|SIYE Time:17:31 on 23rd June 2018|
I'm with Stupid
- Text Size +
Genres: Fluff, General, Humor
Warnings: Mild Sexual Situations
Story is Complete
Summary: Written for UK Father's Day. A near 40 year old Harry Potter is celebrating one of his favourite days in the way he wants - or so he thinks. His family will get the last laugh.
Hitcount: Story Total: 1102
Disclaimer: Harry Potter Publishing Rights © J.K.R. Note the opinions in this story are my own and in no way represent the owners of this site. This story subject to copyright law under transformative use. No compensation is made for this work.
This fic was inspired by a post on tumbler called 'Cool Dad'by avengernerdone, listing ways Harry would be a cool dad. WIth permission, some of those were used in the fic.
Harry Potter woke and showered, then dressed. He brushed his below shpulder length hair, deciding to leave it down for now. Then he sauntered down the hall, grinning to hear sounds of his kids in the kitchen. “Shit, James, you dropped it. We only had four edible pancakes and you had to go and drop one!” he heard Albus say.
“Aw, just put it on the bottom, Dad'll never know,” came James' reply.
“James,” he heard Ginny sigh.
“Mu-um,” mocked James, then “Ow — Mum!” Harry guessed Ginny had just used a mild stinging hex on him. He grinned.
“James, you prat. Mum, is Dad ever coming down?” asked Lily, exasperated.
“He'll be here soon,” assured Ginny.
Harry burst through the door. “Aah, my loving family. James, my firstborn and Albus, Al, my mini-me, you handsome devil. Morning, boys,” he greeted exuberantly.
James and Albus exchanged surprised looks at his exuberance. “Er, morning, Dad,” they said cautiously.
“Beautiful morning, isn't it,” he beamed at them, before turning to his daughter. “Lily, my sweetheart, good morning, princess,” he said, holding his arms wide for a hug.
Lily threw herself into his arms and hugged him tightly. “Happy Father's Day, Daddy.” He leant down to kiss the top of her head.
“Come sit down, Dad, next to Mum. We're making you breakfast,” announced Lily, proudly.
Albus held the chair out for him, and James placed the newspaper in front of him. “Happy Father's Day, Dad,” they chorused, grinning.
“My favourite day,” he assured them, smiling. As they hurried back to their assigned roles in the kitchen, Harry took a moment to greet his wife, never minding the fact they'd woken earlier and celebrated this day in their own special way. He cupped the back of her neck and brought her face close to his. “Good morning, wife,” he greeted huskily before kissing her lightly.
She caressed his chin and tickled his still-coming-in beard. “It cerainly was, husband,” she replied, before kissing him a tad more passionately. Their eyes met in amusement as their kids groaned, with James making puking noises.
“That's it, I've lost my appetite,” he complained . “Isn't it bad enough he's wearing those short shorts again, now he has to maul Mum at the table,” he said.
“Actually, I think your mum's doing the mauling,” said Harry, as he and Ginny broke apart. “And what's wrong with these shorts? I've worn them in perfectly. They've become my favourites,” he said.
“Well, they are a bit short, Harry,” said Ginny, placing her hand on his upper thigh and caressing. “Still, it's fine while we're home, with no company,” she told her kids.
“Mum, they show his leg, his bare leg,” complained Albus, bringing over cutlery, maple syrup, honey and lemon. Lily brought over Harry and Ginny's cups of tea and sat next to her dad.
“His hair will grow back, he was helping me,” defended Lily. Harry winked at her.
Ginny sighed in amusement. “I just wish you had waited for me to come home yesterday,” she said to Lily. “I would have been happy to show you the witches way to shave your legs.” She turned to Harry. “And you really didn't need to show her by shaving your whole leg, surely?” She ran her hand from his thigh down to his knee and below, feeling the smooth skin that was still taking her a bit of getting used to.
“Yeah, Dad. It looks weird, epecially in those shorts,” complained James, bringing over a plate of four pancakes and putting in front of Harry. “One shaved leg and one hairy? Doesn't the press think we're crazy enough as it is!”
“If dying and coming back has taught me anything, son, it's to be yourself and not worry about what other people think. It's not something you can control, so who cares,” shrugged Harry. “Hey, look at that,” he pointed.
When James, Albus and Lily looked to the window he'd pointed at, he tossed the last pancake under the table, where Gryffin, their dog was waiting. Ginny rolled her eyes at his statement, then smirked but kept quiet.
“What? What did you see, Dad?” asked Albus, looking and frowning when he saw nothing.
“Hmm, oh, thought Uncle Ron was out there, you know he can smell pancakes a mile away,” said Harry, rubbing his stomach. “Especially great pancakes like this,” he said, nodding at James. “Even though I do hate to miss my daily Potter Puffs,” he said.
Albus groaned and Lily laughed at the mention of a popular breakfast cereal, actually named Wizard Puffs, that had just changed their packaging to include a charicature of a young super hero, with black hair, green eyes behind round glasses, with a lightening bolt on his chest. Harry had been tickled to see them on the grocery shop shelves and brought some home, re-naming them Potter Puffs. Happily they tasted good, and he was always seen having a bowl for a snack. He even took some boxes to the Burrow, to the embarassment of James, Albus and Lily. George and Ron teased Harry, who took it all in great stride, leaving Molly to tell her sons off for teasing her favourite son-in-law. Never mind he was her only son-in-law, he smirked behind her back as she told them off, then hugged her and told her he was hungry. She bustled off to find him some treacle tart she always had on hand for him.
They finished their breakfast, with James nudging Albus when Harry ate the 'last'pancake. Lily bit her lip but a warning look from James made her hold her tongue. “When are we going to the Burrow?” she asked.
“Pretty soon,” said Harry. Ginny looked surprised, for she was planning on going over at lunchtime.
Harry rubbed his hands together. “I can't wait for presents,” he said.
This surprised everyone, for Harry was usually quite humble about presents, not wanting anyone to spend money on him. He much preferred the home made and school made presents the kids brought home, they meant more to him than anything. Everything they'd made for him, including Teddy, was proudly displayed in his home office, with his many medals and award stashed in their Gringott's vault.
“Well, I was going to get James to take Gryffin for a walk, and the boys need to clean their rooms,” said Ginny.
“We'll take Gryff with us to the Burrow,” suggested Harry.
Ginny shot him a look. “You know Percy doesn't like dogs, Harry,” she chided.
“Shame, that,” said Harry unconcered, fondling the dog's ears. “Still, he's part of my family and I want him there.” Ginny kicked him under the table as the boys chuckled.
“Actually Mum, I think dogs in general don't like Uncle Percy,” said James, “ they always growl around him.”
“They can smell fear,” agreed Harry.
“And Uncle Percy's aftershave,” grinned Albus, holding his nose, making them all laugh.
“The boys can tidy their rooms quickly, then we'll go,” decided Harry.
“Aw Dad, do we have to,” moaned James.
“Yes, son, we all have to do things we don't want to. For instance, when I was your age, I had to face a dark lord that wanted to kill me, not to mention a supposed murderer who escaped Azkaban to find me,” said Harry cheerily.
The boys groaned. “Not the 'Chosen One' story again,” complained Albus. His dad brought it out whenever he and James complained about doing chores or doing things they didn't want to.
“Oh, and would this be the same escaped supposed murderer you named me after?” taunted James. “Good old Uncle Sirius?”
Harry nodded, grinning.
“You can't argue with dad, you know he's right,” said Lily, who always kept her room tidy. “Plus it's Father's Day,” she said. Harry blew her a kiss.
“Fine, but you can't bring up Voldemort again today,” warned James, as he and Albus slunk out. “Not fair...how can you argue with that...,” they heard him mutter to Albus as they headed for their bedrooms.
“So I guess that leaves you two girls to clean the kitchen,” said Harry, standing. “I'd help but you know, it's Father's Day and all.” He whistled and Gryffin got up and followed his master out of the kitchen.
Ginny and Lily looked at the kitchen stove tops and dishes piled on the sink in dismay. Ginny looked at her daughter. “Wash or dry?” she offered.
“Actually Mum, I think my room could do with a tidy. Bye,” said Lily, quickly escaping the kitchen.
“Damn. Don't think I won't remember this next Mother's Day,” muttered Ginny. “Thank Merlin for magic,” she sighed, swishing her wand to begin the cleanup.
They met back in the lounge half an hour later, sans Harry. “Where's Dad?” asked Albus.
“Coming,” he called, coming down the hall with a bulging carry bag. They all turned to watch him join them.
“Dad, no,” complained James, staring at his bare legs in those short shorts. “I thought you were going to change.”
“Sorry, James, this is who I am,” said Harry, holding his arms out. He shrunk the bag and put it in his pocket.
“Never mind his legs, Dad, you're not seriously going to wear that,” cried Albus, pointing to an old Harpies tee shirt, of a rookie Ginny Weasley. It was well worn and suited for a much younger, thinner Harry Potter. Now it stretched tight across his chest and rode up, showing his abdomen.
“I'm just supporting your mum, Albus,” said Harry.
“Not wearing that old thing, you're not,” said Ginny, looking at him in amusement.
“That's not what you said last night,” he murmured. He leaned over and whispered to her not so quietly, “when you asked me to wear it, then ripped it off me.”
Lily was the last to speak, not looking at his legs or his chest, but at his head. “Dad...is that a bun on your head?” she cried, making the three other Potters look up at his hair in shock.
Harry patted his hair. “Man bun,” he corrected. “Very trendy, very 'in' right now. What do you think? Did I do it right?” he asked Lily.
She nodded eagerly, but James looked at Ginny. “Mum, is Dad having a midlife crisis?”
“Or a stroke?”suggested Albus, poking his father's stomach. Harry chuckled and brushed Albus' hand away.
“Shall we go?” asked Harry, already striding to the fireplace. He threw the Floo powder down and called out “The Burrow.” The green flames carried him away.
“Poor Dad,” sighed Lily. “Our uncles are going to tease him terribly, aren't they?”
“Yep,” grinned Ginny.
“Oh well, looks like Uncle Percy's off the hook today,”grinned James.
“Woof,” barked Gryffin, at the sound of Percy's name.
“Not necessarily,” grinned Albus, and he ushered the dog into the fireplace with himself. Holding onto him, he let James throw the Floo powder down, and called out The Burrow. Lily followed after.
“Think it's going to be a fun day,” smirked James, then he too used the Floo.
“That's one word for it,” groaned Ginny, then she too, followed her family.
When they first arrived, Percy, Audrey and their girls, Molly and Lucy were the only ones there. Ginny snorted at Percy's reaction to seeing what Harry was wearing, only to have young Molly and Lucy beg Harry to do their hair just like his. He happily complied. Arthur watched on in amusement.
The Potters, including Gryffin, who ran off to chase squealing gnomes, then escaped the house for a fly, except Lily who stayed behind to talk with Lucy. Audrey and young Molly offered to help Molly with the lunch and start to prepare for dinner, when most everyone would join them. Hermione was dealing with some problem at the Ministry and was unsure if she would make it. Charlie had made it home for Mother's day in March, but Portkeys home to England had to be shared around, so he had missed out this time, but was planning to return late July to celebrate Harry and Ginny's birthdays and spend the last of the summer with the family.
By the time the Potters had finished flying, Bill, Fleur, Dominique and Louis had arrived, as had George, Angelina, Freddie, Roxeanne and Ron. Rose and Hugo were at Hermione's parents and either she or Ron would collect them in time for tea. Victoire and Teddy were at Andromeda's and would also be along later for dinner.
There was the usual good natured teasing of Harry, who took it all in his stride. George and Ron kept running their hands up and down his shaved leg till Ginny threatened to BatBogey hex them both. Dominique made Uncle Harry promise to gift her the tee shirt he was wearing when he was done with it, as she liked retro clothing.
Roxeanne liked his man bun, but asked if she could plait his hair. So he unwound it, and let his nieces and daughter play beauty parlour. He shrugged at Percy's disgust, and ignored Bill's dig about getting in touch with his feminine side, as he let his nieces give him a mani/pedi, before painting his toe nails. They proceeded to tell Lily the necessary charms to shave her legs but he and Lily shared a smile, knowing they had both enjoyed the experience.
After they were done, Harry disappeared upstairs to use the loo. As he was exiting, he ran into Ginny who had come to find him.
“Are you okay? Honestly, Harry, what's gotten into you today?” she asked.
He put his arms around her and dragged her into Ron's room, whispering in her ear about something that would be getting into her soon enough. She giggled and they shut the door, just remembering to cast a silencing spell in time.
Fifteen minutes later, Percy came upstairs to use the bathroom. “Damn dog, it deliberately peed on me,” he grumbled to himself. “I think they bring it deliberately to annoy me — damn Potters.”
The door to Ron's bedroom opened, and Harry and Ginny walked out. “What's that, Perce?” asked Ginny, cooly.
“Your dog! I have asked you not to bring him here and — Ginevra, is your shirt inside out?” asked Percy curiously.
“I like it like that,” said Harry, smoothly.
“It's Father's day, Percy. Gryffin wanted to spend the day with Harry,” said Ginny, turning to wink at Harry, then left him to deal with Percy. She quickly used her wand to right her shirt, knowing her mother wasn't as naive as Percy.
Percy looked at him. “What happened to your hair? The plait has come undone.”
“Ginny liked it better the other way,” he said, quickly doing it back up into a bun.
“Dad, dad...what happened to your hair? Anyway, we're doing presents. Aunt Hermione won't make it, so Uncle Ron just went to get Rose and Hugo,” said Lily, shooting a curious look between Uncle Percy and her dad. “Sorry about Gryff, Uncle Percy,” she offered, before going downstairs.
“Oh boy, presents,” said Harry, enthusiastically. He clapped Percy on his arm, making Percy wince. “Come on,” he urged his brother-in-law.
“Since when do you like getting presents?” grumbled Percy as they arrived downstairs.
“Not getting, giving,” corrected Harry. “Potter family, front and centre please,” he called.
James, Albus and Lily looked at each other and came to stand in front of him. Harry arched his eyebrow at Ginny.
“Oh, me too,” she said, and stood from the sofa. She joined the children, and even Gryffin sat in attention.
“Here,” said Harry, distributing similar sized presents.
“For us? But it's Father's day, we're supposed to give you presents,” protested Lily. “They're over there.” she pointed.
“And I'm sure I'll love them, but I really want you to wear these. You know, cos it's Fathers Day and it's all about me,” he grinned.
James and Albus had already ripped their paper off. “What the — Dad, you're kidding, right?” asked James, looking at his gift.
“Dad! You're not serious?” gasped Albus.
Harry opened his mouth, then shut it and shook his head. “Too easy,” he said, and Ginny chuckled.
“Show us, loves,” urged Gran Molly.
“Put 'em on first,” ordered Harry, and reluctantly they did so. “Gin, you too,” he said.
Lily turned around. “I like it.”Her tee shirt was titled 'The Boy Who Lived' with a photo taken from the cover of the book Ginny's father used to read to her every night.
Al turned around next. His tee shirt proclaimed Harry as the Chosen One, and the photo was taken from one of his surprise interviews with Rita Skeeter during the Tri-Wizard tournament.
“Blimey, that was the year of bad hair, wasn't it,” teased Ron.
“Still better than the man bun,” grinned George. “Ow!” he jumped at a stinging hex from Ginny, who glared at him. James looked at his uncle in sympathy.
“No, I'm not turning around,” he said, defiantly.
“Oh, come on James, it can't be that bad,” coaxed Arthur, who was enjoying this tremendously.
James sighed. His tee shirt announced Harry as the owner of the wizarding world's 'Best Bum' 1998-2000. “Something for you to aim for,” said Harry. James scowled.
“Well, I love mine,” said Ginny, turning around. Angelina and Fleur laughed, as Ginny's was the photo of Harry as 'Undesirable Number One', only the U and N had been crossed out. “You're definitely in my top five of desirables, top three even,” she offered. Photo Harry blew her a kiss, and she shivered. “I can feel that, you know,” she told him.
“I know,” he said, drawing her into his arms. “Top three?” he muttered. “ What do I have to do to be number one?” He nibbled her lips.
“Oy!” shouted Bill, George, Ron and James.
“Really, Potters,” sighed Percy, shaking his head in resignation.
“Dad, what about Gryffin?” asked Lily.
“Woof!” barked the dog.
Harry reluctantly pulled away from Ginny. “Gryffin, how could I forget you, my loyal dog.” Percy rolled his eyes as Lily unwrapped the dog's present and then knelt and affixed it to him. “There!”
Gryffin hadn't escaped Harry's mad idea, only his was a coat with Sirius' Azkaban picture on it, with Harry's face superimposed over Sirius', grinning maniacally.
“You're mad, the lot of you,” said Audrey, who wasn't as stuffy as Percy. “In a good way, I mean.”
“One might even say, barking mad,” quipped Arthur, with a nod at Gryffin. The dog trotted over and lay at Arthur's feet.
“I'll second that,” grinned Teddy, holding the door open for Victoire. “What have you done now, Harry?”
“Teddy! Vic!” cried the cousins.
Teddy headed for Harry, hugging his pseudo father. “Happy Father's day, Harry,” he said softly.
“Thanks, Teddy,” said Harry, letting him go to grab something. Ginny embraced Teddy and Vic.
“Here,” said Harry, thrusting a parcel into Teddy's hands. “Don't think you get out of this.”
“Aw, come on, haven't I suffered enough?” grinned Teddy. “What about the time you turned up at my birthday party with blue hair, when all my friends couldn't wait to meet you!”
“If it was good enough for you, it was good enough for me,” chuckled Harry, at the memory of Teddy's face when he grandly announced his godfather Harry Potter had arrived at the party. Expecting some kind of superhero, they were disappointed when a jean clad Harry walked in, sporting turquoise hair.
Teddy sighed in resignation. “Okay, what have you got for me now?” he asked, unwrapping his parcel.
“You have to put it on, and wear it for the rest of the day...and every Father's day from now on,” winked Harry.
Teddy held it up so only he could see it, burst out laughing and quickly shrugged it on. “Show us,” pleaded Lily.
It was the official Ministry photo of Harry, with the words, Head Auror, across his chest. As Harry was Teddy's boss, Teddy found it quite amusing.
“Are you thinking what I'm thinking George?” asked Ron quietly, nudging his brother and looking at Percy.
George grinned and nodded. “Teddy, mate, think it needs some work.” With a flick of his wand, the words changed to Big-Head Auror.
Harry burst into laughter, while Percy flushed. “I knew it was you,” he cried, pointing at George. He then had to explain to Audrey what the twins had done to his Head Boy badge.
“Actually, it was Fred's idea,” shrugged George. That silenced Percy, but he sat and stewed the rest of the night.
“This calls for a photo,” suggested Harry. He liked to have lots of family photos taken at family celebrations.
“No way,” protested James, crossing his arms over his chest.
“Come on, James, it's a bit of fun,” grinned Ginny.
“How do I know Dad won't turn up at Hogwarts for my Quidditch match, wearing a tee shirt with this on it,” protested James.
“He has a point,” argued Albus.
“Oh, be a sport, James, Albus,” said Lily.
“Good one, Lily. Honestly, if anyone should be worried, it's Teddy,” said Ginny.
“Thanks, Ginny, now I am worried,” groaned Teddy.
SNAP. They all turned to see Harry had taken the photo with his father-in-law's camera. “That one's going on my desk,” he announced proudly. James, Albus and Teddy groaned.
“Come on, now, let's dish up dinner,” placated Gran Molly.
“I'll help you, Mum,” offered Ginny, and she, Angelina and Audrey followed her into the kitchen.
“Your dad's so cool,” praised Lucy to the Potter kids. There was no way her dad would do anything like that.
James and Albus snorted. “Our dad's a dork,” they said in unison.
Harry just grinned and took it. He was having a great Father's Day! He nudged Ron. “Hear that — I'm a cool dad! Beat that!”
“That was not said by any one of your kids,” argued Ron.
Harry shrugged. “Still the cool dad,” he said, whistling to take Gryffin outside while they ate. He knew Molly would have a juicy bone for the dog.
He returned inside to find James, Albus and Teddy whispering. They quickly separated when they saw Harry had spotted them, but sat close together during dinner.
Arthur was the focus of the dinner, as Charlie sent a sentimental letter and Molly tearfully read it aloud. It told of the values Arthur had instilled in them all and the lessons he'd taught them, that he, Charlie, still carried with him. Charlie briefly mentioned the war, and how important his family was to him, even though he spent most of the year away from them. Just knowing they were all there, helping each other, comforted him, so far from home.
Ginny rested her chin on Harry's shoulder as they listened, and both Bill and George had arms around their wives too. Percy sniffed, but when everyone looked at him, he told them the dog had given him an allergy. Audrey met Harry and Ginny's eyes knowingly. Ron didn't say much either, but grasped his dad's hand and squeezed.
With prodding by Teddy and Vic, the cousins volunteered to clean up, letting the adults move back to the lounge. Harry's suspicions were roused again momentarily when he spotted Teddy talking with Ginny and Lily, but Ginny gave nothing away as she joined him on the lounge, her legs draped over his.
Gryffin was allowed back in, and settled again at Arthur's feet, where the older man often leaned down to fondle the dog's ears. It also gave Gryffin a straight on view of Percy, and to Percy's distress, every time he looked at the damn dog, it was staring straight back at him. It unnerved him, and he knew he'd have to speak to his sister again about not bringing it to the Burrow.
As the night was heading for an end, the talk turned to the gifts the men had received that day. It was then that James and Teddy suggested another family photo, but this time, with Harry in the middle.
Harry guessed they were up to something, but couldn't work out what it was. So he happily agreed to the photo, standing in the centre, with Ginny and Lily either side of him, and Teddy, James and Albus behind him. He didn't notice Ginny wave her wand, he was too busy keeping an eye on the boys. Bill took the photo and Arthur promised to get them printed as soon as he could.
He teased his sons all week, and every time Teddy had to visit his office, he made mention of where exactly he planned to place the photo. Of course, it was pride of place, where everyone who came inside the office would see it.
Arthur dropped the photo to him early Friday morning. He told Harry he'd had both photos framed, one for home, one for the office. He winked and left Harry to open the bag.
The first one he pulled out was the one he had taken. The whole family, wearing his tee shirts, arguing! It was candid, as they looked amongst themselves, then froze when they realised the photo had been taken. He grinned and placed it on his desk.
But then he pulled out the second photo, and immediately roared with laughter. It was a nice family photo, with them all smiling at the camera...but someone, and he suspected his wife or his godson, had changed the tee shirts. They all now said the same thing. 'I'm with Stupid!' And they all had arrows on them, pointing straight at him!
He loved it! He loved them both. He quickly packed his bag and put his cloak on. “Ellie, I'm leaving for the day. Forward any urgent owls to the house. When you're done with your work here, feel free to get an early start to the weekend,” he said, practically out the door.
“But sir, you have a meeting with the Minister for Magic after lunch,” protested his personal assistant.
“Send the Minister a memo, tell her if she wants the meeting, to swing by the house. It's Friday!” he exclaimed. “I'll see you Monday.” And he was gone.
Hermione did swing by the house, intending to reprimand Harry for his lacksadaisical attitude, but when she saw the photos, she had to laugh. Ron had told her all about the Father's day dinner, shaking his head at their best friend.
She had to admit, Harry was in a good place in his life. He was done raging at the press, at things he couldn't control. His Aurors were the best trained ever, and crime was at an all time low.
She just couldn't look him in the eye right now though. Not in those short shorts! Ginny grinned at her discomfort. As Hermione was preparing to leave after enjoying lunch, Ginny whispered to her - “Want me to tell you where you can buy a pair for Ron?”
“No!” gasped Hermione, trying not to imagine her tall husband in shorts that short. Hmmm, maybe a pair in his favourite orange colour?
“Sure,” winked Ginny. “I'll owl you later.”
Harry wrapped his arms around her waist from behind and began to kiss her neck. “Much later,” he murmured.
Hermione flushed and couldn't get to the Floo fast enough. Ginny's husky laugh stayed with her all afternoon.
A/N Harry's man-bun was inspired by some wonderful art on tumbler by blvnk-art, please check it out and leave a comment.
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