SIYE Time:23:12 on 27th May 2018

Reality Bites
By Trinka

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Category: Alternate Universe
Characters:Harry/Ginny, Hermione Granger, Neville Longbottom
Genres: Comedy
Warnings: None
Story is Complete
Rating: PG-13
Reviews: 759
Summary: Ginny is persuaded to be on a Bachelor-type reality show against her better judgement. Who is the hunk all the women are fighting over? We know him. We love him. But in my story, Ginny's never met him. NOTE: If you think you'll hate this story, read it anyway! I hate reality shows too, you know! lol Trust me, you'll love it...I proclaim in as non-arrogant a way as possible... *sweat drop*
Hitcount: Story Total: 101249; Chapter Total: 4847


Episode Twenty-Nine
A Sense of Humor

Ginny couldn’t breath.

She was laughing so hard, she literally could not breath. Next to her, Harry was having the same problem, though not to the same extent, and he seemed to be laughing at her more than laughing about the same thing she was laughing about.

After several minutes, Ginny was able to breathe a bit more regularly as she looked over at Sirius, who was wiping tears from his eyes. “To make matters, worse,” Harry added. “I ended up having to take Potions from him at Hogwarts. He hated me, since he knew my father, but I had no idea who he was.”

“I’m confused though,” Ginny began. “Wasn’t this Snape character one of you? I mean, wasn’t he a — for lack of a better word — good guy?”

“Well, sure,” Sirius explained. “But there are as many degrees of ‘good guy’ as there are people in the world.” Ginny looked confused, so he continued. “Snape was a spy for us, with Voldemort, which means that at one time he was a bad guy. It was partially because of Harry’s father, myself and our friends that Snape ended up being a Death Eater. I mean, when the ‘good guys’ treat one badly, one tends to side with their adversaries, right? So, anyways, he started spying for us, but he still hated me and he was less trying to protect Harry than he was trying to get rid of Voldemort. And, if he had to protect Harry in order to defeat Voldemort than he would, but grudgingly.”

“He doesn’t hate me quite so much now, though I’m not exactly sure where the change came,” Harry said.

“It’s because of me,” Sirius responded. Both Harry and Ginny gave him questioning looks. “Well, he still hates me, doesn’t he? And what would be the best way to annoy me? Buddy up with my godson and continue to treat me like rubbage.”

“Well,” Ginny said sweetly. “Aren’t we arrogant?”

“You better believe it!” laughed Sirius. “And quite proud of it, thank you.”

“Now,” Harry said pointedly to Sirius. “Before you start in on another story, don’t you think you should let me give Ginny the tour?”

Sirius sighed in mock exasperation. “Oh, fine, fine. Take away my adoring fans, and then what do you have?”

“A godson who’s heard all your stories before and a girl who was scared of you only a few hours ago,” was Harry’s caustic reply.

“Well, if you want to get technical,” Sirius pouted.

“Come on,” Harry urged, holding out a hand to Ginny.

“I’ve just had a thought,” Ginny said out of no where as they walked out of the kitchen.

“Well, that’s new.” Ginny slugged Harry in the arm.

“As I was saying, how exactly does this all work?” She paused. “Let me rephrase that sentence so that it makes a bit more sense. How is it that we’re able to be in this house with an, allegedly, escaped felon when we’re on a reality show and there are probably cameras all over the place?”

Harry shrugged. “Sirius is a genius.” He smiled. “Okay, so technically, Dumbledore is a genius and Sirius is well adaptive.”

Ginny gestured that this was not enough of an explanation and Harry chuckled as he went on. “Dumbledore knew a problem like this — well, obviously not just like this — was going to come up so he started working on a solution. What he came up with was the nefas promptus charm which, when administered, makes the user’s identity undefinable.” Ginny still looked slightly confused so Harry tried another tactic. “Have you ever watched muggle television?” Ginny nodded. “On some shows they have to hide the identity of someone, and to do so they kind of…wash out the person’s face. It’s like drawing something with chalk and then smearing it with your hand. You may be able to tell what the drawing may have been but you can’t tell exactly how it used to look.”

“But we’ve been saying his name constantly. Aren’t they going to hear us and know it’s him?” Ginny asked in a whisper.

Harry leaned toward her and in a conspiratorial voice whispered “No.” Ginny rolled her eyes. “That’s another part of the charm. Once anything picks up or records the voice, the listener automatically forgets what the name was.”

“And it’s not dangerous to be talking about how the charm works?” Ginny asked disbelievingly.

“I told you. Dumbledore is a genius. He figured everything out…of course, we don’t know what all he did, but I trust Dumbledore to know what he’s doing.”

Wait a minute! Ginny thought. “If Dumbledore did it all, then why did you claim that Sirius was the genius?”

“Oh that,” Harry answered with a cheeky grin. “That’s what he told me to tell you. He just made up the name for it.” Ginny snorted a laugh.

“Now, shall we get back to the tour?”

“’Back to’? You mean it started at one point?” Harry chose to ignore her question.

They were still standing outside the kitchen, so Harry grabbed Ginny’s hand again and headed toward the entrance. He turned her toward the screaming…window, or whatever it was and stepped forward. Muttering a silencing charm, he opened the curtains.

Instead of glass and panes like Ginny had been expecting, there was a picture of a handsome older woman whose mouth was moving furiously and whose eyes were near to popping out of her head. “This,” said Harry, motioning to the picture. “is Sirius’ mom. She has such a lovely personality, don’t you think?” The woman in the picture immediately stopped moving her mouth and sat glaring at Harry for a few seconds, then she started again. Harry closed the curtains in her face and took the silencing charm back off.

He then turned away and led Ginny to a staircase. On the first landing was the room she was to be staying in, which was evident to Ginny because her luggage was there already. There was another door down the hall which Harry claimed as his own but refused to show it to her. The second landing had two doors as well. One, Harry told her was Sirius’ room. “What’s the other room for?”

“That?” answered Harry hesitantly. “That’s Buckbeak’s room.”

“Who’s Buckbeak? A pet?”

“No, no,” Harry responded hastily, then hesitated. “He’s a friend of the family.” Was the only answer he’d give her.

She heard footsteps on the stair and turned to see Sirius walking toward them holding a large bucket in one hand. “Excuse me,” he said as he walked between them and headed to the second door — to Buckbeak’s room.

As he walked past, Ginny smelt something horrible and looked down just in time to see that the bucket contained several dead rodents. With a face of revulsion, Ginny looked expectantly to Harry. “You want to explain that just a bit more to me?”

“He’s a hippogriff.”

Ginny paused, waiting for more. “That’s it? You’re not even going to tell me what a hippogriff is?”

Harry shrugged. “Come see for yourself.”

It was now Ginny’s turn to hesitate as she watched Harry walk toward the room that allegedly belonged to a hippogriff named Buckbeak. Before they reached the door, from which Sirius was apparently singing to Buckbeak, Ginny grabbed Harry’s arm. “I’m not so sure about this.”

Harry’s face was so infuriating after this comment that Ginny felt obliged to add “Don’t make me hit you again,” at which time Harry flinched and his face became decidedly less knowing. He stopped his progression to the door however, so Ginny was glad despite her threat.

“He won’t hurt you. Just remember: hippogriffs are very proud creatures, so do not insult him. Bow to him, keeping your eyes focused on his. If he bows back then go ahead and pet him or whatever. If he doesn’t bow, I’ll get you out of there, okay.”

Ginny’s eyes widened perceptively at the end of each of his sentences. “This sounds just a bit too dangerous for a ‘family friend.’ One would assume that ‘family friends’ would not attack other ‘family friends,’ don’t you think?”

“Don’t worry. You’ll be fine,” Harry tried to reassure her. “I’ll protect you,” he added with a facetious grin as he put his arm around her shoulder and steered her toward the room. Well, perhaps it’s illusory, but I certainly feel safe, Ginny thought, feeling keenly Harry’s arm around her. She could walk within spitting distance of a dragon without fear as long as he was touching her. I am so pathetic.

As the door opened Ginny got her first look at Buckbeak the hippogriff. He was majestic! Kind of funky looking, it’s true, but his eyes were so intelligent as his attention shifted from the dead ferret Sirius was coaxing him to take to her. She felt as though a human was staring at her from within the great beast. She was spellbound.

“Bow,” Harry reminded her sharply, though not unkindly. It snapped her out of her reverie just in time, because the decidedly intelligent eyes were beginning to look rather hostile. She bent low at the waist, keeping her eyes fixed on the golden eyes in front, and rather far above, her.

There was a tense moment when no one moved, then Buckbeak’s head lowered slightly at Ginny heard both Harry and Sirius exhale. She decided to do the same, not having noticed that she was holding her own breath.

Reluctant to move forward, despite the formal gesture from the mighty hippogriff, Ginny felt Harry pulling her forward. With reluctance, she tentatively reached her hand to the hippogriff and, as she touched his beak, he blew out air through his nose, almost like a horse, scaring Ginny unconscious. Literally.


By the time Ginny had gained full awareness she was incomparably pissed at Harry Potter. “What the hell! Are you trying to kill me?” she asked from her sitting position on the bed in her guest bedroom.

As she continued to glare at him and anticipate a response, Harry merely grinned at her. “You know,” he said. “You’re really cute when you’re angry.”

“Yeah, well, just so long as you don’t start impersonating John Wayne I’ll let it go for now,” (A/N: Kudos to anyone who knows to what I’m referring) Ginny responded, trying to hide her appreciation of his comment by more angry words. “But I swear, Harry — escaped felon godfather or no — I will kill you if you do anything else to embarrass me while I’m here!”

Harry’s face turned pensive. “So I guess the mud wrestling is out then?”

“You are so twisted.”

Harry shrugged, smirking.

Ginny tried to sit on the edge of the bed and when she couldn’t, she noticed that the bottom half of her body was someone lashed to the bed. “Why can’t I move?” Ginny asked in a very patient voice, but her eyes showed a different emotion.

“Oh that,” Harry laughed nervously. “That was just in case you were really upset and tried to launch yourself at me or something.”

Ginny sat calmly and folded her hands in her lap as Harry scratched the back of his neck, embarrassed. “You know,” remarked Ginny. “You’re acting a lot differently now than any other time I’ve been around you.”

“Well, you haven’t been around me for very long stretched of time before this,” Harry cut in.

“I know that. Let me finish,” Ginny grinned. “What I’m saying is that, I thought you were kind of, well…almost boring at first. You seemed really shy and you were completely cowed by Connie. But now I see another side of you.” Ginny smiled a small smile at Harry. “You’re exciting,” she whispered. “But if you don’t let me off this bed, I’ll show you just how ‘exciting’ I can be.”

Harry’s laugh filled the room as he performed the counter-curse that let her move from the bed. Standing up, she walked toward Harry who was practically doubled over with laughter and grabbed his hand. “Just for that, you have to show me your room now.”

Still having a hard time breathing normally, Harry nodded and this time, it was Ginny who grabbed his hand as they left the room. I could certainly get used to this, she thought squeezing his hand lightly.

Harry’s room was surprisingly clean, which, he later admitted, was because he was told he would be bringing people back here before he left, so he had hastily tidied up a bit.

There were Quidditch posters nearly wallpapering the room. Several had pictures of himself and, apparently, friends from school all flying around on their brooms tacked on top of the posters. The bed looked slept in and there were a couple pairs of trousers laying on the floor; it looked homey, and it definitely looked like a man lived there. It had no feminine touches, which, of course, it wouldn’t. But it could, Ginny thought with a wicked grin as Harry led her back out. She gripped her wand and muttered something deliciously inventive before following him out.

He showed her around the rest of the house and they chatted in the sitting room for hours. Ginny found Harry to be a great conversationalist and they eventually had to put a silencing charm on the room, afraid they would wake Sirius up with their laughing, since it had gotten to be so late.

Eventually, Ginny found herself sitting next to Harry on a couch, his arm around her, snuggled into his side. She yawned and he caught it, yawning after her. “We should get to bed soon,” he whispered.

She sighed. “I know,” her voice was muffled, as her face was pressed against him as she pouted. He chuckled at her tone of voice and kissed her on the top of the head before standing partially up and lifting her into his arms.

Ginny giggled, not having expected this, and found herself impressed by how easily he lifted her and effortlessly carried her up the stairs.

He set her on the bed, tucked her in, kissed her forehead and was about to leave when Ginny’s voice stopped him. “If I were you,” she said very quietly. “I’d be cautious when going into your room. I left you a surprise.”

Harry stiffened at this pronouncement and immediately walked to his room. Ginny could hear his footsteps and she grinned broadly as she heard the door open.
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