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Manipulations to War | ||||||
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Category: Pre-OotP Characters:Sirius Black Genres: Drama Warnings: Death Story is Complete Rating: R Reviews: 19 Summary: Sequel to Harry's second Christmas. James and Lily are dead, and Sirius, Remus and Anwen are living in the Potter keep with Harry. They want him to have a well balanced childhood, but the need to keep him safe is greater. Sirius is working to unravel where the Potter money went while Anwen wants to discover why they were in Godric's Hollow and not safely in the Potter's home. Hitcount: Story Total: 18922; Chapter Total: 474 |
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Chapter 27: Faith Tuesday, September 10, 1985 Sirius watched Anwen wandering the garden and wondered what to do for her. Since their agreement that Harry was a Horcrux, she'd been quiet, too quiet. He remembered other times when she'd been like this – after her parents signed her over to Dumbledore, when he'd acted like an arse at school, when Fee and Monty had died – but those times he knew how she was feeling and what to do to comfort her. Now, he didn't have any words of comfort. He was as despondent as she. His wife fingered the late summer blooms, twisting her fingers to magically prune away dead ones while she walked and thought. At least Sirius didn't need to worry about the kids; Harry was in class with Remus, Lizzy was at the Longbottom's playing with Julie, and Caelum was asleep in his cot. He turned and walked to the portrait gallery to speak with the only other being who might have an idea how to bring Anwen out of her ennui. “Mum, I don’t know what to do for her,” he said in a defeated tone. Fee Potter wished she could wrap her arms around her son, but she was no longer flesh and bone; words would have to do. Sirius had undergone a tremendous change physically since he'd come to live at the Linfeld Hall nearly four years ago. Gone were the wild, mid-back tresses; now, he kept his shoulder-length hair pulled back and secured in a small leather strap. He was currently clean-shaven, as he had been since his youngest son's birth. His clothing had improved as well; although he still wore his Muggle rock band tees, they were usually covered with a pressed, button-down shirt tucked into his well-fitting jeans. His trainers no longer had holes in them, and his riding boots were polished. He didn’t wear the boots in the house much, as when he stomped about in them, he left scuff marks on the floor that Anwen detested. Fee had even seen him in proper trousers, waistcoats, and robes when he needed to go to the Wizengamot or Gringotts. Emotionally, he’d aged even more so. Fee had thought that the loss of Anwen would be impetuous for him to finally put his boyhood antics aside and become a man worthy of her. Becoming Harry's guardian and then father had been a heavy weight at first, but her son had grown to carry it as well. The births of his younger children only solidified his maturity. That isn't to say Sirius didn't know how to have fun. Fee had watched him with the children, changing into his dog Animagus form and chasing them or flying with Harry. There was a carefree nature to him still, and it allowed him to be a wonderful father and playmate, but only when the time was appropriate. Sirius had learned when. He’d finally grown up, something she questioned if he’d ever do when he was twenty or so. "Sirius, what you're dealing with, I can't imagine how it weighs on her. We," she said while she waved her arm to include Monty, James, and Lily, "are still struck dumb by the revelation, and we don't need to find a way to save little Harry." The quartet had all crowded in a pastoral summer field portrait in the middle of the room. They found it was nice to lounge in the sun, even if it wasn't authentic. "Pads, it's a mother thing," Lily said softly. "The first instinct we have is to protect our children. Harry has always required more protection than most, and it took five of us to do that for him. Anwen probably feels like everything is on her shoulders, and it's crushing her." “I want to take some of the weight off of her, but it feels like she won’t let me,” Sirius nearly cried. “That’s who she is, Padfoot,” James said in a matter-of-fact tone. “She’s always taken responsibility for everything.” “Sirius, son, these are the times when showing her that you’re a pair, you’re weathering this storm together, that will strengthen your marriage,” Monty said. “Show her it's safe for her to share her emotions with you. Knowing Anwen, she’s frightened of them." Sirius nodded, unsure how else he could do that but vowing to himself that he would. "Why don't you tell us what your mother has discovered." Two weeks ago, when Sirius and Anwen had written off every other possible situation for what the mass in Harry's brain was, they went to Walburga Black with the presumption and fear that Harry was a Horcrux. But, since she had so deftly dealt with the one in the necklace, they hoped she'd have some answer as to how they could destroy Harry's mass without doing permanent damage to his brain. Since then, Walburga Black, Louise Malfoy, and Albus Dumbledore had been working together as the strangest team Sirius had ever watched work. The Black library on Dark magics was extensive, and they'd pulled books from it that might not have been de-shelved in one hundred years or more. Louise Malfoy, Abraxas Malfoy's widow, and Lucius' mother had taken Walburga to Malfoy Manor to see what books they could use from that library. Louise could have chosen to live in the manor, but she detested it and its extensive use of marble. The house not only felt chilly, but it was cold and impersonal as well. She also knew that if they stayed there, Narcissa would become more bitter than she already was, and it would ruin little Draco. But, on the other hand, living with Walburga and Louise, there was a chance the boy would turn out better than his father had. The oddest member of their group, however, was the inclusion of Albus. Anwen had spoken to Walburga privately and suggested that he would be beneficial, especially since his ability to think in theoretical magics and then craft the correct spell was far superior to anyone in the world. She was prepared to use her visualization skills if needed, but they did not want to burden her with research. Her job was to care for the three Black children. They would, however, take any materials on the subject she discovered in the Auror archives. Anwen and Alice had been researching it while at work. Finally, Albus and Walburga agreed that Anwen didn't need to see some potential ways to destroy the soul-slivers, considering her current mental and emotional state. The Horcrux destruction trio had turned the dining room into Horcrux central, and the family was taking their meals in the kitchen. Sirius was shocked and never thought he’d see the day when his mother entered the kitchen, much less ate there. "Well, Mother has read every book on Horcruxes there is," Sirius answered. "Albus spoke with Minerva, and the books from Hogwarts have been reviewed too. We have probably looked at the book Tom found out about the damned things in.” His contempt wasn’t hidden. "Git," James snarled. “Ditto,” Lily said with equal disgust. "Nowhere is their information about using a living, thinking being as one of these soul containers. Albus suggested something abhorrent, but everyone else vetoed it quickly,” Sirius said, wishing he hadn’t. “What did he suggest, Sirius?” Monty asked. “I can’t,” Sirius answered, suddenly feeling his throat closing at the memory. "It was too awful to think about, and if Anwen ever knew…." “Did he suggest that Harry be killed and then brought back?” Monty asked, and Lily and Fee gasped, and James chose to swear under his breath. “The thought came to me after you told us, and I put together what your mother had done with the necklace. I would never suggest such a thing. There must be another way.” “That’s what I’m hoping,” Sirius said, gaining control of his emotions. "I'm going to go get Anwen; maybe we can sit and have her play some music before the baby wakes up. That kid eats so much.” “Takes after James then,” Fee said. “I started him on cereal before the healer said I should.” "Anwen has already started him on the stuff. It reminds me of snot," Sirius said. “You know, you can get dressed up and look like an adult, but Pads, you’re still a fourteen-year-old boy inside,” Lily said with a grin. “Don’t tell anyone my secret, Petal," Sirius with a wink, and Lily was pleased to see just a bit of her old friend. Sirius waved his wand, and three Patronuses sprang from his wand and bounded away. He then went out through the rear door, walked to his wife, lifted her hand, and kissed her fingers. Then, wrapping an arm around her shoulders, he Disapparated them away. They landed behind Anwen’s childhood Methodist church in Cardiff. She looked around and realized they were between the dumpster and the small play yard the Nursery School used. “Why did you bring me here?” Anwen asked, surprised by her surroundings. “Have you ever been here? How did you know?" "Anwen, I've gone to church with you, remember? We came right after you finished at Hogwarts. Your mum made us stay in separate rooms, but we slipped out and slept under the stars, remember? We went to church the next morning." “That’s right, I’d forgotten,” she said in a distracted tone. “But still, why bring me here?” "Come on, I think there's someone you need to see," he said, giving her hand a gentle tug; he led her around the building to the side door. "Sirius, it's Tuesday. There isn't anyone here today," Anwen muttered. "Are we magical, or are we not?" Sirius said just before he cast the spell to open the door and allow them to slip in. Sirius looked down at his wife with care and concern in his eyes. "Which way to the big room you do your church stuff in?” Anwen smiled and shook her head. “The Sanctuary? Where we worship?” she asked. Then, for the first time in days, her smile reached her eyes. “It’s this way. Who am I supposed to meet?” Sirius stayed quiet, allowed himself to be pulled along until they came to Sanctuary. “What now?” Anwen asked. "Let's go sit down," he said. "Your family usually sits on the right, upfront, correct?" "Yes, the second row," they walked up the aisle, the one she had dreamed of waking up on the day she married. They sat where her family had until the rest of the Hodgsons had disappeared. The family was whisked away to Canada for their safety, and now no one remembered them. The pew, however, had a little carving between the cushions, and Anwen smiled at it. “I did this when I was little,” Anwen said, pointing it out to Sirius. “I wanted a horse when I was small, but my father said we didn’t have space for it. I was angry and sad about it, so I found this little nail, and I made this drawing while the sermon was going on. Every week I would trace the outline with the little nail, figuring if God knew I wanted a horse, and I left a drawing of one, God might give me one. Silly, huh?" "Anwen, I have never found your faith silly," Sirius said honestly. "That's why I brought you here. Unfortunately, I can't provide you with solace, and I can't promise that everything will be better, but your God can do that for you.” “What?” "Anwen, I don't believe like you do, or even like Remus did until his parents died. The two of you went to churches like this, so did Petal. I wasn't even good at following the faith of my parents – you've taken to it better than I ever did. But you, you have always believed, Anwen. So talk to your God, plead, and beg for our son's life from this God. Ask for understanding. Do whatever it is that you need to do so that you have your fight back." "I don't…Sirius, God, doesn't work that way. It's not like I can ask for things like children do from Father Christmas. God isn’t…there isn’t anyone I can plead for Harry’s life. Voldemort screwed our little boy over at the same time he killed our best friends.” “What about prayer? Anwen, I’ve heard you pray –” “And what is it I should pray for?” Anwen bit back, tears springing to her eyes and tension zapping her muscles in her face and neck awake. “How am I supposed to pray? My child, my boy, has part of a monster attached to him." At the words, Anwen crumpled into her husband. “Shh, Luv, it’s okay,” Sirius whispered. “You need to let it all out.” She pulled away from him. "Sirius, I am so angry I don't have words for it. How much am I supposed to give up in this life? I've lost my parents and siblings to fears that Voldemort would target them. I lost my surrogate parents to an illness children get. One of my best friends had to run away from Tom bloody Riddle because he wanted to use her voice as a weapon, and James and Lily were murdered. Now I must deal with my son, our sweet Harry, having a Horcrux in his head? "And what about that bone shard that was in my brain? What about the fact that I finally put Malfoy into jail, but the memories of those girls he abused won't ever leave? I think about asking God for anything, and I'm reminded of Remus, who is ripped apart and sewn back together monthly, and wonder what right I have to ask for anything. "So fine," Anwen turned away from Sirius and faced the stained-glass window. "God, how dare you let someone rip all these people I love from my life. How is it part of your excellent plan that my five-year-old son be cursed with a bit of a bastard's soul stuck to him? Why is it that the best plan anyone can come up with is to kill my child and then bring him back? Is that it, you want me to believe in the resurrection that much that I'm willing to sacrifice one of my babies? I'm overwhelmed by fear, Almighty One. I'm not sure I can do it. I don't think I'm strong enough, so instead, I just need to hold on and hope another answer comes to me. "How dare I be treated this way," Anwen sobbed. "I was good, even when it was hard. I turned the other cheek so many times I wondered if I should just stand and take it. I was asked to do so much when I should have been having fun. Please, don't ask this of me. Don't ask me to give up my boy." Her tirade died, and Anwen fell into her husband, her body racked with spasms as she cried herself out. Sirius knew he needed to take her somewhere she felt safe and unencumbered so these emotions could come out. He knew his wife well enough that it just took Monty's suggestion, and Sirius knew what Anwen required. How she learned about Albus's stupid plan, or if she came to the same conclusion herself, he didn't know, but they'd never agree to it. His wife didn't know what to do with her anger, and she wouldn't go and punch trees in the forest like he did. As she continued to calm, he whispered words of love and devotion, vowing they'd find a way to cure Harry that wouldn't hurt him. Finally, after long minutes of her grief, Anwen pulled away and wiped the tears off her face and then twisted her hand before her visage, so the red of her eyes, cheeks, and nose was gone. She took one last, steadying breath and stood on her tiptoes to kiss her husband. “Thank you,” she said with an open honestly Sirius had missed. “Let’s go home and figure out how to help Harry be rid of that beast once and for all.” |
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