirits would be worth a try.”

“One day while you were off having your physical therapy she had a rather bad episode happen. When she came around she was rather unhappy as you were not there. I wanted to attempt to cheer her up, so I told her about the ‘title’ that you were awarded by the girls at the surfing championships.”

“It was the first time I had seen her properly smile since you were bitten. She thought it was absolutely hilarious.”

“I do believe that she also agreed with their decision.” Fireball added with a VERY naughty grin at her brother.

“She then decided that someone with such a title should have a ‘crown’ worthy of it.” Fireball added with a grin that was in danger of splitting her face wide open it was so big.

“After I also told her about the Magazine article she just HAD to see it.”

“Magazine?” Dave asked with real worry showing on his face, “What Magazine is this?”

“Yes, Dave a magazine. Please do try and keep up.” She smirked.

“Unfortunately, I didn’t get a copy while we were in France as I had other things on my mind at the time.” She said with an almost tender expression on her face as she looked at her brother.

“Emma was a rather determined and resourceful young woman, especially when she set her mind to something. It goes without saying that she was determined to see that magazine.”

“She asked her father who has significant contacts back in France if he could track down a copy of it for her. After he recovered from his own attack of hysterics he readily agreed.”

“Oh no. Emma’s dad knows?” Dave asked as his face seemed to crumple in on its self.

“Of course, he does. You don’t think she would have hidden something like this from him, do you?” Fireball added with undisguised glee.

“She was very ‘proud’ of your ‘title’ and I think she told most of the family.” Fireball added. Poor Dave looked like he wanted to make himself invisible at this point.

“Thankfully I was able to get to him before he obtained a copy of the Magazine for her. I told him that the Magazine also had an article in it about the shark attack along with a few rather graphic photos. I didn’t think that Emma would be able to deal with them just now. Her dad thankfully agreed also.”

“He apparently spoke with one of his business contacts in France who arranged to get a copy of the article about Dave (and not the attack) sent to him.”

“Once Emma got her hands on it she devoured the article in record time. When she finished reading it she had tears of joy in her eyes she was laughing so much.”

“For that fact alone it was thoroughly worth it.” Fireball said while smiling a genuine smile over to Dave.

Dave meanwhile had his own wistful smile on his face as he listed to Fireball’s story. Gabrielle had been carefully studying Dave’s face during this story as well. She had an expression of such tenderness on her own face that it just couldn’t help but tug at your own heart to see it.

“After reading the article she changed her idea for a suitable ‘crown’ for her #1 LCB. She organised for a set of undies to immortalise it for Dave.” Fireball explained while Dave was exploring new shades of red to display.

“A set?” Sandra exclaimed with a giggle, “Just how many of these undies do you have Dave?” she asked her son.

It was clear that Dave didn’t want to answer the question but Gabrielle was relentless and would not allow him to escape her own questioning gaze. Eventually he showed some common sense and gave in. Although the kisses Gabrielle offered him may have contributed to his decision to capitulate also.

“It was a pack of 7 undies that she had ‘customised’ for me.” He eventually admitted.

“How is it that I have never seen them before?” Sandra asked her son with an arch little smile.

“I’m not in the habit of showing my undies to other people mum…” Dave tried to explain before his mother cut across him, “No. Only to french women apparently.” Sandra remarked with a raised eyebrow and a very cheeky little smile. At this comment BOTH Dave and Gabrielle broke out in a fresh round of blushing. It was amusing to watch them both trying to hide in each other’s shoulders.

“I can understand Dave blushing ‘ere, but why are you blushing also Gabrielle?” Madame Delacour asked her daughter with a knowing look.

At this everyone turned their attention to poor Gabrielle who was now experiencing the same sort of scrutiny that Dave had been experiencing just moments ago. Dave also looked up at Gabrielle with his own questioning look for her. Upon seeing his expression Gabrielle broke out into uncontrollable giggles for a few moments before she could squeak out a reply.

“Pardonne-moi” she said with her own very naughty little smile. This only seemed to confuse Dave even more until Fleur supplied the missing information he needed.

“It seems zat ze door to Dave’s chambre didn’t fully shut when ‘e was getting changed earlier.” Fleur explained to a now rather worried Gabrielle and a VERY embarrassed Dave.

“Gabrielle bravely took on ze job of making sure zat no one else could observe ze goings on in zere ‘owever.” She finished with her own evil grin on full display.

Poor Gabrielle looked like she wanted to flee but Dave’s arms were already around her waist and they tightened ever so slightly to ensure that she didn’t get away. There followed a whispered conversation between the two of them that had a lot of giggles coming from Gabrielle during it.

Eventually a peace offering of some kisses was ‘extracted’ from Gabrielle by Dave (she really didn’t seem to mind this ‘punishment’) and they again re-joined the conversation. Albeit with a smile still playing at the corners of Gabrielle’s mouth.

“At least I had on a new pair of plain undies today.” Dave commented to himself. Before all the girls had another round of the giggles at him.

“Well if that magazine brought some joy to Emma I guess it is worth all of this embarrassment.” Dave said trying to get his blushing under control. “As long as it never sees the light of day again that is.”

“I must ask Jackie if she knows it where it is” Sandra remarked, “as I would dearly love to see it.”

“It wasn’t with her things in the hospital mum. As we didn’t see it when we were packing up her room.” Fireball said with a touch of sadness.

“I zink zat I still ‘ave a copy of it at ‘ome” Gabrielle said in an offhand manner.

The look on Dave’s face could only be described as adorable as he was both bewildered and frightened at the same time. He was totally focused on Gabrielle’s face with such a pleading look that he missed the outburst of laughter from his sisters before they launched into a bidding war amongst each other trying to persuade Gabrielle to allow them to see the Magazine.

Poor Gabrielle was at a loss as what to do with all the attention from Dave’s sisters and cousin. Eventually Sandra broke through the noise.

“I think that Gabrielle should turn the Magazine over to her mother and between the two of us, as the responsible adults here we will decide if it is suitable for viewing by a group of impressionable young ladies.” She said trying to maintain a straight face the entire time.

“Don’t you agree Madame Delacour?” she asked.

“Absolument.” She replied also trying very hard to maintain a straight face as well. “Per’aps Molly could ‘elp us judge zis magazine as an impartial witness?” she asked.

“I would certainly be happy to offer my services.” I replied while smiling at the expression on Dave’s face.

“There, that was easily settled.” Sandra said before breaking out into laughter yet again.

Dave was now clearly imploring Gabrielle to ensure that she never found the magazine in question. She however only smiled at him and in between a few more kisses said, “Don’t look at moi like zat. You were ze one wearing ze naughty boxers.”

“They were not boxes Gabrielle. They were briefs.” Fireball informed her.

“Briefs?” she asked a little confused.

“un slips.” Fleur answered for her. At this Gabrielle seemed even more amused.

“un slips? ’ow did zey fit all ze writing on zem?” she asked.

This of course did absolutely nothing to help Dave’s cause. It only served as more fuel for the fire.

Ginny was the one who first managed to gain a degree of control and tried to get the story back on track. I don’t know if this was from a genuine desire to know the rest of the story or to try and get even for Dave’s earlier antics.

“What was the sales woman’s reaction to see that?” she asked with a look of wide eyed innocence that fooled no one.

“I think she wanted to check validity of the statement.” Fireball replied.

“However, our ‘brave’ Auror here was now cowering behind a rack of clothing. Trying very hard to keep it between him and the sales woman.”

“He must have been very flustered as he forgot the cardinal rule of combat.” Fireball said with even more mirth dancing in her eyes.

“What’s the cardinal rule of combat?” Ginny asked.

“It’s ‘check six’” she replied to a sea of confused female faces. The exception being Andrea and Cassy as well as Izzy and Abby.

“Check Six?” Fleur asked.

“It means check your 6 o’clock. Or look behind you.” Fireball answered once more struggling for control.

“I did check behind me while I was moving. I just forgot once I stopped.” Dave answered not willing to lift his eyes from his shoes.

“Yes well. If you had kept on moving, you might have been safe. But why you stopped in that particular location I have no idea.” Fireball replied.

“Where did he stop?” I had to ask to keep the story going.

“Let me put it this way, the area behind him had a sign that said, ‘Lingerie feminine’ along with a contingent of now very curious trainee saleswomen.” Fireball almost cried out.

“Oh non…” Madame Delacour said losing her battle to keep a straight face yet again.

“Oui” Fireball said in between fits of giggles.

“With our brave Auror holding out his hands in a valiant but ultimately vain effort to fend off the one saleswoman he could see, he failed to realise that his shirt had ridden up and his undies (as well as their message) was on full display to this group of curious trainee saleswomen.”

“Such a bold claim just had to be… shall we say, ‘investigated’ by this group of suddenly very dedicated women.” Fireball said from the ground as she had again fallen off her chair from all her laughing.

“Just how many women were there Dave?” Sandra asked her son.

“It was about to be a case of six on one. Seven on one if I count Fireball on their side. As she certainly wasn’t on mine.”

“Hey, I had prime seats to the best entertainment that I had seen in years. I was going to enjoy it to the fullest.” Came the reply from the floor.

“Are you trying to tell me Dave that you couldn’t defend yourself against six saleswomen?” Sandra asked her son her amusement clearly evident.

“We might have to speak to the academy and get them to deal with this chink in your armour.” She added with a knowing glance at Gabrielle.

“Their teamwork was some of the best that I had seen. Besides if I had started tying them up or cuffing them they probably have taken that as even more of an invitation than they thought that they already had.” Dave said with his glow now spreading to his neck.

“Teamwork?” Sandra asked with a smirk on her face, “Just what did they do that demonstrated good team work?” she asked with the smirk growing larger.

“Well they got his shirt off him very quickly apparently.” Andrea added because Fireball was incapable of speech just now.

“You were only in your un slips?” Gabrielle asked with great amusement. She was clearly picturing the incident in her mind.

“He was.” Andrea added ‘helpfully’. “Although they had designs on them as well as per the report.”

“It was at this point Dave remembered his fancy footwork and the fact that he is ‘magical’” Fireball added. Once again able to speak after having a short break from commentary.

“He started to dodge and weave and was slowly making his way back to the men’s changing rooms. Obviously hoping to find sanctuary with in.”

“He was almost back to the change rooms when one of the saleswomen got a solid grip on his undies.”

“Dave then demonstrated some truly creative magical abilities as he managed to summon another set of undies to appear underneath the pair that he was already wearing.”

“The saleswoman who had a grip on his original undies was most disappointed.” Fireball giggled.

“Spoilsport.” Cassie remarked to poor Dave. This of course only brought about more bouts of giggles.

Dave was once more trying to hide in Gabrielle shoulder but I think she was having more enjoyment from watching his face throughout the telling of the story. As she kept on ‘digging him out’ from her shoulder with sets of kisses.

“Dave eventually broke free of the woman who had a grip on his undies. However, in his enthusiasm to get away he over balanced and crashed through the men’s changing rooms.”

“There was no sanctuary to be found there now.”

“FINALLY remembering his Auror training, he used the noise and chaos as cover to grab his original clothes and make a break for an alternative location.”

“His plan was obviously to try and get dressed in peace and then sneak out of the store or something.” Fireball explained with tears still flowing freely.

“It was and it would have worked too if you hadn’t had pointed out to those women where I was.” Dave said rather indigently to his sister.

“Why did you do that to your brother?” Sandra asked Fireball with her own lips twitching into a smile.

Fireball could only shrug and smile in response. Her power of speech was an optional thing at this point.

“Where did ‘e run off to zen?” Gabrielle asked.

“The only change rooms still standing. The women’s ones.” Andrea answered for her sister.

“As per the report that’s where the French Magical Metro Police found him.”

“The cubical that he had selected was the only one without a working lock. So, he was having to hold the door shut against 6 very ‘helpful’ saleswomen and hadn’t been able to try and get any of his clothes back on.” Andrea eventually explained.

“I would have paid good money to have been there when they eventually opened the door and let him out.” She said relishing the scene in her mind’s eye.

“They could have at least let me put my own clothes back on before making me get out of the dressing room.” Dave said a little bitterly.

“There was a very simple reason for that Dave. As an Auror you should have known it.” Andrea said with tears once more starting to fill her eyes.

Dave gave her a filthy look and was obviously trying to tell her something with his eyes.

“And zat was?” Gabrielle asked.

“They needed to photograph the ‘evidence’ for the report.” Andrea said as all of us just collapsed in laughter. I hadn’t laughed that hard in years.

“That was only because the senior Police officer on the scene was a woman. A bloke would have been ok with a description only.” Dave said a bit sullenly.

Eventually once we got ourselves back under control Sandra asked, “Is that the end of the story?”

“I bloody well hope so.” Dave answered to another round of giggles.

“Jean-Luc apparently let Shelly know that a framed copy of that ‘evidence’ photo proudly sits on the desk of that Policewoman and another framed copy resides in the Female change room of her police station.” Andrea said with a grin at her brother who was once more impersonating a radiator.

“Why would they put it in their change room?” Dave asked, rather to the amusement of Fleur and Gabrielle.

“Apparently, the other female officers at her station requested it be put there. For in their words ‘why should the boss get all the fun’.” Andrea said as Dave once more blushed and turned white, then repeat.

“I hope you fixed the men’s change rooms before you left.” Sandra asked Dave.

“I had to.” He answered. “It was the only place they would let me change back into the clothes that I had on when I arrived.”

“They even gave you a ‘guard of honour’ as you walked from the women’s change rooms to the men’s ones didn’t they.” Fireball added.

“And you wonder why I never want to go clothes shopping with you or any of my so called ‘loving sisters’.” Dave said to Fireball.

“I think I would prefer combat against Dementors to another experience like that.” Dave answered.

“After all, zat did you end up getting any clothes for your Grand-mères 90th?” Madame Delacour asked Dave.

“Not even close.” Dave answered, “After they were finished with their photos and statements and they finally let me get dressed. I got out of there as quickly as I could.”

“I scrapped the plans for the rest of my ‘weekend off’ and headed off to Normandy for a meeting with Mr P instead.” Dave answered.

“Ah so that’s where you went.” Fireball replied, “I thought you had been spirited away by those lovely Policewomen who were so eager to ‘help’ you.”

“They did make a rather lot of suggestions. But I had had my fill of female help for the day.” Dave answered with his ears now adding to the number of glowing body parts.

“I thought that work was shaping up as the safer option. At least there there’re rules that make some sort of sense.”

“So, you still need to get some clothes zen?” Madame Delacour answered.

“Yeah I do. I’m planning on trying a trip into London this weekend to see what I can find. As I’m sure after that incident I will not be able to walk into any store in Paris ever again.” Dave said.

“Oh non, mon cher, if your Grand-mères wanted you to get somezing nice from Paris you must do it.”

“I would be very ‘appy to accompany you to Paris and ‘elp you find something suitable.” She said to Dave as hope began to dawn on his face again.

“If you are lucky we might be able to persuade a certain someone to also come along and assist as well?” she said looking to Gabrielle who was now smiling and blushing at the thought.

Dave looked to Gabrielle with such a puppy dog expression on his face that she just had to kiss him again and say “Oui, I will ‘elp if you wish me too.”

“Very much.” He answered to her obvious pleasure.

“I zink zat I could be of ‘elp as well if you wish” Fleur offered to Dave.

With a glance at Gabrielle who quickly nodded her agreement Dave also gratefully accepted her help as well.

“Thank you very much ladies, for you very kind offer of assistance.” Dave said with his gratitude clearly showing. “It promises to be a much safer experience with your help. Especially if we could somehow ban my sisters from Paris for the weekend.” He said with an evil grin of his own directed at them.

“It is ze least zat we can do for you after all your ‘ard work, mon cher.” Madame Delacour answered.

“Did you manage to get your Grand-Mères present organised as well?”

“No, I didn’t as the weather wasn’t co-operating that weekend. So, I had to abandon the attempt. With the way, the weather has been on those occasions when I have had enough ‘time off’ I don’t think I will be able to get it organised in time.”

“What are you trying to organize?” Madame Delacour asked.

“I wanted to find Grandma’s brothers.” Dave answered.

Madame Delacour looked rather confused at this answer. Sandra, Andrea, Fireball and Cassie however had stopped giggling at their brother and were now looking at him with their hearts in their eyes.

“Ses frères?” Madame Delacour asked.

“Yes. She is the youngest in a family of three.”

“Her eldest brother was killed in action during World War One. He died in one of the last great big battles on the Somme. I believe that I have located his grave there, but want to visit to make sure.”

“If it is indeed him then I want to get a good photograph of it and a memory of the place that I can give to her.” Dave answered. His sisters, cousin and mother were all smiling so warmly at him that he was becoming embarrassed.

“Il était un ANZAC?” she asked surprised.

“Yes, he was. He was in the 8th Australian Battalion” Dave explained.

“Sang et bandages?” she said, when she saw Dave’s confusion she said “Zey were ze ones called ‘Ze Blood and Bandages’?”

“Yes, they were. Their unit insignia was white over red going horizontally.”

“I know of zem. Zey fought at Pozières in 1916.” She remarked.

“Yes, they did. Grandma’s brother Otto was in that battle. He along with a lot of his mates from his section were badly wounded there. Many more died. But he survived only to be killed near Amiens in 1918.”

“My parents remember the ANZACs and especially the 4th and 8th Battalions. As they saved their village in 1916 from ze German Army.”

“It will be an honour to ‘elp you find your Grand Oncle’s resting place.” She said beaming at Dave.

Dave was very surprised by this piece of news. He was also appeared to be very happy for the extra help.

“Who is the other Grand Oncle you are trying to find?” Madame Delacour asked.

“He was a member of the RAAF and was killed a few days after D-Day in WWII. From what we know he was shot down outside of Caen in 1944.”

“He is supposedly buried in Ranville Military cemetery.”

“They have not responded to my requests for information on him though. I was planning on going there and searching for him myself.” Dave answered.

“My Mari, Julian has Famille in Caen still. If you can give me ‘is details I will happily ask zem if zey can check ze cemetery for you. As I do believe it is only a short trip from where zey live.”

Dave was now the one with tears in his eyes. He asked Gabrielle to allow him up (she reluctantly did so) and he crossed to Madame Delacour and engulfed her in his arms and hugged her tightly. All the while saying Thank-you to her. It was very clear that it meant a huge amount to him.

Gabrielle also had tears in her eyes at this scene. As she was just beginning to fully understand exactly how important family was to this young man.
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