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Reviewer: Forge2 Signed Date: 2023.05.12 - 03:30PM Title: Chapter 5 - One Moment in Time
A fascinating end to an intriguing story. The back-and-forth between Dumbledore and Death was very enlightening. Glad I found this story, even if I'm late to the party. Thanks for sharing it!
Author's Response: Doesn't matter when you find the party, just as long as you sign the guestbook! Thank you so much for reading and commenting. Seems that you enjoyed the tale, so I am very glad you found it. Take care, and thank you for visiting.
Reviewer: Forge2 Signed Date: 2023.05.12 - 03:06PM Title: Chapter 4 - Time and Time Again
This chapter answered a lot of my previous questions. Dumbledore's curiosity suits him well, willing to sacrifice much in order to gain important knowledge. The use of a potion to commune with Harry is definitely an intriguing twist.
Author's Response: I am very glad you got your answers from continuing to read the story. I understand the way that jumping back and forth within the two timelines can be jarring, It also intentionally serves the story by building interest and tension regarding the alternate outcomes. I hope you will be pleased with the story's end. Thanks for reading!
Reviewer: Forge2 Signed Date: 2023.05.11 - 01:15PM Title: Chapter 3 - Time is Seldom Time Enough
Very interesting turn of events... I didn't expect to go back to see how Harry defeated Voldemort after the second chapter showed the results of his time traveling. I thought Harry's use of Parseltongue with Nagini was a smart choice, though I was sad to see James and Lily not make it. Intrigued by Regulus' note and the idea that he destroyed some of the horcruxes. Is that cover for Harry having done so, or did Regulus actually find and destroy most of them? At this point, I have no idea if the next chapter will be more of Harry's adventure in the past or deal with Ginny's injury.
Author's Response: Hopefully all the movement back in forth through time will make sense to you when you reach the end of the tale. Thank you for reading and commenting!
Reviewer: Forge2 Signed Date: 2023.05.11 - 12:50PM Title: Chapter 2 - May 2, 1998, Again
I didn't expect the time jump. The wizarding world has certainly changed dramatically in this new version of the timeline. I like the addition of Sirius as Minister, although it seemed unlikely in my mind he'd have risen to the position in his early to mid 20s. I'm not much of a fan of reformed-Draco and found his inclusion as a Gryffindor personally distracting, but I know lots of readers love him and want to see a redemption for him. His role was small enough that it didn't detract from my enjoyment of the chapter much, though.
My main takeaway from the chapter was the brilliant writing of the commentators. There are tons of ways an author can describe a quidditch match and I've read lots of great uses of a single commentator, but this is the first story I've seen use two at the same time. I thought that choice made the action feel more real and visceral. It had the sense of a heated basketball game or football match. The back-and-forth between the commentators helped me visualize what was happening and kept me interested during a section that could have blurred together with the many other quidditch descriptions. I was really impressed and may consider doubling the commentators in my own works that involve quidditch. Excellent work!
Author's Response: I am so glad you enjoyed the Quidditch commentary!! I had a lot of fun writing it and was actually a little proud of how it turned out, only to have at least one reader say the whole sequence was meaningless and didn't contribute to the story filling the space with something quite boring. Of course they didn't know where the story was going.
As for Draco, when I started the story I no plans at all to include him. His presence grew entirely out of considering the consequences of of a life lived in an entirely different way.
I do hope you will keep reading and commenting, I look forward to your reactions. Thank you so much!
Reviewer: Forge2 Signed Date: 2023.05.11 - 11:56AM Title: Chapter 1 - May 2,1998
Interesting premise! I like the idea of Death seeking a bargain in order to reclaim his possessions. You've got me excited about what comes next!
Author's Response: I look forward to what you will think of the story once you finish it!
Reviewer: nayin1704 Signed Date: 2018.04.14 - 10:28PM Title: Chapter 5 - One Moment in Time
I love this and I know it's been years but I wish you included an epilogue. It will be nice to read how the improve Harry will show his love to Ginny. Oh and what happen to the greasy git Snape?
Author's Response: It is an interesting idea to write an epilogue for this story. Or, perhaps just another story that takes place in this created AU? And it is also an interesting question to pose regarding Snape. I didn't spend a lot of time considering Snape, or his fate when I wrote this story so speculating what might have become of him in this new reality could be interesting... Or it could be straight up boring, depending on your take on the character. Personally I have never cared much for the Snape character as his motivation is based on obsessive love, which is not only a false form, but demonstrates a tendency toward self centered motivation, and a sever lack of emotional maturity. Still, a lot of fans adore him and see him some other way.
Reviewer: nayin1704 Signed Date: 2018.04.14 - 06:30PM Title: Chapter 1 - May 2,1998
Sorry I wasn't able to leave a review and it's my sixth time reading this
Author's Response: Just to let you know, even though I haven't written anything in a while, I am still out here and do occasionally check the site. I am glad you seem to like this story. I hope this means you have read my others as well. Thank you so much for writing a comment. It is the comments that keep some authors going. Thanks again.
Reviewer: zeta_one Signed Date: 2015.12.16 - 04:17PM Title: Chapter 5 - One Moment in Time
Don't know how I missed this great story.
Thanks for sharing.
Author's Response: I don't know either. But, I am glad you found it. Thanks so much for reading and commenting!
Reviewer: carolyn jinn Signed Date: 2014.06.16 - 10:39AM Title: Chapter 5 - One Moment in Time
What a great story. Too bad it wasn't finished for the challenge, it may have done well.
Author's Response: My fault, the story just occurred to me too late, and I had too many other things going on all at the same time. I was happy just to get it finished as quickly as I did. I am very happy your enjoyed it! Thank you so much for reading and commenting!
Reviewer: potterfan2008 Signed Date: 2014.06.12 - 10:43AM Title: Chapter 5 - One Moment in Time
Wow - wasn't expecting that. I liked the ending as unexpected as it was. Harry moves on in different ways and I think Dumbledore would be thrilled to be somehow written into the Deathly Hollows tale. Sad about Neville and the others I imagine they would weigh heavily upon Harry.
Author's Response: Thank you so much. I am so glad you liked it. I only wish it had been finished in time. Still, I enjoyed writing it very much. Yeah, it is sad that Neville and Nymphadora were written out, but sacrifices had to be made. And yes they certainly did weight heavily on Harry But, I hope that the new lives, and the future he got to see unfold were worth the price.
Thanks again for reading and commenting.
Reviewer: potterfan2008 Signed Date: 2014.06.12 - 10:36AM Title: Chapter 4 - Time and Time Again
Interesting way of telling the tale. What a sad existence for Harry. Obviously he is very committed, but to roam the world for 18 years with no contacts or close friends - that's hard. I find Dumbledore's pursuit of knowledge totally within his character. It's sad that at this point Harry and Ginny don't seem to be dating.
Author's Response: Thank you. It was part of the plan from the beginning to have Dumbledore become a point of contact for Time-traveling Harry. And I never thought of his existence as sad. He lives vicariously through his younger self and gets to experience a whole new life, One of friends, and family, and adventure, and mischief. I think he continues to feel connected to his friends and a part of their existence. Then, when Dumbledore figures it out, and finds a way to communicate, he has the opportunity to know Dumbledore as a true friend in a way he has never experienced before. The thing between Ginny and Harry, was of course destined to be, but I felt it would be out of character for Harry, even this altered Harry, to just grow up with Ginny, and let them become a couple without hesitation and doubt. Plus, I wanted to stick to the canon timing on the matter. I felt the scene where she reaches for his hand, and he doesn't notice, and then they run of together in a bit of a childish game, was an appropriate telling of their romance. Of course at that comment, Harry was no doubt thinking how much he would love to hold her hand, but he also had more baggage to overcome in this altered timeline, where he regards her even more so, as kind of a little sister. If he didn't have this struggle, he would have been too radically different in character from the older Harry. That's what I was thinking anyway.
Thank you so much for reading and commenting. And congrats on your own triumph in the challenge!
Reviewer: Mistress of Potions Signed Date: 2014.06.03 - 02:24PM Title: Chapter 5 - One Moment in Time
I was a bit surprised by the ending, but only a little. It seemed fitting, once I thought about it. Thank you for an interesting and original story.
Author's Response: You are so very welcome. Thank you so much for reading and commenting.
Reviewer: isabel380 Signed Date: 2014.06.01 - 08:26PM Title: Chapter 5 - One Moment in Time
It makes sense that Draco would be raised by Andromeda, with both of his parents and Bellatrix in Azkaban. I've felt pity for Draco before. He is the product of his upbringing. This story really increased my pity. What a different life he might have had if something like this had happened. If his parents and Bellatrix had been exposed as Death Eaters and Voldemort supporters they were when he was little.
Author's Response: I am glad to you seem to have liked my story. Draco, was a real surprise to me as I wrote this. I hadn't actually planned he inclusion, or made any attempt to project his character, but it just logically fell into place from projecting a changed future. If his parents and others of his family had completely been out of the picture and he had been raised and loved by the family that remained, how could he be a completely different individual? The story wasn't about that of course, but I was glad to see how Draco developed in the writing, as a friend, family and equal part of the group. It was certainly fun. Thanks so much for reading and your comments!
Reviewer: KateP Signed Date: 2014.06.01 - 03:19PM Title: Chapter 5 - One Moment in Time
very interesting story got to say I was not expecting the way it played out after I read the first few chapters so thank you for the surprise
Author's Response: You are very welcome. I am glad I surprised you. Thank you for reading and commenting.
Reviewer: Marinka Signed Date: 2014.06.01 - 02:40AM Title: Chapter 5 - One Moment in Time
Beautiful and unexpected:)
Author's Response: Thank you for your very kind words.
Reviewer: zorica Signed Date: 2014.06.01 - 01:42AM Title: Chapter 5 - One Moment in Time
Excellent and quite original. Thanks for writing.
Author's Response: You are welcome, thank you for reading and commenting.
Reviewer: Arnel Signed Date: 2014.05.25 - 12:03AM Title: Chapter 3 - Time is Seldom Time Enough
The first thing I need to say is thank you for fixing the formatting. I'd given up on the story as a bad job when it was so hard to read. That said, I also appreciate the bit of a hint about how to approach your story in your author's notes.
You've certainly painted a rosy picture of Wizard/Muggle progress in the second chapter. It's good that the Wizarding world is no longer living in the seventeenth and eighteenth centuries where wizards are afraid of Muggle scientific advancements and conveniences or even just the exposure of wizards to Muggles and vice versa. Still, you kept the essential essence of upper class British wizards by retaining servants like Dobby. I'm sure that if I delved deeper into this new version of the HP universe, more of the "old ways" are still maintained.
You've done the Quidditch match quite well. I can tell you're a fan of Jedi34's Flying Free with its dual commentators format. You've made the action easy to see, too, by jumping from one perspective to another, which also keeps the reader's interest.
However, I think I am most interested in the changes Harry makes when he finds himself in Godric's Hollow on the Halloween night that started it all. I certainly liked how Peter and Nagini met their demises. Quite crafty that. Sort of like killing two birds with one stone as it were. What I really liked was that Harry, for all his planning, still couldn't save his parents. That would have been quite idyllic and not very believable. By keeping part of the original time line, the changes he does effect are in keeping with what I, myself, have wished would have happened. The icing on the cake, for me, is that Sirius is the honored citizen, the one who realized all the positive changes in Wizarding Britain, rather than being the outcast felon he is in the books. I look forward to your next chapters. Keep up the good work.
Author's Response: Thank you for a wonderful review. I still do not know what happened with the formatting. I finally went in and manually re-formatted and that seemed to fix it. I agree it was quite unreadable before that.,
Yes, it is a brave new world I have imagined for an integrated Wizard world. What better than a time travel story to let your mind imagine the possibilities. You are also quite right that some of the old ways do and of course would persist, change can happen very fast, but there will always be a fair amount of resistance. When I first plotted the story I didn't think the second and third chapters would be so long, in fact I originally intended that the whole story would be only four chapters, but, once I got into it, I just had to explore some of the re-invented characterizations, especially Sirius Black, as a honored citizen and reformist Minister. Hopefully he has retained enough of his cheekiness and fun to be recognizable as the same man.
I am so glad you enjoyed the Quidditch match! It was lots of fun to write and I really couldn't think of a better way to do it than to have the commentators and let the action unfold with the feel of a true sporting event. I have never read Jedi34's Fling Free I will have to look it up.
I knew going in that Harry couldn't save his parents. Yes it would have been idyllic to do so, but I, like you, wouldn't have been able to believe it. Besides, if they had lived it would have thrown off so many of the other changes I wanted to make. I also knew, that the rat had to become a meal for the snake, it was just so logical... Snake + Rat = inevitable Snake food. Plus it just felt good.
Thank you so much for reading and especially for commenting. I do hope you enjoy the rest of the story.
Reviewer: ellen Signed Date: 2014.05.19 - 05:29AM Title: Chapter 3 - Time is Seldom Time Enough
That was a pretty good read. I would never have thought of Harry going to Regulus Black for help, but of course he would be a good choice.
Author's Response: Thank you, I hope you will enjoy the rest. Unfortunately I had to be out of town over this past weekend, and my Lap top battery totally failed me, so I lost a few days, but the rest of the story should be concluded pretty quick now. I will look forward to your reactions. Thanks again!
Reviewer: pleurocoelus Signed Date: 2014.05.18 - 08:55AM Title: Chapter 3 - Time is Seldom Time Enough
Now, that's an interesting way to do it. Good job.
Author's Response: Thank you
Reviewer: pleurocoelus Signed Date: 2014.05.18 - 08:34AM Title: Chapter 1 - May 2,1998
A promising beginning.
Author's Response: Thank you so much.
