I am so unbelievably sorry for the wait. It has been way, way too long, I know, but a lot of things have been going on. Truthfully, I finished this chapter just after Christmas, but my memory got...misplaced, shall we say.
As for the chapter, it's a lot longer than my previous ones, and I know Ginny's being a bit of a bitch but I couldn't help doing all of this. THe next update will be way sooner, I've written some of the chapter all ready.
As for reviewing, I was looking at my stats earlier and found out that 52 people have this story on their favourites. I was chuffed, but then I realised that only about a 10th of you review. So please, please leave a comment, even if it's just to tell me that I'm a terrible write because it makes my day!
Thanks goes to my amazing beta, quinn and also to my sister, who I've woken up a number of times these past few months, screaming about this story, and hasn't even hit me once. That's some patience.
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How Do I Go On? | ||||||
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Category: Alternate Universe, Post-DH/AB Characters:None Genres: Angst, Comedy, Fluff, Romance Warnings: None Rating: R Reviews: 50 Summary: *** The author has been reminded via the e-mail address on file that this story is listed as incomplete and has not been updated in over 2 years *** *** The author has been reminded via the e-mail address on file that this story is listed as incomplete and has not been updated in over 2 years *** The battle of Hogwarts is over, leaving Harry Potter in turmoil. Around him, families grieve for their loved ones and Harry wants nothing more than to be with GInny. However, the guilt that comes with his losses is pulling him away from the love of his life. Can Ginny get him through? And more importantly, can he help her? A H/G story that takes place directly after DH, about learning to live through darkness and death. **IT SHOULD PROBABLY BE NOTED THAT FRED IS ALIVE IN THIS STORY. IT BECOMES CLEAR IN THE FIRST CHAPTER** Hitcount: Story Total: 36297; Chapter Total: 5047 Author's Notes: |
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Harry Potter flopped down at the kitchen table at the Burrow with a sigh. The room was full of people, mostly redheads, but the person he wanted to see above all others wasn’t there. Again. Ginny had been avoiding him for a week now. At first he had thought that she had just been scared about the trial with the Carrows, but it seemed like she was avoiding her whole family. She did not speak to anyone, not even Harry, and shut herself in her room a lot. Molly insisted that she came down for meals, but Ginny hardly ate. She was spending at least four hours a day at Luna’s house, and when she came back she would go flying for several hours before showering, eating and going to bed. She had hardly spoken two words to Harry since Luna had left the house after their interview. If they met in the hallways she would only nod politely, and if they were seated together at dinner she would studiously ignore him. Although Harry tried to be patient with her, he was starting to wonder what he could do to help. He had tried being understanding, tried to encourage her to talk about her year with him, tried to convince her that he could help but that only seemed to make her angrier and more determined to ignore him. One night after dinner, when Ginny had gone up to her room without a word to anyone, Hermione offered the theory that Ginny didn’t want anyone to understand what she’d been through. She believed that Ginny just needed to be left alone to deal with things in her own way. So Harry had backed off. But Ginny still hadn’t come to him. “Knock knock!” A familiar, deep voice echoed around the kitchen and the back door opened to reveal Neville Longbottom. Harry nearly gasped aloud. Neville really had changed. Now that his face was free from bruises and cuts, Harry saw that he had taken on a graceful handsomeness. He had lost his baby fat and his hair was long and flopped over his eyes. He was tall, only about half an inch shorter than Harry himself, and dressed in jeans and a black muggle hoodie; he looked grown up. “Neville!” Hermione exclaimed, standing up and greeting their old friend with enthusiasm. “Morning, Hermione,” Neville grinned, putting his hands into his pockets and leaning backwards slightly. “Harry, Ron,” he nodded. “Ginny about?” Harry felt a pang of suspicion shoot through him. Why was Neville here? Just to see Ginny? Would she talk to him? “She’s still in bed, actually, Neville,” Mrs Weasley smiled. “I was just about to go and wake her.” “No need,” Ginny’s voice floated through. Everyone in the kitchen whipped around. Ginny entered the kitchen, dressed in a short white robe over her tiny pyjamas, her copper curls pulled into a messy ponytail and her eyes still rimmed with yesterday’s makeup. To Harry, she had never looked more beautiful. “Ginny!” Molly exclaimed as Ginny’s face lit up at the sight of Neville. “You should put some clothes on before coming downstairs!” “I’ve got clothes on mum,” Ginny said to her mother, picking her way through the throng of her brothers and towards Neville. “And even if I hadn’t, no one here is going to care, are they?” “Neville’s here,” Bill pointed out, watching Neville carefully. “Neville doesn’t mind,” Ginny finally reached her friend and wrapped her arms around his neck. “Do you, Nev?” “Fine by me,” Neville shrugged, hugging Ginny tightly. “How are you doing?” “I’m fine,” Ginny nodded, pecking his cheek. “I’m so glad you’re here! Me and Lulu have been going bloody crazy.” “I can imagine,” Neville laughed. “I can’t believe I’ve agreed to go shopping with you two and Frankie. Oh good lord, you’re going to drag me round Malkin’s making comments about the ‘lovely dresses’ aren’t you?” Ginny laughed and Harry tried to squash down the jealousy that threatened to overtake him. He had been trying to get through to her for days and all Neville had to do was joke about shopping and she was back to normal. “Hold on,” Harry interrupted as Ginny and Neville sat down at the table. “What’s going on? Shopping?” “Everyone’s going into Diagon Alley, mate,” Ron explained as Harry looked around the table, waiting for an answer. “The twins need to get a look at the shop, Bill needs to go and discuss his job at Gringotts, and the rest of us need more clothes, more food. Bit of a family day out.” “All my friends are going to be in as well,” Ginny said, propping her feet up on Neville’s lap. “That’s why Nev’s here. He’s coming in with us. Lulu and Frankie should be here any second.” “Speaking of which,” Mrs Weasley interrupted again. “Shouldn’t you be getting ready, dear?” Ginny rolled her eyes and stood up again, raking a hand through her hair. “Fine,” she moaned, walking towards the living room. “Fine, I’m gone.” With one last dazzling smile directed at Neville, Ginny left the room, and people began to follow, mumbling about getting ready for their trip. Soon, only Harry and Neville were left, after Ron had stuffed one final piece of bacon in his mouth and left with a grunt. “So,” Neville began pleasantly. “How are you doing, Harry?” “Fine,” Harry’s reply came out shorter and colder than he had intended and he instantly felt guilty when he saw the hurt flash across Neville’s face. He sighed. “I didn’t mean that the way it came out,” he said apologetically. “I’m fine, but Ginny isn’t.” “No,” Neville agreed. “I don’t suppose she is.” “She won’t talk to me, Neville,” Harry’s voice was urgent. “She won’t tell me anything about that last year. And I don’t know what to do.” “Just give her time,” Neville advised. “She’s grieving, Harry, and she’s feeling all out of sorts.” “I don’t get it,” Harry said, banging his fists down on the table in frustration. “When we were at Hogwarts, after the battle, she was fine. We were happy. We were normal, you know? She wasn’t grumpy or angry. She didn’t even seem to be that sad about Colin or angry about her year. Why is she now?” “Harry, mate, what you have to understand is that we went through a year of hell together,” Neville explained with a solemn shake of the head. “And we knew that you were out there, and fighting and going through terrible things, but that was just it. You were doing something. We were all so desperate to get out, to do something, anything, and we couldn’t.” “So Ginny’s being like this because…she’s angry? That I got to fight and she didn’t?” Harry was confused. That seemed childish and petty, and Ginny was neither of those things. “No,” Neville shook his head again and shifted in his chair. “Ginny’s angry because people are writing off what she went through for you as nothing compared to what you’ve done for her. She’s angry that people think that because she was at school, she was safe and happy.” “But I know she went through hell for me!” Harry exclaimed. “I know that she got tortured so they could find stuff out about me. I know that!” “But she doesn’t know that you know,” Neville said. “You’ve never said it. And everyone else doesn’t get it, doesn’t understand. You can’t ever understand what we went through that year unless you were there.” Ah. Well, at least that bit made sense. That was why she was spending more and more time with her school friends and less time with her family and him. She needed to be with people who got what she was feeling. “She doesn’t understand why she’s feeling like this herself,” Neville continued when Harry didn’t speak. “She thought she was over the whole thing, over the Carrows, over what they did. She’s pushed all of that away in her haste to get back to normal and now she has to go back to it.” “Since when did you get to understanding Ginny so well?” Harry moaned, resting his head on the table. “You know her better than anyone else in the world, mate,” Neville stretched up and yawned. “Better than me, better than Luna, better than Colin did. You know her better than Frankie and better than her brothers. You could’ve worked all that out on your own if you’d have thought about it long enough.” Harry opened his mouth to protest, but at that moment, there was a call from outside and Luna Lovegood and Frankie, the witch from the ball, had arrived. He drifted out of the excited greetings that went between the two girls and Neville, and paid no attention to the rest of the Weasleys, now fully dressed, arriving in the kitchen and pulling on coats. He didn’t even notice when Ginny arrived. His brain didn’t have time to register as she hugged her friends and was out the door just as quickly. Brilliant. This was going to be fun. *** Ginny stood on the edge of the large crowd of people congregated outside of Florean’s Ice Cream Parlour, not really engaging in the conversation that took place. They had all agreed that fourteen people could not go around Diagon Alley together, it would take far too long and the store holders would probably throw them out for crowding up the shops. They just had to decide who would shop with whom. And that was the decision that had taken over fifteen minutes. After the first two, Ginny had drifted out and daydreamed about nothing in particular, staring into space in a fashion that was not unlike Luna. Or how Luna used to be, at least. The war had certainly made her a little more in touch with reality. “Right then!” Arthur clapping his hands together firmly brought Ginny out of her reverie, and she decided to listen. It sounded as though they had reached a decision. “Bill and Fleur will go wherever they need to go together, Gringotts, shopping, whatever. Charlie, Percy, Fred and George are going to the joke shop. Harry, Ron and Hermione can go and just hang around for a little while together. Neville, Frankie and Luna, you can do the same. And Molly and I can go and have a drink at the pub where you will all meet us in an hour and a half. Do you understand?” There was a chorus of ‘Yes!” before Molly spoke up, her warm brown eyes wide with worry. “What about Ginny?” There was silence. The entire Weasley clan looked doubtingly between Harry and Ginny’s friends. “I’ll go with Neville!” Ginny exclaimed quickly, seeing Harry open his mouth to speak. It snapped shut again and his green eyes shone with hurt as he gazed at her in confusion. She felt guilty for a second, but it was gone instantly when she saw the sympathy on Hermione’s face. She didn’t need anyone’s sympathy and she certainly didn’t need Harry-bloody-Potter pretending like he understood what she was going through, no matter how much she loved him. “Come on,” Ginny said, turning on her heel and grabbing Luna by the hand. “Let’s go.” **** Harry watched Ginny walk away down Diagon Alley, her hand clutching Luna’s, who appeared to be talking to her in a low voice. Frankie stood on the other side of Ginny and Neville stood behind them, as if protecting them from the world. Unexplainable anger surged up in Harry. It should have been him protecting Ginny. Not Neville Longbottom. “Coming, mate?” Ron said, oblivious to the way his sister had chosen her friends over Harry again. Harry followed his friends in to the Quidditch shop, ignoring the sympathetic look Hermione sent him. He might have been Harry Potter, saviour of the world, but he was damned if he knew what was going on with Ginny Weasley right now. **** “Ginny!” a familiar voice yelled as the quartet made their way out of the book shop. “Nev, Luna! Frankie!” They turned around in unison to see Seamus Finnegan, Lavender Brown and Padma and Pavarti Patil making their way up the street toward them. “Seamus!” Neville greeted his friend with a bear hug that Seamus enthusiastically returned. “Blimey mate!” “You’re looking good!” Seamus roared loudly, and Ginny let out a tiny laugh. Seamus always was loud when he was happy or excited. “No need to shout, Seamus,” Luna smirked. “We are standing right here!” “Oops,” Seamus’ face was sheepish as he released Neville and hugged Luna tightly, lifting her up off the floor. “Sorry, Lu-Lu.” Luna only laughed and pecked his cheek before Seamus set her on her feet, and he and Frankie greeted each other in much the same way. He then turned to Ginny and without waiting for her to speak, lifted her off her feet. “Nice to see you too!” Ginny gasped as he hugged her so tightly it felt like he was trying to squeeze the air out of her lungs. Over his shoulder, she could see Frankie and Luna greeting the Patil twins whilst Neville swung a shrieking Lavender around in circles. Seamus chuckled and dropped her back down again. “Dammit Ginny, it’s good to see you again,” he said. Ginny raised a single eyebrow. “It’s good to see you too,” she admitted. “I was going to owl you earlier, actually, but I got distracted.” Seamus opened his mouth to reply but he was interrupted by the squealing gaggle of girls that embraced Ginny, hugging her and talking in excited voices. “Okay, let the girl breathe,” Seamus grinned. He swooped over and picked up Lavender as if she were as light as a feather. Neville did the same to the Patil girls, one in each arm. “Where are you guys heading?” Pavarti asked as they made their way down the street together. “We’re meeting Ginny’s family in…” Neville checked his watch, “well, about five minutes ago.” “Oh yeah?” Lavender’s arm, Ginny noticed, was wrapped very firmly around Seamus’ waist. Not that the sandy haired wizard seemed to mind, that is. Not judging by the way he was smiling anyway. “Mind if we tag along?” All eyes shot to Ginny, who rolled her eyes. She was pretty indifferent, really, but being together as a group again was kind of nice. Besides, it would put Harry off of his interrogation if she was surrounded by a group of people. “Sure,” she nodded, speeding up a little. “Make it fast though, before my mum sends out a search party.” *** Harry decided he could talk to Ginny when she came in with her friends for lunch as he vaguely listened to Hermione explaining about mobile phones to a fascinated Mr. Weasley. The rest of their group had already arrived (or was arriving, he added to himself as an after thought as Bill and Fleur took seats at the table) and they would all be so loud and rowdy that no one would notice if he dragged his girlfriend off for a couple of minutes. Tom had been forced to push several tables together to make a space big enough for the Weasleys, but he complied without a fuss. “Anything for you, Mr. Potter,” he had said with a toothy grin when Harry had gone up to the bar to ask him. And so there they were, all twelve of them, crammed round a table that took up most of the pub. Harry glanced at his watch and said that it had just gone half twelve, the time that they were all supposed to meet up. He wasn’t too alarmed that Ginny hadn’t arrived yet, she was with her friends after all, so he settled back in his chair and listened to the conversations around him with content. Several minutes later, he began to get worried. Where was she? He had half risen out of his chair to go and ask Molly if he should go and look for her when the door swung open and a large group of teens walked in, one red head perfectly visible in the chaos. Harry instantly recognised the new arrivals to Ginny’s group as Seamus, Lavender and Pavarti and Padma Patil. They were all laughing about something and talking over each other. “Dear,” Molly said as the group reached the table. Ginny glanced at her mother, then appeared to realise what she was asking. “Oh!” she said. “I hope you don’t mind, Mum, but we met Seamus and everyone outside Blott’s and I said they could come eat with us.” She raised a lone eyebrow, a gesture that was testing her mother. “That’s okay, right?” “I-” Molly looked slightly surprised, but got over it quickly. “Of course, dear. Pull up a chair, all of you.” The group didn’t need telling twice. They were all seated around the far end of the table before you could say ‘Quidditch!’ Harry realised he was still standing and sat back down abruptly. So much for talking to Ginny now. How was he supposed to get to her with that rabble? *** Ginny’s plan was working pretty well. Harry was still shooting her glances that made her feel awful for treating him so much worse than he deserved, but he hadn’t attempted to approach her. So Ginny launched herself into conversation with her friends. It was her distraction and, truth be told, that made her feel awful as well. She was being horribly selfish, with her friends and with Harry, but she didn’t know how else to cope with everything. Any of it. It was nearly half an hour later when she looked up from laughing with Frankie about Trevor, Neville’s toad, and noticed a tall, blonde boy standing at the bar and arguing with Tom. A petite, chocolate coloured girl stood next to him, a hand on his arm, obviously trying to soothe him, but the boy was getting louder and louder by the minute. “I DON’T CARE ABOUT MINISTRY POLICY!” he roared so loud that it made the pub go quiet and the black girl flinch. Ginny stood up so swiftly that she knocked over her chair but she didn’t stop to pick it up. She crossed the pub in two swift strides and wrapped her arms around Dennis Creevey tightly. He fought against her for a minute but she didn’t release her grip, and soon he was giving up and leaning into her embrace. Ginny rocked him back and forth, hot tears trickling down her face as he sobbed onto her shoulder. “I just miss him!” he gasped between sobs. “So much.” “I know,” Ginny whispered, tightening her grip around him and not much caring that her whole family could see her crying. “I know.” She felt a large hand which she knew belonged to Neville on her back as Luna joined the sobbing pair, silent tears flowing freely down her cheeks as well. She wrapped one arm around Dennis and stroked his hair as he cried and cried. “We know, Den,” she said sadly. “We miss him too. Colin didn’t deserve to die.” Dennis didn’t answer, but his grip on Ginny tightened and the three cried together, holding on to each other as though they were life rafts. Eventually, the sobs subsided and Dennis pulled away, wiping his eyes on his sleeves. “Thank you,” he said brokenly. “I’m sorry.” “Don’t be embarrassed, mate,” Neville said softly, slinging an arm around the younger boy’s shoulders. “I’ve been crying like a baby at least once a day since we got back.” They all chuckled and Ginny took Dennis’ hand in one of her own, and Luna’s in the other. Seamus wrapped one arm around Luna’s waist and took Lavender’s hand whilst Pavarti and Padma stood close to Neville. Together, the seven friends lead Dennis back to a chair that Frankie and Demelza had waiting. “Dennis!” a voice rang out through the pub as Ginny wiped the tears from her eyes. “Dennis, where are you?” A Muggle couple appeared in the pub. They looked around and caught sight of Dennis, sitting in his bubble of friends. “Dennis!” the woman said, rushing across the pub and throwing her arms around Dennis. “Oh, you scared us! Don’t you ever, ever do that again!” Dennis only chuckled and hugged the woman. “Sorry, Ma.” “I thought I had lost you,” Mrs. Creevey exclaimed, pulling away from her son and batting her tears away impatiently. “And after Colin…I just couldn’t…” She broke off, her body wrecked with sobs. Her husband sighed and enveloped the petite blonde into his arms. Eventually, her cries subsided and Mrs. Creevey pulled away and turned to Ginny and Dennis, her hand grasping Mr. Creevey’s so tightly that her knuckles had turned white. Ginny gazed at the two Muggles, her heart overflowing with pity for them. “Mrs. Creevey, I loved your son very much,” she said softly, looking into the older woman’s eyes, “And he didn’t deserve to die. He deserved to live out a long and amazing life and it’s a crime that the opportunity has been torn away like that.” Mrs. Creevey’s eyes filled with tears and she took one of Ginny’s hands in hers. “You are Ginny Weasley, yes?” she asked in a quiet voice. Ginny nodded. “Colin often talked about you. He saw you as something of a big sister.” A tear spilled over onto Ginny’s cheek, but she smiled as she nodded. “Yes,” she said. “I saw Colin as my little brother.” Mrs. Creevey glanced at her husband, who nodded and bent down to pull three shoeboxes out of a large bag. “Colin loved his photos,” Mrs Creevey said, taking the boxes off of her husband and smiling at Ginny. “Very much. We were going through his room and we found these. Those moving ones, all of you and your friends at Hogwarts. I think he’d have wanted you to have these.” “Oh!” Ginny exclaimed, passing her shopping bags over to Neville and taking the boxes in her arms. “Mrs. Creevey, are you sure?” “Yes,” Mrs Creevey nodded, her voice thick through her tears. “We have no use for them and it was too painful for Dennis to go through them. I believe there are some from your last year. Always sneaking away, even though we told him not to.” Ginny laughed quietly and rested her chin on the boxes. “Sounds like Colin,” she said, more tears dropping of her jaw and onto the box. “He always did live for the moment.” Mrs. Creevey laughed with Ginny and pulled a tissue out of her bag. She used it to wipe away the last of her tears, then touched Ginny’s cheek. “You are a good girl, Ginny Weasley,” she said. “You take care of my Dennis back at Hogwarts, eh?” “We will, Mrs Creevey,” Ginny promised. “He’s in safe hands.” Dennis smiled sadly and got up. He clapped Neville and Seamus on the back and let Demelza throw her arms around him before walking over to Ginny and his parents. “Colin always said you were his angel,” he said quietly, so that only his parents and Ginny could hear. “I think you might be my fairy Godmother.” “Just call me Tinkerbell,” Ginny smiled. Dennis laughed and Ginny shook her head. She never had been good with Muggle fairy tales. “I’ll owl you, sweetie.” “We should meet up,” Dennis remarked, leaning down to hug her. Ginny may have been two years older than him, but he was still a good foot taller than her. “All of us. D.A, still recruiting, eh?” “Always,” Ginny agreed, pecking him on the cheek. “Don’t you ever forget that. You will always have us. Always.” “I know,” Dennis nodded, pulling away. “I’ll see you around, Weasley.” “You’d better,” Ginny teased with a smile. Dennis laughed again. “See you guys,” he addressed the group at large, receiving a very loud ‘BYE!’ in return (mostly from Seamus, admittedly). Dennis smiled, raised a hand and left with his parents, leaving Ginny surrounded by people and yet still feeling more alone than ever. *** Harry sighed as he took a seat at the kitchen table. They had all returned home soon after the Creeveys had left. As soon as they had gotten in Ginny had gone up to her room, taking the boxes with her and not saying a word to anyone. Frankie, Luna and Neville had all returned to the Burrow with the Weasleys. They debated going after Ginny, but decided against it. “I have to go,” Neville said, his voice filled with regret as he glanced at his watch. “Tell Ginny good bye from me, won’t you?” Both girls nodded and hugged him. Neville nodded at Harry, who nodded gravely back, and left. “Well,” George commented dryly. “That was a fun day out.” No one replied. The mood in the room was so somber that Harry could hardly blame the family for making their excuses to leave, one by one. Soon, only Harry, Frankie and Luna were left. “I’m worried about her,” Luna said eventually, her voice sad. “She’s…not herself.” No answered her. That was a massive understatement. “I think it’s the Carrows,” Frankie said eventually. “I mean, bringing all that back up again can’t be good.” “Yes,” Luna agreed. Harry was unsure as to why, exactly, they were dissecting Ginny’s feelings, but he was content to let them. At least talking, even if it was mindless drabble, was better than silence. “And she has just lost her oldest, best friend.” “It would make anyone a little crazy,” Frankie added. Harry watched the girls with mild interest. They seemed almost desperate to write off Ginny’s behaviour. It was like they needed to explain it, diagnose it so that they could treat it. “But she’s being so strong!” Harry protested. Luna shook her head sadly. “No, Harry,” she said, “Ginny’s been strong for you. Because you needed someone to cry with, someone strong who would get you through all of this. She’s pushed her feelings away for you but now you don’t need her to be strong anymore and she’s having to confront all those worries and all that sadness.” “She lost her best friend, Harry,” Frankie shrugged, “Like you losing Hermione. And she’s tried not to feel that because you needed her. She’s been to hell and back this last year and she’s pretended otherwise so that she can be with you and there for you. Now it’s your turn to be there for her.” *** Ginny sat alone in her room, listening to the unnatural silence in the house. Everyone must have either gone to bed or left. No one had come to check on her since they had gotten back from Diagon Alley. She couldn’t really blame them. She wasn’t exactly great company at the moment, with her mood swings and all. She looked at the boxes. For the last nine hours she had been trying to work up the nerve to go in and look at them. She just didn’t know if she could handle the memories that would be waiting for her inside. She glanced at the clock. It had gone eleven, and she was hungry. She hadn’t eaten for too long. Ginny picked up the boxes and padded down the stairs and into the kitchen. Once she had got herself some crisps from the pantry, she sat down at the table and opened one of the boxes. *** Harry tossed and turned in his bed, trying to get comfortable. He was too restless to sleep. Every time he closed his eyes he saw Ginny’s face. It was like a painting, there were so many different emotions shown on it. Fear. Anger. Pain. Turning over one final time, he decided he was fighting a losing battle and sat up, pushing his fringe out of his eyes. Glancing at Ron’s bed, he reassured himself that his best mate was asleep before climbing out of bed and padding down the stairs. Once he reached the living room, Harry slowed his pace. He took his time in getting to the kitchen, but once he did, he was surprised to see that it was already occupied. Ginny sat at the table in her pyjamas, surrounded by boxes. The table was strewn with photographs and the only light in the darkened room came from the moonlight streaming through the window. “I couldn’t sleep,” Ginny whispered. Harry took the seat opposite her, the conversation he’d had with her friends earlier that afternoon flooding back. Be strong for her. Be strong. Ginny looked up and Harry was startled to see her eyes were filled with tears. “He was my first friend,” she said, pushing a photo at Harry. He picked it up and smiled slightly. It showed a young Ginny with her arms wrapped around Colin. Both of them were smiling and although Ginny looked pale and tired, she looked happy. “With Tom, it was so hard, but when I was with Colin I always felt better. He was the only one who tried to get to know me. Everyone else thought I was odd because I kept to myself.” Harry nodded to show he understood and ran a finger over the Ginny in the picture. When she was that age, she could never speak to him. He wished he’d tried harder to be her friend. They would’ve had years of history then, like she and Colin, and photos like this that made them laugh and cry. “I petrified him and he still didn’t care,” Ginny carried on, her voice soft and strained. “He could’ve died because of me and he just laughed when I apologised.” There was a silence. For the life of him, Harry couldn’t think of anything to say. He picked up another picture, more for something to do than anything else. This one showed Ginny and Neville at the Yule Ball. Ginny had her head thrown back, she was laughing gloriously, whilst Neville blushed. “Colin was teasing him that I wouldn’t have any toes left by the end,” Ginny explained, glancing down at the picture. “How many pictures were there?” Harry asked eventually, looking at the kitchen table scattered with photos. “Hundreds,” Ginny shrugged. “This is only the first box. Colin was never organised so they’re all jumbled up. I was trying to put them all into order when I found this and couldn’t carry on.” Harry glanced again at the picture she still clutched in her hands. He couldn’t see the photo but Ginny was grasping it so hard that her knuckles had turned white. “May I see?” he whispered. Ginny looked up at him and he met her beautiful brown eyes steadily. She handed the photo to him wordlessly and Harry nearly gasped when he saw the picture. It had been taken in the Room Of Requirement. The room took the form that Harry had last seen it in; the hammocks were still up but there were sofas and the room was cluttered and homely. One the sofa sat Frankie and Luna, Frankie’s head resting on Luna’s shoulder, both smiling at the camera. Next to Luna was Seamus, with Lavender perched happily on his lap, and next to them, Neville, laughing at the couple. Ginny sat on the floor in front of Neville, her head resting on his legs and her own curled underneath her. Dennis Creevey was sprawled out on his stomach on the floor next to her and Demelza Roberts sat on his back, giggling at his pained expression. The Patil twins sat on the back of the sofa cross-legged, looking slightly like Buddhas with their exotic look and bright Indian clothing. After a moment or two, Colin would slide in and wave before rushing back round to the other side of the camera, leaving the rest of the group roaring with laughter. The scene replayed over and over again and Harry was transfixed. “It was taken the day before we broke up for the Christmas Holidays,” Ginny said after a moment. “There was so much pain but we were all so happy and I couldn’t help thinking we shouldn’t have been. I should’ve just enjoyed that moment. I’d give anything to be back there now.” “Anything?” Harry was a little shocked. Ginny had never talked about her past year as being a good experience. Ginny seemed to sense his surprise because she smiled wryly. “Yes, Harry,” she said softly. “That year was hell, but we had a lot of fun with the DA. You don’t think about it while you’re there but once you’re out and people have gone…you want to be there, with them. I felt safe and happy with these people.” “That doesn’t make much sense,” Harry admitted. “But I don’t suppose it would to me. I’m starting to think I got the easy part of the deal last year.” “That makes two of us,” Ginny replied, her voice quiet. Harry sighed and Ginny stood up. “I should be going to bed,” she announced, but she seemed reluctant. Harry stood up too. They had only just started talking again, after a week of silence. He wasn’t about to let her walk away. “Don’t,” he said. His voice was pleading but firm. Ginny looked him straight in the eye and Harry felt his control snap. He needed to be closer. He needed to hold her. He crossed around the table and enveloped her tiny form in to his arms, ignoring her half hearted protests. After a second of struggling, Ginny melted against him, her arms reaching up to wrap around his neck and her head resting on his chest. Harry took her chin with one finger and tilted her face up toward him. And then, he kissed her. *** Ginny felt herself melting into a puddle of goo at the feel of Harry’s lips on hers. How had she gotten by for an entire week without that? How had she forgotten how good kissing him felt? Harry’s arms were wrapped around her waist, but he released her and let his hands roam gently up and down her sides before going under her old Harpies t-shirt that she wore as her pyjama top. Ginny moaned and slid her fingers into his soft, thick hair. This only encouraged Harry further and his hands slid down from her back and into the waist band of her shorts. They played with the elastic waist band on her knickers before he seemed to take control and they slid inside. Ginny tore her mouth from his, panting heavily. He looked down at her, his green eyes glittering in the dark kitchen. “This is us,” he said in a low voice. Ginny felt her knees weakening from the intensity that he was staring at her with. “We’re not perfect Ginny, and maybe you deserve better than I’ve been able to give you so far but I love you.” Ginny ran a hand through her own hair. “And whether you want to admit it or not,” Harry carried on, not seeming to require an answer from her. “You love me too.” Ginny gasped. Harry shrugged at her. “I won’t apologise for our love,” he said, pulling her toward him again. “And I’ll spend the rest of my life making this past year up to you if you’ll just let me. I can’t do anything if you’re ignoring me, Ginny.” The red headed witch stared at her boyfriend. She knew he was right. She did love him. So much. Maybe that’s what was making her so mad. Ginny turned on her heel and raced back into the living room. She took the stairs two at a time and threw open her bedroom door, ignoring the footsteps that she knew were Harry’s that were following her. She took out her trunk and opened her wardrobe, throwing item after item inside. “Ginny!” Harry exclaimed. “What are you doing?” “I don’t know,” Ginny replied, finishing with her clothes and throwing a couple of books inside without bothering to look at the titles. “But I need to get out of here, Harry. I need some space. I need….I don’t know what I need, but I can’t do this anymore. I’m sorry.” She locked her trunk and heaved it off of her bed. She pushed past Harry and tore back down the stairs, through the kitchen and out into the garden. “Ginny,” Harry’s voice was so close that Ginny shivered unwillingly. “Where are you going?” “I don’t know,” Ginny repeated, dragging her suitcase. Harry’s big hand closed around her wrist and she instantly stilled at the contact. “You can’t just run off without having a clue where you’re going!” he sounded almost angry. “Merlin, Ginny, you’re in your pyjamas! You don’t have any damned shoes on! Voldemort might be gone but it’s not safe…” “I’m sorry,” Ginny said again, and then she twisted around, concentrating on the first destination that came into her mind and Apparating there. She placed her trunk on the doorstep and banged on the door desperately, ignoring the doorbell. The house was dark but she banged and banged until a light came on in the hall and she heard footsteps. The door flew open and an irate French woman was the last thing Ginny saw before she collapsed on the doorstep. |
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