Based on the Annotated Pratchett Files, and following in the footsteps of KSchneyer, here by popular request is a cheat sheet to help readers spot the many mildly insane references and in-jokes in this fic. Baby, ain't I good to you? (Which was, by the way, a bloody terrific tune.)
This "chapter" will remain at the end, and will be updated as and when new chapters come along.
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A Treatise On The Perils Of Excessive Involvement In The Reading Of Fiction | ||||||
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Category: Post-HBP, Peter Pan Challenge (2007-4) Characters:Harry/Ginny Genres: Action/Adventure, Comedy, Crossover, Fluff, General, Humor, Romance Warnings: Mild Language, Mild Sexual Situations, Violence Story is Complete Rating: PG-13 Reviews: 20 Summary: ** Winner of Best Overall in the Peter Pan Challenge ** ** Winner of Best Unusual Story Creativity in the Peter Pan Challenge ** When the RoR provides an enchanted library for Ginny to relax in, her dreams take on a strangely literary bent... COMPLETE... for now. Hitcount: Story Total: 40447; Chapter Total: 3127 Author's Notes: |
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She moaned, closing her eyes to better handle the sensations as the chocolate washed over her tongue. There was the chocolate, and yes, she’d been right about the cinnamon, and there was a fairly strong hint of vanilla as well, and… was that the tiniest smidgeon of ginger in the background? As one or two of you have already noted, yes, this is intended as slightly more than at first glance. It's based on someone I once knew who was, shall we say, very keen on hot chocolate, and who told me that she tended to, um, react physically to drinking it. React physically in a way that convinced her that it was best to only drink it in private, if you get my drift. So I thought it would be amusing to reference that reaction here - and simultaneously have a bit of a dig at the "OMG Think Of The Kiddies!!!" brigade... ;-) = = = = = = = = = She found a number of thick, dull-looking volumes by someone called Rowling, but there didn’t seem to be anything remarkable about them. The shelf below them held dozens of dire romance novels that all seemed to have the female protagonist gasping a lot, falling in love with some right bastard, and doing anything in their power to mention heaving bosoms. The first batch are obviously Potter books - and they do look dull when you just see them on the shelf, don't they? Anyway, the second batch is Mills & Boon, and I just couldn't find any way to tastefully add "throbbing" anywhere. = = = = = = = = = Ice Station and Seven Deadly Wonders, on the other hand, both caught her attention, and she vowed to return to them some time when she needed a spot of brainless entertainment. The Discworld novels further down the shelf fascinated her, but a quick flick through them made her conclude that if she started them she probably wouldn’t be able to stop until she’d finished them all, so she moved on, earmarking the whole shelf for future reading. Ice Station and Seven Deadly Wonders are adventure books by the Australian writer Matthew Reilly; they're deliberately written as the literary equivalent of big-budget action movies. Light on plot and heavy on action and one-liners, they're good for just what Ginny said - a spot of brainless entertainment. Read Scarecrow to see the hero grinding a car, skateboard-style, along a roadside guard rail... But start with Ice Station, then Area 7. Terry Pratchett, of course, is the master of comic fantasy, the only one who makes up fantasy cities and then wonders how they work. And yes, they are addictive, and yes, I've read them all. = = = = = = = = = as did a number of books with dramatic covers which all seemed to be about people whizzing about in spacehips and saving. planets while. trying to avoid. talking. in. complete sentences. And Thadpole Scamander’s abortive attempt at a children’s book, Teenage Mutant Ninja Kneazles, The first part here is a reference to Star Trek and Kirk's speech impediment, while the second - and isn't "Thadpole" a great name? - a barely-veiled reference to the Turtles. But you knew that. = = = = = = = = = Orphan Island, Guerrilla In The Kitchen, Strange Highways, and a whole row of books by an Elizabeth Peters about a Victorian female archaeologist named Peabody, All books worth reading; particularly the Amelia Peabody books look dull at first glance but aren't. Think of Amelia as a late Victorian female cross between Indiana Jones and Hercule Poirot, and you're not far off. = = = = = = = = = While she slept she had a dream. A direct quote from Peter Pan, almost. Send a 10-shilling postal order for a free receipt. A direct quote from The Goon Show - from The Mysterious Punch-Up-The-Conker, I think. = = = = = = = = = Hey, it’s a dream… Or is it? Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, life is but a dream. Need I say more? Or at least this dog, for this dog, instead of being a large, fluffy, friendly and stolid Newfoundland, as all good nurses should be, was a large, fluffy, friendly and mildly demented dog of uncertain breed, who had a certain fondness for pranks. Mr. Darling often said that Nanfoot would have taken leave of his senses, had he had any to start with. Nana + Padfoot = Nanfoot. Yup, Sirius has become a nanny. = = = = = = = = = Mr. Darling had been most upset that evening to find his sherry replaced by cough medicine (though some will undoubtedly say that they are much the same, and far be it from this chronicler to argue) This is a reversal of the gag in the book where Mr Darling replaces Nana's milk with medicine. And I don't like booze. I don't mind it on principle (I absolutely abhor drunkenness, though, but that's beside the point), but I can't stand the taste. = = = = = = = = = And thus all would have been well, had not the stars been so fond of fun as to have been seduced by Harry (himself seduced by the pursuit of his lost shadow, which he had carelessly mislaid on one of his midnight japes some weeks prior) with the lure of a good prank. Anxious as they were to get the grown-ups out of the way, there was a commotion in the firmament as soon as the door of No. 27 closed on Mr. and Mrs. Darling, and the smallest of all the stars cried out: This, like much of the story, is based almost word for word on Barrie's book, and heavily edited. Actually, most of the verbatim stuff ends after the bedroom scene; I went to great pains to emulate Barrie's style, and it is an absolute pig to do... = = = = = = = = = It was a fairy, a girl called Tinker Vane exquisitely gowned in designer leaves, cut low, through which her figure could be clearly seen, not that Harry ever seemed to notice. Tinker Bell is played by Romilda Vane - and is, of course, murderously jealous of Harry. It also explains why Tink is described with such a revealing dress in the book (yup - apart from the "not that he ever noticed" bit, that's a direct quote). = = = = = = = = = If he thought at all [...] it would have been that he and his shadow, when brought together, would flow together and join like fragments of killer robots from the future... A reference to the T-1000 in Terminator 2. You may see a similar reference in the as yet unpublished epilogue to my story Hollywood Or What. = = = = = = = = = He wished, momentarily, that he had brought the conversation to names and addresses and letters instead... In the book, that's the conversation that leads Wendy to realise that Peter has no mother. In this, Ginny's rather more proactive... = = = = = = = = = “I wasn’t crying,” he amended, “about monkeys." Did that break your brain? Did you spend half an hour hunting through my stories to see where the bloody monkeys came from? My mum did, and was terribly confused. And, well, there is no setup for that. It's just out of the blue. What can I say, I like playing with people's heads... = = = = = = = = = “Collumbra.” And the shadow attached itself to his foot with a sound much like that of a blue cheese omelette wrapped in a custard wig hitting a lightly annoyed bonobo monkey; it is perhaps not surprising that neither Ginny nor Harry recognised the sound. "Collumbra" is based on the French "coller" ("to glue") and the Latin "umbra", or shadow. And the sound effect is based on Spike Milligan's habit, while writing The Goon Show, of writing sound effects to challenge the BBC's Radiophonic Workshop; specifically, the sound effect which called for someone to be hit with a sockful of custard. = = = = = = = = = as a parting gift, she had treated Harry to a demonstration which left his nose smarting for several hours thereafter. This is as close as I've ever come to showing the Bat-Bogey Hex. I despise Rowling's constant snot jokes, and I don't have much time for the fandom concept that Ginny knows one hex and one hex only, which is why I hope never to have her cast the blasted thing. Just this once, and just as a dig at... well, its overuse in fanon. = = = = = = = = = They spent the next twenty minutes or so – simply because twenty minutes is a particularly respectable interval, with much more of a period tone than the frivolous five-to-fifteen minutes so popular among young people these days, though this may have something to do with the frequency with which fifteenminutes are found in the bargain bins of even the most upmarket shops nowadays – discussing fairies and the means by which they may be most expediently exterminated, though that was perhaps not the aim of the exercise. It did not cross Ginny’s mind that, while disbelief appeared to be fatal, the more arcane lores suggested that a can of permethrin and a good fly-swatter would be rather more efficient. The first part refers to the entirely subjective fact that I've rarely seen intervals of 5-15 minutes mentioned in fiction from the Victorian era. The second part is a summation of the long discussion in the book about fairies needing to be believed in. And the third part is just a reference to bug spray. = = = = = = = = = Ginny, of course, was oblivious anyway, as she had clumsily allowed her Pimsleur Fairyish subscription to lapse. Pimsleur is a producer of language courses. = = = = = = = = = “She is quite a common fairy,” Harry explained apologetically. “She is called Tinker Vane because she manages the cauldrons.” In the book, Tinker Bell is described as being a tinker, or someone who works with making pots, pans and things. In this case, it's a reference to the Chocolate Cauldrons in HBP. = = = = = = = = = “If you don’t live in Catchpole Gardens now –” A combination of the Kensington Gardens of the book and Ottery St Catchpole from HP. = = = = = = = = = “They are the children who fall out of their porridge when the nurse is looking the other way. If they are not claimed in seven days they are sent to Sometimesland to defray expenses. I’m admiral.” The book has them falling out of their prams (or "perambulators", as the book puts it); I decided porridge was funnier. I changed Neverland on grounds of excessive predictability. And I promoted Harry a notch. = = = = = = = = = “Can you teach Rohn and Nevael too?” "John" is pronounced exactly like "Ron" except for the first letter, so I changed it. And the last syllables of "Neville" and "Michael" are pronounced identically, so it was an easy swap. = = = = = = = = = the AvGas of fairy dust AvGas, or Aviation Gasoline, is what most propellor aircraft fly on. Jets run on the rather more prosaic "Jet Fuel A1". = = = = = = = = = “Come on, then! Pack up, let’s fly away!” "Pack up, let's fly away" is the last line in Frank Sinatra's version of "Come Fly With Me". = = = = = = = = = Eventually Harry would dive down and catch Nevael just before he could strike the sea; but he always waited until the last moment, and you felt it was his cleverness that interested him and not the saving of life. Also he was fond of variety, and the sport that amused him one moment would suddenly cease to engage him, so there was always the possibility that the next time you fell he would let you go. In the book, Peter Pan is a right little bastard, and really is unsuitable to be portrayed by Harry; so since Ginny was dreaming, I had her change it. = = = = = = = = = “He was Toadbridge Blackbeard’s bo’sun,” Rohn whispered. “The worst of them all, the only man of whom Benbecula is afraid.” In the book, Hook is described as "Blackbeard's bo'sun, the only man Barbecue ever feared." So I added a name to Blackbeard, combining "Toad" and "Umbridge", and added a joke to "Barbecue" by removing the joke, if that makes any sense. Oh, and Benbecula is a British island. Up around the Shetlands or somewhere, I think. = = = = = = = = = “Smee, the butter.” James Hook, evil, cruel, vicious pirate. What better way of introducing such a villain than eating crumpets slathered in butter? Anyway, at this stage he's portrayed as Snape, as per the challenge. But the challenge said nothing about how long Snape had to play him... = = = = = = = = = heavily buttered crumpets were one of his better-known secret passions, while his less-known ones included mah jong, sneering, and tending the four rabbits he kept hidden in his quarters; Albus, Nymfitonk, Black-eye and Tom (whom he had believed to be male until Tom laid an egg; but by then Tom had learned to respond to the name, and so it remained). Sneering, obviously, is a Snape trait. The rabbits are Albus (Dumbles, obviously), Nymphadora Tonks, Mad-Eye after a fight, and Tom (Riddle), who's been tragically emasculated. The egg thing is a reference to one of the parrots my sister tends at Blackpool Zoo, who was named Rick before she laid an egg. The parrot, that is, not my sister. As a side note, this was deliberately written as one of my brain-breakers; the reasoning is that most people have heard of pet parrots believed to be male until they lay eggs (since they're sexually monomorphic, it's one of the few ways to tell), combined with the cultural conditioning that has most of us subconsciously connecting [easter] bunnies with [easter] eggs, so the juxtaposition of rabbits laying eggs here doesn't usually get noticed until people are on their third or fourth read-through. Psychology - a boon for evil comedians everywhere. = = = = = = = = = “Gordon Tawnick, our new... recruit...” Gordon Tawnick (as in "Gordon's Gin") is here for several reasons. Firstly, as a setup for a dreadful joke coming up later. Secondly, as a reason to cut away from Harry and his merry band for Hook's introduction. And thirdly, as a vehicle for Hook's Snape reference: "Our new... recruit." The change, by the way, is for two reasons. Snape really doesn't work for me as Hook, and secondly, Hook was played in the 2003 film by Jason Isaacs, who, of course, plays Lucius Malfoy. Thus the hair. = = = = = = = = = “When we have captured our loot, we send it hence to the hold to be processed by this sallow fellow, Processor Snape." In the challenge specification, it says that Hook has to be played by "Processor [sic] Snape". Obviously a typo, bu you know me - you just mustn't give me a feed line like that, or things like this happen. = = = = = = = = = The lost boys were out looking for Peter; the pirates were out looking for the lost boys; the redskins were out playing baseball, the Indians were out looking for the pirates, and the beasts were out looking for lunch. They were going round and round the island, but they did not meet, because all were going the same way, except for a cunning wildcat who thought of going back the opposite direction, and returned to his lair with an exceedingly satisfied expression on his face, a lethargic and well fed demeanour, and a bloodied shred of pirate neckerchief dangling from one tooth. The description is lifted almost straight from the book, except for a diversion where I refer to the Redskins sporting team. I couldn't remember if they play baseball or American Football or basketball or what, though, so I took a stab at baseball, which is closest to cricket, where (just like this chase) not a lot happens. And I thought it would be fun if there was at least one intelligent creature on the island. = = = = = = = = = The first in the line is Tootles, not the least brave but the most unfortunate of that gallant band, for all the excitement happens when he has passed out of frame; thus he has less screen time than any of the others, and so gets paid a relative pittance. This is much the same as he's described in the book - always missing the action - except I extend the reasoning beyond its logical conclusion into a film reference. Fairly simple. = = = = = = = = = Next comes Nibs, the gay and debonair, who had found himself in a number of awkward misunderstandings, followed by Slightly Corner, who cuts small but elaborate saxophones out of branches and dances to his own tunes. He is the most conceited of the boys; he thinks he remembers the days before he was lost, and fancies himself as something of a Casanova (or fancies that he would be, had he any casas to nova), and this has given his nose an offensive tilt. Curly is fourth, and last come the twins, whose pockets it is unwise to search without caution, lest one find things that should not be found. They tend toward the exothermic. Nibs demonstrates a dig at slashfic; Slightly is a Michael Corner reference, just because the name worked so well... and another reason which will become apparent. In the book he cuts flutes; but saxophones are more fun. The Twins, obviously, are the twins. = = = = = = = = = “Curly, you should know better! Never smile at a crocodile!” Simple, really; a reference to "Never Smile At A Crocodile", arguably the most famous song from Disney's Peter Pan. Interestingly, while the melody was used in several themes throughout the film, the song doesn't; it was cut and has apparently never featured in any version of the film. So now you know. See? Reading my fics is educational. = = = = = = = = = Hark to that, the Ginny lives, in spite of Tinker’s crime, / Great news for Tootles poor, / Such shame that Harry thinks songs queer, / And still it doesn’t rhyme. This is just because Barrie, like so many children's authors of his time, was inordinately keen on adding stupid little songs and rhymes and things. So I spoofed it to shreds. The song, by the way, is written on exactly the same structure as in the book. = = = = = = = = = She took to setting examinations for her brothers to ensure that they did not forget their parents, but stopped short of inventing silly acronyms for them. "N.E.W.T." "O.W.L." What was Rowling smoking? = = = = = = = = = One day not long after, Harry was surprised to find Slightly Corner stroll past him with a black eye, whistling an old wartime song. Bat Bogey ==> Colonel Bogey. Great tune, too. Again, another dig at the overuse of that bloody spell. = = = = = = = = = To describe them all would require an immensely large book, and the most we can do is give one – or perhaps extracts of two – as a specimen of life on the island. The difficulty is which one to choose. The brush with the redskins at Slightly Gulch, which ended with the redskins agreeing to be the lost boys for the day, after Harry had a whim to be a redskin for the duration of the battle; naturally the lost boys all followed suit, and so the battle would have been terribly one-sided had not the redskins agreed to make up the numbers as lost boys. While the wording is modified in places, the substance of that is lifted straight from the book. Hook falling over the cake in the dark, "street fairies", the lot. The drop trap was mine, though, as was Tiger Ronni - I just reckoned it would be fun to cast Ron as Tiger Lily. The cake, by the way, was an assassination attempt devised by Hook in the book: "[The plan is] to return to the ship, and cook a large rich cake of a jolly thickness with green sugar on it. [...] We will leave the cake on the shore of the mermaids' lagoon. [...] They will find the cake and they will gobble it up, because, having no mother, they don't know how dangerous 'tis to eat rich damp cake. [...] Aha, they will die." - (p. 61, Peter Pan, Penguin Popular Classics) = = = = = = = = = It had started in a clearing some miles distant, where Tinker Vane often went with her friends to lounge about and indulge in antisocial behaviour, like wearing hoodies and flying around at all hours of the night singing loudly, or getting drunk and passing out on the path, or carrying concealed knives to rob elderly mayflies. The local law enforcement fairies dared not enter their sod for fear of the mean street fairies who dwelt there. Only the Procurator Fairy, Krupke, was tolerated by them, and even he was ridiculed. These chavs are my idea of the "street fairies" alluded to by Barrie. Krupke, obviously, is a reference to West Side Story, as are the names of the fairies ("Jet" for the Jets and "Barracuda" for the Sharks). = = = = = = = = = “Rohn, do you see Hook’s wig?” What can I say? I just couldn't resist. I've been saving up that joke for ages. = = = = = = = = = “Children, do you know who I am?” The codfish bit is obviously a reference to the codfish discussion in the book (which is far funnier in the book than any of the films: "If you are Hook, come tell me, who am I?" "A codfish, only a codfish." "Have we been captained all this time by a codfish?" [his men] muttered. The other bit is paraphrased from Shakespeare: POLONIUS: "How does my good Lord Hamlet?" HAMLET: "Well, God-a-mercy. POLONIUS: "Do you know me, my lord?" HAMLET: "Excellent well, y'are a fishmonger." - (Hamlet, Act 2 Scene 2) = = = = = = = = = "I poisoned him earlier, left a whole box of poisoned chocolate cauldrons on his table. There is no way he could survive them, aha.” The first part here is a reference to Romilda vane's choccie cauldrons, which technically are a poisoning attempt; the second is a reference to the "Aha, they will die" in The Great Cake Plan. = = = = = = = = = ‘Red-Headed Gin’ In the book, one of the characters contemplates being a pirate, and decides they would go by the name "Red-Handed Jack". In the 2003 film, IIRC, Wendy gets the line and calls herself "Red-Handed Jill". And of course, here's where Tawnick comes back in; everyone knows about gin & tonic, right? = = = = = = = = = “I do believe in fairies, I do...” This is a reference specifically to the silly chanting in the 2003 film; "I do believe in fairies, I do, I do". That's why I decided it would work... but only in the short term. = = = = = = = = = he forgot all about Tinker Vane within a day, and never thought of her again. In the book, Peter has a very short span of attention, so I reckoned he'd probably forget about Tink pretty quickly too. = = = = = = = = = Harry winced and frowned, his face contorting as a stab of unfamiliar pain assailed his jaw. He poked his thumb and forefinger inside and withdrew the small tooth that had shaken loose; already, he felt, a new and larger one was growing in to take its place. He stared in disbelief at the tooth. He's paused his growing up for many years; now he's growing up a great deal in one go. I could have gone into more detail - the idea is that he's aging from 10 to 17 in an hour or two - but I decided that it was unnecessary... particularly with the last line, which made things pretty clear. And yes, that is what it means. |
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