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SIYE Time:9:28 on 29th March 2024
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A Thought or Two
By Mutt N Feathers

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Category: Pre-OotP, Alternate Universe
Characters:Harry/Ginny
Genres: Drama
Warnings: Mental Abuse
Story is Complete
Rating: PG-13
Reviews: 87
Summary: Auror Spook Kitty Fawley thought the difficult part of her return to the UK would be getting Sirius out of prison and recovering Harry from his Muggle relatives. Turns out that was the easiest thing she would do. To help them, Kitty will delve into a mystery deeper than any she faced in the field.
Hitcount: Story Total: 133966; Chapter Total: 3466
Awards: View Trophy Room




Author's Notes:
Hi, yes it's a new chapter. My should is healing, but I can only write about 250 words at a sitting, so it's slow going. I want to thank everyone who voted for the 2019 awards. Winning best New Story has floored me. Thank you so much. WARNING: A Sexual Assault is hinted at in this chapter.




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Chapter 8:
Walking in My Shoes

Before Sirius began his tale, he lifted Harry and, with his unsteady gait, carried his godson to bed. The door which joined Kitty's room to Harry's was left partially open so that the little boy could find her in the night, should he awaken. The man then settled himself onto 'his side' of the bed, much closer to Kitty now that the toddler was gone and started talking. “Please let me tell you everything before you ask your questions.” Kitty was already emotionally spent, so she just nodded and let him begin.

Kitty listens quietly as Sirius tells her about the secret he'd been carrying since the night Marlene died. He'd never had a chance to tell anyone else; the lives of the Marauders and their female friends had begun to fly apart so quickly after her death. When Sirius was through, Kitty felt hollow and ill. "Why didn't she ever tell us?"

“I doubt she wanted any of us to know,” Sirius confessed. “Had I not been the one on duty at the Ministry when she came back to the office that night, I don’t think anyone would have known.” Marlene was in training as a magical barrister. Sirius had gone through Auror training with James and Kitty, though he had chosen to join the Hit Squad instead. It had made his arrest by his boss all that more upsetting. His co-workers knew him, and yet they’d believed Sirius had murdered his best friend.

“Did she know who had done this to her?” Kitty asked.

“Officially, she said no; the look on her face said that she did. She never spoke of that night again, at least not until she came to see me the week before her murder. She wasn’t sure what to do about the baby, and I was the only person who knew anything about it."

"I can't believe she never told Lily, Betty, or me. We wouldn't have blamed her or —"

“Katie, she was embarrassed. Someone was able to overpower her, and she was the strongest of you girls.”

“Who knew that compact body of hers was coiled like a spring?” she wistfully asked the cosmos. “Do you think she was going to keep the baby?” Kitty shifted so she could look at Sirius and took his hand.

“I don’t think Marlene knew what she was going to do,” he whispered. “She’d always wanted kids, but a child created by an assault. No one dreams of that baby.”

The pair sat together, her left knee touching his right, their hands entwined. Kitty soaked in the tale, and Sirius worked to bury it. It was long moments before he found the strength to speak again. "When she died, I knew they were both gone, and it ate at me that a baby suffered such a horrible fate as the Cruciatus Curse."

“Sirius–”

"Please, Katie, let me finish." Kitty gripped his hand tighter and nodded. "I came home, and you were safe, and, at that moment, I realised I wanted a life with you. I wanted to marry you, have children with you, grow old with you. I would have proposed if my news hadn't been so grave.” He paused to steady his voice and wipe an unshed tear from his eye. “You clung to me and wept, and I knew why. Then, like a Stinging Hex, it hit me that I could lose you and our potential baby just like Marlene, and I couldn't imagine. The darkness that swallowed me was wretched. Your love has always surrounded me; living without you, I would have been hell.”

By now, Kitty was crying. Tears tumbled down her cheeks for the emotions she'd misconstrued in her lover. They were shed for a baby she'd never come to know, and she cried for the years she'd wasted being convinced Sirius no longer cared for her. She crawled into his lap, careful of the spells on his ankle, and clung to him.

No more words were said that night, and the pair eventually slid down and settled into an exhausted, comfortable slumber in the arms of the one they still loved.

“Auntie Kitty,” a little voice said from the doorway. “Uncle Sirius. Why did you get to have a sleepover, but I was in my bed?” Sirius was the first to awaken, his hearing much sharper due to his dog Animagus. He gently shifted Kitty’s head off his chest and then slipped out of bed, reaching for his godson’s hand.

“Auntie Kitty and I were talking last night and just fell asleep in her room. You were snoring so loudly that we couldn’t hear each other, so I put you in your bed,” Sirius teased as they headed back toward his room so Harry could use the loo.

“I don’t snore!”

“How do you know?”

"I know because if I snored at night, it would have made noise, and I couldn't make noise when I was in my cupboard, or Uncle Vernon would beat me with his belt," Harry said it so easily it stopped Sirius suddenly. Even as bad as his parents had treated him, he'd never been beaten for snoring.

“Why don’t you go into my loo and take a piss, Harry?”

"I already went," he replied. "Auntie Kitty says piss is a rude word, and I should say pee instead. It's better manners."

“Auntie Kitty is usually right about things, especially manners.”

“Good, I like Auntie Kitty’s manners.”

“Oh, and why is that?” Sirius asked, shaking off his earlier discontent and kneeling to his godson’s height.

"Because when I used Auntie Kitty's manners, it makes sure that you will keep me and not send me back."

“Harry, you could eat off the floor or not take a bath for a month, and we would never send you back. Along with your Uncle Remus, we are your family, and we love you no matter what." Sirius opened his arms, and after a reluctant minute, Harry walked into the hug. "Now, why don't you go into your room and get dressed for the day and then walk to Uncle Remus' place and tell him I am making my crazy French Toast for breakfast."

“What makes it Crazy?” Harry had made French Toast for Uncle Vernon and Dudley before.

“You’ll have to wait and see. Now go get some clothes on.” Harry took off running, his preferred mode of travel around their home. He dressed in a flash in an outfit of his choosing. Harry had only ever worn his cousin's cast-offs, so finding he had clothes in different colours and that fit him was a wonderous revelation. He decided to wear green shorts today; these ones had little blue whales on them and a bright orange tee shirt with a boat on it. He even put his shoes on — they had Velcro closures so he could do them himself — although he put them on the wrong feet. Dressed how he liked, he took off running again, this time to the end of their home.

From the unique side door only accessible from Kitty's 'apartment' within the house, Harry could slide to the walkway, which led to Remus' guest house. It was all hid from the public's view, and Harry thought it was great when his uncles showed it to him. Adults preferred to use the stairs off the rear balcony.

Sirius had gone to his bathroom, cleaned up from Harry using it, and then went about his morning routine quickly. Magic hastened everything along, and soon he was walking as quietly as he could back into Kitty's bedroom. Kitty had pulled his pillow to her chest, her head resting upon it just as she'd used his chest overnight. He sat down on the bed and brushed the hair away from her forehead so he could kiss her. It was how he used to wake her up, back when she loved him.

Kitty stirred, throwing her arm up to cover her face and swatted Sirius' head with her hand. His sharp outburst and her contacting something solid quickly roused her. "Sorry," she muttered.

"No harm was done, Luv, I have a sturdy head," he proclaimed.

“Some might call it thick.”

“Haha. Come on, get up, I’m making Crazy French Toast.”

“You aren’t seriously going to serve that over-sugared mess to our godson, are you?” Kitty sat up with a sigh.

"I'm always Sirius, and I absolutely am."

"Well then, you can spend the day with his hyped-up antics. I need to go into the Ministry anyway."

“Why?”

"Not sure, but it must be important if they've asked me to come in. I'm on a year-long sabbatical."

“Kitty, it’s only been a few weeks, they can’t expect you to —”

“Oh, they can, Sirius. I’m still a spy. There are still places that I can get into better than anyone else in the Ministry," Kitty said, annoyed.

“Like where?” Kitty looked closely, swearing he had just rolled his eyes.

“The Russian Magical Court. We might have given up our royal court a millennia ago, but the Russians have not. I still heard rumours even in New Zealand about the goings-on there."

“You heard about the Russians but not any news from home!” he yelled. In response, Kitty took her wand from the nightstand and put a Silencing Charm around them.

"Yes, I heard about all sorts of places. My handler was excellent about keeping me informed if needed. I did not hear anything about the goings-on at home because I asked to be kept in the dark. I didn't want to know anything from here."

“Your not knowing caused a lot of pain.” Sirius spit the words at her with force and veracity.” Kitty seemed to wilt before him at the words, and the fire which had burned in her eyes was suddenly snuffed.

"Believe me; I know what damage I caused. I know that most of my friends are dead because I set into motion events I couldn't have imagined. I am weighed down by my penitence." She sat back down on the bed and turned her head so he wouldn't see her tears.

“I didn’t mean it like that,” Sirius said softly as he rounded the bed to sit beside her. Her silence was louder than the roar of his bike and too silent for his comfort. He took her hand. "Katie, we both made mistakes. We all made mistakes," he said, Peter being made secret-keeper being foremost in his mind. "We need each other to heal. Didn't last night prove anything to you?"

“Yes, but,” she hesitated, “there are still huge obstacles to us ever being what we once were. I don’t even know if I can be that person again. I don’t trust you, not fully. I know you love Harry, and I agree you should be here with him. He needs you and me to help him heal and grow up. That said, I'm not sure it will ever lead to an us."
Reviews 87
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