Search:

SIYE Time:5:38 on 25th June 2024
SIYE Login: no

Reviews For Taking the Train

Reviewer: Artistand Signed Date: 2009.01.23 - 10:47PM Title: Heart's Desire

starstarstarstarstar

No Review



Reviewer: kash2110 Signed Date: 2008.10.14 - 08:29PM Title: Heart's Desire

starstarstarstarstar

Ginny laughed, and it was like rain after a long summer of drought. - I just love tyour usuage of words, how you use them to invoke such imagery is just so.....fantastic!!


I would consider making this a career if I were you, basic writing is easy, BUT really good writing and more importantly story telling isn't and you write REALLY GOOD!!!!



Reviewer: kenman884 Signed Date: 2008.05.11 - 03:09PM Title: Heart's Desire

starstarstarstarstar

Tingles. That's what I got when I read this. Tingles. It was perfect. Harry's emotions, his reasons and reactions, the characterizations of him and everyone else made total sense and fitted JKR's work completely. Your writing contained layers upon layers of meaning, some of which you may not have even intended, but were instead born out of the incredible quality of this story and its messages. I feel as if the story is complete, and anything that comes after is in epilogue, a feeling I didn't even get with DH. The fact that love overcame all challenges warmed my heart. All in all, you created art. And I look forward to more wonderful work.

Author's Response: Wow - thank you so much for your review - it means a lot to me. I am really glad you got the read the story basically in its entirety - I think it works best that way. I agree, the last chapter, which is coming together slowly, is more epilogue-like than a continuation of the plot. I almost left it where it is, but there are a few more things I want to say. I am really glad you enjoyed the story - it was my first long piece of fanfiction and the response has been good enough to keep me going! -Lilyevans_Jan30



Reviewer: Ella Signed Date: 2008.05.02 - 05:35PM Title: Heart's Desire

Holy Mother of God! This story is BRILLIANT! It sort of broke my heart...

Author's Response: Serious praise, coming from you. I think it reads best when you can read most of the chapters at one time, as you did. I have one more to go, but it is going to take a copule of weeks. Thanks! Lilyevans_Jan30



Reviewer: potslicker Signed Date: 2008.04.20 - 02:03PM Title: Heart's Desire

starstarstarstarstar

This was one hell of a good chapter. You got my attention right off the bat. Wow, the house, graveyard, Department of Mysteries. The bit with the Mirror of Erised again, the mirror started the whole mess and it finally fix it. Brilliant.

I know you said that chapter 11 would finish the story and be mostly fluff. Still would like to see how and when Harry proposes to Ginny, he wedding and maybe a little more fluff.

Author's Response: I thought there was a mistake when I saw how much my reviews had jumped - it was great to read what you had to say as you read the story in full. I am glad you liked it and that the more intense chapters (Fight in the Forest especially), really hit you. Yep, just one more chapter left here - I don't think you will see Harry propose in this story (although I never say never, as I don't have a concrete outline in my head when I begin writing), but I am likely keeping the proposal for another fic to come later. But I have plenty of fluff in the works. Thanks!



Reviewer: GinnySavesHarry1998 Signed Date: 2008.04.18 - 06:56PM Title: Heart's Desire

starstarstarstarstar

Oh, yea! So sweet and beautiful! I really love the circle you've taken with this, coming back to the mirror. I found this story yesterday, and from the first chapter I thought Harry had made a mistake with the mirror... that it was him and Ginny and their children and extended family with the way you described he never saw it clearly and with him being confused with the peaceful feelings and all that. Well done! I can't wait for the final chapter and solidifying their reunion. I'm pretty glad I found the story just yesterday b/c I got to read straight through without having to hang on in agony before Harry and Ginny reconciled. :)

Author's Response: I am really glad you found the story at a time when you could read it all at once - I think it works best that way. There is one more chapter to come, but no more angst. Thanks!



Reviewer: ProfessorBinns Signed Date: 2008.04.16 - 07:47PM Title: Heart's Desire

starstarstarstarstar

Great chapter, I love the two of them holding each other in the Mirror of Erised. If I was corporeal, I'd feel all squishy right now. Y'know, that scene might even work with canon. I for one think that Ginny and Harry would have a few "problems" to "work out" after the war, and thet Mirror of Erised sounds a lot better than couples therapy. It's fate.

The line about Harry not wanting to think that his mistake brought them even closer together is quite perceptive.

BTW, I disagree with the soliloquy comment above, though that's a concern I often have with fanfic, because you choice about monologue/dialog is appropriate to this scenario. Old ghosts like me, who once lived through tumultuous "relationship" talks, know that a person in that situation can and will talk at great length about how they feel, regardless if anyone is listening!

Thank you so much for writing. I look forward to the fluffy final chapter.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review - I really appreciate your insight. Yes, it was important for me to have Harry not try to make light of his mistake by thinking that things were better because of it. He may have learned a few things about himself, but I think he would have learned them anyway if things had developed as they did in canon. And thanks for your thoughts about the solioguy issue - as you could see, although I did agree with the comment about contractions in dialogue, I am going to stick to my guns about having the characters give monologues when the story calls for it. It is just the way I write, and the way I hear the voices in my head. Final chapter on its way as soon as I finish the last chapter of my challenge story. -Lilyevans_Jan30



Reviewer: gejufan Signed Date: 2008.04.16 - 09:19AM Title: Heart's Desire

starstarstarstarstar

right so sorry for the late respond, i have been a reading a multi- chapters series from almost the beginning and each chapter was like 100,000 words I think.

Any way as always a wonderful chapter I was so touched. I mean I knew harry and ginny will make up (and make out, though I want more of that) it was so obvious but you just wrote it so well, I was either almost crying or almost smiling, sometimes even both at the same time.
Is this the last chapter? I really hope not.

Love
Maya


Author's Response: Thanks Maya! I am glad you liked it. One more chapter to go, and plenty of fluff (and making out) there! -Mel



Reviewer: spiked jin Signed Date: 2008.04.16 - 12:10AM Title: Heart's Desire

starstarstarstarhalf-star

I really like the idea and your story so far. But there are just a couple things I think you could do to improve your writing.

One thing that can be difficult to read is your dialogue between characters. You have a tendency to avoid contractions in character speech. That's fine for essays and more formal writing, but most people don't talk like that. And dialogue is of course conversation and not formal written word. So definitely try to include more contractions in your dialogue. Just think about how most people talk. But if this is how you tend to talk, well then that's just your style I guess. But just keep in mind that conversational writing is a lot more informal than what your dialogue is like now.

And another thing is what I would call "soliloquy speech." A lot of times you have characters just start going off in a long rant about what they're talking about. This I guess makes sense given the circumstances in your story. But when used back to back it can become difficult to read. The writing flow just stalls and it's like being stuck in the mud. So while it might be appropriate in the situation, try to limit how often you have one person ranting for paragraphs at a time. It just makes the story seem to slow down.

But overall I like your story. These are just some things that I think could make it even better.

Author's Response: Thanks for the review! You brought up a couple of things about my writing I was interested to hear. As for the contractions in dialogue, you are right - I should probably use more. I tend to read my own stories very quickly and I think I naturally leave out contractions to slow myself down, but it does make it more awkward for other readers, who don't know the story as well as I do. As for the solioquy speech, I think that is somewhat a function of my story and of my writing style. I actually like writing dialogue and things without having to give attribution to the speaker every single time and without having to break up thoughts with interruptions from others, so I will probably continue to use this format. But I think it was more evident in this story than in some of my others because I had a lot for them to say. But I will be more aware of it from now on. Thanks for the review! -lilyevans_Jan30



Reviewer: irollam Signed Date: 2008.04.15 - 07:14PM Title: Heart's Desire

starstarstarstarstar

Absolutely perfect ending!
:o)
irollam

Author's Response: Thanks! There will be one final chapter, just for fun - I think they deserve it!



Reviewer: DebbieO Signed Date: 2008.04.15 - 06:24PM Title: Heart's Desire

starstarstarstarhalf-star

Great job. I love your use of the Mirror of Erised here. I kind of wanted to see the Mirror in canon, along with the Veil and was a bit disappointed.

I'll be reading your challenge entry, but I'm waiting a bit to see if I can pull off one of my own. I don't want to derail my thought processes or inadvertently pick up your ideas. But, I'll be back!

Author's Response: Thanks! Good luck with your challenge story - it was actually more fun to write then I thought it might be. I am like you - I don't like to read others until after I have submitted something, and then I always say to myself, "wow, there is no way I could have thought of something like that." There is a lot of great potential in this challenge - almost too much!. -Mel



Reviewer: GREYWOLF Signed Date: 2008.04.15 - 03:58PM Title: Heart's Desire

starstarstarstarstar

Am I the one you were talking about in the A/N? You know I am quite forgiving and willing to accept this path to reconcilliation. Actually I thought using the mirror quite brilliant since it started the problem to begin with. Well done!

Author's Response: You may have been an inspiration for the comment, but actually, you were not the only one who thought I needed to do something very dramatic and terrible in exchange for letting Harry cheat death. Glad you liked my eventual resolution - I thought it worked out well. Thanks! -Mel



Reviewer: buff802y Signed Date: 2008.04.15 - 03:12PM Title: Heart's Desire

starstarstarstarstar

Great story. You really did a nice job with the storyline and how things could have been.
I am also very impressed how you conveyed this to us the reader. I know it could have gotten confusing there, but you did an excellent job!!!!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review - I am glad the story worked for you!



Reviewer: hms42 Signed Date: 2008.04.15 - 01:24PM Title: Heart's Desire

starstarstarstarstar

No Review



Reviewer: sidnandragin Signed Date: 2008.04.15 - 01:09PM Title: Heart's Desire

Finally! I am so glad that he took her there and that you got the Mirror of Erised to showcase both their desires was awesome. I am so glad that Harry finally figured out what it was that needed to bond them.
Hooray!

Author's Response: Thanks! I always intended to bring the Mirror back - it was such a good way to get the point across to both of them. Glad you liked it!



Reviewer: Professor_Chris Signed Date: 2008.04.15 - 11:47AM Title: Heart's Desire

starstarstarstarstar

Yeah perfect...

Brilliant Chapter I am glad that they have finally solved everything and that both of them wanted to fix it.

Looking forward to the fluff in the next Chapter, well done.

Author's Response: Thank you! Yep, the next chapter should be nice and fluffy. Good snogging, good, well, other things . . .



Reviewer: HGRHfan35 Signed Date: 2008.04.15 - 11:34AM Title: Heart's Desire

starstarstarstarhalf-star

Maybe a little help for you. Birthdate on tonks is unknown though birthyear is 1973. Remus was born on march 10th 1960 (your date would put him a year behind James) They died, of course, on may 2nd 1997 as did Fred.
Overal chapter was good. Great to see them together again and a very good idea to bring Ginny to the mirror. Thanx C

Author's Response: Thanks! I should have checked the Lexicon, but I was having computer problems at the time. And you are right - if I was gong to make up Lupin's b-day, I should have put it in 1959. Going to make the changes now.



Reviewer: Milarqui Signed Date: 2008.04.15 - 10:32AM Title: Heart's Desire

starstarstarstarhalf-star

:) It's wonderful!!!! I really liked to see how in the end Harry and Ginny were able to come back! It was really sweet, the two of them seeing their family in the Mirror of Erised, and Harry finally realising that the children in the Mirror were his sons and daughter, not himself. I hope you write more of this!!

Author's Response: There will be one more chapter - tying up various ends and things - and giving you all more fluff. Thanks for the review! -Mel



Reviewer: Pooky Anonymous Date: 2008.04.15 - 09:28AM Title: Heart's Desire

starstarstarstarstar

Mel,

Yes, I read this chapter before it was posted, but I didn't get a chance to leave you another message!

Finally....Harry/Ginny reconciliation. That's what I'm talking about.

And I see that you and Andi have been conspiring together on this story. I am surprised, therefore, that the angst didn't get any worse.

I feel hurt that none of the Silver Minxes ask me for my opinion about their stories.....(cries to himself). Don't you all value my opinion at all?? :(

Keep up the good work and please update soon!

Chris (Pooky--Feeling very sad right now)

Author's Response: Well Pooky, if you hadn't noticed, you tend to give your opinions to us Minxes without having to be asked - I am a little afraid of what kind of floodgates I would open if I actually gave you a chance to comment before the story is posted!

However, I am obviously listening to something you say because, as you noted, I finally put an end to the angst. It had to be done. And believe it or not, an original plan for the story had H and G going straight from the Mirror to the mysterious "Love Room" at the DoM to DTD, if you know what I mean. Andi and I talked ourselves out of that one - would have been overkill, IMO. But there is still plenty of room for steaminess in the final chapter! I hope you continue to enjoy it. (leans over to wipe a tear away from your eye) -Mel



Reviewer: Zapatorf Signed Date: 2008.04.15 - 09:24AM Title: Heart's Desire

starstarstarstarstar

Melting. I'm melting from the wonderful sappiness and sentimentality of this story. Heck, I'm even teary, and you have no idea how much it takes to get me teary. Pure... it's pure. That's the best word to describe it with. I could picture this so well.... wow, this was perfect.
....wow...

Author's Response: Thanks for the review! I am glad it made your melt - he he. So glad you could see everything clearly - I could really picture this chapter well in my mind too. -Mel




../back
! Go To Top !

Sink Into Your Eyes is hosted by Grey Media Internet Services. HARRY POTTER, characters, names and related characters are trademarks of Warner Bros. TM & 2001-2006. Harry Potter Publishing Rights J.K.R. Note the opinions on this site are those made by the owners. All stories(fanfiction) are owned by the author and are subject to copyright law under transformative use. Authors on this site take no compensation for their works. This site 2003-2006 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. Special thanks to: Aredhel, Kaz, Michelle, and Jeco for all the hard work on SIYE 1.0 and to Marta for the wonderful artwork.
Featured Artwork © 2003-2006 by Yethro.
Design and code 2006 by SteveD3(AdminQ)
Additional coding 2008 by melkior and Bear