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Reviewer: Gin110881 Signed Date: 2016.01.11 - 08:01AM Title: Chapter 19 - Mayhem, Mourning and Memories

I just became curious what a role a Squib Dudley would play in the story...and then he was gone ...
I didn't expect that Harry reveals the secret of the Dumbledore card for all, at least not so soon. But on the other hand, why not?
I'm curious to know what Pommy wanted to explain Ginny about the house elves calling her Mistress. It couldn't be 'The Talk', that would be Molly's task ... and why did she plan to have the same conversation with Hermione? It's strange.
And I'm relieved that Harry hasn't considered to view the memories alone, and has Ginny taken along.

Author's Response: It might have been fun to explore what role a Squib Dudley could have played in Harry's life, but alas, it was merely a curious twist before the heavy hand of fate... Something to make us think twice. Thankfully it seems to have worked on a good number of readers.
As far as the conversation with Poppy, It will come to full light if and when it works nicely in to a future chapter, suffice to say, Poppy knows something she felt Ginny needed to know, and she also recognized that both Ginny and Hermione are involved in romantic relationships with the boys and might need to know a few things their mother's haven't told them. Poppy is a bit of a liberal in such matters,
Thanks for reading and reviewing.

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Reviewer: sabradan Signed Date: 2013.06.09 - 09:52PM Title: Chapter 19 - Mayhem, Mourning and Memories

Ok, so I've spent the past few days reading this and I have a few comments that I would like to make:

Firstly, I WAS WONDERING WHEN SOMEONE WAS GOING TO NOTICE THE ELVES CALLING GINNY 'MISTRESS'!!!

Ok, now that that is out my system, let me say that this a very lovely story and I am thoroughly enjoying it. Well written, inventive and unique. Some things are very similar to what I am doing/planning on doing in my own stroy (*shameless plug alert* which you should read) but since you published it first, I will contact you via PM to discuss further how I can adapt it to mine and not be seen as a plaigairiser.

A few quick constructive critiques:
1. In the chapters preceding this one (in which case the voice and language has altered tremendously) you tend to use quite a lot of Americanisms. Whilst it is not an inherently bad thing, it does seem out of place, as the people involved in the story (by and large) are British, snd so Americanisms are quite out of place, in my opinion.

2. Whilst I definately appreciate your use of other languages where appropriate, I think perhaps sometimes it could use some work; particularly the Latin. In one of the chapters (I forget which one) you had something written in Latin, but it was 3 different words using 3 different declensions, and therefore made very little sense to me. (I study Latin as part of my degree, sorry if I'm nitpicking). This also is true with some of your 'foreign' names, especially 'Heinrick' (should be Heinrich, as the 'ch' in German is not pronounced like a 'ck' but different) and Herr Prächt (if pronouncing it in German, it sounds very strange indeed) as well as the Romanian names, which to my eye/ear seem more Russian in character than Romanian.

Overall, though, these are very small nitpicks in the grand scheme of things and have very little bearing on the actual story, which I quite enjoy. I hope that you will continue to write and update soon, so that we can learn what happens next. Happy writing!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing!

Okay, so your first concern has been addressed, Madam Pomfrey noticed, and addressed it with Ginny. Most everyone else involved has either not really noticed, or did not have enough experience with House-Elves to think it odd (after all as Ginny said, she is Harry's girlfriend). What we don't know is what she had to say to Ginny about it. Or, what if anything Ginny will say to Harry about it.

As far as any similarities between what I am doing and what you intend, I would be very happy to discuss anything with you that you desire, and I have no objections to sharing ideas and concepts.

Now, to your constitutive critiques:
1. Americanisms... Well, yes, I am an American and they do creep in. At times I have made efforts to use Briticisms especially where they strike me as very necessary, but I always worry that as an American I might use them incorrectly making them a distraction rather than a help to the story. I would very much like to have a British Beta reader who could coach me on such things and I know it would be a huge help to the story. If you happen to be British... perhaps you would be willing to help? Or, know of someone who might be willing and able?

2. The latin... here again, I do not study the language and most of the latin (which I try to use sparingly) has come from an on-line translator. There too, I could use and would welcome the help of someone who knows more than I. As far as names go, I try to pick names appropriate to the nationality of the character, and I tend to go for oddities in spelling. The characters of Heinrick and Prächt, are Swiss, not German, though this may make little difference. The chief Romanian characters are Alexandrina and Helena Burgestikoff. While they are Romanian, Mr. Burgestikoff was not, I never really made that clear, because it was simply not important to the flow of the story. Perhaps in retrospect it is a detail worth mentioning, and maybe I can work it in somewhere.

I am very glad that you are enjoying the story overall, and I love to hear the nitpicks, they can prove to be helpful moving forward. I am continuing to write as quickly as I can. I really wish I could update more often, but life is a busy thing. I am very glad to have you along for the ride and I will look forward to your reviews!

Thanks again!

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Reviewer: carolyn jinn Signed Date: 2013.06.07 - 10:12PM Title: Chapter 19 - Mayhem, Mourning and Memories

This was a quite enjoyable chapter.
I sort of feel sorry for Dudley. He seemed to be coming around slowly to something resembling human.
I am glad Harry is being taught some lessons from Alex. She seems to know a lot and is willing to teach anyone who wants to learn.
I liked how Harry asked Ginny to go into the pensieve with him. The Potter curse sounds interesting and I am looking forward to reading about it in the next chapter.

Author's Response: I am glad you enjoyed it! I think it is okay to feel sorry for Dudley, even if he was just barely coming around, he was still a victim in his own way of his parents. Alex is proving to be a good character with quite a bit to contribute, look for her to continue to be a presence in the story. Next chapter you will see just what the Potter curse is all about and how it plays in to the lives of our characters. I will be looking forward to your reactions. Thanks as always for reading and reviewing!

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Reviewer: potterfan2008 Signed Date: 2013.06.06 - 12:58PM Title: Chapter 19 - Mayhem, Mourning and Memories

Interesting chapter. The younger members of the DA seem caught up in the glories of war and not the reality of it. I'm glad there were not more serious injures. The Dursleys - its very disheartening that the wizarding world put so little value on the lives of Harry's relatives. In DH they were hidden so they couldn't be used against Harry - I'm guessing there weren't here. I don't really feel for Dudley - he never showed any concern for his cousin. I'm not sure how he can be Squib. I understand that Squibs are born into all magical families - Vernon is certainly not magical.
I was very confused about the werewolf. How is a person safe around them? I thought the whole point was they couldn't be controlled so how is a woman (I assume Bellatrix) directing him. Dudley described him transforming so its wasn't Fenrir in his human form. If he transformed, why was Remus out and about? Wouldn't he have transformed as well?

Author's Response: Thanks for your comments. I am not sure that Harry or the others see war as glorious, but he is definitely eager to participate in the conflict that he sees as having so much to do with him. It will get very real for him before the story is finished. Regarding the Dursleys, obviously I didn't give them the level of protection affording in DH, they were being watched and their watchers paid the ultimate price price for the assignment, as Kingsley states that their bodies were recovered.
Obviously I am taking some author's license here on a couple of points. First, Dudley being a squib. I do not recall it ever being stated that squibs occur exclusively in Magical families. Though I'll admit I could be wrong there. My reasoning is simply that Petunia carries a dormant wizarding gene passed to her by her parents. In her sister's case it manifest completely and she was a Muggle born Witch, in Petunia is remained dormant, but could have been passed to Dudley, in whom it manifests producing a Squib. I suppose it was a bit of meaningless indulgence to do this, as I killed the character after making this revelation, but it seemed an appropriate bit of irony.
In the case of Greyback, I am taking the approach that he is so completely given over to his wolf nature that he has achieved the ability to transform even without the full moon. In doing so he is able to control his actions in wolf form, given over to the wolf frenzy only during the moon forced transformations. Hence, he does not turn on Belletrix. As it is not a full moon, Lupin was not experiencing a forced transformation on this particular night.
Sorry if this seems a bit confusing.
Thank so much for your time and comments!

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