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Reviewer: GHL Signed Date: 2017.03.06 - 07:24PM Title: Chapter 12 - Plotting and Planning
An observation through twelve chapters, and well exemplified in this one -- your writing is at its best in dialogue. By dialogue, I will also include silent monologue, which you have a penchant for.
Anyway, your spoken prose is more natural than most that I've seen in FF, and the words themselves, even devoid of attributive clauses, carry a lot of emotional weight.
Generally, I'd say that your third-person-omniscient descriptive passages and your nonverbal exchanges lag a bit behind your strength, but we all have our own hills to climb. My Mont Blanc (or bete noire) are the 'openings' -- how to set the tone and pull a reader in...
Ah well, another chapter enjoyed!
Author's Response: Thanks for your thoughts and insights. Would you please add a little more detail as to what you thin is missing in my non-dialogue centered prose? That may be too much to ask, as it is hard to do briefly, but I'd love the critique! Is it too stiff? For example, I don't mind using some colloquialisms in dialogue, but can't bring myself to do so in the prose sections!
Reviewer: indywriter Signed Date: 2017.02.16 - 04:28PM Title: Chapter 12 - Plotting and Planning
I totally love Ron's reaction to Hermione's innocent denial. And I love his proposal. I like that it wasn't an elaborate event. That was all very sweet and a nice balance to the very un-sweet goings on with Draco and Pansy.
Lucius is too pompous for his own good. And I have to wonder where Narcissa is in all this. What does she think about his efforts?
Author's Response: Yes, if we are to believe Ron and Hermione could live out a long and happy life together, Ron would simply have to mature ... and do so quickly as well as thoroughly! Glad you liked the proposal. it felt right to me! Narcissa must have spent a lot of her life going along to get along ... that ir she was as totally warped and evil as was Lucius. In this story, she complains and attempts to counsel, but gives it up as a lost cause pretty quickly. Can't rmember off the topic of my head which chapter contains that scene!! Thank you, as always!!!
Reviewer: MollyandArthur Signed Date: 2017.02.14 - 12:30AM Title: Chapter 12 - Plotting and Planning
I never thought I'd say anything positive about Pansy, but I am glad she is finally showing some sense and realizing what the Malfoy family is like. Where is Narcissa in all of this? I had hoped she might be a voice of reason with her husband. Love the scenes between Harry and Ginny, as well as those with Ron and Hermione. Ron really has improved over time!
Author's Response: Thank you! Wow, tough questions, but good ones! Yes, I chose go let Pansy grow up and evolve a little bit. it's hard to imagine how hard it would have been to be Draco's partner, yet not quite his girlfriend. Don't some sycophants eventually recognize the error of their ways? For some reason, I thought Pansy would be the better candidate for evolution out of those who were reasonably close to the Malfoys. As for Narcissa, I thought about having her be the change agent in the sphere of the Malfoys, but I realized that her behavior in the Forest, when she lied to Voldemort, was only motivated by her selfish desire to save her son, who was behind enemy lines. Yes, she ended up helping the Side of Light, but not out of a desire to help them. As far as she was concerned, Draco was behind enemy lines. So I had her take a half-hearted shot at talking Lucius out of his plot, but only because it was too risky for them -- not because she had any compassion for Harry or his loved ones. Finally, I'm glad you see Ron improving. That was most definitely my intent. I have to be very careful about this. I don't see how Hermione could have truly been attracted to Ron as he was ... insecure and jealous about EVERYTHING! He needed to grow up! Now, my questioning of Hermione's interest in Ron does not mean I think she had any business falling for Harry. I'm sorry, but Jo wrote a purely platonic relationship between the two, and that dance they threw into the movie didn't make things any better. JKR wrote a sibling relationship between Harry and Hermione, and created Ginny as his perfect match! Wow! Where did that come from ... not from your most excellent thoughts!
Reviewer: skiutahnum1 Signed Date: 2017.02.13 - 11:30AM Title: Chapter 12 - Plotting and Planning
Well ron used his head this time for good measure...as for pansy i think she has figured it out as well as her dad....sr. And draco really are dimwits....kutgw
Author's Response: Ron is growing up quickly! Could Pansy be doing the same? Or not! Will Draco ever grow a pair? He has learned to be snide to his father, but will he ever truly learn to stand up to the man?
