|SIYE Time:5:06 on 17th June 2021|
Genres: Angst, Drama
Story is Complete
Summary: After the war, Harry started to shut himself off from everyone else. But Ginny wants nothing more than just to talk to him. Can she get through to him? Harry/Ginny.
Hitcount: Story Total: 3626
Disclaimer: Harry Potter Publishing Rights © J.K.R. Note the opinions in this story are my own and in no way represent the owners of this site. This story subject to copyright law under transformative use. No compensation is made for this work.
I wrote this a while back while attempting to get out of a miserable writer's block. There are a couple of parts that are a bit sketchy, but I really don't want to have to go back and change things now. I have new things I want to work on. With that said, hope you enjoy!
I was in the common room, waiting for him to come around the corner. I had to talk to him, but he had been impossible to find lately. I was getting impatient waiting for him to show up somewhere and frustrated trying to find him.
It had been Hermione's idea that I was for him here. I could kick myself that I hadn't thought of it myself. He would have to go to bed sometime, and I was willing to wait here all night if that's what it took for me to talk to him. I had dragged an armchair from by the fire to where the boys' dorm stairs were and had a blanket and a book with me. I was prepared to stay there all night.
The common room was nearly completely empty and was starting to get cold when he finally came into the room. He looked, to be totally honest, like death warmed over. I instantly felt bad, knowing what he had to be going through right now. The war might be over, but with all that had been lost, I knew he was wondering if it was even worth it.
As he approached the stairs, I jumped from my place in the chair.
"Harry!" I cried, hurrying toward him. "I need to talk to you. I..."
But he cut me off. "Ginny, I'd love to talk, but I'm really tired and I have a ton of homework to do yet. Can we talk tomorrow?"
Much to my surprise, he actually waited until I nodded absentmindedly. He then smiled. But it wasn't real. It wasn't one of Harry's smiles. It didn't reach those amazing green eyes of his. His eyes remained sullen, sad, and hard. I tried to smile back, but I couldn't bring myself to it. It was almost as if how hard his eyes were had stopped me. Before I could get another word out, he had turned and headed up the stairs to his dormitory.
Realizing I could have had the chance and had totally missed in while I had been mesmerized by his presence, I let out a frustrated groan and kicked the leg of the chair I was sitting in. I regretted it only a moment later when my toes began throbbing with pain. My crush on him had always made things that much more difficult, but of all times now...
He had said that we could talk tomorrow, though. And I was determined that we would, no matter what he said or did.
From Hermione, I was able to figure out the perfect time to catch Harry. All I can say is thank God for Hermione being his best friend and knowing where he hides when no one else can find him.
I waited by an abandoned stairway. No one who knows the castle well uses the stairs because they never go to the same place more than once. It’s usually only first years that don’t know about the stairs using them. But according to Hermione, Harry had been taking the stairs to avoid the questioning eyes of the other students in the school. They all stare at him, since the war ended and he came back after losing so much. I know only too well how much he hates their gazes.
I didn't have to wait there long before he showed up. He showed up alone, as expected. He looked fine from a distance, but as he came closer, I realized that his eyes were watery and hard at the same time. He had to have been thinking of Ron or someone else who had died during the war.
"Harry!" I called from where I had been standing, picking my book bag up off the floor and heading towards him. "Can we talk?"
At first, he pretended like he hadn't heard me and just continued going on his way.
"Harry! Wait a second! I need to talk to you!" I could feel my frustration bubbling ever so slightly in my voice. He couldn't avoid me again.
He looked up. "Oh, hi Gin," he said, his voice flat and emotionless. It almost hurt my ears to hear it, especially when he was calling me Gin, which he had used to do when we were going out. I felt terrible just listening to it. But I shook the feeling.
"Harry, can we talk? There's something I really want to talk to you about?" I asked, my tone slightly desperate.
He was silent for a moment, as if thinking about what I had said. His answer didn't surprise me one bit.
"I can't, Gin," he told me, looking up the stairs, then back to me, never once making eye contact with me. "I have... To go... to class. Maybe some other time?"
I nodded silently. He's really trying to avoid talking to me at all, I thought as he turned and headed up the abandoned staircase.
Frustrated, I turned on my heel and took off in the other direction. I was going to talk to him, whether he liked it or not.
I took up my place in the armchair by the boys' dormitory staircase later that night, my homework in my lap, prepared to wait as long as I had to for him to come. I knew he would come later than he had the night before if he was really avoiding me. But I didn't care. I was going to talk to him, whether he was willing to talk or not.
It was nearly two in the morning when I finally heard the portrait hole open. It was hours since everyone else had left the common room. Hermione had come down a couple of times a few hours earlier to check to make sure I still wanted to do this. I think, in some ways, she was scared that I would hurt him in some way or another because he had been avoiding me so much and it had bothered me so much.
I heard him step into the room, quietly, as if he actually cared if someone might be asleep on one of the chairs. But then, he was Harry. He probably did care whether or not he woke someone up.
I jumped out of my chair, placing my homework quietly on the floor and, as quiet as I possibly could have, approached him as he tiptoed though the quiet, deserted common room. He jumped when he realized I was standing right in front of him.
"Oh, it's just you Gin," he said, his tone still flat. "You scared me. What are you doing up at this hour of the morning? You should be in bed."
"I could say the same to you," I replied, it coming out ruder than I had intended it to. In a softer voice, I said, "Harry, I really need to talk to you."
He looked at his watch, obviously to point out to me how late it was, and then back to me, still not making eye contact. "Oh, Gin, I can't right now, I'm dead tired and..."
"Harry James Potter, you will NOT give me that excuse again!" I felt all the anger and frustration from months past, since the middle of the war, coming out in my words and actions. "I am sick of you! For the past few days, all I've been trying to do is talk to you and you won't even spare me the time!"
"Don't you 'Gin' me! I can't believe you! You act as if you're the only one who lost anyone important to you in the war! Well, you aren't! Hate to burst your bubble, but we all lost people close to us! Yeah, Ron was your best friend and you really cared about him! Yeah, you lost some people who you really cared about! We all did! If you forgot, I lost two of my brothers and my parents, not to mention friends! Have you even thought about that when you completely blew me off the past few days?! No, you didn't! All you've been thinking about his how many people you lost that were close to you!"
I broke down into tears and fell to my knees, my head in my hands. I felt better, a little, having gotten all that off my chest. But I did feel bad for yelling at Harry, when he had been not doing so well since the war. But, I felt he deserved it, and didn't feel overly too bad about it.
When I had finally calmed down enough to think normally, I looked up at Harry. His amazing green eyes were sparkling with tears and he had tears streaming down his cheeks. He looked at me as if I had told him what he had known all along, but had not been willing to accept. When he noticed that I was looking up at him, he reached his hand down to help me to my feet. I took it and he pulled me up.
"Oh, Harry, I'm sorry," I said. I felt kind of bad, now that I was thinking in my right mind again. "I... I shouldn't have yelled. I was out of order. I..."
"Sshh, Gin," he said, quietly, tears thick in his voice. "You were right. You... Were right. I was so self-centered and I was pushing everyone away from me. I shouldn't have. It was wrong and you... You’re right, Gin." He collapsed down into the armchair I had been sitting in only moments earlier. "It's just been so hard, Gin. I can't... I don't want to accept it. I don't want to face the reality. I know I have to, but I don't know how. I guess I could have just talked to you or Hermione, but I felt it was better to be on my own. I don't know what I was thinking..."
"Oh, Gin, I'm sorry," he said. He wiped the tears away from his eyes and looked up at me and smiled. But this time, the smile was real. "Well, I guess now is as good as ever to talk. Do you still want to?" He hesitated a second. "Or are you still angry with me?"
"I've really already said what I had to," I said, ruefully. "And I should have said it better, but what's said is said. I just wanted to say that it was stupid for you to push the people who want to help you away."
He smiled again. "I'm glad you told me the way you did. If you hadn't, I might not have really listened and the loneliness would have killed me."
I smiled back and sat down next to him on the chair, which was big enough for the two of us. He put his arm around my shoulder and held me close to him.
"While we're talking," I said, looking at him. "There's one last thing I wanted to say."
He raised his eyebrows. "And what's that?"
I swiftly pressed my lips against his and kissed him. He was surprised at first, but then gave in and kissed me back. We stayed there for a couple of minutes before I pulled away from him.
"I love you."
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