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Reviewer: tinabell Signed Date: 2007.04.05 - 06:24AM Title: Prologue
I had lost track of your story, but I'm re-reading and jumping back in!
Harry is very in character here. With just this little bit, I can see that you have his mannerisms and personality down pat.
My favorite line:
“Love,” he muttered, not liking where this conversation was going at all even as the creature in his chest sniffed the air hopefully.
Great way of working in the canon. I am re-reading HBP now and JKR's references to the "creature in his chest" are some of my favorites.
I'll try to review consistently!
Tina
Reviewer: hothoney111 Signed Date: 2007.02.11 - 12:34PM Title: Prologue
great story! i can't wait to see how you are going to continue it. more soon!! ;)
Reviewer: Rhetor Signed Date: 2006.10.19 - 10:13PM Title: Prologue
Very nice beginning. Sweetly expressed.
Your Hermione has a bit more wisdom than I'd credit canon-Hermione with, and your Ron has quite a bit more. But that's okay, because in this scene Harry needs all the wisdom he can get. Hermione's advice is the advice we've all been wishing someone would give Harry since the end of HBP -- some of us want to slap him along the side of the head as we say it. Your way is nicer.
The only thing I'd worry about here is that your POV seems to shift at random. Unless you've got a really good reason for doing it, POV shifts are confusing and disorienting. Are we in Hermione's head or in Harry's, when they're talking? It looks like we're in both.
Keep it up.
Ken
Author's Response: I appreciate the criticism about the POV shifting - I noticed it myself and made a concerted effort not to do it after the prologue. My logic in making Ron and Hermione a little more mature than usual was twofold: one, they've come to terms with their feelings for each other at this point and are therefore more likely to be sensitive to others, and two, they've been on eggshells around Harry so far, just letting him go with whatever flow he sets, and they want to make sure that once he starts to get it, he realy gets it. Of course, with decent writing I wouldn't have to explain all this in a review, so when I rework the prologue (which I'm already in the midst of, having noticed the aforementioned POV shift issue) I'll see if I can't put a litle more of that reasoning in there as well.
Reviewer: Ima Quidditch Fan Signed Date: 2006.10.02 - 12:28AM Title: Prologue
Very powerful chapter... I hope JKR sees it this way. Well done!
Author's Response: Thanks, I'm glad you liked it!
Reviewer: Dmw1515 Anonymous Date: 2006.09.27 - 11:25PM Title: Prologue
Great start. Cant wait to see where you go with this. Keep up the good work.
Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing; I'm glad you like it so far!
Reviewer: harryluvsginny Signed Date: 2006.09.27 - 10:49PM Title: Prologue
UPDATE BEFORE I EXPLODE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!
Author's Response: It will be soon, I promise! Thanks for reading!
Reviewer: lecook4 Signed Date: 2006.09.27 - 07:05PM Title: Prologue
Great start and already a cliffhanger! Very Not Fair in a prologue... you'll have to update soon. I want to know where Harry has gone. :-)
Author's Response: I'm glad you think it's a great start; sorry about the cliffhanger.
Updated should come fairly quickly; I've got the whole story outlined, for the most part, and just have to flesh out each section as I go.
