This is the second one-shot in my little no need to series. I wanted to explore Harry’s feelings after Dumbledore’s funeral. Thanks for reading guys, and as always thanks to Kawaiicicle for reading and editing this😊.
Disclaimer: I own nothing to do with the HP franchise, all rights go to JK Rowling.
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No Need to Feel | ||||
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Category: Post-HBP Characters:None Genres: Fluff Warnings: None Story is Complete Rating: R Reviews: 5 Summary: Number 2 in the 'No Need to...' Series. Harry learns to deal with the weight of his decisions. Rated M for language mainly Hitcount: Story Total: 1206 Disclaimer: Harry Potter Publishing Rights © J.K.R. Note the opinions in this story are my own and in no way represent the owners of this site. This story subject to copyright law under transformative use. No compensation is made for this work. Author's Notes: |
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Harry was the first to the train. He needed to get away from the castle. The castle had felt like his home for so long, but now it was just a reminder of things he’d lost. It wasn’t lost on Harry that he might never see Hogwarts again. In fact, Harry thought it was highly likely. But right now, he needed to get away. To many prying eyes, too many memories. It was better if Harry just left. He chose the compartment at the furthest end of the train. He slammed the compartment door open. Breathing heavily, he put Hedwig down on the chair and leaning his head against the glass. His head was screaming FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK As his breath drew heavier, he started kicking the chair in front of him. He knew this wasn’t going to change anything. Nothing was going to make him feel better right now except Ginny. It had a sad irony to it he thought. Hedwig started to flap and screech, drawing Harry’s attention away from his thoughts. ‘Sorry Girl’ he mumbled. He sat down net to the bird cage, poking his fingers through it to stroke her feathers. He thought back to just a few days ago when he’d been sat listening to Ginny rant about Romilda Vane. He hadn’t really been listening, just watching and stroking her hair as she spoke animatedly about some awful thing Romilda had said. He was snapped out of his thoughts when his compartment door opened to reveal Hermione. She looked at him with soft eyes and sighed. ‘Did you really have to Harry?’ He knew what she was talking about. How could he not, he was feeling the effects of it right now. ‘You know I did’ He muttered not looking her in the eye. Hermione just sighed. She looked at him for a second, clearly deciding which course of action to take. She decided on a hug. He let her hug him. He knew that it would make her feel better if she could comfort him in some way. The hug was nice, but Hermione was not the person he wanted it from. Needed it from. Hermione moved away from him and moved Hedwig’s cage to sit on the chair in front of Harry. She decided against pushing him any further for now, resigning to pulling a book out of her bag and stroking Crookshanks. Harry turned to watch out the window. Hoards of students were walking towards the train now. In the distance, he spotted two heads of red hair. Fuck. Ron. Ron was going to kill him. He didn’t blame him really. In fact, he welcomed Ron’s attempt, he wouldn’t fight it. Then their faces came into view. They both looked thoroughly pissed off at each other. Ron said something to her as she went to get on the train. She stalked back to him with her wand held up to his nose. When Ron seemed to concede to whatever she said, she brought her wand down and stormed onto the train. ‘Well’ Hermione drawled, interrupting the silence. She too was looking back out of the window. ‘Wonder what that was about?’ ‘Beats me’ Harry agreed sarcastically Hermione gave a quiet giggle. She was about to say something more when a seething Ron burst through the compartment door. He plopped himself down next to Hermione. And started grumbling to himself. Harry looked down, thinking it best to avoid all eye contact with Ron at this time. He didn’t want to fight right now. He couldn’t deal with a fight with Ron today. So, he just stared at his hands, willing for this train ride to go quickly. Hermione and Ron clearly had some sort of nonverbal communication because not even a minute later, Ron huffed and stood up exclaiming as he left the compartment. ‘Fine! I’ll leave, but if I get Bat-Bogeyed for interfering Hermione, I’m sending her for you next!’ with that he slammed the compartment door closed again. ‘You didn’t have to send him away’ Harry said after a few seconds. Hermione looked up from her book. Closing it and putting it down on the chair next to her ‘He understands why you did it. He says he would’ve done the same. He’s just worried about you both and doesn’t know how to express it.’ Harry didn’t say anything. He started to fidget under Hermione’s stare. He felt the locket in his pocket. Pulling it out, he sat with it in his hand. This locket was the reason for Dumbledore’s death. All for a locket that got them no further along in his quest. ‘Harry, just tell me how you feel’ Hermione was starting to grate on his nerves. She wouldn’t understand. ‘I feel. Like we need to start planning the next few months’ Harry tried to change the conversation. Hermione was having none of it. ‘Harry. Don’t change the topic. You need to talk about this or…’ Harry didn’t want to talk anymore. ‘Or what Hermione? Tell me what is going to happen to me if I don’t talk? Because there’s not much else that could bring me any lower’ Harry thundered. He raised his clenched fist and started to count off fingers, ‘Grief, Check. Heartbreak, Check. Impending Doom, Check’ Hermione just looked at him patiently. ‘Feel a bit better after that?’ she said picking her book up and starting to read again. I do actually; he thought, but would never admit. ‘Y-you…’ Harry stuttered looking at her ‘Did you just…’ Hermione snapped her book shut again. ‘Yes Harry. After 5 years I’m aware that the only way that you share thing is if you’re annoyed. Otherwise you bottle it up.’ Harry stared at her bemused. Was he really that predictable? Hermione grabbed a copy of ‘Hogwarts: A history’ out of her bag and handed it too him ‘Read this. It’ll take your mind off of everything for a while’ He snorted but took the book gratefully. Anything that took his mind off of her was welcome. Once again the carriage was silent. It was silent for the whole ride home. Once they made it to Kings Cross. Hermione gave him a parting hug and whispered ‘It’s ok to feel Harry’ He said nothing as he watched her leave. He grabbed Hedwig and departed the train, seeing a cluster of Red heads. He decided this time it would be easier to avoid them, but Molly Weasley saw him through the crowd and called him over. She squeezed him with one of her hugs, this time he took it gratefully. Over her shoulder he saw her. Her back was to him. She was in a conversation with Bill and Luna when he heard her laugh. It took everything he had too not grab her and run off with her into some broom cupboard. He wanted. Needed. Her. Ron saw him staring and took pity. He grabbed Harry from his mum and turned him round to give him a quick pat on the back. ‘She feels just as shit, mate. She’s just a hell of a lot better at hiding it’ Ron told him, Harry looked down at his hands and tried to mutter out a sorry. Ron held up a hand and continued ‘I understand it. I would’ve done the same thing. You’ll be alright mate, and so will she.’ With that, he gave Harry another pat on the back and walked off to grab his bags. Harry gave Mrs. Weasley one more departing hug before heading out. He saw Ginny out of the corner of his eye, this time she was looking at him. He met her impassive eyes. For a split second, he thought he saw longing. Fuck He had no idea what emotion his eyes where betraying. He bid farewell to all of the Weasleys before his eyes rested back on hers. This time she had that blazing look, almost daring him to say goodbye to her. ‘Bye Ginny’, he said trying to sound as natural as possible to her families listening ears. Her eyes changed; a look he’d never seen aimed at him before. This look was normally reserved for the likes of Romilda Vane. Falsely Pleasant. ‘See you soon, Harry’ With that he turned and walked away. Hermione was wrong. It wasn’t ok to feel. Feeling was too hard. Feeling distracted him from the task at hand. |
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