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SIYE Time:13:09 on 28th March 2024
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Does Your Boyfriend Have Long-Term Potential?
By lilyevans_Jan30

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Category: Post-DH/AB, Seven Words Challenge (2009-4)
Characters:None
Genres: Comedy
Warnings: Mild Sexual Situations
Story is Complete
Rating: R
Reviews: 58
Summary: ** Winner of Best Overall in the Seven Words Challenge **
Harry vs. Ron: it all began with a quiz in Witch Weekly
Hitcount: Story Total: 19905; Chapter Total: 7525





Author's Notes:
Enjoy!




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Harry and Ginny spent the day playing Quidditch, swimming together in the Burrow’s pond, and then, for good measure, reading Which Broomstick together. Ginny was determined to prove to the magazine that her and Harry’s interests were more compatible than Ron and Hermione’s.

“It should be easy, right?” she said as they walked hand-in-hand toward the Burrow. “What do Ron and Hermione have in common anyway? Reading and studying? I don’t think so. Eating? Nah. Chess? Hermione is terrible at it. We have this one in the bag.”

Harry smiled indulgently at Ginny. “I love it when you get all competitive like this.”

Ginny looked concerned. “Wait, you’re competitive too, right? Because if you aren’t the magazine will know that we don’t have that in common and count it against us.”

“Ginny, I don’t think we have to be exactly alike,” said Harry. “It’s okay to have some differences. I mean, you like the Weird Sisters and I think they’re just . . . weird, you know?”

Ginny looked at Harry, panic in her eyes. “I forgot you don’t like the Weird Sisters — what are we going to do? I have a recording of them at the Burrow — maybe if you listen to it over and over you’ll start to like them more.”

Harry chuckled. “All this to avoid a little Muggle housework? It might be fun — I’ll teach you to run a vacuum.”

Ginny looked confused. “What’s a vacuum? And what does that have to do with the Weird Sisters?”

Harry gave her a hug. “Never mind. Let’s go listen to the recording.”

Ginny reached up on her toes and kissed Harry deeply. He looked down at her. “What was that for?”

Ginny grinned. “That was for being interested in making sure we have the same interests.”

*********************

That evening, the two couples met in the orchard with the magazine. “So how does this work?” asked Ron.

Hermione was poring over the magazine. She pulled two quills out of the centerfold and handed one to Ginny. “I think we need to use these special quills to write in our answers to the questions,” she said.

“Great,” said Ginny. “Why don’t you go first?”

“What, with you two watching?” asked Ron. “I don’t think so.”

“Why not?” asked Ginny with an air of innocence. “It’s not like we can copy your answers. The magazine will know if we’re lying, remember?”

“I wouldn’t put it past you to try, though,” said Ron. “Hermione’s the best writer of all of us, you know.”

Hermione smiled at Ron. Ginny looked put out, as if that possibility hadn’t occurred to her. Harry put his arms around her and whispered in her ear, “Don’t worry, no matter how Hermione describes it, we still have more in common.” He was beginning to feel a hint of competition himself. Harry hadn’t really felt competitive about anything since his Quidditch days at Hogwarts — it just wasn’t his style — but now, looking at Ron’s smug face, something ignited inside him.

“Fine,” Ginny finally said, a little huffily. “We’ll just wait under that tree over there until you’re done. She looked up. But Ron can’t help either.”

Hermione opened her mouth as if to protest, then closed it and nodded. “Right,” she said. “Ron, go with Harry and Ginny.”

It took Hermione ten minutes to answer the questions. She walked back to where the other three were sitting and plopped down next to them.

“Piece of cake,” she said. “Ginny, it’s your turn.”

“So what did you say?” asked Ron eagerly.

“Ronald, do you really think I’m going to tell you with them right here? I can’t anyway — the quiz requires that all answers are secret until it’s finished.”

“Well that makes things more interesting,” remarked Harry as Ginny gave him a kiss and then got up to walk over to the magazine. “It will be a total surprise at the end.”

Ginny was back even faster than Hermione and Harry couldn’t help but think she’d answered the questions as quickly as possible just to show how well she knew him. “I’m done,” she announced.

“So now what?” asked Harry.

Ginny shrugged. “We wait until tomorrow evening to answer the next questions. The category is ‘How thoughtful is your man?’”

“Is this where I get to cook for you?” asked Harry.

“I sincerely hope not,” said Ron. “I’ve eaten his cooking.”

Harry smacked him. “Prat. I’m a decent cook and you know it. And with me, Ginny will have a chance of at least tasting the food. Hermione will be lucky to grab a couple of leftover scraps that you drop on the floor.”

“Enough!” said Hermione firmly. “I’m sure you are both very thoughtful. You have all night to think about how you’re going to show us tomorrow before we have to answer the questions. Now let’s all go have dinner.”

Ron immediately jumped up. “Please, love, let me escort you to the kitchen — you look so tired.”

Harry looked curiously at his friend. Since when did Ron care about waiting for Hermione when there was food involved? “Ouch!” he said loudly. “Ginny, why’d you kick me?” He rubbed his shin and looked confusedly as his girlfriend. She was staring pointedly at Ron and Hermione’s retreating backs. Ron was using his wand to blast tiny pebbles out of Hermione’s way as they walked.

“What is Ron . . . ohhhh.” Harry suddenly understood. He looked uncertainly at Ginny. “You want me to, uh, carry you?” he asked.

Ginny rolled her eyes. “No Harry.” She sighed and began walking after Ron and Hermione. Following her, Harry heard her mutter, “this is going to be harder than I thought.”

*************************
Harry walked blearily into the kitchen of the Burrow the next morning. Ron had stayed awake writing something on a piece of parchment late into the night — something he wouldn’t let Harry see. Harry had not been able to sleep until Ron did — both because of the light from Ron’s wand and his curiosity about what could make Ron want to stay up half the night writing, of all things.

Sitting at the table were three people: one smug, one rather content, one scowling.

Unfortunately, the scowling face was on his girlfriend. One look at the table and Harry knew why: Ron . . . Ron, had apparently cooked breakfast for Hermione. And not just any breakfast. Sitting on the table was a plate of pancakes, each one carefully crafted to look like a tiny, edible edition of Hogwarts, A History.

Hell, he thought to himself. Ginny was picking at a rather dry looking bun, totally ignoring the pancakes and Ron and Hermione. She looked up hopefully when Harry appeared, the expression on her face clearly saying that Harry had better be carrying a full English breakfast designed to look like a Quidditch pitch if he wanted to survive the day intact.

Once she saw that Harry was empty-handed, her scowl deepened.

Harry thought fast. “Uhh, Ginny? I was wondering if you would . . . er . . . like to go into Ottery St. Catchpole for breakfast? There’s a lovely Muggle diner that I think you would enjoy. We could, er . . . stop and buy you some flowers along the way, if you’d like.”

“It’s not thoughtful if you ask her first, mate,” said Ron through a mouthful of pancake. “Witches like you to be spontaneous.”

“What kind of potion did Hermione slip you last night, Ron?” asked Harry petulantly. “Because I know that you would never come up with that on your own.”

“Leave them alone, Ron,” said Hermione quickly. She put another pancake on Ron’s plate and pushed his face toward it. “I’m sure Harry has something lovely planned himself.”

“You did give him something, didn’t you, Hermione?” asked Harry. “There is no way Ron would have stayed up late doing whatever homework he was working on.” Harry grabbed at a piece of parchment sitting under Ron’s plate.

“It’s a color-coded flow chart of thoughtful actions Ron can do for Hermione!” said Ginny. “That’s cheating — I’m going to report you.”

“To whom, Witch Weekly?” snorted Ron. “I’m doing exactly what my girlfriend wants - they’ll probably give me extra points.”

Ginny looked chagrined.

Harry tugged on her arm. “Let’s go for a walk, Gin. You need breakfast.”

Ginny gave her brother and Hermione one last glare before letting Harry lead her out of the kitchen.

After breakfast, Harry spent the next few hours racking his brain to try to come up with the most thoughtful things he could do for Ginny. She’d decided that Witch Weekly would award more points if she didn’t give him any hints, so while Ron meandered around the grounds of the Burrow checking things off Hermione’s list, Harry polished Ginny’s broom, gave her a massage, pushed her around in the pond while she relaxed on a raft and held her chair — and the door — for her ever time she sat down or went in or out of the room. He fixed her a tray of her favorite snacks to nibble while she lay under a tree and read Quidditch Today out loud until he was hoarse. When she mentioned that it was hot, he conjured a large fan to blow cool air over her.

He put his foot down at blasting pebbles out of the way while she walked down the path, though, and by mid-afternoon Harry had more or less resigned himself to the fact that he was probably going to lose this category. He and Ginny were headed back to the Burrow holding hands and Harry was mentally wondering if Ginny would like him to fix a plate of bacon and eggs — maybe he could spell out “I love you” on the plate — when they heard the sound of arguing coming from the garden.

“That wasn’t on the list!” Hermione’s voice was shrill. “Why would you think I’d want you to do that?”

“Harry conjured Ginny a big fan! I thought this would be even better!” Ron’s voice was indignant.

“You think I like having water dumped on my head?”

“It was supposed to just lightly spray you!”

“Then why didn’t you use the right spell? There is a huge difference between Auguamenti Magnus and Auguamenti Minimus !”

“Well excuse me! We couldn’t all get 112% on our Charms exam!”

Ginny’s voice was low in Harry’s ear as they walked quickly past the garden. “I’m suddenly feeling better about our chances today, you know?”

***********************

Hermione didn’t speak to Ron for the rest of the afternoon. She was still angry when it was time to input answers to the quiz, but they had apparently worked things out by the next morning; when Harry walked into the kitchen for breakfast, he found them snogging. Ginny was nowhere in sight.

“Hey, d’you have to ruin my appetite like that?” he asked, sitting down at the table. “And where’s Ginny?”

“Don’t know,” said Ron distractedly when he came up for air. “She said she needed to get something for today and left.”

“What is the word for today, anyway?” asked Harry, trying not to look at his friends. Ron was now sucking on Hermione’s neck and it was making Harry lose his appetite.

“S-s-s-sex,” said Hermione breathlessly. “We’re getting in some early practice.”

“Sex?” Harry was immediately interested. “Where did you say Ginny was?”

This time neither Ron nor Hermione bothered to answer. Grabbing a piece of toast, Harry left the kitchen as quickly as he could.

He had only walked a couple of feet towards the garden when Ginny suddenly appeared from around the corner, smiling widely and carrying a small bag.

“Come on,” she said. She ran up and grabbed his hand and started pulling him toward the orchard. “Don’t let Ron and Hermione see us.”

“Why?” asked Harry, following her.

“Because I don’t want them to . . .”

“Ginny! There you are! Harry was looking for you!” Ron’s voice was overly bright.

“Darn,” muttered Ginny.

“Uhh, I found her, Ron,” said Harry, holding up their intertwined hands.

“So where are you two sneaking off to? And with a bag from Magical Moments?” Hermione was peering at the bag in Ginny’s hand.

Ginny sighed. “The orchard, hopefully.”

“Trying to get in some last minute practicing?” asked Ron.

“You were,” retorted Harry. “I thought the two of you were about to start shagging right there on the table at breakfast. “

“Impossible,” said Ginny. “Mum charmed the table years ago to prevent things like that. She got an eyeful one morning when Bill’s Hogwarts girlfriend came to visit.”

“What happens if you try?” asked Hermioine.

Ron looked uncomfortable. “My bits would shrink up and start screaming,” he said.

Ginny snorted. “I don’t remember it, but Fred and George used to love telling the story about Bill’s crotch yelling out ‘stay away from me, the kitchen is for eating food only!’ I don’t think his girlfriend ever came back.”

Harry laughed. “I’m surprised your mum didn’t charm the entire Burrow to do that.”

“The charm only has a limited geographic area of effectiveness,” said Hermione. “But it’s brilliant just the same.”

“Until Fred and George got the idea to modify it a bit,” laughed Ginny.

Ron laughed too. “I’d forgotten about that — I wonder if the tree house charm is still active.”

“Tree house charm?” asked Harry.

“Yeah,” said Ginny. “That’s why I’ve never taken you up there.” Seeing Harry’s puzzled look, she explained.

“Charlie and Bill both had girlfriends home one Easter and they were nervous that mum had charmed other parts of the house too,” she said.

“But they figured that mum wouldn’t bother climbing up to the tree house,” Ron continued. “So they kept sneaking away — and then Fred and George saw Charlie and . . . what was her name, Amelia? . . . climbing up there when they were supposed to be helping de-gnome the garden.”

“So they charmed it,” began Ginny. She started laughing, her face turning bright red.

“To make his bits scream?” asked Harry.

“Nope,” said Ron, picking up the story with a smirk. “This charm announced — in the Burrow’s kitchen — when Charlie climaxed.”

“Nooo,” said Harry, starting to laugh himself. “How come I’ve never heard this story before?”

Ron shrugged. “Cause Charlie and Bill are a lot bigger than me.”

“Bill too?” asked Hermione. “Didn’t he learn about the charm and avoid the tree house?”

Ginny was shaking her head. “The twins had distracted him and Cassandra out in the garden. Charlie and Amelia had no idea what happened because they couldn’t hear it either. Lucky for Fred and George that mum was out at the time. Well, at least she was for Charlie. She got home before Bill and Cassandra decided to try their luck slipping away to the tree house while we were all getting dinner ready.”

“So your mum . . . your entire family — heard it when Bill . . . climaxed?” asked Harry. He didn’t know whether to laugh or cringe.

“Nope,” chortled Ron. “Apparently, Bill is a much better boyfriend than Charlie.”

“Huh?” asked Hermione.

“The entire family heard it when Cassandra climaxed,” laughed Ginny. “And then again when she returned the favor for Bill.”

“They walked back into the kitchen half an hour later with some story about taking a walk and Fred and George re-enacted the best parts for them. We never saw Cassandra again either,” Ron said thoughtfully.

“Fred and George must have been awfully young at the time,” said Hermione. “How’d they figure out how to do such a complex charm?” The awe in her voice was unmistakable and Harry suppressed a smile.

“I wondered about that too,” said Ginny. “But if I remember correctly, Dad seemed awfully hesitant about punishing them. I think he finally told mum he’d take them out for a good talking to — they didn’t come back for hours and neither of them looked that upset afterwards. Mum didn’t even get involved.”

Harry laughed. “Your dad is a lot sneakier than people give him credit for,” he said.

“That gives me an idea about today’s word,” said Ginny. “Let’s let the tree house decide who’s better — Ron or Harry.

“What?” asked Harry.

“Yes!” said Hermione. “Perfect.”

“Huh?” said Ron. “Care to let us in on the secret?”

“Today’s category is Sex ,” explained Ginny. “So all we need to do is go up into the tree house, one couple at a time, and set a timer to see which bloke can get his witch to climax first.” She was so matter-of-fact about it that Harry wasn’t sure he’d heard right.

“You want me to . . .,” he began. “Up there ? While Ron and Hermione are sitting in the kitchen waiting for . . .” His voice trailed off as Ginny and Hermione nodded vigorously.

“But . . . but . . .” said Ron. He finally seemed to give up and just shrugged helplessly at Harry.

“Well, that’s settled,” said Hermione briskly. She looked around at everyone. “Who’s going first?”

*********************

Two hours later, both couples were relaxing on the ground under the treehouse.

“So, where’s the timer? Who won?” asked Ron.

“Who cares?” sighed Ginny. Next to her, Hermione nodded and closed her eyes.
Reviews 58
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