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SIYE Time:8:49 on 16th May 2021

Reviews For When I Am Gone

Reviewer: HGFANATIC Anonymous Date: 2006.01.20 - 04:15PM Title: Pen To Paper

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Good story. I love the song when I'm gone. Excellent (thumbs up) &&Felicity

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Reviewer: gracy Anonymous Date: 2005.12.17 - 05:34PM Title: Pen To Paper

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I LOVE IT! my favorite thing is poetry, i love to write!

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Reviewer: Librius Anonymous Date: 2005.12.17 - 05:24PM Title: Pen To Paper

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please finish the return :P

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Reviewer: ... Anonymous Date: 2005.12.17 - 01:23AM Title: Pen To Paper

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1. you need a summary, and not a "well read it and see!!!1!!!!!!111!!" 2. consider finding a beta. many writers that aren't strong mechanically use a beta to help clean up grammatical errors. others use a beta for actual story line editing, or to help parse out dialogue. just get a beta. 3. your prose seems a little melodramatic. you seem to qualify each statement with another clause, and it became annoying very quickly. for instance, you often write something along the lines of, "his eyes, his eyes were different..." or, "that one memory, the memory that brought..." and also, "heard a voice, a voice that echoed through..." in any of these examples, i would advise you to cut the comma and the clause, and say what you mean the first time. it simplifies the writing and makes it easier to read. "his eyes were different," "that one memory that brought," "a voice that echoed through" all sound so much better. 4. the italics may not have worked, but that doesn't mean you can skip apostrophes in your story. 5. and even if you did skip the apostrophes, hit spelling/grammar check and watch the magic. 6. sometimes, plot points that might seem obvious to the writer are lost on the reader. make sure that what you've written makes sense to someone not inside your own head. this is another instance in which a beta would be handy. 7. keep writing, as everything you write helps you improve, but remember that a second read-through is a must, and that's before it goes to a beta. watch your errors! obviously writing is something you enjoy, so help the reading be enjoyable as well. bon chance!

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Reviewer: caryl Anonymous Date: 2005.12.16 - 10:06PM Title: Pen To Paper

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my favorite thing in the world is my family because no matter what they are always there for you. i think this story was good!

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