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Reviewer: GHL Signed Date: 2014.04.22 - 07:45AM Title: Christmas: Elucidation
These 'Christmas' chapters definitely have a flow and rhythm that had not quite established itself in the earlier ones. The writing in the various Drakeshaugh stories remains my favorite though.
Author's Response:
Thanks for the review.
I’ve been revising this story for some time, with a view to getting it completed. Real life has interfered a lot this month (hence my lack of submissions for a long time) but I hope to be back in the saddle soon. It will help if I can find the flashdrive on which I saved my latest drafts. :-(
-N-
Reviewer: smokeylovegood Signed Date: 2011.04.28 - 05:12PM Title: Christmas: Elucidation
Very nice job with the revision. While, I love your stories (and you actually know the difference between then and than and your and you're), I was struggling with Ginny's characterization, and might have given up, if not for the fact that she seems true to canon in your other stories. While I love Ginny, dislike/distrust Cho and, as a high school teacher, certainly can see Ginny's jealously ringing true to some girls her age, it seemed like someone should be grabbing Harry and warning him to "dump the psycho before you come home to find your pet kneazle boiling on the stove!"
I commend you on your ability and willingness to take criticism constructively and, rather than get defensive, use it to reflect on whether the story was moving in the direction you wanted it to.
Kudos.
Author's Response: Thank for the review.
I won’t admit that it was only last year that I discovered the difference between discreet and discrete! ;-)As I’ve continued writing I’ve discovered that if I’m uneasy about something, but I think that no one will notice, it’s always the first thing reviewers pick up on. Sometimes (like this time) an attempt to make Harry/Ginny less certain can get overdone. I hope that this version preserves their deep feelings for one another, but adds a level of teenage insecurity (the last version overdid insecurity).
-N-
Reviewer: Enchanted Signed Date: 2011.04.25 - 11:19PM Title: Christmas: Elucidation
Oh much better.
Harry and Ginny's attitudes in this chapter always rubbed me the wrong way. I could never quite put my finger on what bugged me so much other than being upset at Harry for being so blunt and dismissive with Ginny as if her feelings were of little consequence and Ginny for her irrational jealousy. Given the two previous chapters this works so much better and makes much more sense. Thanks for the rewrite, I quite enjoyed it.
Author's Response: Thank you. I agree, and my own unease was preventing me from continuing with this story.
-N-
Reviewer: Gemma Signed Date: 2011.04.25 - 09:08PM Title: Christmas: Elucidation
Thank you for the rewrite of this chapter. I didn't think the scene was terrible before, but I do think this is a more fair and in-character representation of the situation. At least, it doesn't make me feel indignant on Ginny's behalf anymore. ;) Well done.
Off to read the next chapter...
Author's Response: Thanks for the review. I got stuck with A&S, looked back and figured out that this rewrite was the best was forwards. It seems to have worked, as the next chapter is well on the way.
-N-
Reviewer: Dad Signed Date: 2011.04.25 - 01:18PM Title: Christmas: Elucidation
I trust we will not have any cleavage in the next chapter. I am too old for that sort of thing. Scooped necklines indeed!
Author's Response: Cleavage, no. Decolletage, or even embonpoint, are a possibility. :-D
-N-
Reviewer: destin4fl Signed Date: 2011.03.26 - 08:47AM Title: Christmas: Elucidation
well done!
Author's Response: Thanks -N-
Reviewer: RedHeadGin Signed Date: 2011.03.07 - 04:12AM Title: Christmas: Elucidation
I read your responses to reviews made by other readers. You mentioned you'll finished first H&P. I love H&P, it's brilliantly written, but it's kinda sad to know that we'll wait for months before you get back to A&S :(
I like A&S for exploring how H/G's relationship developed after DH/Hogwarts, it's highs and lows. So I hope we'll get an update soon. Thanks.
Author's Response: I’ve also been busily writing “Tales of the Battle”, a 25 Chapter 25-person viewpoint (technically 24 people and a creature) story about the Battle of Hogwarts. Yesterday I got the final chapter of that story back from my beta. I will not start any new chaptered fics until I finish at least one of: Aurors and Schoolgirls, Hunters and Prey, or Strangers at Drakeshaugh. H&P is looking to be the first, and hopefully A&S will be next.
-N-
Reviewer: Emlyn Signed Date: 2010.12.28 - 10:19PM Title: Christmas: Elucidation
Enjoyable chapter and story. Keep up the good work.
Author's Response: Thanksfor the review. -N-
Reviewer: ginnyweasley777 Signed Date: 2010.12.20 - 08:46AM Title: Christmas: Elucidation
excellent chapter as always
keep up the good work
Author's Response: Thanks for the review. (-:
-N-
Reviewer: Dad Signed Date: 2010.12.19 - 10:59AM Title: Christmas: Elucidation
Good so far. I do not think it is quite as original a plot as some of your other stuff. Still an excellent read.
Author's Response: Thanks for the review. This one needs more work, I think. -N-
Reviewer: TheReader1312 Signed Date: 2010.12.19 - 04:24AM Title: Christmas: Elucidation
Brilliant chapter, as usual. :-)
But I can't help feeling you are overdoing Ginny's jealousy. I don't think she ever showed any real jealousy towards Cho, except one incident in DH - for which I can't really blame her: She hadn't seen Harry for nearly a year, they were not in a relationship, she had no idea what he had been doing and she couldn't really known if his feelings had changed. I think this was more JK showing us that Ginny still had feelings for Harry, than anything else. But other than that one incident, she didn't show any jealousy - she even seemed willing to help him sort out his relationship with Cho in OoTP.
And Ginny doesn't really have any reason to be jealous of Cho - Harry did have feelings for her but, at that time, he barely knew her, so it wasn't more than a crush, really. He had a kind-of relationship with her, which didn't work out in any way and she kissed him ONCE - whereas Ginny have had two boyfriends, both of which she had been going out with for several months and kissed loads of times (and in 'your canon' she even kissed Neville!).
In the last chapter, I thought you made Harry and Ginny solve all their uncertainty, which had been building since the first Hogsmeade meeting. Harry told her he loved her - if Ginny still has a problem with Cho, then something is still wrong in their relationship. Harry should try found out what's nagging her, and not just confront her in her mothers presence, because he's scared of her reaction. He should care more about Ginny's feelings, than anyone else's. Maybe they should have a talk about Ginny's jealousy towards Cho, and Harry's towards Neville.
Oh - Harry's able to resist the Molly glare? Is ANYONE able to resist the Molly glare? :O I thought Harry showed 'fear' towards Ginny's 'Molly glare' in HBP - and then it wasn't even directed towards him, but Ron.
Well, I hope you find this useful - honestly, this is the only thing that's nagging me about this story. :-)
Author's Response:
Thanks for the in depth and thought provoking review.
It has been four months since I last updated this story, and even so I think that I rushed this chapter. I had a major plot hole to fill (relating to the Slytherin plot) that is now sorted, but I was still uneasy about this chapter. I was unable to figure out why, but your review has pointed me in the right direction.
I’ll try to take your comments point by point.
“I can't help feeling you are overdoing Ginny's jealousy.” I’m afraid that I agree with you, and that’s what is wrong with this chapter. The DH incident was telling, to me, because it showed that Ginny doesn’t fully understand Harry. She was jealous of Cho, but not of Luna. I’m certain that by that time Harry is a lot more fond of Luna than he is of Cho. However, I also think that the hand holding and comforting in “The Seven Potters” and that birthday conversation and kiss meant that Harry and Ginny were in a relationship.
Neville’s “Mistletoe Kiss” was purely platonic (at least from Ginny’s point of view).
“In the last chapter, I thought you made Harry and Ginny solve all their uncertainty, which had been building since the first Hogsmeade meeting.” You’re right, I did! And I’ve (rather foolishly) undermined all that with the first party of this chapter.
My conclusion: I need to do a rewrite of this chapter before I finish the next. I need to redefine the Harry/Ginny relationship at this point, because this level of uncertainty is, frankly, wrong. In fact, I think that the H/G relationship, more than the plot hole, has been the cause of the slow progress of this story.
For that insight, thank you.
-N-
Reviewer: Ginny Guerra Signed Date: 2010.12.18 - 10:45PM Title: Christmas: Elucidation
I love Harry's selective memory.
Author's Response: We all suffer from that. -N-
Reviewer: potterfan2008 Signed Date: 2010.12.18 - 09:59PM Title: Christmas: Elucidation
Great Chapter!
Author's Response: Thanks -N-
Reviewer: GREYWOLF Signed Date: 2010.12.18 - 04:47PM Title: Christmas: Elucidation
Good to see Ginny's humor is back. The Luna's afraid we won't notice her was as good as the Hungarian Horntale, much more macho. I do think you're overdoing Ginny's jealously toward Cho a bit much, she's more secure in her relationship with Harry at this point.
I do have a complaint. Working on three stories at once is causing long gaps between posts. I had to go back and read several chapters to recall what the comments referred to. Work faster.
Author's Response:
Thanks for the review.
The Cho/Ginny thing has (you’ll be pleased to know) almost run its course, but let’s face it, Harry has just told his girlfriend that he’s been seeing his ex while Ginny’s at school.
You’re right. I intend to get H&P finished and then return to work on this. I can (I think) manage to keep a regular (monthly) update of Strangers too. And then I’ll get on with the sequel to H&P which is already in rough draft.-N-
Reviewer: skiutahnum1 Signed Date: 2010.12.18 - 03:02PM Title: Christmas: Elucidation
Vane is a pain and needs to go away...as for the press they are a lost cause...as for harry and ginny wioth molly well of course they didn't have to hide it but thenagain past record shows they have a right ot worry about it thought....kutgw
Author's Response: Romilda will continue to appear in my stories. She’ll be hanging on the arm of one, or another, male member of Dumbledore’s Army for some time. Harry needs to learn to trust.
-N-
Reviewer: Green Eyes Signed Date: 2010.12.18 - 01:32PM Title: Christmas: Elucidation
I enjoyed this chapter. After having to shift my mindset forward in time to enjoy these same characters in H&P, I definitely needed to make a conscious effort to shift back in time with this latest installment of A&S. It was good to learn the innocuous explanations for Harry’s interaction with Cho, but I think Harry is being a tad disingenuous when he says that he doesn’t’ get jealous of Ginny. He was the owner of the original Chest Monster and his reaction to the skimpy vest seemed to be, at least in part, jealousy. His request that Ginny “try to be nice to Cho” was kind of clueless, bordering on patronizing. Why does he care about how Ginny acts towards Cho? He should be more concerned about Ginny’s feelings than Cho’s. He should know Ginny well enough to know that she is going to act how she is going to act. It’s part of her appeal.
On a different point, I really admire how you put small, seemingly insignficant details in your stories that turn out to be important several chapters down the line (e.g., Harry's hands around Ginny's neck). Shows a lot of thought and planning.
I look forward to what’s next.
Author's Response:
Thanks for the review.
I have to shift my mindset, too, and I really should have finished this story before starting H&P. Unfortunately, I got rather stuck on a significant plot point so I put this aside and started on H&P while puzzling out my problem. H&P is (almost) finished and I’m finding it difficult to work on both so I will probably concentrate on getting the remainder of H&P finished before returning to this story.
I’m sure that Harry thinks that he’s more mature and doesn’t get jealous, but this is based on months of letter-writing and not much time together. After all, Harry’s a working man going out with a schoolgirl. Ginny needs to remind him exactly who she is.
I try to have my stories entirely plotted before I start, this allows me to throw hints in whenever I want (especially useful in H&P).-N-
Reviewer: Birlan Signed Date: 2010.12.18 - 11:57AM Title: Christmas: Elucidation
Great chapter. It had some well considered surprises--his connection to Cho was not something I could have anticipated. And Molly's reaction from hoping its an engagement ring to her understanding and approving the symbol of wearing muggle clothing was well done--as was her disappointment that she and Arthur weren't told earlier. I think Harry is probably a little naive still about how any little tidbit about him could be converted into news--even without Romilda Vane's involvement. Her stewing about being in a robe when everyone else from the DA is in non-wizard wear is pretty funny. Her not knowing when everyone else does would seem like a pretty good sign that she is still an outsider. Poor Neville.
I do wonder if Ginny is going to be upset someday with Harry for his confronting her with unpleasant truths in front of her mother--which means that she is getting chastised by Molly at the same time. I am pretty sure that would annoy my spouse.
Thanks for posting.
Author's Response:
Thanks for another in depth review.
Personally, I see Harry’s tendency to make a decision and act on it without consultation as one of his biggest weaknesses. It’s something he’s done since age 11. His naivety about the press is tempered with cynicism. Neville will certainly get it in the neck for not telling Romilda.
Harry and Ginny’s relationship is still in its early stages and they have a lot to learn.-N-
