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Reviewer: BkRmGrl87 Signed Date: 2016.12.06 - 06:48PM Title: Journey And Arrival
Good job. I hope you finish this story. The flow and plot as it stands, has worked out really well so far. I home this isn't abandoned completely. I hope to see an update in the future.
Author's Response: Thanks. The future is such an uncertain place.
Reviewer: BrianMcLyr Signed Date: 2015.09.13 - 02:22PM Title: Journey And Arrival
Damn pity to abandon this, I don't have a grammar badge, in fact I think they have a warrant for my arrest too, but this was a good premise that I would have waded through grammar, spellcheck and editing errors to read
Author's Response: Whoa! Thank you. That's a lot considering the grammar here was 2 inches away from hell.
Reviewer: Lord Otello Signed Date: 2015.03.30 - 01:42AM Title: Journey And Arrival
Hi, I hope you are doing great. Just one question, do you plan on finishing this story? Greetings
Author's Response: There are no plans at the moment. But, who knows...
Reviewer: riegert8 Signed Date: 2014.06.18 - 06:45PM Title: Journey And Arrival
No Review
Author's Response: Thanks
Reviewer: AccioEye31713 Signed Date: 2012.12.01 - 02:30PM Title: Journey And Arrival
I will say that I liked the story as you presented it. It did seem to border within the limits of the challenge (based on the challenge wording, the siblings would have heard about the bond already). I like the approach you took to it either way. It is a good basis for expanding the story and I like how you "outed" the bonding at the end of this chapter.
My main bit of feedback, and the one thing that limits this to three stars, is grammar and usage. I do not know if beta readers are not allowed in challenges or not, but you would really fare better with one. Your ideas are good, and the underlying flow and pace are on target. However your word usage is very distracting. With the aid of a good beta, you could really have a good story shaping up here.
Author's Response: Back then I didn't even know what a beta was.
Thank you
Reviewer: sapphire200182 Signed Date: 2012.11.28 - 10:54AM Title: Journey And Arrival
Judged for Challenge. The beginning was promising, with an interesting perspective, a more indirect plot and descriptions which had more show rather than tell. The incidents of Ginny's accidental Apparation and birthday gift were very nuanced and had some interesting layers. But Chapter 4 was a severe letdown as thousands of words are lifted direct from Philosopher's Stone. I would have much preferred you to continue the original work of the previous three chapters. The incidents covered may be the same, but it is important to tell the story in one's own voice, not J.K. Rowling's.
Author's Response: Agree 300%. I had awful grammar and didn't know how to write back then.
Reviewer: MyGinevra Signed Date: 2012.11.27 - 09:37PM Title: Journey And Arrival
Of all the bonds in this challenge, your was the most nuanced and finely-developed. I liked how both Harry and Ginny acted their ages. Their confusion and embarrassment was sweet, and exactly as two children their ages would act. The last chapter was kind of a cliffy, I only half-expected it. I hope you continue the story.
Author's Response: Why thank you
Reviewer: Spenser Hemmingway Signed Date: 2012.11.22 - 08:09PM Title: Journey And Arrival
Ah, the boot has finally dropped. I have to admit that it was dramatic. I continue to think this story is very well paced, but now I see that it is intended to be the first part of something bigger. I'm looking forward to finishing it. Thanks--Eric B.
Author's Response: Thanks.
Reviewer: Senator of Sorcery Signed Date: 2012.11.20 - 08:21PM Title: Journey And Arrival
Whoa! Didn't see that coming. HarryBond007 didn't play the married theme very much... but whoa... Ginny starts Hogwarts early. Cool.
Author's Response: Thanks
Reviewer: ProfessorBinns79 Signed Date: 2012.11.18 - 03:12AM Title: Journey And Arrival
Like many who have reviewed this story, I found the technical aspects of your writing (i.e. grammar) distractingly awful. It is usually impossible to follow a story with grammar this bad, but the story aspects of you writing are quite good! You have a good plot here, and I found myself enjoying the story despite any difficulties.
Your idea to have the adults involved keep the bond a secret from Harry and Ginny themselves was so good that I'm shocked no one else thought of it. Instead of the usual emotional outbursts from Molly and active interference by Dumbledore, we have here a very reasonable parental decision (assuming that they plan on telling Harry and Ginny when they're old enough to handle it); although, I expect that conflict may be looming now that the Sorting Hat has (at least partially) revealed the secret.
Two other small critiques I had (besides the grammar) were that you rehashed a lot of canon (Sometimes it would be good to just skip over things that are the same in your story.) and you haven't (yet) gotten into the Goblins role in Harry and Ginny's bond. I expect the latter will be coming in future chapters.
I really hope that you will finish this story. If you work on the grammar issues, it could really be excellent. I look forward to reading more!
Author's Response: I agree with you wholeheartedly that my grammar was awful. Thanks for saying it was enjoyable besides the grammar.
Reviewer: Emlyn Signed Date: 2012.11.17 - 01:02PM Title: Journey And Arrival
What a way to end the chapter! Quite the cliffhanger. This is certainly going to change things. It seems you quoted a great deal from the book. You should probably take care to cite the reference and indicate clearly which parts are directly from the book. Very interesting.
Author's Response: Thanks
Reviewer: v_t Signed Date: 2012.11.13 - 08:41AM Title: Journey And Arrival
Looking forward to seeing what you haveplanned to happen next.
Author's Response: Me too
Reviewer: carolyn jinn Signed Date: 2012.11.08 - 07:06AM Title: Journey And Arrival
Well, that is an interesting way to end this chapter. Very public with the main characters not even knowing about it. Can't wait to read the fallout and how Molly takes the news. More, please.
Author's Response: Thanks
Reviewer: skiutahnum1 Signed Date: 2012.11.02 - 05:54AM Title: Journey And Arrival
Wow now that is a twist I did not see coming.....now Molly is going to have kitten over that one....maybe Ron as well....kutgw
Author's Response: They sure will
Reviewer: alterdream Signed Date: 2012.11.01 - 11:20PM Title: Journey And Arrival
Great chapter ending! I love the story so far.
Author's Response: Thank you
Reviewer: Cole Signed Date: 2012.11.01 - 09:49PM Title: Journey And Arrival
Nice. Again, I'm enjoying the story and I look forward to reading more.
Author's Response: Thank you
Reviewer: AngusHardie Signed Date: 2012.11.01 - 09:18PM Title: Journey And Arrival
Great story.
And, although I knew about the challenge before reading the story, the last line still came as a surprise.
I'm looking forward to seeing how this develops, especially since everyone appears to have kept this from Harry and Ginny themselves; it seems a most public revelation.
Author's Response: Thank you
