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SIYE Time:12:38 on 16th June 2021


Reviewer: fromfirsttolast Signed Date: 2007.05.11 - 06:25PM Title: Dark Minds in Dark Times

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Hey, I just found your story and I love it! Keep up the good work, please update soon!

Author's Response: I have no idea who will be reading this, but for anybody who has left a review, I'd like to say thank you for all the kind words and constructive criticism. I really enjoyed writing this story, even though I had very little free time to work on it. I wish I was able to finish it, but once the final book was unleashed, I decided that anything I wrote just wouldn't ring true as an ending (the great JKR hath spoken and her word is final). The rest of the story has been roughly mapped out, so for anyone who gives an owl's arse, you can e-mail me for a summary of it: jez_angelripper@yahoo.co.uk I have to say, no matter how great Deathly Hallows was, I was a little disappointed that there was just a huge leap into the future with no details on Harry and Ginny's re-union. Am I just being picky...?



Reviewer: pottyboutpotter Signed Date: 2007.04.23 - 09:42PM Title: Dark Minds in Dark Times

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Reviewer: Katastrophe Signed Date: 2007.03.14 - 01:56PM Title: Back to the Hallowed Halls

Very good story line. Original and riveting.

I do, however, have one request: When you use names from canon, please spell them correctly. You used Grainger, Creavy, and Vain... when it should have been Granger, Creevey, and Vane. Sounds like a petty thing, but it really isn't.



Reviewer: Katastrophe Signed Date: 2007.03.14 - 01:41PM Title: Back to the Hallowed Halls

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Very good story line. Original and riveting.

I do, however, have one request: When you use names from canon, please spell them correctly. You used Grainger, Creavy, and Vain... when it should have been Granger, Creevey, and Vane. Sounds like a petty thing, but it really isn't.



Reviewer: piltad Signed Date: 2007.03.02 - 02:54AM Title: Ginerva's Tale

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I just dont knopw your story is good and you have ideas but you seem to not want to give the information away. your chapters are very short to me so the information you give seems to be not enough and that you don't want to enlighten the rest of us to everything that is going on which is good since if we know everything guess there is no reason to keep reading I don't know quite im trying to say about your story hope you understand that from that babbling.

ALSO have to i don't know about this whole making Ginny all powerful that it seems she is not saying she can be or that women can't be just doesn't seem right having harry being the second in line you know i mean if Ginny is more powerful than him how could he defeat voldy??? nice story overall though you have me hooked and waiting for the next chap



Reviewer: GTScout Signed Date: 2007.02.20 - 01:10AM Title: Ginerva's Tale

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Greetings!

I imagine that this review will be a fair bit shorter than the last couple, because I'm only going to be going over this chapter specifically. I can't really make any promises though, because I talk too much a lot of the time :-)

I have to be honest, and tell you that where your previous chapters have been excellent, this one comes in at "very good". The vast majority of it was as good as ever, and it contained all of the elements that have made your previous chapters, really, truly fantastic, but there were some things that I noticed that took away from it a little bit over all.

The number one thing that jumped out at me, and I felt, took away from the narrative the most, was the didactic nature of both your prose and the characters' dialogue. In this chapter you are trying to relate a very large amount of information in a relatively short span of time. Obviously, this is going to put you in to a very "tell" mode of thinking, and I think that that's what effected the chapter quality the most.

I'm sure you've heard the saying, in reference to writing, that goes, "Show, dont' tell.."? Overall, as an excellent writer, you've adhered to this idea perfectly. In this chapter though, because you've had so much that you needed to *tell* the reader, you've moved in to a mode where you're doing a lot more telling, and enough less showing that it's noticeable.

For an example of this, skim back through this chapter, and take a look at how many times you directly elaborate on the nature of your characters' feelings. In general, you have allowed their actions to stand as the best evidence of the nature and strength of what they've felt, but in this chapter, you've clarified directly, as the author, in the author's "voice":


“What do you mean?” he replied, outraged at her accusations,.."

In the above sentence, you directly tell us that Ron is outraged at her accusations...I'm getting very, very nitpicky here, but hear me out...The issue is not that you've told us that he is outraged...we could have gathered that from the surrounding text, but even so, it's good to have clarity in your dialogue, to help us have a clear picture of his tone...However, going the further step, and informing us that he is outraged "at her accusations" is providing us with more information that we need...the context tells us why he's outraged, so by telling us in the prose, you're being slightly redundant, and that chops up the flow of the exchange between the two characters, because we as readers have to "reprocess" the information we've already been given. There are other examples like this throughout the chapter, that could probably be improved 100% by just chopping off the more explicit part of the phrase, the part that does the most "telling" rather than showing.

I found it a bit harder to find solid examples of this, but you also spend more time than is really necessary detailing the specifics of their emotional state and motivations. One example I can think of, later in the chapter:

"In the fire lit solitude of the common room, they shared a comforting embrace, each of them taking their time to feel complete."

The issue I have with the above, is again, the "tell" nature of the last part of the sentence..."each of them taking their time..." Is it vitally important for the reader to know that they were both drawing a sense of completeness from the embrace? I'd say, probably, but even given that fact, it might have been better to display this fact through their individual behavior, or some snippet of dialogue. You trust that your readers will infer or realize the completeness the two of them derive from the moment by giving the reader enough contextual information to come to that conclusion.

Two slightly more minor nitpicks, and I swear I'm done! First, I feel that this is because of the amount of information you were trying to put forward and the amount you were trying to accomplish, but your dialogue put some characters, most noteably Harry and Ginny, a little bit out of character. Ginny, because she was trying to convey everything she'd been through, ended up sounding a little bit more like *you* and less like Ginny...and Harry during his psuedo-confrontation with Ron over what he'd been getting up to with Ginny was just a little off too...Maybe a little more bold than I'd expect him to sound, given the circumstances? Ginny was closer to her personality, it just sounded occassionally as if she were more of a text-book or a narrative insertion rather than "herself" so to speak. Harry was just a little more plot-serving than Harry.

Second minor nitpick...the Dementor's gave up guarding Azkaban as of the 5th book, and this fact is absolutely confirmed in the beginning of the 6th by Fudge when he's talking to the Muggle prime minister. Bearing that in mind, although we don't know who has been guarding the prison, it hasn't been the Dementor's for some time. Not saying a break-out from Azkaban isn't a good idea...the baddies just need to be getting past something *other* than Dementy-whatzits. :D.

Okay, I'm done raking you over the coals, I promise! I know that you realize that my criticism is only leveled in an effort to help, but accept my apologies if I've come off too picky or have sounded a bit like a pushy know-it-all, it's not intended that way.

I didn't come here just to tell you what was *wrong* with the chapter. Overall, it was quite good, and this was another chapter where we learn a great deal, even if it was frustratingly not enough :-). You've continued the trend of character growth that is so vitally important to your story...well, as it would be to any good story, and you've also cast out the lines as far as where the story is going to go. One of the issues that arises when you've got a chapter that convey's a lot of information is that it can eventually cease to be *interesting*, a "page-turner" so to speak, and you've avoided that entirely. The main thing that this chapter accomplishes is to have us wondering what's coming next...without being a cliff-hanger in the classic sense, and that's just a result of good writing. You've given us a lot to expect and look forward to, and that's the whole aim of a "setup" chapter like this one.

So,...I think I promised...waaaay up there...to keep this brief, didn't I? I'm sorry for not sticking with that idea, and I hope you'll forgive me if anything I said was a bit harsh...You remain my favorite author, this remains my favorite story, and I'm waiting eagerly for the next installment :-).

Cheers!

Scout


Author's Response: I have taken all this into consideration, and I do see what you mean. I suppose I could have acknowledged and remedied the weaknesses of this chapter if I was able to concentrate more during the writing, although that is hardly an excuse. Allow me to explain. I would imagine that most fanfiction authors are able to work on their stories at their leisure, and in the comfort of their own homes. Unfortunately, I am denied that luxury. Due to circumstances that I will not go into, Harry Potter is something of a taboo subject in the house where I live (I know it sounds absurd, but trust me, there are reasons). Therefore, the only time I have to work on my story is my half hour lunch break at work, and sometimes another half hour or so if I manage to get to the office early. So, as you can imagine, I am unable to pay the kind of attention to detail that I would like most of the time. Parts of the story have suffered, either because of the frustration of only being able to compose a few paragraphs at a time, or if I have a certain event in mind and end up rushing through certain chapters to reach it. Then again, I will freely admit that my literary abilities are hardly the strongest at the best of times! Thanks again for the reviews. I will make every effort to improve upon the flow of the story in future...



Reviewer: ginny4everandalways Signed Date: 2007.02.17 - 01:18PM Title: Ginerva's Tale

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I didn't really understand the whole CONTROL thing at the end...will it show up later? Still love the story though! Keep Writing!



Reviewer: GTScout Signed Date: 2007.02.11 - 06:03AM Title: Where Creatures Awake

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Greetings!

My own apologies for not reviewing these two chapters sooner...I know that I'm not officially obligated or anything, but I've been so impressed by this story from the beginning that I can hardly help but feel that you deserve to have an honest, (and positive), opinion given to you. I read these last two chapters all in one go, so this review is meant to cover both :-) .

First of all, I want to say that these past two chapters are, in my opinion, probably the best you've written so far. Now, I've already admitted that I am an unabashed fan of fluff, so you have to discount me as a little biased for this last chapter, but having said that, I have very solid reasons for thinking so highly of these past two installments.

I hope that you recall that I once said that one of the main reasons I thought your story was so good was your portrayal of the characters? You have done an absolutely astonishing job at keeping these characters true to who they were created to be...their original intention, so to speak. I've also told you that in my humble opinion, in a good story, characters are everything, and you've proven through this story that you have a very firm grasp of that concept. The reason I'm reiterating this point is because I want you to be able to look back at these last two chapters, and know that this is exactly what I'm talking about.

You have created a fantastic story, and the plot and action throughout has been a lot of fun to read. But better, at least as far as I'm concerned is how you have *grown* these characters in to who they have become in your story, wihout ever *changing* them. So many fan fiction authors are capable of changing their borrowed characters, until they only thing you recognize about them from the original work is the name being used. A lot of fan fiction effects these changes rapidly, or immediately, having never paid any attention to who the character was supposed to be in the beginning. By contrast, you have not *changed* your characters, whether abruptly or not. Instead, you've *grown* them...taken them logically through a journey where they've come out the other side where they are now. Your characterization continues to impress me, and these last two chapters are a glowing example of why.

So saying, I'll move on to my thoughts on the chapter plots themselves :-). First of all, thank you for bringing Ginny back, and in such a stylish fashion :-D. You did it in a way, however that again, (and I'm sorry if I can't get over this...), really underscores your character growth. Here we have Harry, who has grown, and come in to his own, and posesses power and confidence and strength like never before, flying off to take on a regiment of Dementors. In a lot of other fics, our dear hero would have succeeded majestically, or else failed miserably, one extreme or the other, and we'd have an example of either a super-human, or tragically depressed Harry on our hands. Instead of taking this so called path of literary least resistance, you do not allow Harry to be an all-conquering hero...because he's not...not really, and yet, the scene does still acknowledge that he has grown in power...even if he did bite off more than he could chew....Biting off more than he could chew though is, absolutely, a very Harry thing to do.

I think that bringing Ginny back in this moment to help him was a master stroke. Not only did we get a glimpse of how *her* powers have grown, we're also given a very clear idea of how much he means to her, which does an excellent job of setting up the next chapter, in the sense that it lends it some plausibility. So many times in "romantic" fics, I've seen the two of them dropping clothing at the proverbial drop of a hat. Waving that aside for the moment, and moving past Harry and Ginny's involvement in the chapter, the scenes with Hermione and Ron involved were very well done in this chapter too...I'm not just referring to the fluffy bits, which were very sweet, but also to the way you portray their dawning realization of what Harry's part in this whole drama must be. They're growing too, right along with Harry and Ginny, and that's vastly important as the two of them are vastly important to the series. We must again, never forget about the material from which we are borrowing.

As to this final chapter, I'd say that despite the misgivings you had that apparently prompted you to write your disclaimer, the entire scene was very tastefully done. As I mentioned a bit ago, I think it was very well set up, and so even though it might not be a huge plot driving point, it was still a very plausible inclusion, and quite apart from taking anything away from the story, I think it added to it. First, because it helps give fluff fans such as myself a fix...and secondly because the intensity of Harry and Ginny's relationship as you have portrayed it up to this point really just pointed to it being time.

I will admit that there were times that I felt that I was reading a romance novel in that chapter, (and for all my fluff-love, I hate romance novels), at least in the sense of your style and usage of language and imagery. However, I think that I can overlook that as a point of criticism, simply because this *was* a romantic chapter, and so it really was to be expected. I wouldn't want my personal prejudices to get in the way of telling you that I think it was obvious that a lot of thought went in to the chapter, and you did a really, excellent job.

I'll end on that note, and by saying, as I always have, that you continue to impress me, and that I'm looking very forward to seeing the next installment.

Cheers!



Reviewer: ginny4everandalways Signed Date: 2007.02.07 - 07:54PM Title: Where Creatures Awake

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Oooooo...Very nice, I love the poetry comment! Keep Writing!



Reviewer: jillybeans70 Signed Date: 2007.02.07 - 02:41PM Title: Where Creatures Awake

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What an amazing story, weel thought out and winderfully written. I just found it and couldnt stop reading. I so cant wait for the following chapters.

Author's Response: The following chapters will be posted as soon as possible. I really want to finish the story before the fateful day (July 21st), because if I don\'t, it will have to remain an unfinished work.



Reviewer: hp4_source Signed Date: 2007.02.06 - 10:09PM Title: Where Creatures Awake

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I can't imagine anyone taking offence at this chapter - it was great fluff. And, hey, they both deserve it.

Author's Response: The only reason I was worried at all is because the chapter was a bit of a departure from the relative innocence of the story so far. Glad you liked it though!



Reviewer: marinepotterfan Signed Date: 2007.02.06 - 01:31PM Title: Where Creatures Awake

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Great chapter, very nicely done. It deffently fills in a gap that you would have had other wise. I think this will seal the bond that they shared at the begining of the story.

MPF



Reviewer: Elementum Signed Date: 2007.02.06 - 10:43AM Title: Where Creatures Awake

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You were INTENDING to strike a romantic NOTE? That room Ginny created just screamed romance. XD Haha. I, personally, thought that it was fantastic. Didn't ruin the flow of the story one bit. However, I'm hoping in the next chapter we'll learn a little bit about what Ginny's been up to.

Don't worry about people thinking it's "graphic". You rated the story 'R' for a reason and gave a warning before hand, so if someone's surprised by it then it's their own bloody fault. The chapter was very realistic. That desire to stay put, snuggled with your lover, is something everyone should feel at some point in their lives.

Speaking of which, Harry's suggestion was quite funny. =) Leave it to him huh?

Anyway, I'm really looking forward to the next chapter. YAY! Now I feel all fuzzy inside.



Reviewer: hothoney111 Signed Date: 2007.02.02 - 09:43PM Title: Love and Horror

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now we know who was renting out all those books in the restricted section over hermoine! more soon!! this story was so good, i had all 40 chapters read in 2 days! ;) keep up the awesome writing!



Reviewer: ginny4everandalways Signed Date: 2007.02.02 - 06:29PM Title: Love and Horror

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Definitely not what I expeccted. Loved it though, Keep Writing!



Reviewer: Elementum Signed Date: 2007.01.26 - 11:13AM Title: Love and Horror

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Woooow....that last bit had me laughing. XD

Well, Ginny's back! YAY! hopefully she's staying? Heh, she'll most definitely have to teach Harry how to get rid of those Dementors. It could be really helpful to him considering how much they effect him.

Great chapter and certainly worth the wait. =) I actually had to reread the last chapter to remember what had happened. Gah, too many fanfictions. I get confused sometimes.

Anywoo, update soon yeah? I'd love to hear some of Ginny's explanation.



Reviewer: ginny4everandalways Signed Date: 2007.01.07 - 09:13PM Title: The Last Tears to Fall

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Please update soon! Loved the story!! Keep Writing!



Reviewer: SuCkErforlove Anonymous Date: 2006.12.30 - 04:56PM Title: The Last Tears to Fall

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No Review

[Respond: In Review]


Reviewer: GTScout Signed Date: 2006.12.23 - 08:46PM Title: The Last Tears to Fall

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Joy! Another brilliant installment :-). Sad that it has to be the last of the year, but I suppose that it would be asking far too much of anyone to have a new chapter cranked out in the next 8 days, huh? I'm getting the impression that we're being set up for something pretty big here, so this chapter, especially the dream, was facinating.

I'm holding you to your promises of H/G fluff goodness, and it really would be nice just to *see* Ginny again, so do carry on with it, but make sure to have a really good holiday first!

Cheers!

Steve



Reviewer: Chunky Signed Date: 2006.12.23 - 07:29AM Title: Remember the Fallen

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Now shes losing it XD allright, time for the cage, an angry predator is best to be kept locked away until you find out what the hell makes it so angry.

Now enough riddles. To support you a bit: Ron is a prefect, isn't he? maybe the enchantments on the girls dormitory are designed to allow prefects to get inside...? And since Harry was in his company...

So much for that. Now for Ginny again:

I get the point, I guess. I wrote some simiular plots [dont bother searching here, I am german, my writing skills in english are inferior to any of you] of people losing controll. If you kept your story logic - which I hope for - it is not an external influence, but herself. So she'll get over it. Shes strong enough to do about anything she wants. Scaring the twins, getting the boy who lived to sink to his knees and read every single one of her wishes right from her eyes, locking up the predator inside of her. Will work out XD

--Chunky




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