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Don't Drink The Water! | ||||||
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Category: Post-OotP, Alternate Universe, Muggle Field Trip Challenge (2007-2) Characters:All, All, All Genres: Action/Adventure, Comedy, Humor Warnings: None Story is Complete Rating: PG Reviews: 25 Summary: ** Winner of Most Adventurous in the Muggle Field Trip Challenge ** What an incredible idea they've come up with! Baby-sit a few Muggle Studies students, and get a nice vacation in Vienna, Austria. What could possibly go wrong? All they have to do is ensure the change machines don't break down, and they'll all have a marvelous time. Written for the Muggle Field Trip 2007 Challenge. Hitcount: Story Total: 15045; Chapter Total: 3698 |
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“You got to be careful if you don’t know where you’re going, because you might not get there”–Yogi Berra “Welcome the village of Novo Camarich my young friends and to the resort that is Castle Stompbroh! I trust that your flight here from London was enjoyable.” “Enjoyable flight? You moss-covered excuse for sour troll bait! We almost died getting here!” Hermione had her wand out and pointed at the older gentleman’s throat, completely ignoring the Muggles with us. Picture Voldemort with a sore tooth, nothing but freeze-dried coffee in his cup on a cold morning and having just heard that his favorite Quidditch team was relocating to Bullhead City, Arizona. That doesn’t begin to describe the girl that Harry and Ron were trying to restrain. “Hermione…it’s all right now. We’re safe,” Ron tried to tell her. “Safe? We are safe only because Harry understood enough about airplane controls to know to pull back on them and get us over that mountain crest. We are safe merely because we were fortunate to have had Captain Murdock on board with his friends, and he was able to take the controls until we sobered up the other pilot. Their large associate with the dreadful haircut is probably still pounding on that drunken fool they sent us.” “Hermione…please lower your wand,” Ginny whispered, desperately gesturing toward the non-Magics. “That plane! Please ask me about your airplane sir! Less than a minute after we disembarked, the thing literally moaned at us and fainted! Have you ever seen a large machine such as that faint?” Hermione was beginning to turn purple. “What is that thing she’s holding there?” one of the London Muggles asked. Well, we had been anticipating that question. Harry and Ron each grabbed an arm, literally picked her up, and carried Hermione away while she kicked and screamed expletives that I can’t include in a family story. “That was a…musical baton. Yeah right…yeah that’s the ticket. The girl is a…a student conductor with the Edinburgh Philharmonic. Her specialty is polka music, and she needs that larger stick to beat off crazed house-elves…I mean critics. She’s just a bit temperamental. You know how musicians get to be.” Ginny and I locked eyes, as she tilted her head, raised her eyebrows, and bit her tongue to keep from telling me what a liar I was. Finally, she gave me a grin though, and stepped over to meet her uncle. “Uhm…Uncle Waldo is it? My name is Ginny Weasley. I believe that my dad wrote to tell you that we were coming.” “Yes, yes of course! The first Weasley girl born in generations. It is too bad that mother couldn’t be here to finally meet you as well. She’s in South America participating in an annual anaconda wrestling festival they have there.” “She’s wrestling snakes at a hundred and twenty-four?” I blurted out. “An American? How wonderful. We have a number of your countrymen staying with us at the moment. As you are with young Ginny here, I will assume that you are a classmate, and that you are fully aware that our people tend to live considerably longer. Besides which, mother still does twelve deep-knee bends every morning, takes vitamin potions, and avoids fried foods religiously. Now Ginny, I am counting on my being able to visit with you, your brother, and your friends at a later time, but I really am due to meet with my root beer distributor at this very moment. Please try to remember that this is a Muggle establishment, and none of you may be served in our bar.” He spoke this last part in an extremely low voice, eyeing the last of the new guests as they wandered toward the hotel proper. As he started to go, he seemed to remember something. Reaching into his overcoat, he produced a number of coins that I decided must be tokens (they looked nothing at all like the Euros we now carried). Placing a few in each of our hands, and before we could ask their purpose, he stepped off again at a very brisk pace (and not just for a hundred and five-year-old man). As we reached the entrance to the castle, we saw that those who had gone before us were busy with a man at a small booth exchanging money for their own tokens. Professor Marvel, who had clearly done the swap already, was busy with his group studying the revolving door before them. “I believe…yes I am extremely certain…this is a device that is called a treadmill. It is used for exercise purposes and intended to strengthen the legs. Facinating…fascinating!” “Professor…i t’s a door,” I told him. I could see that Ginny was just as curious as he was, but evidently had already figured it out. “It spins that way, allowing you to pass, but still maintaining a seal against the outside weather.” “Really? Well, that would have been my second guess.” I smiled at the man as if I believed that. “Uhm, whatever the thing is meant to do, I don’t think it will work without money,” one of the students pointed out. Both Ginny and I tried, and we couldn’t get it to budge. “Well what do you know? The hotel entrance is a toll door. Ginny, I hope that Fred and George stay away from your uncle until we are all very, very rich.” She just shrugged, deposited two coins for us, and then led the way inside to find Harry, Ron, Hermione, and our luxury accomodations. “Hello Harry. I see that you finally found my room. I was expecting you a half-hour ago.” “If this wasn’t your uncle’s hotel Ginny, I would have swapped with Hermione and taken that other twin bed there. I guess there’s no need to cause a scandal though?” “After the way you kissed me on the train in front of my dad, I would have thought that nothing could shame you. The problem is that I have a…” “Well hello there handsome,” a tall girl with an American accent purred in Harry’s direction. She had spray-on pants, a blouse that was far too small for her, and an exceptional amount of extra make-up on, Harry thought. “My, my, my Jenny where have you been hiding this mega-hunk? You’re not taken, are you?” “It is still Ginny Annette, and this is my friend Harry Potter.” “Friend or boyfriend?” Harry kept a noncommittal expression. In their own world, Ginny and he worked to keep their relationship a secret in order to help protect her. It might not matter here in Austria, but he was still determined to play it safe. “If you will excuse us Annette, Harry and I need to catch up with my brother and our friends.” She pulled the door closed and led Harry down the hallway before the Muggle girl could react. “I take it that the professor arranged for us to interact with the Muggles more this way. Well, Ron and I are together at least, and the room is very nice.” “Harry, I think that is because of Uncle Waldo. With what the Ministry is willing to pay, most of the Hogwarts students probably have tiny little rooms. Did you see the price list on the back of the door? My lovely roommate pulled out a bottle of water before I could stop her, and then almost fainted when she saw what it cost us.” “I just stopped by my room long enough to use the loo, but I had to deposit two coins just to lift the lid. Then I saw that there was a tiny meter on the toilet paper dispenser; they were charging me by the inch. We should have brought a few issues of the Daily Prophet with us. Anyway, I came looking for your room after that, but I had to stop and rescue a Hufflepuff off the downstairs escalator. Fortunately, the time ran out on the thing, and I got her off before someone plugged another token into the slot.” Ginny nodded in understanding. Even with the money they brought, they were scheduled to be broke about noon the next day. They walked on in silence for another minute, but at the elevator (pay elevator naturally), they held up and she took his hand. “Harry, were you giving Annette the once over back at my room?” “Yes, I was, but just a once over. Why do you ask?” “No reason really. I guess that I’m just curious what type of boy someone like that might end up with.” That was all there was to it. Ginny never had a doubt about Harry’s feelings or their relationship. She knew that he felt the same way about her. They loved each other, and, what was more, there was a strong certainty in it that gave her great peace and infused both of them with a greater strength. “I don’t know Ginny; probably someone just like her. Now if you are really worried about the girl, we could always match her up with someone nice…maybe Spenser.” Ginny almost choked on own her laughter. “He would hunt us down and kill us Harry…and if he didn’t, then Luna would.” Harry shot her a puzzled look. “What do you mean by…” Before he could finish the sentence, the elevator opened and revealed Professor Marvel and five of his N.E.W.T. students. “So, you see ladies and gentlemen, after the chamber closes, you merely push a button and the entire hotel outside changes around you. Ingenious! Oh, hello Miss Weasley…Mr. Potter. I trust that you are enjoying your stay.” Before Harry or Ginny could answer, the doors closed again, and the crowd was off on another adventure. “Harry, we both know how lifts really work. Magics utilize them. We’ve ridden the one at the Ministry.” “I know Ginny, but they seem to be having so much fun.” He put his arm around her then, not caring about anonymity for a few minutes as they walked toward the stairway. Professor Marvel tried to integrate the five of us into the Muggle tables at supper. Harry and Ron however emphatically refused to be separated from Ginny and Hermione respectively, reminding him that none of us were taking his course. He reluctantly agreed, but, in turn, reminded us that we were there to help him. It was a working vacation. Touché. I was the last to arrive that evening, having had an appointment with a very tired and seemingly confused owl. I don’t speak owl, but, if I did, I think I would have received a long lecture about how hard it had been for this one to find us. When I opened and read the letter, I growled at the poor bird, suddenly in a worse mood than he was. I hadn’t cooled down much by the time I reached our table. “Hello everyone. We got an update on Luna…and it isn’t exactly good.” “Define not good Spenser?” Hermione asked. She looked as if she was blaming me again. “They’ve removed her bandages, and there won’t be any residual scarring. The swelling is starting to subside as well. On the other hand, Luna is still acting as if she is a cross between a deranged honor student and an extremely hyper investment banker.” “Howdy y’all. Is this seat taken? I’m as hungry as a grizzly bear locked in a Weight Watchers office.” The tall cowboy wasn’t one of Professor Marvel’s pretenders; this was the real thing. “Yawl? What’s yawl?” Ron asked no one in particular. “A yawl is a two-masted sailing craft with the aft mast behind the tiller. Please join us.” He was in his chair grabbing for the rolls before she had finished speaking. The rest of us gave Ron a long look, wondering if the man might be another distant Weasley relation. “Thanks much! Name’s Rory Cornswaggler out of Sight City, Arkansas. Oh, I know that you’ve heard of it. We’re a medium-size wide spot in the road not far from Buzzard Gulch and Liberaceville. Why we ourselves have the finest hotel in the county. Actually, it might be the only one in the county come to think of it.” “I’m sorry...I haven’t heard of it,” Harry explained, trying to suppress a smile. “You haven’t? Shoot, we’re famous. Sight City is home to the Bowzer Wowzer Dog Food Company, Earl’s Pig Rind Museum, and Ellie May’s Mystery Rib House. We even have celebrities comin’ through town. The illustrious thespian Mr. Jim Carey once stopped and bought a post card from the hotel’s gift shop/gas station/delicatessen. We put a plaque right on the spot, and there’s talk of erectin’ a Lego statue to the man as well.” “Jim Carey? I’m sorry, I’ve never heard of him,” Ron explained. “Yer kiddin’ me old son. You must have seen his movies.” “No, I’m afraid not. We don’t have any theaters back home,” Ginny told him then. “Well, I can understand that. Ours was burned to the ground itself when the owner pulled the Saturday mornin’ Tom Mix serials. You’ve must have seen the video tapes or watched him on T.V. though. Are you gonna eat that there baked potato darlin’?” “We don’t have any tape machines or televisions where we come from. I really don’t know who Jim Carey or Tom Mix is.” Ron was starting to feel embarrassed we could tell, and Ginny was almost keeping pace. “So, you’ve never seen Jeff Foxworthy, The Grand Ole Opry, NASCAR racin’, or the Super Bowl?” Cornswaggler wasn’t trying to be mean, but the big guy was really being hurtful in his ignorance, just as Ron and Ginny were becoming self-conscious in theirs. “Super what?” Ginny asked, and I cringed at her words. “Oh, come on now. I understand that y’all are British, but it’s not like yer from another planet or somethin’ like that.” He reached out with his fork for the last beef steak on the platter–--big mistake. Ron’s hand was on his wrist before good old Rory could make contact.” “You might not want to touch that if you value your…well any part of your entire anatomy,” Harry told him. “He’s a Weasley, and they do eat back home.” Rory was more surprised than offended by Ron’s actions, and after a second, he gave him a large, sincere grin that Ron just had to return in kind. “Old son, you’d be a better than fair gunslinger back home,” he told him as he retracted the fork. “He’s a better than fair Quidditch Keeper over here,” Harry countered. “It’s our version of football…very fast.” “Fair enough. Now if you’ll excuse me; those fellers yonder have a mighty pretty-lookin’ beef brisket that’s callin’ me.” Rory grabbed one more helping each of cabbage, potatoes, corn, and the dark bread we had been served. He nodded to each of us in turn, and then took off with his plate to sponge off the other table. Our smiles lasted about a minute, but then Ron and Ginny’s began to fade. “Are we really that out of our depth here?” Ron finally asked. “We’ve tried to learn when we’ve come out with you Harry, but…I’m wondering if this trip might be a bad idea. If Ginny and I are that confused talking to a Muggle, then you can imagine how much trouble Professor Marvel’s students are having.” He stood up then, and walked off, and, after giving us a sad look herself, Ginny got up as well. A moment later, Hermione was on her feet too. “Ginny, I think that the three of us need to have a talk. Harry, Spenser…Spenser, are you all right? I’m sure that Luna will be fine if that is what is bothering you. She’s just acting a little bit…” “Normal? I know you want to say that. Well I don’t want a new Luna. I want my…our old one back. I’m…sorry. Harry, how about we go do our job and check up on the children?” He smiled, nodded, and then exchanged a look with Ginny that communicated something, and seemed to cheer her up a bit. We found a good number of our people in the game room, and we closed in to hear the end of the professor’s lecture on electronic video games. “You see, lacking magic, Muggles need to train as warriors in their own way. What may seem a game to us is actually a life-or-death challenge for them. Their plumbers need to be completely proficient at driving off giant apes with their hammers. Space aliens, when they finally arrive, will be in for a surprise at the hands of their missile commands. Knowing how to make a hole-in-one will prove invaluable when attacked by…actually I’m not sure in that case.” “Professor what is this machine?” a curly-haired Ravenclaw asked. She was pointing to one of a row of slot machines that lined the far wall. “Ah…I seem to recall that that is a kaleidoscope. It is a Muggle device that when activated spins and displays any number of pretty colors and decorations.” While he was keeping his voice down as a precaution, he did fail to notice that an older gentleman was listening on the periphery. I nudged Harry, who looked over, and, apparently, thought that the man looked familiar to him as well. “Come let me demonstrate.” The professor inserted a coin in the slot, pulled the lever, and elicited a number of ooohs and aaahs from the students. One lemon…two, three…the machine suddenly emptied its store of coins to the delight of his audience, but to the pure bewilderment of Professor Marvel. Our guest, who seemed just as entertained as the rest, stepped over then to join Harry and me. “That is fantastic Professor!” our group’s one Slytherin almost screamed. “I have got to get me one of those!” “Your teacher seems a bit confused. Well, I imagine that we all have our moments. You’re Harry Potter, aren’t you?” Harry and I were suddenly both on our guard, but, seeing his smile, we relaxed for some reason. “Yes, I recognized the scar young man. There are more of us Muggles who know about your world than you might imagine, especially in my business.” “What might that be sir?” I asked. His smile only grew larger. “Motion pictures…the theater… My name is Richard Harris.” All of us were up early the next morning, anxious to get into Vienna and away from the sea of coin slots at Uncle Waldo’s castle. Hermione could not stop pattering away about the Kunsthistorisches Museum, the famous opera house, listening to the Vienna Boys’ Choir if possible, and she even hinted that she would like to go for a carriage ride with Ron. It would seem that the war really was on hold for the weekend. The good mood lasted about twenty minutes until a spokesman announced that the museum workers were on strike, the choir complex was under a measles quarantine, the opera singers all had sore throats, and the city’s horse carriages were currently all out of commission because of a shortage of shovels in Vienna. Oh, and the hotel’s two buses had gone the way of their airplane–--tired and completely broken. “Please…please be patient. We are a new operation and still experiencing some difficulties,” the hotel steward explained…in perfect English. “Hey, has anyone noticed that all of the employees here are British? I haven’t encountered a single Austrian,” I mentioned to the others. “More to the point, all of the guests are from Great Britain or America,” Hermione added. “If we are this close to Vienna, then why wouldn’t the people in this country utilize such a large resort?” We all began to study our surroundings anew, and shared comments about the extensive renovations to the sides of the buildings, how most of the castle’s windows were new and modern, and the fact that we had not seen our security, nor Uncle Waldo again for that matter. “My friends…we have a number of activities planned here this weekend. The village offers a variety of wonderful shops for your shopping convenience. The lake is fed by hot springs, and, as you can see, we have some wonderfully warm weather at the moment. Also, we are proud to announce that we will be staging the preliminary rounds for the European Monopoly Championship.” “Oh no Harry!” Hermione and Ginny yelled in unison. “A year and a half ago Harry and Ron participated in a Wizard Monopoly tournament. Harry went berserk,” Ginny explained. “He was mad with power; laughing maniacally whenever someone landed on one of his properties and he could take their money. Hermione had to brew a withdrawal potion when we finally were able to pull him away for an intervention. Ron spent two days in an actual cell before we found his Get Out of Jail Free Card. Harry, you are not playing Monopoly here!” “Yes ma’am,” he said sedately, but gave her a shy grin none-the-less. It was decided, instead, that all of the Hogwarts students could spend the day enjoying the lake. This seemed like a great idea on the surface until I took five of the N.E.W.T. students down to show them the beach area. That trip lasted about two minutes. “Ginny…Hermione, you cannot wear those skimpy…swim thingies! Everyone is staring at you!” Ron screamed at the two girls standing there in the hotel lobby. “We put robes on,” Hermione offered. It was a toss-up as to who was enjoying it more–-the Hogwarts boys, the girl students who were a tad envious, or Harry who was amused at Ron’s mood. “You saw us in these bikinis last summer.” “There is a difference between a private residence and an open beach…or a hotel lobby for that matter! What are you looking at you bleedin’ Hufflepuff? Ginny…Hermione, I want you to take those off right now!” Hermione cocked her head and gave Ron an evil, mischievous smile. “Ronald Weasley…we are not the kind of girls to be walking around starkers in public, and this is not that type of beach!” “Actually, yes it is Hermione. Okay you five…straight to your rooms and a ten-minute cold shower at a minimum. No ice! You saw what that costs per bucket. I’m sorry girls, but this isn’t the kind of story where you can go down there. We may have to settle for that shopping excursion.” Everyone again looked disappointed, but I could tell that for the other Hogwarts males, it was a different reason. Not unsurprisingly, they all suddenly made excuses and quickly left the lobby. The four girls in the N.E.W.T. group gave Hermione and Ginny one last glance, and then made a beeline for the swimwear shop. As we made our way toward the elevators, already pulling out the required operating change, Richard Harris stepped out of an alcove to intercept us. Around one arm was wrapped a light jacket, which allowed an extremely tired-looking owl to perch there. In his other hand, he held an envelope which we recognized as having come from Professor McGonagall. “I hope you don’t mind. This owl was all in when it arrived a short time ago. I recalled that you utilize them for your mail, so I took the liberty of recovering the letter, and providing the poor bird with some food. I assume that it came from England.” Thanking him, I tore open the envelope, and read the latest bad news. “They are having to sedate Luna now. She…oh no! As the only remaining member of our broom racing team at school, she accepted the winnings when the courier brought them. Somehow, she managed to contact a Wizard broker in London, and invested it all in a company that produces miniature windows. For doll houses the professor thinks. I guess that’s that. Sorry little guy, you almost killed yourself just to bring more bad news.” “Hold on. Why is this owl so exhausted? It shouldn’t be that hard to find us,” Harry pointed out. He picked up the envelope that I had dropped, and reading the address to himself, he suddenly became very agitated. “Everyone, this was sent to a completely different hotel in Vienna. No wonder the bird was having so much trouble finding us. This is all beginning to make sense now.” He was already moving in the direction of Uncle Waldo’s office. At the door, finding it locked, Harry drew his wand and seeing no Muggles other than the actor, applied Alohamora. “You didn’t see that sir,” Harry told Mr. Harris. The gentleman just nodded and smiled, evidently thrilled to have witnessed magic. Pushing the door open, we entered and spread out. I had been beginning to suspect what Harry said next. “You kidnapped us…everyone here.” “Yes, I did,” Waldo simply said. I am in a great deal of debt with my hotel investments, and it became necessary to divert travelers from their intended destinations to this new one. It required certain memory charms to be employed, but everyone has a wonderful time regardless.” He slumped in his chair, and the man looked to have aged a decade…which naturally he couldn’t afford. “Where are we?” Ginny asked. “Ah sweet Ginny, you truly do remind me of my mother when she was young. My dear, you are just on the other side of a small ridgeline from the city of Zagreb, the capitol of Croatia.” “Croatia? Harry we’re in Yugoslavia!” Hermione explained. “No wonder the windows and walls showed signs of recent repairs. With the individual member nations breaking away from Belgrade, there has been an actual Muggle war going on here.” “The security that was set in place for us; the Ministry doesn’t know where we are do they?” Ron asked then. Family or not, he was clearly angry with the man. “Ron, I’m afraid that is not the end of your worries. As I said, I am desperate for money. I had to arrange for the exchange of certain information about your whereabouts for the funds I needed to remain financially afloat here.” Harry walked up to him then and placed the tip of his wand at the base of the man’s hairline. “What does he mean Harry?” Mr. Harris asked in an amazingly composed voice. “He means that we have twenty Wizards and Witches here to protect ourselves and a good two hundred Muggles sir. It means we have Death Eaters coming here to kill us.” |
| Reviews 25 |
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