What Hurts The Most by beeinthebonnet

Summary: This is a Song Fiction that came to me in about twenty minutes. It is the tale of the feelings that both Harry and Ginny are experiencing when he has to leave to find the Horcruxes with Ron and Hermione.
Rating: R starstarstar
Categories: Post-HBP
Characters: None
Genres: None
Warnings: None
Challenges: None
Series: None
Published: 2007.01.05
Updated: 2007.01.05

What Hurts The Most by beeinthebonnet
Chapter 1: What Hurts The Most
Author's Notes:

“Ginny, you know that this assignment is a secret and you also know that I have to go. I will return to you. Hey, we will even graduate on the same day from Hogwarts, together. I have to do this. I have to do it because you won’t be safe until I do. I can’t put you into more danger by us being together. He can read me like an open book and I never know when it is going to happen. I just have to hope that I will get my Occlumency shield up before he can get in and get the information that he seeks,” he said.

“I know, but that still doesn’t mean that I don’t care. I do. I just need for you to see that care. You know where I will be when you return. Don’t think that if something were to happen here while you three are away that I won’t be in the front of the line, wand ready. You know me and you know that I won’t and can’t just sit to the side while the three of you are gone,” she said.

That was where their conversation had ended. No goodbyes were said and no tears were shed. He turned and walked away. She returned to her room and busied herself. After all, she was returning to Hogwarts the next day. Returning as the Gryffindor Quidditch captain and as a prefect. She was returning alone and one year to soon. That in itself was depressing and she was only thinking of the train ride.

She had friends; they just weren’t the ones that she wanted to be with her when she returned to school. She would never be alone physically, but mentally was a whole different story. She could never change it. She would have to deal with it and continue on.

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don’t bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I’m ok
But that’s not what gets me

They had been gone for a week now. No word was sent to the members of the Order of the Phoenix. They were too wrapped up into the tasks that they were trying to complete to worry about the three witches and wizards that were on their own mission. Not a single person in the wizarding world knew where they were. Secrets could only be kept between the Golden Trio. Keeping them from each other has always proven to be impossible. She had thought that the Trio had been formed into a quartet but now she knew that she was wrong.


We have arrived at our first destination. We are all safe and sound. Everything is going well at this point in the trip. Well except for our cooking abilities. All three of us are dreadful. I guess that means that there is only room for improvement since we have plenty of time to practice. Who can really tell?

How is Hogwarts this year? What’s new? How is the team looking for the Cup this year? I hope that you are doing well and that your classes are going okay as well. Hermione asked me to remind you about where the location of the library is but we all know that you would never forget. As if I actually need to tell you.


The letter had arrived at breakfast. It sent her into her own private thoughts again. She had to be shaken back into reality again. Neville had a hand on her shoulder with a concerned look on his face that quickly disappeared.

“Ginny, Hogsmeade this weekend. We can go see Fred and George’s new shop. I heard that they hired Lee Jordan to run this one. I guess they created a room for their new products that can transport the employees between Hogsmeade and Diagon Alley. They did it to save on the freight for transporting their merchandise. Good idea if you ask me,” said Neville.

“Yeah. I can’t wait to see it. It should be fun."

She gathered up her books and started walking down the corridor towards the dungeons. She had Potions first today. Slughorn didn’t mind tardiness so much, especially if you were a member of the Slug Club as she was. She just had absolutely no desire to be late and walked on lost in her own thoughts. Today they were starting the Polyjuice Potion and how to brew it. She wanted to know exactly what Hermione had brilliantly brewed in the Trio’s second year to get them into the Slytherin common room.

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin’ to do

He sat by the fire. Ron and Hermione were snuggled up together and sleeping. He missed her so much. She couldn’t have come though, he wasn’t ready to put her into that danger. She was probably still mad at him. Wait he knew that she was mad at him. But, she had a right to be upset with him. He had never given her the chance to say goodbye. He hadn’t wanted to hear it.

He thought back to the last conversation that they had had. He remembered all the things that he had wanted to say as well as the things that he still wanted to say. Had he actually told her that they would graduate together as a way of letting her know that he would come back for her? He cursed to himself under his breath for his idiocy.

He loved her with all of his heart. He hoped that she knew it. He wanted something to come back to. He wanted her. The jealousy that was radiating off of him when it came to his two best friends was really bad at this point in his situation. They were always touching in one way or another. He wanted to hold her, to tell her that he loved her, but he couldn’t. Not until the job that he had come to do had been completed. Not until he had reached the final battle and come out the victor.

“Harry, you should really try to get some sleep. We have a really big day planned for tomorrow and you need your rest.” said Hermione.

“I know Mione. I am going to bed now. See you in the morning.”

Its hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I’m doin’ it
Its hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I’m alone
Still harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regret
But I know that if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

She could remember the last time that she had looked into those brilliant green eyes. She was too proud to tell him how she really felt. Too proud to admit what she felt. It was killing her.

On the pitch, it was no better. With every practice or match, she imagined him flying around searching for the snitch. She could see the accomplishment and pride when he caught it. Quidditch was really hard for her to play these days and she was the captain of the team.

It killed her to be in the common room. Lavender and Dean were always snogging on the sofas. Seamus and Parvarti always were huddled together and talking. Neville even had a girlfriend. She was all alone.

The Great Hall was no better either. Hagrid had taken to waving to her at meals since the Trio was absent. McGonagall would look down on her with sorrowful eyes. She felt so alone. At least the Christmas holidays started tomorrow and then she could return to the Burrow and sink into her own safety zone.

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that lovin’ you
Is what I was tryin’ to do

Mrs. Weasley had set the table for Christmas dinner and included place settings for Hermione, Ron and Harry. She took no notice of the extra settings. Holiday always seemed to bring around extra people at the Burrow. She was still walking around in her own self-induced daze.

CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! Three people had just Apparated in the living room. She heard the sounds of Apparition but stayed in her seat thinking that it was Fred, George and Lee. Mrs. Weasley rushed into the other room to welcome the guests that had just arrived. She could be heard cooing over the new arrivals.

“The three of you look like you haven’t eaten since the last time that I saw you. Come now, dinner is almost ready.” stated Mrs. Weasley as she walked back into the kitchen.

“Our ability to cook hasn’t gotten any better since we left. Maybe you could show us a few things while we are here?” said Harry who had followed her into the kitchen along with Ron and Hermione.

She looked up when she heard the voice and a sparkle in the room from the Christmas sun had caught her attention. She gasped. Hermione was wearing an engagement ring. He looked quickly from her to where she was staring. She ran to her room slamming the door behind her. Months of pent up frustrations along with new ones began to pour out from her eyes with loud sobs.

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that lovin’ you
Is what I was tryin’ to do

He knocked and walked into the room before she could answer. Seeing who it was, she rolled over in her bed towards the window. He sat down on the edge of the bed. He was debating about what to say, coming up with nothing. They sat this way for quite a while until she got up and walked out of the room with a tear running down her cheek. He sighed and allowed for a single tear to run down his own cheek. Neither of them knew what to say or what to do.

Not seeing that lovin’ you
That’s what I was tryin’ to do

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.

This story archived at http://www.siye.co.uk/siye/viewstory.php?sid=12432