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Does Your Boyfriend Have Long-Term Potential? | ||||||
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Category: Post-DH/AB, Seven Words Challenge (2009-4) Characters:None Genres: Comedy Warnings: Mild Sexual Situations Story is Complete Rating: R Reviews: 58 Summary: ** Winner of Best Overall in the Seven Words Challenge ** Harry vs. Ron: it all began with a quiz in Witch Weekly Hitcount: Story Total: 19949; Chapter Total: 6604 Author's Notes: I'll be the first to admit, I didn't have the time to end this the way I had intended. If it seems rushed, well, it is. Real life seriously got in the way this week, but at least I finished. Thanks for reading and reviewing. |
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Once again, Harry was the last one awake the next morning. He was surprised — after the day Ginny and Hermione had had, he would have thought they would sleep late. Even Ron was up, and Harry hurried down to the kitchen to see what he was missing. If he knew his girlfriend — and he did — there was no way Ginny would leave the other two alone to plot about ways to beat Harry and Ginny in the quiz. If Harry knew what was good for him, he’d get downstairs as soon as possible. Sure enough, Ginny, Hermione and Ron were all in the kitchen. But strangely, Ginny and Hermione were huddled together over a large piece of parchment and Ron was on the other side of the table, eating. Although Harry could see his girlfriend’s lips moving, he couldn’t hear any words. Hermione’s response to her was equally silent. He looked at Ron. “They ‘av a cham,” he said through a mouthful of eggs. “Huh?” asked Harry. Ron swallowed. “They have a charm on them,” he said again. “So we can’t hear them. They’re writing some sort of quiz.” “I thought we were already in the middle of a quiz,” said Harry. Ron just shrugged. “I don’t know, mate.” A minute later Ginny waved her wand and removed the silencing charm. “Are you two ready?” she asked, as if Ron and Harry had been the ones making them wait. “We need to get started.” “On what?” asked Harry. “What’s the category for today?” “Being a good listener,” said Hermione. “Huh?” asked Ron. Hermione rolled her eyes. “Very funny, Ronald.” “We each wrote a bunch of questions,” said Ginny. “I wrote Ron’s and Hermione wrote Harry’s. I have to answer more questions right about Harry than Hermione does about Ron to win.” “What are the questions about?” said Ron. He looked nervous. “Cause Ginny knows . . . things . . . about me that I’d rather stay private.” “Really?” said Hermione with interest. “There are things you haven’t told me?” “Er,” began Ron. He looked desperately at Harry. Harry didn’t know what to say. There wasn’t much Ginny didn’t know about him, but then, Hermione wasn’t his sister — she didn’t have nearly as much dirt on him as Ginny probably had on Ron. “It’s not those types of questions,” said Ginny with a smirk. “Although I think you and your girlfriend are going to have to have a talk after this is all over. At the very least you need to tell her about what happened when you tried to use the Floo naked.” “You what?” asked Hermione. “Where did you go?” “Never mind,” said Ron quickly. “So what’s the quiz?” “It’s to see how well you listen to us,” explained Ginny. “We came up with questions about things we’ve told you, to see if you know the answers.” Harry gulped. He thought he was a pretty good listener, but Ginny talked a lot sometimes. What if he’d missed something important? “Great,” he said, trying to fake a confidence he didn’t feel. “This should be fun.” Ginny shot him a look and Harry suspected she wasn’t buying his attempt at bravado. “Let’s just get going,” she said tersely. She walked outside, motioning Harry to follow her. Under a tree in the orchard, both Hermione and Ginny pulled out pieces of parchment. “We’ll take turns,” said Hermione. “I’ll ask Harry a question from Ginny and then Ginny will ask Ron one from me.” “Okay,” said Harry doubtfully. He looked at his girlfriend, wishing more than ever that he had gotten proficient at Legilimency. She gave him a tight smile, probably wishing the same thing. At least Ron was terrible at it too. “Right,” said Hermione briskly. “Here’s question number one. When she was 11, what did Ginny tell you she did immediately after sticking her elbow in the butter dish? And may I add, the answer ‘run out of the room’ does not count — everyone saw her do that.” Harry racked his brain. He vaguely remembered talking about that breakfast at another one several months ago, but he couldn’t recall how the conversation had gone. He picked at his brain, feeling the weight of Ginny’s stare on him as he thought. There had been something Mrs. Weasley had mentioned about . . . “Cleaning spell,” he said decisively. “Ginny went upstairs and did a cleaning spell on her jumper.” Ginny immediately groaned. “Noooo,” she wailed. “That was my mum, talking about cleaning spells. I went upstairs and wrote in my diary about how humiliated I was.” She was quiet for a minute and suddenly the entire conversation came back to Harry. “That was the last time you wrote in your old diary before you got . . . Tom’s.” Ginny nodded and leaned her head against his. “Yeah.” “You don’t get the points though,” said Hermione briskly. “Since Ginny had to remind you what she said.” “Whatever, fine,” responded Harry. He was still looking at Ginny’s face. “Are you okay?” She nodded. “I’m fine.” Then she sighed dramatically. “But I’d be better if you had answered the question right.” Harry grimaced. “Ron’s turn, I think.” Ginny smiled and picked up her piece of parchment. “Okay. Ron, this one should be easy. What did Hermione tell you her favorite spell is?” Ron looked panicked. “Please tell me it’s not Opungo ,” he mumbled. Ginny snorted. “It’s not. Although not a bad guess.” “Come on, Ron,” said Hermione. “You know this. We talked about it when . . .” “Hey!” said Harry. “No helping!” “Errr, that one you do to make your hair all smooth?” Ron said finally. It was obvious from the look on his face that he knew this was the wrong answer. “I use Sleakeazy’s on my hair, Ron,” said Hermione. “My favorite spell — at least until today — was Wingardium Leviosa because it’s how I became friends with you and Harry.” “Really?” asked Harry. “That’s sweet.” Hermione looked exasperated. “You should know that too, Harry. You were there when we talked about it.” Harry decided to shut his mouth. Hermione sighed and asked the next question. “Harry, in addition to playing professional Quidditch, what other career did Ginny think might interest her?” Harry leaned back and smiled. He knew this one. He could even remember the night he and Ginny had talked about it, lying side-by-side on his bed in his flat while the storm outside cancelled their plans for a picnic. “An Auror,” he said. “She thought about following me to the Academy.” Ginny’s blazing smile let him know he was right. Harry continued. “She would have made a great Auror, but she’s a brilliant Chaser and I’m happy we both have jobs we love.” Ron groaned. “Gads, Harry. Today’s about listening, remember? Not who can make the other couple puke the fastest.” Hermione slapped him. “I think it’s sweet, Ron. I hope you can answer Ginny’s question as well as Harry answered mine.” “Okay, Ron,” said Ginny. “You should know this. There is one thing Hermione has always wanted to do at Hogwarts — what is it?” Ron looked confused. “Uhh, we graduated from Hogwarts two years ago,” he said. Ginny rolled her eyes. “I know, Ron. But there is still something Hermione has talked about wanting to do there. Do you know what it is?” Ron scrunched up his face. It was silent for a few seconds, and then . . . “Shag me in a broom closet!” he said suddenly. “That’s it.” Hermione smacked him. “Ronald, we already . . .” her voice trailed off and she turned red. Harry shrugged. “Hermione, after what we all had to listen to in the Burrow’s kitchen last night, I don’t see how you can possibly be embarrassed about us knowing that you and Ron had sex in a broom closet once.” “Three times, actually,” she said weakly. She looked at her boyfriend. “How could you forget?” “I didn’t forget, Hermione, really! But all I could understand was ‘secret’ and ‘closets’, so what do you expect? You need to think more clearly!” “You were using Leglimency!” said Ginny, outraged. “That’s definitely cheating.” She looked at Harry. “Tell them that’s cheating,” she said. Harry looked at his friends. “You can do Legilimency?” he asked. “Wow.” He was impressed despite himself. Hermione looked rather embarrassed. “Not exactly,” she said. She reached under her hair and removed something looped over her ear. “It’s a thought catcher — an invention of George’s.” Ron was taking a similar small device from his own ear. “They only work if both people are wearing them and one person is concentrating very hard on something simple. They’re mostly for playing pranks and things, he said.” Ginny was still huffing. “I can’t believe this. First the color-coded chart and now this? I think we should just quit right now and declare Harry the winner.” Harry chuckled. “Don’t worry about it, Ginny. Even with the thought catcher, Ron still didn’t know the right answer. I’ll win this thing fair and square.” “That’s right,” said Hermione, frowning. “Ron didn’t know the answer. I thought everyone knew that I’d love to spend a day trying to find all the secret passageways and rooms mentioned in Hogwarts, A History.” “I knew the right answer,” said Ginny cheekily. Ron groaned. “Come on, Hermione. That book is your answer to everything! I was trying to think of something that wasn’t so obvious!” “And you think my wanting to shag you in a broom closet is not obvious? We’ve done it three times! You were supposed to be answering based on how well you listen to me — not making things up!” “That’s totally unfair!” Ron yelled back. “I thought I was . . .” Harry didn’t bother to listen any more — Ron and Hermione were glaring at each other and it looked like they were in it for the long-haul. He grabbed Ginny’s hand and pulled her away before they could get sucked into taking sides; it had happened before. “So I guess you won that one,” Ginny whispered as they tiptoed away. “You’re better at listening.” She reached up and gave him a kiss. Harry could still hear Ron and Hermione bickering with each other from across the orchard. Then suddenly, everything got silent. He shuddered. “I’m just glad there isn’t a category about ‘making up.’” He said. **************** The next day was thoroughly annoying, as far as Harry was concerned. The category was “humor” and Ron was determined to make up for the “listening” debacle by trying to prove that he was infinitely funnier than Harry. Unfortunately, the way he chose to compete involved using massive amount of Wheezes. After Harry’s breakfast oatmeal climbed out of its bowl and danced around the table (finally landing in his lap), and the door to the loo sealed itself firmly shut until Harry (who really had to go) did an Irish Jig while singing “Weasley is my King”, he tried to avoid his best friend as much as possible. For a while, he and Ginny escaped to the pond. He practiced a couple of jokes on her until she rolled her eyes and told him that it was okay, she loved him despite his rather wretched sense of humor. “I wouldn’t say it’s wretched,” he protested lightly while running his hands up and down her sides and making her squirm. “It’s not my fault that you grew up with two of the funniest blokes in all of England. To anyone else, I’ve got a great sense of humor.” Ginny sighed. “I suppose it might count for something that you were able to laugh — eventually — when George tucked a teddy bear in your arms and then sent a picture of it to the Daily Prophet. I don’t think even he expected it to make the first page.” “The Chosen One Shows His Softer Side,” recited Harry with a shudder. “I was a good sport about that, wasn’t I? Even after I couldn’t open the front door to my flat because of all the stuffed animals people started sending me.” “Yeah,” chuckled Ginny. “And you did get George back in the end. I still laugh every time I think about him telling every customer that walked in the store about his ‘male performance issues.’” “I still won’t drink or eat anything George gives me,” said Harry. “I don’t think he’s totally forgiven me.” “Never,” Ginny agreed. “You’ll be looking over your shoulder for the rest of your life.” Just then an enormous firework flew over their head and showered them with Stinksap. Ron’s voice, cackling madly, followed in its wake. “Ugh!” yelled Ginny, jumping up and pulling out her wand. “If he thinks that proves he has a sense of humor he has another thing coming.” She started back towards the Burrow. “Let’s see how much he’s laughing when he has bats coming out of his nose.” She turned back to Harry. “You coming? I need you to laugh at Ron. I think it will help your standings in the quiz.” Harry had been on the receiving end of one of Ginny’s Bat Bogey Hexes only once and it was not an experience he ever wanted to repeat. He jumped up to follow his girlfriend but couldn’t help but feel just the tiniest bit bad for Ron. He was his best mate, after all. But then Ron’s voice echoed across the pond again. “Harry . . . I hope you don’t mind . . . Witch Weekly wants to raffle off a pair of your boxers. I sent them the ones with the teddy bears on them . . .” Ron laughed again and then his voice faded away. “I don’t have any boxers with teddy bears on them,” muttered Harry, more to himself than to Ginny’s retreating back. Suddenly he didn’t feel nearly as bad for Ron. ******************* D ay six started out quite boring, in Harry’s opinion. The category was “work” and by the look on Ron’s face, he knew that both of them were thinking the same thing — that the girls had rigged to quiz so the Ron and Harry would have to wait on them all day.” Instead, it turned out that the quiz wanted to measure each of their work ethics. “Because,” said Hermione seriously, reading off the page, “finding a wizard who is able to take care of her should be high on a witch’s list of priorities. No one wants to be in a relationship with a slacker.” “Are they serious?” asked Harry. “It really says that?” Hermione shrugged. “What do you expect from Witch Weekly?” “That’s not fair,” said Ron. “Harry’s an Auror. That is clearly going to score more points than being part owner of a joke shop.” “Not to Witch Weekly,” said Ginny. She was frowning down at the page. “Apparently for the ‘work’ category it’s all about earning potential.” “Well good then,” said Ron in a satisfied tone. “I make tons more than Harry.” “Yeah, but you quit the Aurors,” said Ginny, still reading intently. “I’m sure that will count against you.” “Oh, who cares?” said Harry suddenly. He hated talking about money and this was all getting to be a bit much. “It’s just a stupid test in a ridiculous magazine. The next thing you know, it’s going to want to rate us on our bravery or some other idiotic trash like that.” “Er . . .” said Hermione hesitantly. “Actually, yes. That’s the last category — adventurousness.” “Just throw our damn Orders of Merlin into the magazine and leave me out of it,” said Harry. He stood up. “Look. I love Ginny. Ron loves Hermione. We both have plenty of long-term potential as boyfriends and I don’t need Witch Weekly to tell me that based on my bank account or how many dark wizards I killed.” Ginny stood up too and wrapped her arms around him. “You’re right, of course. It doesn’t matter to me what you score.” She leaned in closer. “I’m sorry I got so crazy and competitive over something so dumb.” Harry leaned into her. “S’okay,” he mumbled against her neck. “I got that way too.” He pulled her a little closer. “And I can’t say I minded all of it.” Harry tilted Ginny’s head back to reach her lips more easily, but Hermione’s voice interrupted them. “I can’t believe this,” she said. Reluctantly, Harry looked up. “Can’t believe what?” he asked. Hermione was still pouring over the magazine. “Well,” she began. “Since you seemed to want to end this whole thing, I plugged in all the rest of my answers for Ron. And look at the results.” She held out the magazine. Harry didn’t have to get any closer to read the words — they popped and glowed across the entire two page spread, covering the words that had been printed below: CONGRATULATIONS! YOUR MAN IS 85% SIMILAR TO HARRY POTTER! “Huh?” asked Harry. “What do they mean, ‘similar’ to me?” “Well,” said Hermione, “apparently Witch Weekly measures a bloke’s long-term potential by how similar he is to the magazine’s conception of ideal boyfriend — Harry.” Harry groaned. “You’ve got to be kidding.” He looked nervously over at Ron, but he was grinning. “Seriously,” he said. “Harry’s the ideal boyfriend? Have they seen his knobbly knees? And the bloke’s blind without those stupid glasses. Don’t even get me started on his lame sense of humor.” “Well I think he’s pretty ideal,” said Ginny. “And that’s all that matters,” said Harry. He looked at Ron. “85% - not bad. Kind of frightening, actually.” “I guess that means you will score 100% on the test,” said Ginny. She picked it up. “Give me a second to finish filling these things out. Ginny bent over the page with her quill and scratched busily for a minute. Then she sat up and they all crowded around while the glowing letters appeared again. “So there!” said Harry when he saw the results. “I knew this whole thing was totally bunk!” “Hah!” said Ron. “You just want to get out of having to do our chores for a week!” “Interesting,” said Hermione. “I wonder what calibrations they use from the hairs we submitted.” “I knew there was a reason I preferred Quidditch Today,” said Ginny. “This magazine’s a joke.” Shining there on the page were the words — CONSIDER THROWING HIM BACK — YOUR MAN IS ONLY 60% SIMILAR TO HARRY POTTER Harry sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. “I think I’m glad,” he said. “It means they obviously don’t know too much about the real me.” He looked over at Ron. “And the next time they call with a request for an exclusive interview about what I look for in a witch, I’m sending you.” "Tell you what," said Ron. "You never make me read Witch Weekly again and I'll forget the fact that you owe me a week of chores." "Sounds good," said Harry. “So now what do we do?” asked Ginny. “Apparently we both already have ideal boyfriends with lots of long-term potential. And since the magazine's clearly nuts, I don't think we can declare Ron the winner." “Hmmm,” said Harry thoughtfully. “I don’t know about Ron and Hermione, but since no one is in the kitchen right now, I’d kind of like to try beating my record up in the tree house.” He held his hand out to Ginny. “How does that sound?” Ginny jumped up. “I’ll race you there.” |
| Reviews 58 |
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