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SIYE Time:2:53 on 19th March 2024
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Restless Heart Syndrome
By notadryeeye

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Category: Alternate Universe, Post-Hogwarts
Characters:All
Genres: Angst, Drama, Romance
Warnings: Mild Language, Sexual Situations
Rating: R
Reviews: 429
Summary: 17 Years have passed since the fall of Voldemort. Just as the world thinks it has finally started to heal and move on, some things thought long lost begin to awaken.
Hitcount: Story Total: 102978; Chapter Total: 5041





Author's Notes:
It has been a good long while and a long-time coming...but I'm finally posting this chapter here. Its been up on my Livejournal for a while....but I've been busy with graduation and moving halfway across the country the past few months, that I forgot to update here. And you'll be happy to know that I'll have another bit coming in the next day or so beside this one. Enjoy!




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“It’s hard to believe, isn’t it?”

Harry looked up, startled for a moment out of his quiet contemplation. He’d been leaning against a wall, quietly listening in on a conversation between Ron, George, Fred and few others as he’d sipped from his mug of warm, spiced cider.

The men and boys, as well as Fleur and Bill’s family had arrived a few hours ago and the second wave of anxious and slightly awkward hellos and introductions had taken place. He had had a chance to meet all the nephews, as well as Remus and Tonks’ son, John. As he’d expected, there had been a few tense reunions and Charlie and Bill both been a bit reserved in their reactions compared to the others. The twins had both welcomed him warmly, cracking a few jokes to lighten the mood. Mr. Weasley had pulled him into a tight hug, the embrace and the emotion showing in his clear blue as as they separated, relaying more than any words could.

The slight awkwardness and continued for a little longer until dinner had been served. Once the food had been dished out and they had all settled in, the conversation seemed to flow more freely and the atmosphere became relaxed. Family stories came out, along with the laughter and warmness that Harry had once, long ago associated with a Weasley gathering. Sophie also seemed to be doing her fair share of entertaining her guests, a lot of her antics and questions drawing laughs and smiles. And Harry had been seemingly easily drawn into conversation as well, with several people asking him questions about his job or commenting about his home and daughter.

But as easily as it seemed that things had slipped back into something manageable and comfortable, Harry’s attention had admittedly been drawn away from the conversation going on around him for the last 20 minutes.

A late arrival, whom he hadn’t been introduced to as of yet, had piqued his interest.

Remembering that someone had spoken to him, Harry’s eyes settled on Tonks, who had come to stand beside him and who’s eyes were also focused on the young man across the room. Harry looked back down at Tonks, raising a brow in question.

“It’s hard to believe he was just a little thing the last time you saw him,” Tonks explained with a smile as she glanced back across the room.

Harry followed Tonks’ gaze back to the young man, trying carefully to take in his appearance. His, mid-length brown hair fell carefully across his forehead--just above his eyes so that every few seconds he had to brush it out of the way. He had a casual coolness about him--from the earrings he was wearing to the subtle and calculated flamboyance of his clothes.

“Thats...is that...Teddy?” Harry asked as realization seemed to come to him fast and hard.

Tonks smiled and nodded.

“That’s my little boy...well, not so little anymore,” Tonks mused.

“Wow...” was all Harry managed to breathe out as he shook his head slightly in amazement. To think that the young man he was looking at was the same little boy he remembered. He’d been only a few months old the last time he’d seen the squirmy little, turquoise-haired baby boy and had gotten to awkwardly try to hold him for the first time.

“I know. He’s all grown up,” Tonks said lightheartedly. “Almost makes me feel old,” she added with a smile.

“So he’s about...eighteen?” Harry asked.

“Going on nineteen,” Tonks added with a nod. “He’s all done with school and has been living in South America for the past few months, training to be a Curse Breaker,” Tonks said proudly.

“That’s why he was late in getting here,” Tonks continued.

“I’m glad he could come,” Harry said even as he continued to take in his godson.

“Would you like to meet him?” Tonks asked.

“Does he know...I mean...am I still...his godfather?” Harry asked uncertainly.

“You are, and yes, he knows,” Tonks assured him. “We’ve made sure that he’s always known that you’re his godfather,” she added with a smile.

Harry nodded his thanks and understanding even as he tried to come to grips with the fact that he had totally forgotten about his godson amidst everything that had been going on. All those years ago he’d been given the responsibility by Tonks and Remus and it was just another thing he’d have to continue to make amends for now that he had reentered their lives.

“Hey, Ted...Teddy,” Tonks called across the room. Teddy looked up at the sound of his name, and looked inquiringly at his mum. Tonks nodded her head, gesturing him over.

Harry watched as the tall young man stood up from his seat, navigating his way through the little groups of people gathered around the living room towards them. Cautiously and hesitantly, Teddy came to a stop next to his mum.

“Feeling any more rested from the trip?” Tonks asked Teddy, who nodded.

“Now that I got a chance to sit for a bit,” Teddy admitted, his eyes flicking towards Harry for a moment.

“He took the trip via the International Apparition System,” Tonks explained. “It’s three separate legs and can be a bit tiring and disorienting if you don’t take your time.”

“I’m glad you could make it,” Harry said, addressing Teddy with what he hoped was a welcoming smile.

“Me too,” Teddy said with a nod as his blue-grey eyes met Harry’s for the first time. The eyes were all Remus, but standing next to Tonks, Harry could see that the rest of Teddy’s facial features were very much his mother’s. “It’s amazing to actually meet you,” Teddy added, as he seemed to be scrutinizing and taking in Harry in return.

“Yeah...amazing,” Harry said as he let a shaky breath out, still trying to wrap his head around things.

“Considering the last time I saw you, you were this big,” Harry continued, using his hands to indicate that Teddy had still been a baby. “And we kept trying to get you to turn your hair to anything other than turquoise,” he added, suddenly remembering the last time he’d seen his godson.

It had been a few days before the final confrontation and he’d been at the Burrow when Tonks had brought the little boy over. Like the few other times he’d seen Teddy, Harry remembered feeling so nervous about holding and playing with him. He had never been around little children before that and he was afraid he’d do something wrong. After reassurances and encouragement from both Tonks and Mrs. Weasley, he’d finally been able to settle down with Teddy in a chair in the sitting room, watching as the little boy became entranced with a Snitch Harry had produced and had fluttering above them.

Then Ginny had come in and set beside him and they’d tried to get Teddy to change his hair--first to red and then to black. They hadn’t been successful in swaying the little boy’s hair choice, but Harry remembered that it had been one of those too good to be true moments--one that he’d never been able to comprehend how he’d ever been lucky enough to experience...

“Its still his favorite color,” Tonks said with a laugh, bringing Harry back to the conversation. “In fact, I’m surprised you’ve gone with brown,” she added, addressing her son.

“I didn’t want to draw too much attention to myself,” Teddy admitted. “So I decided to go all natural,” he added, indicating that he’d not performed any noticeable changes to his appearance for the occasion.

“Well, I do sometimes like to remember what that handsome face of yours looks like without all the flair and crazy hair,” Tonks admitted, as Teddy looked slightly embarrassed. “I see the earrings still made the cut though,” she added, further teasing her oldest son about his flamboyant choice of ear-wear. “Really sweetheart, do they have to be so big?”

“Mum,” Teddy mumbled, as he cracked an embarrassed smile and shook his head slightly.

Harry couldn’t help but crack a smile of his own as he watched the interaction between mother and son. It still seemed so surreal that he was standing here, not only with Tonks, but with a nearly full-grown Teddy Lupin.

“I used to have one too,” Harry admitted, hoping that interjecting himself into the conversation again might draw attention away from Teddy and break the ice a bit more. Both Tonks and Teddy looked curiously at Harry for his comment.

“An earring,” he admitted with a sheepish grin. “I had my eyebrow pierced too for a while,” he added.

“Really?” both Teddy and Tonks asked at the same time. Tonks seemed rather surprised his admission, whereas Teddy seemed almost impressed.

“Really,” Harry confirmed. “I thought I was pretty cool at the time. I did a lot of things over the years that I thought were pretty cool...most of them were pretty ridiculous now that I look back on them,” he said with a smile.

“Not that you look ridiculous,” Harry added, when he caught the expression on Teddy’s face and became suddenly aware of how his last comments may have been taken by the young man.

“The earrings are manageable,” Tonks said with a shrug. “But at least he hasn’t gone out and gotten himself covered in tattoos,” she added with a smile as she gave her son a playful squeeze and moved away from the pair.

At the mention of tattoos, Harry had caught a slightly worried look on Teddy’s face that he quickly tried to hide from his mother as she moved away. After she’d turned her back, Teddy gave him an uneasy look that clearly told Harry that a) Teddy definitely had a tattoo & b) his mother knew nothing about it.

--------------------------------- ---------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------- -----------

Harry spent the next half hour or so talking with his godson. The two had found a pair of empty chairs in the corner of the living room and had had a surprisingly easy time finding something to talk about despite the lack of common ground that Harry’s 17 years absence had wrought. Looking for something to talk about, Harry had simply started with questions about Teddy’s apprenticeship.

It had only taken a few questions for Teddy’s nervousness to abate and soon they were sharing stories of some of their experiences in some mutual South American countries. Harry had been a few places--Brazil and Argentina, mainly--over the years for work. He remembered enjoying the nightlife back then, and it was interesting and amusing to get Teddy’s take on it that included a wizarding perspective.

After a solid conversation,Teddy finally excused himself to the bathroom and Harry stood up and made his way towards the kitchen to get himself something to drink. It seemed everyone had congregated to other parts of the house--some of the younger guests downstairs in the finished part of the basement and the adults in the living room and out on the back deck, which had been charmed by Hermione to stay heated and warm even in the midst of winter.

Harry pulled a soda from the refrigerator and opened it, leaning against the counter as he took a long swig from the can. He took a moment to decompress and let everything from the past few start to sink in. The meeting with Teddy and the subsequent conversation had been a lot to take in and he was still trying to process it all. He was an amazing, charismatic young man and Harry couldn’t believe--that in all the excitement and anxiousness that the weeks leading up to now held--he’d let his previous title and responsibilities to Teddy slip from his mind. He only hoped now that he’d be able to create and sustain some sort of bond and relationship with his grown godson.

Harry took another few minutes to finish his drink and enjoy a period of quiet and solitude in the kitchen before he tossed the empty can in the recycling. Just as the can hit the bottom of the bin with a faint and slightly muffled clang, the doorbell rang. The sound of the chime echoing down the hallway brought Harry back from his contemplation.

Harry’s first raction was to furrow his brow in confusion. As far as he knew, everyone that was supposed to be there, was. Slightly panicked, he hoped that it wasn’t anyone dropping in to surprise him--perhaps Steve, Maria, or one of their kids. He wasn’t sure how he’d explain away the large gathering of strangers he currently had at his home.

His second reaction was to leave the kitchen and move down the hallway towards the door. But just before he’d rounded the corner, the sound of stocking feet moving quickly across the hardwood floor met his ears. It seemed two pairs of little feet were were slipping and sliding down the hallway towards the door ahead of them.

As he turned the corner, he caught sight of the two little girls responsible for the noise. Sophie’s black hair and Scarlett’s brown came into view and before Harry could warn them to slow down and let him get it, he watched as Sophie pulled the door open.

Both girls greeted the still unseen person behind the door and Scarlett began to jump up and down in excitement, her little voice squeaking enthusiastically--Harry could barely make out what it was that Scarlett was saying until he was standing directly behind the door.

“Daddy said you weren’t coming,” he heard Scarlett say. “But you’re here!” she chirped excitedly.

Before there was any chance for the person in question to respond, Harry heard his own daughter speak just as he reached for the door handle.

“Who is that?” Sophie asked quietly as curiously just as Harry’s hand closed around the handle and he slowly pulled the oak door open.

The air vacated Harry’s lungs even before the door had been fully opened as he attempted to take in the person standing on the snow covered porch. Harry could scarcely believe what he was seeing.

“Its Auntie Ginny,” Scarlett squealed as she jumped up into her aunt’s arms.

But Harry did not need any confirmation to know who was standing before him.

She’d been beautiful at 17. Now, Ginny was stunning.

Her vibrant red hair was cut a bit shorter than it had been, but it fell silkily in cascading waves that framed her face. She was older--as they all were--but time had only improved what he’d once considered perfection in itself.

She was still on the shorter side--a petite thing really. Or maybe he’d just gotten taller? He wasn’t sure...

But even with her wool jacket on, it was form-fitting enough to reveal a curvier figure than he’d remembered. She’d been slightly tom-boyish as a teenager--her body lean, yet powerful from years of being outdoors in the land surrounding the Burrow and hours upon hours of time on a broom in the air. Not that he’d minded at all back then, he mused internally as several moments from the past suddenly rushed forward to greet him...

But she was definitely a woman now...and a gorgeous one at that.

His gaze went from her body to her face and his eyes met her deep brown eyes--ones that were staring back at him, reminding him that he had been openly gawking at her for the past few seconds as the door had remained open and she was still standing out in the cold.

As awkward as he felt and was sure that he looked from being caught staring at her, her expression and her eyes gave no indication as to what she was feeling or thinking. There was almost an air of indifference about her...

“Now I very well couldn’t go a Christmas without seeing my favorite girl, could I now?” Ginny teased as her eyes were drawn back to her niece, who she’d lifted up and was now holding. A smile soon replaced that unreadable expression and Ginny looked down at Scarlett with a genuine happiness that again made Harry lose hold on all the air in his lungs.

“No you couldn’t,” Scarlett giggled as her aunt placed a kiss upon her forehead and brushed away a stray curl from the little girl’s face.

“Did you bring presents?” Scarlett added a second later in a conspiratorial whisper.

Ginny could do nothing to hold back her amusement and she chuckled as she set her niece down and gently patted the bag she’d had slung over her shoulder.

“You’ll just have to wait and see...” Ginny teased.

“We bought presents,” Sophie chimed in this time. Harry watched as Ginny’s gaze moved over his own daughter--that smile still on Ginny’s face. “But we can’t open them til’ later,” she added.

“I picked out the toys,” Sophie then said rather proudly. “And my daddy helped,” she added, casting off his involvement as if he’d merely been present during the buying of the gifts.

“Well that’s very thoughtful of you,” Ginny said as she bent down slightly to put herself nearer the girls’ level.

“You must be Sophie...” she said quietly as her expression softened--her smile mixing with a myriad of other emotions that Harry wasn’t sure he could place.

Sophie nodded.

“It’s very nice to meet you,” Ginny said warmly as she greeted the little girl. Sophie beamed back brightly at Ginny.

“Are the boys coming?” Scarlett asked suddenly, interrupting the scene.

Ginny turned her attention to her niece again, shaking her head and giving Scarlett a nervous smile.

“No, they’re not coming, sweetheart,” Ginny replied. “But I’m sure that when you get back that they’ll want to hear all about your trip and what you got for Christmas,” Ginny added on a little bit brighter note.

Scarlett, however, looked a bit down at the news that her cousins weren’t coming and she turned her attention away from her aunt.

“Come on,” Scarlett urged as she rounded on Sophie. “Let’s go tell my mummy that Auntie Ginny is here,” she added, gesturing for her new friend to follow her. It obviously wasn’t going to take much persuading for Sophie to follow along. Without any more conversation, the two little girls were again scampering down the hallway and away from the two adults standing in the entryway.

That left Harry alone with Ginny and a very tense silence that seemed to envelope the small hallway.

Harry couldn’t force himself to speak--he wasn’t sure what he should say. The awkward nervousness he’d felt with the others upon their arrival was nothing compared to what he was feeling now. He’d expected anger from her and had hoped--although admittedly that hope was a rather lofty and improbable one for his dreams only--that she’d for some reason accept him and run into his arms again.

But he was getting none of that. She was standing on the threshold, her expression and demeanor detached and unreadable as she seemed to be trying to look anywhere but at him.

“Can I--I take your jacket?” Harry asked, both hesitantly and rushed as he tried to figure out how to break the silence. His words sounded odd to himself and he immediately felt stupid after asking the question.

He’d made a conscious decision to leave her behind and hadn’t seen her for nearly 18 years and the first thing out of his mouth was to ask if he could take her coat?

“Sure,” Ginny replied quietly after looking startled for a few seconds before she began to unbutton her coat and remove it. Harry stayed rooted to the spot, unable to move or think of anything else to say. After a few seconds, Ginny had pulled off her jacket and hesitantly held it out for him to take.

“I’ll just--er--put it in here--with the others,” Harry added, gesturing to the hall closet where he’d put some of the others. Ginny nodded nervously and stood still as Harry placed her coat in the hall closet, hanging it up next to several others.

When he turned back around, Ginny was looking around, taking in the wood floors and high ceiling above her.

“You have a beautiful home,” she replied as she caught him with a fleeting glance before she moved her attention away to observing again.

Harry nodded his thanks.

“It’s good to see you,” Harry replied automatically, hoping that somehow they’d be able to breakthrough this painful tension. “Hermione said you had work and couldn’t come...”

“The match ended early,” Ginny replied even as Harry’s voice trailed away. “And since everyone else was here...I figured that maybe it would be alright...”

“You’re more than welcome here,” Harry assured her as he swallowed heavily.

Ginny nodded nervously, doing nothing to bridge the silence or make this meeting any easier for either of them.

“Ginny...I--” Harry began, not knowing whether he was going to attempt to apologize or what was actually going to come out of his mouth. But he was interrupted as Ginny’s attention was drawn away from him.

“Sweetheart!” Harry heard a woman greet warmly from behind him and he turned to find Molly Weasley coming down the hallway, welcoming her daughter with open arms.

Ginny stepped forward into her mother’s embrace and the two women hugged in the hallway, leaving Harry to stand aside, watching the meeting.

“Scarlett said you’d come, but I wasn’t sure if I should believe her,” Molly said as she pulled away, holding her daughter at arms length to scrutinize her. “You look tired, luv,” she added.

“I’m fine,” Ginny said with a smile as she tried to brush her off her mother’s fussing. “Just a long trip,” she added.

“Right,” Molly replied after pausing another moment or so to take in her daughter. “Why don’t we get you something to eat and drink--there’s plenty left,” she added as she turned to steer Ginny down the hallway and towards the kitchen where she could undoubtedly try and fill her up.

As the two women passed, Molly tossed a glance over her shoulder, making eye contact with him. But the expression was again unreadable and Harry wasn’t sure what to make of it.

After a few seconds the two had disappeared from sight, leaving Harry alone in the hallway to try and put himself back together before he even thought about reentering the gathering.

-------------------------- ---------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------- -----------------

“It’s good to see you,” Hermione whispered into her ear as the two women embraced.

“Good...but a bit surprising,” Hermione added as she pulled away and fixed Ginny with a curious and appraising look. It was the same look that her own mother had given her upon her arrival. It was a look that clearly relayed that they wanted to know how she was holding up and what was currently going on in her head.

Unlike the episode in the hallway, which had occurred with an audience she wasn’t ready to confront just yet, she didn’t feel she needed to completely hold back from her sister-in-law as she had with her mother.

“I couldn’t think of a good enough reason to continue to stay away,” Ginny admitted as she sighed heavily. “The match was quick and boring and the article wrote itself...and I wasn’t exactly looking forward to spending Christmas alone...” she added as she took a swig of her wine.

“When I gave you the extra Portkey I was hoping you’d change your mind,” Hermione replied.

“I didn’t exactly change my mind,” Ginny said quietly. “I’ve just--I’ve had some time to think things through. Not that everything has cleared itself up...but I know where I’m at with a few things.”

“So...you’re going to tell him?” Hermione asked, giving her a pointed look.

Ginny swallowed nervously.

“Yeah...its only fair,” Ginny admitted with a heavy sigh.

“I thought you weren’t concerned with being fair in all this?” Hermione replied with a questioning look.

“I’m not...exactly,” Ginny replied. “I mean...this isn’t for me or even for him,” Ginny continued quietly as she emphasized the last word. “Its about Jackson. It’s only about being fair to him. I’ve been incredibly selfish these past weeks in what I’ve been asking him to sit by and do while I try and figure my own mind out. I’m surprised he hasn’t tried to come here on his own or put up more of a fight against me...”

“He knows how much you’re hurting,” Hermione offered. “And I know he’ll do anything he can to keep from making it worse for you...even if that means going against what he wants.”

“I know,” Ginny admitted. “But I can’t keep doing this to him. He deserves his chance to see what’s next...”

“Have you figured out how you’re going to do this?”

Ginny shook her head.

“That’s part of the bit that has yet to clear itself up,” Ginny admitted. “I’m not exactly sure there’s an easy or correct way to go about it, actually.”

Hermione couldn’t seem to help but nod her agreement at that last statement.

“I’d really prefer not to do this in front of everyone, but I’d also rather not wait any longer,” Ginny added. “And besides...with family here...”

“It might be nice to have a little support,” Hermione finished knowingly. Ginny could only nod. “We’re here if you need us,” Hermione added in encouragement. Ginny smiled appreciatively.

“So after you talk with him...” Hermione said curiously after a few seconds.

“I dunno exactly...bring Jackson tomorrow...” Ginny replied with a sigh. “I guess it depends on how things go...”

“One thing at a time,” Hermione offered, seemingly understanding Ginny’s reluctance to commit to any sort of concrete plan in the midst of so much uncertainty.

Again Ginny nodded.

“Not to sound pushy...but you may have your best chance to get him alone now,” Hermione advised quietly as she looked around. “I saw Harry go out onto the back deck a few minutes ago--by himself.”

Ginny allowed her eyes to sweep around the room, noting that all of her brothers and sister-in-laws were in view and she knew that the younger guests were downstairs entertaining themselves.

Hermione was right. This was the best chance she might have all night to talk to Harry without an audience. As hurt and angry as she had felt over the past few weeks, she wasn’t vindictive enough to just come out with things in front of everyone, disregarding what reaction or emotions might overcome him.

But she was scared out of her mind nonetheless--not only to divulge what she was going to--but also to be alone with Harry again. The meeting in the entryway had proved both awkward and painful as neither one seemed to be able to get a grip on themselves long enough to get past the stumbling and fumbling exchange that had occurred.

Admittedly, seeing him had thrown her for a loop. She had tried to prepare herself beforehand as to what emotions she would allow herself to show or what reaction she would have. But nothing could have prepared her for the extreme sense of nervousness that had overcome her. She had expected that her anger might manifest itself and that she might yell and unleash all the hurt and devastation that she’d carried throughout the years.

Another part of her was afraid that she might go to the other extreme as well. As much as she’d tried to suppress any of the old feelings she’d once held for Harry, she could not deny that some of them still lurked in the background--somehow forever ingrained in her consciousness. He had been her first love and--despite his absence--was the father of her son. But she was nowhere near the point where she would forget and embrace him.

Ginny let out a heavy sigh as she replaced her empty wine glass on the counter she’d been leaning on.

The time had come.

Without any more from Hermione, Ginny left the company of her sister-in-law and moved down the hallway towards the french doors she knew led to the magically-heated deck. It took a lot less time to reach the heavy wooden and glass doors than she would have liked--and before she knew it, she was standing there looking through them.

It took only a second for her eyes to adjust to the difference in light levels between the inside and the deck before she focused in on the lone occupant of the outside deck. His back was to her as he leaned against the waist-high railing. But there was no denying who she was looking at.

With another steadying breath, Ginny placed her hand on the metal handle and gently pressed down. With a near-silent ‘click’ the door the door popped open, allowing Ginny to push it open further. Even as the door swung wider on its hinges and she stepped through, Harry did not turn around or seem to notice anyone had arrived. His obliviousness continued as Ginny gently shut the door behind her.

But as she turned back towards him, the wooden planks beneath her creaked slightly. At the sound Harry straightened up and turned to look over his shoulder.

He looked startled by her sudden and quiet arrival and seemed to almost be holding his breath in nervous anticipation. But just as that thought crossed Ginny’s mind, Harry let go of the air he had been holding in and exhaled in a long, drawn-out fashion. A thick stream of smoke came from between his slighted parted lips.

Harry looked incredibly uncomfortable and almost ashamed as he tried to awkwardly and unsuccessfully distance himself from the cigarette in his left hand.

“Sorry...I...I didn’t meant to...” Harry began as he turned and flicked the offending cigarette over the edge of the railing, embers bright orange the darkening sky.

“It’s alright, it really doesn’t bother me,” Ginny said automatically.

“I mean...it does...or, I don’t exactly approve,” Ginny backtracked after a few seconds. “But it’s your home...your choice...”

Harry nodded.

“I’m trying to quit,” Harry admitted as his eyes roved over her. “Not exactly with a whole lot of success,” he added with a shrug.

“At least you’re trying,” Ginny said quietly, not understanding how the small talk between them could feel so forced.

“Yea...” Harry replied quietly as he swallowed nervously.

Another heavy silence settled over the two of them as they awkwardly appraised one another--seemingly not wanting to be caught staring by the other.

“Did you come out here to escape the chaos?” Harry offered quietly as he gestured back towards inside. There was the slightest smile on his face and a hint of amusement in his tone that Ginny wasn’t sure how to take. “I can go back inside if you’d like a few minutes to yourself...” he added.

Ginny shook her head.

“I actually...came out here to talk with you,” she replied. “Alone.”

If possible, Harry looked even more nervous than before.

“Honestly, I’m surprised that you’d want to talk to me at all,” Harry admitted as he brought a hand up to rub the back of his neck. “I don’t deserve anything from you.”

Ginny’s first reaction was to tell him that he was absolutely correct in his assumption that he didn’t deserve her words, but she bit back that retort and instead chose a different approach.

“There are some things we need to talk about,” Ginny told him seriously. “There are things in the past and in the time you’ve been gone that I need to explain...”

“You don’t have to explain anything to me, Ginny,” Harry replied quickly.

For a moment the thought crossed her mind that he already knew--that he’d been told about Jackson. But it was only a second later, when he spoke again, that Ginny knew she’d been wrong.

“I know I left and I hurt you,” Harry continued on. “And there’s nothing I could do or say that would make up for anything. I am so sorry...”

“Please don’t apologize for that right now,” Ginny responded in a low voice. “You and I...that’s something I’m not sure I’m ready to talk about....someday...but not right now.”

At Ginny’s words, Harry’s expression took on a look of confusion.

“There are things I need to explain about my past...my family,” Ginny began, hoping she’d be able to find the right words.

“Ginny, I know that you were married...that you have children,” Harry interrupted her. “That’s what I wanted for you...to be able to be alright. I knew that what I was doing was going to hurt you the most. But I hoped that somehow you’d find a way to be happy again...”

She wanted to reply that if he’d really wanted her to be happy, he’d have never left, but she held her tongue.

“You were happy?” Harry asked, perhaps taking her lack of response as a refutation of what he’d heard from others.

“Yes,” Ginny told him truthfully. Paul had made her happy on many levels and having her little family had healed her in many ways. So her answer was not far from the truth at all.

“But I didn’t come out here to talk to you about my ex-husband or my marriage,” Ginny continued on. “I just...” she tried to add, but trailed away when Harry again looked incredibly confused.

This was so much harder than she could have ever anticipated. Why was it so difficult to just come out and say what she needed to?

“I--I don’t understand,” Harry said quietly as he shook his head slightly.

Ginny exhaled deeply, her eyes searching the sky above for some some unseen support and encouragement.

“Do you remember that last night?” Ginny asked quietly. “Before you left for Hogwarts?” she added, her eyes searching his for any sort of recognition.

For the first time that night, his green eyes sought hers purposefully and Ginny saw the realization she’d hoped for in their depths.

“Of course I do,” he breathed out with a nod. For a moment his eyes seemed to glaze over as though he’d somehow gone back to that moment.

“In my mind--in the part connected to my real past--it’s like it was only a few months ago,” Harry admitted. “I almost broke down and told you everything that night...”

“But you didn’t,” Ginny reminded him--her voice sounding oddly cold even to herself.

Harry nodded and looked ashamed and uncomfortable again.

“Maybe I’m being an idiot here,” Harry began after a few moments of silence. “But I’m still not understanding what we’re talking about.”

He was right. They had been talking in circles and she’d not given him a clear indication of what was to be discussed.

“A few weeks after the battle...I started to get sick,” Ginny began to explain, hoping he wouldn’t interrupt her before she could get the entire story out. “I couldn’t keep anything down and I was so tired with these massive headaches.”

“I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me,” Ginny continued. “I thought that maybe it was some side effect from the blast of power unleashed from the spell you used,” she added as she felt his eyes on her.

“It wasn’t, was it?” Harry asked. Ginny could hear the fear in his voice as he spoke.

“No,” she added as she shook her head. “After a few days, Mum and Dad had a healer come to the Burrow to look me over,” she continued shakily. She paused, trying to compose herself.

“Gin?”

“I wasn’t sick,” Ginny said as she closed her eyes, and took a deep breath.

“I found out I was pregnant, Harry.”

It was the first time that she’d said his name aloud in all this. Uttering his name only added to the realness of everything and what she’d just told him.

“What?” Harry breathed out, shock evident in his response.

“I was pregnant,” Ginny repeated as she closed the few steps between them and came to stand next to him along the railing. His eyes continued to follow her as she settled next to him.

She could see the range of emotion and shock he was experiencing plainly in his face. He seemed to be struggling to find words.

“I...I didn’t..know,” Harry stuttered, looking extremely torn and confused.

“You couldn’t have,” Ginny assured him. “Well...looking back, we weren’t all that careful,” she added with a sigh and a shrug. “But...I didn’t know until a few weeks later either.”

“I’m sorry,” Harry apologized, sounding thoroughly upset and distraught. “I’m so sorry,” he repeated.

For some reason, Harry’s repeated apologies were bringing rise to annoyance and anger that hadn’t been there before.

“Don’t apologize,” Ginny told him. “Please just stop,” she added as she shook her head.

“How can I not?” Harry asked incredulously. “I left you alone and pregnant...”

“I was never alone,” Ginny replied, cutting him off. “And no amount of you apologizing is going to make anything any different. I just...I needed to tell you. You needed to know.”

At that, there was no more effort on Harry’s part to continue expressing his remorse. He seemed to understand that she didn’t want that from him. But he did seem to be deep in thought.

“What happened?”

Ginny looked up at him. She could feel her brows knitted together in confusion as she searched for answers to what he had meant.

“What...what happened to the baby?” Harry asked quietly, looking deeply by something.

What did he mean ‘what happened to the baby’?

Did he still believe that her sons were products of her marriage, as Hermione and Ron had led him to assume?

Was he under the assumption that something had gone wrong or that perhaps she’d ‘taken care of things’ or given the baby away?

It certainly seemed that way...

“My ex-husband and I have one son together,” Ginny said quietly. “My youngest son, Alex, is going to be twelve in a few months.”

Now it was again Harry’s turn to show his shock and confusion.

“My oldest son...is seventeen,” Ginny continued, looking up into Harry’s eyes, willing him to understand.

“He’s ours, Harry. He’s your son.”

Realization seemed to hit Harry fast and hard and Ginny literally felt the motion as his legs seemed to give out from beneath him and Harry gripped the deck railing for support.

“So as for what happened...” Ginny began quietly, realizing that Harry was currently incapable of any form of speech or response. “I carried him for nearly 9 months, gave birth and raised him with the help of my family...”

As she looked at Harry, his eyes were closed and he seemed to be trying incredibly hard to steady himself as he breathed in and out deeply.

“What’s his name?”

The question and the fact that Harry had managed it momentarily startled Ginny. Harry’s eyes were still closed and he’d brought a hand up to his face, but he seemed to be waiting for her answer.

“Jackson. Jackson James,” she told him.

“Jackson,” Harry repeated quietly. Ginny wasn’t sure if it were a question or not.

“There’s nothing particularly significant about his first name,” Ginny responded. “It just kept popping up in naming books and I thought it fit with his middle name...”

“Yeah...” Harry breathed out as he nodded agreement, although Ginny wasn’t sure what he was agreeing with. But he had finally looked up and was meeting her gaze. Despite the dim light, Ginny swore she could see moisture in those eyes.

“I’m so sorry,” Harry breathed out as he shook his head.

“I’m not,” Ginny told him. “As much as I wish the circumstances had been different...there isn’t a day that goes by that I regret having my little boy. I know he’s the reason I was able to hang on and get through everything. As much as I hate the decisions that you made, you gave me my son...and I’m not sorry for that.”

Harry had no response, but seemed to understand what she had told him was how she felt truly.

The silence remained between them for another minute or so. Ginny wasn’t sure where to steer the conversation to now. She thought that giving him a little while to let all of the information sink in might be the best course of action. She also hoped that he might be the one to ask another question or add another comment that would continue the conversation.

“He’s seventeen...”

Ginny nodded.

“Is at still at Hogwarts or...” Harry continued, trailing off. It seemed he too was searching desperately for how to best carry on.

“It’s his last year,” Ginny replied. “After that he’s off to the Auror Academy on early admission in the fall,” she added proudly.

“Yeah?” Harry asked as he sniffed back a bit of his emotion. There was, however, a small smile that spread across his lips.

“Its something he’s wanted to do for a while now,” Ginny said with a nod. “I guess its something he gets from you...that and his looks...” she added quietly.

Harry fixed her with a look of intrigue, that clearly told her that he wanted to know more about her last statement.

“He looks exactly like you did at that age,” Ginny told him. “Same black hair and green eyes...though he’s a bit taller. But he’s all you--”

“Gin?”

The voice that interrupted her in question was not Harry’s. Ginny turned around towards the sound of her name, finding Bill standing in the doorway. Her eldest brother was watching the scene before him with a slight air of nervousness and trepidation that Ginny could not quite place.

“Sorry to--er--interrupt,” Bill began as he stepped forward a bit as his eyes flitted between Harry and Ginny. “But---I need to talk with you, Ginny...inside,” he requested.

Ginny looked back towards Harry, who also seemed to be trying to figure out Bill’s demeanor.

“Is everything alright?” Ginny asked her brother automatically.

“Yeah...I just need a minute,” Bill assured her.

“Go ahead,” Harry’s voice encouraged her. It was much closer than it had been before, indicating that he’d closed a bit of the distance between them. “It’s fine. See what he wants,” he added as Ginny turned to find him standing beside her, gesturing for her to follow Bill.

Both curious and a bit hesitant as to what awaited her inside, Ginny followed. As she moved towards Bill, he held the door open. Ginny walked past him and into the hallway, watching as her brother followed.

“What’s this all about?” Ginny asked once Bill had closed the door behind him.

“Have you told him yet?” Bill asked instead, bypassing Ginny’s question altogether as he glanced over his shoulder and through the glass at Harry.

“Yes. Its what we were just talking about,” Ginny told him, following his gaze. Harry’s back was facing them as he’d gone back to leaning on the railing. “Why?”

“We’ve got a bit of a--er--situation,” Bill admitted evasively.

“Bill...” Ginny warned, not enjoying the current course the conversation was on.

“Alex and Jackson decided to take a little trip via a Portkey that Teddy left them,” Bill began. “They just arrived here a few minutes ago,” he added.

“Both of them?” Ginny asked in surprise. Bill nodded.

“We thought it would probably be a good idea to head things off before you both came back inside,” Bill explained. “Alex is with Mum in the kitchen getting something to eat...” he added.

“And Jackson?”

Bill didn’t answer, but his eyes glanced towards a point somewhere over her own shoulder. Ginny turned just as Bill spoke.

“Its alright, mate.”

It took only a second for Bill’s reassurance to be heeded as the tall, familiar form of Ginny’s eldest son to step out from behind the corner. He looked nervous and pale and was having a hard time meeting her gaze.

“Jacks,” Ginny breathed out as her son stood beside her.

“I’m sorry, Mum,” Jackson apologized in a quiet voice. “I didn’t want to upset you...but I just...I couldn’t wait around anymore,” he explained, sounding genuinely fearful that his arrival had angered her. There was even a slight cower in his posture that made him look younger than he was.

“Its alright,” Ginny assured her son. “I’m not angry. And I’m really the one who should be sorry. I should have never expected you to stand by while everything went on around you and I tried to figure myself out. It was incredibly selfish of me.”

Jackson shook his head and looked to disagree with his mother, but Ginny cut him off.

“It was, sweetheart,” Ginny told him. “You’re the one who started this all off and I’ve done nothing to think about what you want or what you deserve.”

This time, Jackson did nothing to show or voice his disagreement or displeasure. His eyes instead went elsewhere, his interest moving towards the space beyond her. Ginny knew that Jackson was looking through the glass doors and out onto the deck.

“He knows...about me?” Jackson asked quietly as his eyes remained focused on the spot where his father stood facing away from him--the glass and wood of the door and frame the only thing separating him from the thing he’d wanted most in life.

Ginny nodded, placing a hand on her son’s arm.

“Do you want to meet him?” she asked him gently.

The simple question seemed to break Jackson’s focus for a moment and he looked down at his mum. He looked slightly unnerved and he swallowed heavily.

“Now?” he asked as he let out a deep breath.

“You did come all the way here for that, didn’t you?” Ginny asked with a smile and Jackson reluctantly nodded. “He just started asking questions about you...I’m sure he’d love to see you.”

Jackson seemed unsure of his mother’s assumption and reluctant to go on her encouragement alone.

“Maybe you should ask him first...if its alright?” Jackson blurted out.

There was a small bit of her that wanted to smile in amusement at Jackson’s nervousness and his suggestion, but she knew that doing so would be inappropriate. This was perhaps the most important moment in Jackson’s life thus far--one that was never supposed to be possible. His trepidation and anxiousness were to be expected and a sign of the enormity of the situation.

“I’ll be right back, okay?”
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