SIYE Time:15:26 on 10th May 2021

Reviews For Natural Order

Reviewer: nayin1704 Signed Date: 2021.04.21 - 03:49AM Title: Chapter 5: Home

thank you for writing this story

Reviewer: Geminiroyalty Signed Date: 2020.09.12 - 11:20AM Title: Chapter 5: Home


No Review

Reviewer: skiutahnum1 Signed Date: 2019.10.22 - 09:46PM Title: Chapter 5: Home


Very cool ride...kutgw

Reviewer: pleurocoelus Signed Date: 2019.10.17 - 09:02AM Title: Chapter 5: Home

All told, I enjoyed this fic.

Reviewer: Ranma-sensei Signed Date: 2015.01.12 - 06:10AM Title: Chapter 5: Home


No Review

Reviewer: SYLVELLE Signed Date: 2014.02.25 - 02:18AM Title: Chapter 5: Home


This was stunning loved it h hated the same time. Harry at the beginning of chapter 1 was truly scary.
I appreciated the fiery red hair at the end, just to be sure he's with Ginny.

Reviewer: alzzu Signed Date: 2008.05.17 - 06:36AM Title: Chapter 5: Home


No Review

Reviewer: Rexnos Signed Date: 2008.03.10 - 11:15AM Title: Chapter 5: Home


I think you're being a little critical of yourself. Just because an idea's been done before doesn't mean it can't be done again. After all, there'd be about a fourth as many fics as there are if everyone had to use strictly original ideas.

Personally, I think this story wasn't half bad. I'm not about to start comparing it with NoFP for the simple fact that you and Viridian had different goals in mind. You were exploring an idea whereas Viridian was taking on an epic quest to completely rewrite the Harryverse. You ended up with a short, thought provoking piece where Viridian has a novel length work of awesome proportions that was years in the making and still had years to go. Not to detract from its sheer amazingness of course.

Anyway, this piece was well written and portrayed Harry quite nicely in my opinion. Sure, he changed a lot and some may have complained about it, but I agree with your analysis. Harry was naturally going to change in the presence of his friends and loved ones, even after being nearly insane in the wake of Voldemort and his horcruces.


Author's Response: A little critical? Perhaps. The sheer number of reviews attempting to redress the NoFP/Power of Time/random-redo-fic were sufficiently large that I probably became a bit too defensive. But the end result is really unchanged -- as I said (and you pointed out), different stories with different goals will have different results even if they use a common core idea. Regardless, I\'m glad you enjoyed it, and found it to be at least somewhat plausible. Cheers.

Reviewer: elaithin Signed Date: 2008.03.07 - 11:52AM Title: Chapter 5: Home


I have to admit, reading other re-do fics, I've wondered why it didn't just happen the way you've done it here. After all, you're already changing the timeline, that's the whole point. While the 'slow and steady' approach of NoFP makes for an excellent story, I think the desperation involved would dictate tactics like this.

All in all, it was a thoroughly fascinating and enjoyable take (even if was too short!) Bravo, sir. - Patrick

Author's Response: The same questions have probably been debated endlessly . . . but a few extra thoughts for the next argument round. NoFP is as much about the psyche of the characters as it is about the event ordering. So it\'s not exactly fair to say, \"Well, you could have done this-and-this-and-this differently . . .\" for that same coulda-done applies equally well the JKR. (Perhaps more than a little to JKR.) Many other re-do fics, however, do try to make changes and deal with things early. Deadwoodpecker\'s BWP, for example, gets involved from Day 1. Did it take longer to draw out than necessary? Depends on how you look at it. Was V killable whilst in spirit form? If not, then you _had_ to arrange for the Yr4 sequence in some manner. Though you could have just as easily Implanted the suggestion into Wormtail about the rebirth, obliviated the suggestion implanting, and let him get that plot worked out during Yr1 or Yr2. Shrug. There are always other ways to handle this, right? How\'s that re-do fic of yours coming along? Glad you enjoyed this one, at any rate. Cheers.

Reviewer: CarolineBlack Signed Date: 2008.01.23 - 12:33AM Title: Chapter 5: Home


No Review

Reviewer: SueP Signed Date: 2008.01.14 - 09:23PM Title: Chapter 5: Home


I think this is fabulous. I very much enjoyed this. I must say that as opposed to Veridian's and other's stories, I think that, given the premise that Harry has lost EVERYONE and become a warrior who can kill with righteous pleasure (cannon!Harry never gets to that point), I believe your story the most. Why would he wait year upon year to make changes. Hell no, Semper Fi! Make the changes! Do the job! Save the world! (roll in daisies? ROFL!). I just need to be told that the final female mentioned is Ginny then this goes right to the top of my list of favorite, all-time fics. Great Job!

Author's Response: I'm glad you enjoyed the fic, and considered the implications for some of the questions it raised. That, to me, is the highest praise that can come from a reviewer -- "this made me think" in some form or other. I appreciate what Viridian is doing in NoFP, even though it's much, much longer and in many ways more intricate. I still stand by the issue of "if you're going to risk it all" and whether or not the timeline should be held inviolate. The aim for many of these plots seems to focus on the rebirth at Yr4's end, much like MaxFic's work and what NoFP seems to be leading toward. I can understand that, but wonder if it's not just a bit more than it needs to be. Ah well.

In answer to your question about the redhead at the end, I have a few comments. First, it's SIYE (and PSnet), so it has to be that HG wind up together. Second, it originally ended with one more word, in quotes: "Ginny!" I've done a lot of very direct things, and wanted to back it down to a more let-the-reader-figure-it-out level, so I struck that final word. Then I took out the "red" and got complaints from the beta team. Shrug. Happy mediums and all that. When it posted at FFnet, I left it without the "red" in the end, just to leave it completely wide open. But yes, in my head, it's Ginny, and that's how it was originally written. So feel free to promote (or demote) it as seems most appropriate :)

Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

Reviewer: CarolineBlack Signed Date: 2008.01.11 - 12:44AM Title: Chapter 5: Home

No Review

Reviewer: witowsmp Signed Date: 2008.01.09 - 10:42PM Title: Chapter 5: Home


This was a very different and very good time travel story. As much as I enjoy NoFP and other stories, I do believe that you could accomplish your goals easily if you went back in time. As you pointed out, the risk is creating even worse consequences, which is a story idea I've been playing with...

Author's Response: The risk consequences are a bunny of mine, but ultimately gets very edgey for what I'm likely to get posted anywhere except at FFnet. It does amuse me, though, to think about . . . repercussions of choices, let's say. Ah well. Glad you found this diversion amusing and worth reading. I doubt NoFP or its imitations will ever go this route, but it's fun to think about at times... Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

Reviewer: HGRHfan35 Signed Date: 2008.01.08 - 05:46PM Title: Chapter 5: Home


No Review

Reviewer: am12 Signed Date: 2008.01.08 - 04:01PM Title: Chapter 5: Home


Yup, amazingly fast redo fic. Well done. Dark, but not hopeless, I like that.

One thing left out of the Author notes is that presumably, Snape got eaten/killed by the Acromantulas. There is no mention of him in chapter 5, so that seems a safe assumption. It doesn't really fit with DH canon, but as this is only partly DH-compliant I assume that you have Harry here _not_ forgiving Snape. Or perhaps this Snape is not worth of forgiveness?

Oh yeah... *Ron* as Head boy? Really? *And* Quidditch captain? I find that a bit of a stretch. I would think that Harry, even after the brain surgery by the hat, would be the core/leader of his group of four. He certainly asked to keep his magic ability, so it is reasonable to think he is tops in his class. All of that, I think, would make Harry solid Head Boy material.

On the other hand, let me see... Harry was presumably NOT a Tri-Wizard champion. Nor was there any need for him to lead his fellow students in the DA. So would Harry even stand out that much from the crowd in this new version of Hogwarts? I wonder. I really do.

thanks for sharing

Author's Response: Dark, I should think, is in the eye of the beholder. I wanted this fast, because I feared that it would turn into another Echoes-length story, which would really be bad all around. That said, I still wanted to touch on some key themes and ideas, while trying to make it "fun" at the same time. So, it seems that on some levels, it succeeded.

As for Snape, as was stated in Ch1, this Harry had no knowledge that Snape was good. Remember that Harry discovered that at the end of Bk7, not before -- and here, the "canon" timeline split at the Gringott's raid moment which went very, very wrong. So to Harry, who forcibly stripped the memories he wanted from a dying Snape, he had no reason to seek any "goodness" in the man, as he had never seen any sign of it prior to that moment.

Now, the Head Boy thing was fun in two regards. First, it's a canon tweak of what Ron saw in the Mirror of Erised, if you recall that moment. Second, think about what Harry did to Ron during the first parts of this after his return. Ron in this story is emphatically not Ron from canon. Ron's been given a maturity jump-start and a big clue-by-four on the emotional front, which is what Harry was after. What Ron eventually did and became afterward is, obviously, off the page . . .

As you observed, Harry would not be known for the Stone, for the CoS, for the Tri-Wiz, for dealing with Umbridge and the DA, or any of the rest. He wouldn't have used the Prince's book in Potions. If you take a few steps back and consider Harry's "academic career", he's not a stellar student. He's not even close to one. Why would he stand out in the tough competition for Head Boy? He's a Seeker on the team, and otherwise the BWL, living in the upper part of the "pack" but not at the Hermione-edge of it. And it should be pretty easy to see that Ron would have joined the team as soon as he could, but Harry will never have the knowledge of the game that Ron does. So Ron really would be a better choice, if and only if he gets over his maturity and confidence issues . . . which leads back to what did Harry cause to happen?

In my mind, he found other ways to stand out, and that's alluded to in the last chapter. His close association with Dumbledore, however, would be widely known, and without having some very powerful evidence that Harry is truly Head Boy worthy, it might give the appearance of favoritism.

I think the more appropriate question is why wasn't it some other candidate, from some other house? To which, I can only say that I wanted that twist on canon from the Mirror scene, and we know far too little of the other possible Head Boy candidates to make any (educated) guesses.

Thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts. Cheers.

Reviewer: Tron Signed Date: 2008.01.08 - 02:43PM Title: Chapter 5: Home


I have enjoyed this story so much! I first read it on Phoenix Song while SIYE was down.

As much as I enjoy reading the do-over stories where Harry tries to keep control of things, I have to agree with Natural Order. By Harry going back, the change to the timeline is already altered drastically. Don't waste time - put things right - ASAP.

Well done and I hope you have more stories for us soon!

Author's Response: Glad you enjoyed the little bunny with the sharp pointy things. SIYE being up and down or having other problems (like this skin I'm forced to look at, ugh) is getting a tad irksome, but there's not much I'm willing to do about it yet. My irritation threshold hasn't been crossed yet to make me be more proactive there. Anyway, the idea of a slow and careful control of the timeline is rooted in a pretty simple (and useful) idea -- it's the same thing that drives public policy. The general term in Incrementalism, but the easier way to consider it is to ask a horrific question: in re-do fic of choice, the future was terrible, but Harry won. What if massive changes make the future worse now? That's the real risk. I wish more of the re-do fics would be creative and break new ground rather than rehashing the now-established-NoFP model, but imitation and flattery and all that. Ah well. I do think NoFP Harry could have moved some things along a bit, but then Viridian has a plan and is quite good at story telling, so I don't mind the journey. As for more stories, E:1:27 is blocked in SIYE (you can read it at PSnet now) due to some backend problem, but it should post soon-esh. There are other things coming, including more of E, but not right away. Thanks for having the patience with my erratic update schedules. Cheers.

Reviewer: melkior Signed Date: 2008.01.08 - 02:40PM Title: Chapter 5: Home


Disturbing as this story is, it is also thought provoking, but then, most disturbing things are. In a way it's funny how a 10-year/7-book drama can be solved in 5 chapters. I guess the Beatles were wrong. All you need is dementia. Love comes after that.

Actually, I find this 'insane efficiency' quite interesting. Back-in-time rewrites tend to deal with the whole 'mustn't change the time-line' issue and that slows them down. NO-Harry obviously doesn't care since he's quite unstable.

There will probably be readers who will complain that this fic is too short for their taste. While I enjoy longer reads, I think that the 'shortness' here serves a higher purpose. This story is quick and efficient, just like Harry.

You said that you cheated with getting Harry's sanity back, but I'm not sure about that. I think the Hat cheated, you only continued with the 'efficiency'. And it is not as if there were no consequences - the dreams are a small price to pay.

I have to admit that I'm glad you posted it here, if for nothing else, I can at least save it now as a single file.

Great work Josh!


Oh, I almost forgot. Squeee!

Author's Response: You just had to put in the final word, didn't you? Sigh. I'll forgive you for it, but now I have to go brush my teeth. Honestly, while I can almost understand the complaint about sadism, the reality is such that I don't think people asserting that are thinking fully about the premise. Oh well. I think I could have solved it all in one or two chapters, truly, but then what would I have done with the other 15k words? And don't suggest fluff. We both know that's not my forte. Smirk. Stability is truly in the eye of the beholder, as the one in question can never ascertain the stability issue. If you think yourself sane, that's when you need to worry. But if you worry, then you're not thinking you're sane, so you probably are. Tacit admissions of insanity are quite inverted, really. It's the id forcing of sanity that gets dubious. Ah well. E:1:27 is blocked in the SIYE queue, as there's some lingering backend problem with validating it. The filters don't like the chapter for some reason. If it's not one thing, it's another... Looking forward to some meddlesome thinking soon, right?

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