|
Demons In The Dreams | ||||||
|
Category: Post-OotP, Post-Hogwarts Characters:Harry/Ginny Genres: Action/Adventure, Comedy, Drama Warnings: Death, Extreme Language, Violence Story is Complete Rating: R Reviews: 156 Summary: Ginny and Harry are Aurors and together they struggle to survive their inner demons. Dreams plague the pair as they try to deal with the past and survive their future. Why does Ginny dream of her past as if it were the present? This is a puzzle/mystery that will keep you guessing until the very end. Hitcount: Story Total: 127614; Chapter Total: 6930 |
Previous Next |
|
||||
|
“I love you so much.” Harry bent down and kissed her neck tenderly. Ginny closed her eyes to block out the blinding sunlight that surrounded them in the meadow where they danced. “This is amazing Harry.” She sighed. “I want to be in your arms forever.” He stopped their dance and looked down at her. “We can be. I’ve asked you to marry me.” A scar formed in the sky, like a crack on the ceiling. “This…” She looked at Harry and her mind started to flash back to the previous times that she had been there. “This isn’t real.” “It could be.” He informed her but it was not in a voice that she recognized as Harry’s. “No! This won’t happen.” She denied vehemently. He pulled her roughly to him. “It could be. We could marry and have a baby once we catch Malfoy.” “No…” She shook her head and pulled away from him. “See, you are already pregnant…” He pointed at her belly. Slowly Ginny lowered her eyes and gasped when she saw her protruding stomach. “This isn’t real.” She repeated desperately, breathlessly as tears filled her eyes. She cautiously touched her large stomach and was horrified to find it solid and not an illusion. “We can be happy. Us and our children.” His distorted voice brought her eyes back up to him but he was no longer alone. He was holding a small black haired boy, with her brown eyes. “Don’t you want us? We could be happy, Ginny. You just have to pretend that you are happy and all of this could be real.” “STOP IT!” She screamed at him. “Please… just, just stop!” The tears streamed down her face. “Ginny!” Harry’s voice broke through the pain, allowing her to open her eyes. “What the hell was that?” He asked her harshly. “What were you dreaming about?” Her entire body started to shake and he pulled her to him. She breathed in his familiar scent, seeking the reassurance that it had always provided before but there wasn’t any to be had. “No…” Her shaking turned into sobbing. The pain from her dream was all consuming. Her once safe haven, both in her dreams and when she was awake, had abandoned her. “Ginny…” His tone was softer and comforting. “Please tell me about it. You can’t hold this in.” “We… we were in this meadow and you said you loved me and then I was pregnant but it wasn’t you!” She rambled on. Her heart felt as if the pain was consuming it. She needed to rid herself of it. “You were telling me to pretend to be happy and then I would be.” “Ginny…” His voice was hoarse. “I wouldn’t ever tell you that. You don’t ever have to pretend with me.” It was too much and the last part of her heart froze. Her tears dried and she pulled away from him. “I need to be alone.” She walked out of his room and to her own. She closed the door and went to sit on her small bed before hugging her knees to her chest. Slowly she began to rock back and forth until the tears returned. She cried herself back to sleep. BREAK Ginny awoke late that afternoon and went immediately for a shower. She scrubbed her body until she felt as if she had washed away the remnants of the nightmares. She found herself blissfully numb to the pain that had exhausted her earlier. She emerged pink from the heat of the shower and prepared to face her family. She and Harry had to leave in a few minutes or else her mother would send out a search party. Ginny dressed quickly and went down to the kitchen to find Harry sitting at the table, nursing a fire whiskey. He looked up at her with dead eyes but she found that it no longer affected her. “Are you ready to go?” He asked her hoarsely. She smiled benignly. “Of course.” She Apparated to the Burrow and saw that the house was lit brightly and it looked warm and inviting. She knew better though. Her family welcomed her but not the real Ginny. It didn’t matter because she was prepared to face them. She heard a soft crack and turned to see Harry standing behind her. “Let’s go.” “Ginny…” He began but then stopped. “Never mind.” Together they walked in to the lion’s den. “Ginny, Harry!” Their names were chorus by the gathered family, which included Remus. Hugs and handshakes were exchanged around but she hardly noticed. Her mind was present but she felt removed from her family gathering. She chatted with her sisters-in-law, joked with her brothers and told them all about her work at the Ministry. She and Harry were fantastic at their jobs and everyone wanted to hear about it. She went through the routine but the normal anguish she felt while being around the happily married couples did not seem to touch her as deeply anymore. “The food is ready.” Her mother’s voice floated in to the room and they all moved to the several tables that had been set up for everyone. She found herself next to Harry but she didn’t meet his eyes. The food was delicious and hearty and she ate while the conversation swirled around her. “Attention!” She looked quickly at her eldest brother who was standing over at another table. She tried to focus on him but found her mind trying to pull her way from what he was saying. “Fleur and I have an announcement.” Her breath caught in her throat and she tried desperately to lose herself. Harry put his hand on her shoulder and she turned to gaze at him desperately. His eyes held her firm as she heard the words that she could not bare to hear. “We are having a baby.” The numbness that she so craved started to falter. Another baby… more joy that would never be hers. She should be happy for them… but she wasn’t and guilt filled her. “Really?” Charlie’s voice hit her. “We are too!” “Us as well.” Fred and George said together. She closed her eyes and waited for the final blow that she instinctively knew was coming. Fate was often a cruel bastard to her. Ginny’s life could never be like this and the pain of it all mocked her. She didn’t have to wait long. “Penelope is also expecting.” Percy’s formal tone, which so amused her any other time, effectively crushed her last remaining self-control. Why did her siblings have to reproduce all at once? She might have been able to pretend if it had only been one. She ignored the pandemonium around the room as everyone hugged again. Her eyes bore into Harry’s pleading with him to get her out of there but he seemed just as desperate as she was. She couldn’t pretend for the family right now. She was not even sure she wanted to face them ever again. How could they be so excited when she was falling apart? “Ginny? Harry?” Slowly she looked around to face her mother and dreading what might come from her mouth. The matron’s face was full of concern and fear as she looked at them. Everyone was looking at them and she felt their eyes evaluating her reaction. She was failing her family by not celebrating. “Are you two all right?” The lie was on the tip of her tongue, waiting to come forth but then she felt a hand slide into hers. It was a rough and calloused hand that belonged to a man who had stood by her for years while they had both suffered through unimaginable horrors. “I…” She tried to make herself say it. “I don’t… think that we are.” She finally managed to say. Harry’s arms came around her quickly and crushed her to him. “Thank you.” He whispered in relief into her ear. She knew that she was crying but she didn’t care. She had finally let it out and she was reveling in the relief. “What do you mean?” Her father’s hand came to rest on her shoulder. She looked up at him and saw that her family had surrounded them. Remus had his hand on Harry’s shoulder. “Dad… we… we have nightmares and we can’t seem to be happy.” Ginny told him lamely. “Even the Mind Healer that I met with said that she couldn’t help me feel better.” “We’ve been…” Harry glanced at her and she was shocked to see the tears in his eyes. “We have been lying to you, pretending for all of you… about being fine. Ginny and I haven’t been okay since I… killed him.” No one spoke for several long moments until Molly Weasley pulled them into her loving embrace. “Why? Why did you hide this from us?” “I think I can answer that.” Hermione moved forward and stared hard at her. “You’ve both been withdrawn from us for a while because you have been hurting and we all thought that it was because we were married and you’re not… oh.” Realization dawned on her face. “There is more than I thought, isn’t there? It hurts to be around all of us because we are happy.” Ginny had always marveled at her friend’s astuteness and she nodded. “It was too much.” She started to cry harder as she looked around at all the people who loved her. “I want to be cheerful for you but… I just hurt so badly that I can barely breathe.” She buried her face into Harry’s chest. “I’m sorry I ruined your announcements! Congratulations on the babies.” She stood and looked down at her feet. “I think I’ll just go home now.” She tried to move to the fireplace but a set of arms around her waist stopped her. “You aren’t going anywhere.” Fred turned her around. “We need to help you.” “Apparently we haven’t been paying attention.” Ron said in remorse. Harry stood and walked over to her. “You are the one who said that family loves you unconditionally. We… need this. I’ve felt like we needed to open up for a while. I can’t stand to watch you hurt like you have been. Please Ginny, just be honest.” “Honest?” She whispered and he nodded. “You really want honesty, Harry?” She laughed bitterly when he nodded again. “I’m in love with you.” She blurted it out and saw the surprise on his face. She was dreading when it would turn to revulsion but he was right, she needed to be open. “That’s what makes this so much worse for me because you’ll never feel the same way about me. I’ve been keeping that a secret for years. I’ve been lying to you so that I could have you as a friend.” Ginny knew she was losing him by saying this but she needed to tell him and all of the fight had left her. The secret had been an anchor around her neck for too long. If she was ever going to be content in life then this needed to be off of her chest. “I’m so sorry, Harry. I just couldn’t stand the thought of losing you when you were the only one who understood me.” His eyes held a look that she didn’t recognize so she kept on. “Can you ever forgive me?” He didn’t move for several moments and she began to weep silently. “I…” Harry’s hand came to touch her cheek. “I love you too.” It was spoken so softly that Ginny thought she’d imagined it but his eyes told the truth. He was looking at her longingly. A myriad of emotions flooded her; the most prominent was disbelief. “You… but… no.” He moved forward and hugged her before kissing the top of her head. “Yes. I’ve been hiding it because… well, for a lot of reasons.” She felt completely overwhelmed. “I want to go home.” She reiterated firmly. “Ginny, I’d like to speak to you for a moment, before you go.” Hermione said. Ginny turned warily towards her but only saw compassion. She blushed scarlet when she realized what she had just admitted in front of her entire family but no one seemed angry. She turned back towards her sister-in-law. “Just for a minute.” “Okay.” They moved off to the small sitting room and Hermione closed the door before casting a silencing charm. “I’ve known for a while that you two loved each other.” Hermione began and raised a hand to keep Ginny from interrupting. “I also don’t think that I have been a very good friend if I couldn’t spot the pain you are in.” The bushy haired woman swiped a tear from her cheek. “A lot of things that I have been wondering about make sense now and I think that you and Harry are using each other.” “What?” Ginny asked in disbelief. “Wait! Let me explain. You have been using each other to ignore your pain and now that you’ve admitted your feelings it would be easy to lose yourselves in a relationship and continue to ignore the problems.” “Oh.” She pondered her sister’s words for several minutes and knew that Hermione was correct. “So what you are saying is that we shouldn’t have sex?” Hermione let out a small snort before hugging her warmly. “Just don’t rush in to anything until you two are healed. We’ll talk tomorrow about these dreams and I’ll do my best to figure out what is wrong with you.” “We didn’t want to worry you. We wanted you to be happy especially now with the baby.” Ginny reach down and put a finger on Hermione’s still flat stomach. “Ginny, we are family and I love you!” Hermione cupped her face between her hands. “You can always come to me with a problem.” “All right.” Ginny agreed drinking in the relief of not being so alone. They exited the room and she and Harry Apparated back to their flat after good byes and promises to talk the next day. Ginny landed in their living room and immediately sat down on one of the couches. Harry was close behind her and he also sat. “So… what do we do now?” She finally broke the tense silence. “I don’t know.” He replied as he picked at a lose thread on the couch. “Hermione… she told me that we should take it slow because we could ignore our problems by using each other… that is, if you want a relationship, I don’t know if you do since you don’t want to marry or…or date.” Ginny cringed and turned away from him. She had presumed that he would want to be with her and she felt the sting of humiliation. “Is that why you said you didn’t want to marry?” She looked up questioningly at him and he rephrased it. “You love me and didn’t think I wanted to be with you… so you weren’t going to marry at all.” Her face flushed. “That about sums it up, yes.” “That was my reason as well.” “Oh.” For the first time in several years real hope entered her traumatized heart. “We are going to be happy some day, right?” His face cleared and he smiled. “I’m already happier… not perfect but I feel better.” She closed her eyes and focused on herself. The oppressive darkness was still there but she felt stronger and more capable. It was strange to think that just this morning she was completely numbed from misery. When she opened them again she was met with his piercing green eyes. “You really love me? I mean… you are really in love with me?” He nodded. “But… we’ve slept together so many times and you’ve never… and you saw me naked!” Her face turned an even deeper shade of red as she remembered that extremely depressing day. “I love you and you needed me. I also needed you but not for sex. You especially did not need me to make a pass at you or ogle you. I won’t say it hasn’t been torture not to make love to you but you are worth more than that.” He touched her arm lightly. “I love you enough to not do that to you.” Ginny felt the warmth fill her at his words. It was amazing to be loved like that and she understood what he was saying. She had been holding back because she loved him enough to want him to be happy. “So… you didn’t mind seeing me naked?” He chuckled and shook his head. “It was terrible because you were in so much pain but it was also well… I guess I don’t have to spell it out.” She shrugged. “No. I mean, I was naked but all bruised up so that’s not really attractive.” His mouth dropped open. “What I meant was that I think you are attractive, even though you were all banged up.” “Oh.” She winced as she heard her monosyllabic answer. “I seem to have lost my ability to speak.” She said finally. “I feel really awkward too. I don’t know how to act or… well, do I ask you to be my girlfriend or should we take it even slower?” He stood up and started to pace. “What exactly did Hermione say?” Ginny thought back and repeated her earlier conversation with the other woman. “I think she’s right.” “I agree.” He said finally as he sat down next to her again. He looked down into her eyes. “I really want to hold you.” He whispered gruffly. “I want that too.” She admitted and moved to his open arms. She shifted until she was in his lap and her head was on his shoulder. “Does this mean we can’t sleep together anymore?” “I can control myself.” He ran a hand along her back and through her hair. “I still want to hold you all the time. It makes me feel more complete.” “So then, do we just not do anything?” She looked at him and licked her lips. He studied her intently. “What do you want to do?” “I want to kiss you.” She replied firmly. “Not… not a lot but I have wanted to kiss you for years.” “Okay.” She leaned up to him and put her lips to his as she closed her eyes. It was not passionate but Ginny felt a tremendous surge of love flow through her entire being. She enjoyed the feeling of his soft lips on hers and slowly they broke away from each other. “I love you.” He whispered as he pulled her in close to kiss her temple. “I love you too.” She responded and beamed at being able to freely admit it. “We can do this, right? We can live together and not be… more sexual?” She gazed up at him. “At least for a while.” She hastily assured him. “We have to Gin. I couldn’t make it without you and I think us moving too fast would rip us apart. Neither of us are ready since we are both a mess inside.” He squeezed her shoulders. “When it’s the right time then we’ll do more but for now I am happy with just this. This is the happiest I have been in over four years and I don’t want to do anything to jeopardize that.” She let out a sigh of relief. “I am glad my feelings are out in the open. I just wish I had told you sooner.” “When I made the two of us promise not to keep secrets, I should have listened to myself.” He admitted sheepishly. “Imagine being afraid of being honest with me when you have defeated Voldemort.” She poked him gently in the ribs before shyly kissing him. It was a quick kiss but meaningful. He let out a sigh of contentment and smiled lovingly down at her. “You happen to be more intimidating than he ever was.” She gaped at him in outrage. “You are also a lot more attractive.” “Charming Potter.” She retorted dryly. “You are such a flirt.” “I’m glad you finally figured out why I only flirt with you.” He raised an eyebrow as he looked at her. Ginny’s face turned a deep shade of scarlet. She was too stunned to reply. A/N: I know that may have been, a little... strange but I have my reasons so anyway, I hope you liked it and thank you all for reviewing! |
| Reviews 156 |
Previous Next
|
