SIYE Time:13:57 on 26th October 2021

Hold On
By millie

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Category: Post-HBP
Genres: Angst, Romance, Songfic
Warnings: Death, Mild Sexual Situations
Story is Complete
Rating: G
Reviews: 4
Summary: Ginny, unable to sleep, finds Harry in the living room the night he arrived at the Burrow. DH One-shot. Slightly AU.

Hitcount: Story Total: 567

Disclaimer: Harry Potter Publishing Rights ? J.K.R. Note the opinions in this story are my own and in no way represent the owners of this site. This story subject to copyright law under transformative use. No compensation is made for this work.

Author's Notes:
Ch 7 of "A Different Life" is almost done! Till then...

Please review!



Hold On

Ginny tossed and turned but sleep evaded her. She had hoped that she might be able to sleep for once but it was just like every other night. Her eyes would droop and she would doze off before waking up with a scream lodged in her throat and her heart racing. She thought it might have been better since she now had confirmation that Harry was alright and was sleeping a floor above her in Percy's old room but it seemed to make things worse.

She sat up when she heard something. It was a slightly sad tune and it was coming from...downstairs. Ginny got out of bed and picked up her dressing gown, carefully concealing her wand beneath her sleeve and crept downstairs. Years of practice made sure she skipped all the creaks and landed soundlessly in the living room. Her heart just about stopped when she saw a black messy head bent over a guitar. Harry was sitting on the armchair that Dad preferred with the guitar that Ginny remembered Sirius had given him.

He played in the common room sometimes but he stopped when it started to garner too much attention and spread in the whole castle that Harry Potter could play an instrument. Ginny hadn't heard him play often because it was something he started concealing after that incident but Hermione had told her that he was very good. She had heard him play only one other time; when they had been dating he had played a song for her that he had written for Sirius and Ginny, after kissing Harry loads of times and cheering him up, had locked herself in her dormitory and wept for hours.

Loving and fighting, accusing, denying

Ginny started and immediately wished that Harry hadn't heard her. She hadn't known that he could sing. His voice was soft and smooth and rich with melody. Ginny found herself sucked in the whirlpool and moved a little closer.

I can't imagine a world with you gone
The joy and the chaos, the demons we're made of
I'd be so lost if you left me alone

Ginny thought it sounded very much like this song was also meant for Sirius or Dumbledore. It could be even meant for Hedwig, she realized with a start.

You locked yourself in the bathroom
Lying on the floor when I break through
I pull you in to feel your heartbeat
Can you hear me screaming, "Please don't leave me!"

It seemed as if Harry was singing about the time when he had found her in the bathroom on the floor, unconscious. It had been before they started dating and Dean had been so jealous after that because the incident had brought them close together. She had been stressing over her OWLS and had been studying late into the night.

Due to not being awake enough in the morning, she had started taking Pepperup Potions and it all came to a head one day when she forgot the dose she had to take and collapsed. Harry was the one who found her and took her to the hospital wing. He followed her request and didn't tell anyone what happened, saying that Ginny had slipped and fallen, banging her head against the wall in the washroom. However, it brought them closer together though no one could understand why.

Hold on, I still want you
Come back, I still need you
Let me take your hand, I'll make it right
I swear to love you all my life
Hold on, I still need you

Her brain had come to the conclusion that her heart didn't want to believe. This song was about a romantic interest. This song was about...….her.

Long endless highway, you're silent beside me
Driving a nightmare I can't escape from
Helplessly praying, the light isn't fading
Hiding the shock and the chill in my bones

They took you away on a table
I pace back and forth as you lay still
They pull you in to feel your heartbeat
Can you hear me screaming, "Please don't leave me!"

Harry's voice cracked on the last word and Ginny was startled to realize that he was crying. Ginny had never seen him cry. Not when Cedric died, not when Sirius died, not even when Dumbledore died. She stepped a bit closer.

Hold on, I still want you
Come back, I still need you
Let me take your hand, I'll make it right
I swear to love you all my life
Hold on, I still need you

Ginny wiped her cheeks, surprised to find them wet. She hadn't realized when she started crying but Harry's raw emotion moved her in ways that she could not explain. She had understood why he had broken up with her but that hadn't stopped the twinge of resentment from flaring inside her. Now, after hearing him sing, she ached for him.

I don't wanna let go
I know I'm not that strong
I just wanna hear you
Saying, "Baby, let's go home"

Let's go home
Yeah, I just wanna take you home

Ginny gulped noiselessly. Harry had always been strong. He held the weight of the world on his shoulders with a grace no one else could have done and he always did what was expected of him. He never backed down even if it meant risking his own life. She supposed he had to break sometime too. That's what she didn't like. She had never wanted to be his weakness. She wanted to be his strength, his motivation.

Hold on, I still want you
Come back, I still need you

Harry finished the song with a shuddering breath and almost doubled over. Ginny almost felt that she could sneak away unnoticed but Harry suddenly looked up as if he just realized someone else was in the room as well. They stared at each other for a long time before Harry broke his gaze and stood up, holding his guitar by its neck.

"It was beautiful," said Ginny softly when it was clear that Harry wasn't going to say anything.

Harry glanced at her before looking away. "It wasn't supposed to be." He replied bitterly.

"What do you mean?" she asked, still speaking softly.

"It's not supposed to be beautiful, Gin," he said, going to stand by the window. Ginny noticed but didn't comment on his use of 'Gin'. "It's supposed to be painful. It's supposed to hurt."

"Why?" she asked, going to stand next to him and joined his silent vigil of the stars.

"It's supposed to remind me of why I can't be selfish," he said, without taking his eyes from the sky. "It's supposed to remind me about the danger I can put you in when all I want to do is hold you in my arms and never let go."

"Then, don't," she said and elaborated when Harry sent her a questioning look. "Don't ever let me go."

Harry exhaled deeply and turned away again. "You know why I can't, Ginevra." She usually might have baulked at being called her full name but she didn't this time. Harry had called her Ginevra before and, for some reason she herself didn't know, she loved it. However, right now, it also served to remind her of the two months they had spent together and made her long for those again. It made her long for the time when Dumbledore was still alive. Before everything went to hell.

"No, I don't know," said Ginny boldly. "Explain it to me."

Harry turned away from the window and faced her. He simply stared at her for a few seconds, his eyes roving all over her face as if memorising every detail before he sighed and said, "Everyone I have ever loved has died because of me, Ginevra. My parents, Sirius, Dumbledore, now Hedwig," his voice cracked but he continued. "She was my only friend at the Dursleys and she died! Why? Because she took a Killing Curse that was meant for me."

Ginny didn't say anything for a few seconds. Finally, "You are probably one of the most selfless, sacrificing git ever."

Harry sent her a smile that was devoid of humour. "I don't think so."

Ginny furrowed her brow but before she could refute his statement, he continued.

"This is not a selfless act, Ginny. I'm being selfish."

Ginny sent him a disbelieving look. "Harry, you're probably the only person who would think that sacrificing your own happiness for someone else's safety is selfish."

Harry made a frustrated sound. "You don't understand! I'm not trying to protect you! I'm trying to protect myself!" He seemed to curl into himself as if what he just said was something he had never wanted someone else to know.

Ginny didn't say anything. Inside, however, she was screaming. Had Voldemort messed up Harry's head? What he was saying made absolutely no sense.

Harry's eyes burned into hers with an intensity that almost blinded her. "As I said, everyone who associates with me ends up dead. One by one, all those deaths chipped at me, slowly, till I was broken with cracks inside me. If you died... "

Harry didn't complete his sentence and Ginny was almost afraid for him to do so.

"…I'll shatter completely."

Ginny's breath hitched and she turned away from him, trying to block herself from the impact of his words. This is what she was afraid of.

"I'm trying to protect myself from that, I suppose," he continued, unaware of the effect he was having on her. His eyes took on a faraway look as if he was not really present and was not aware of what he was saying. "If I push you away, it might not hurt so much. You see it now? I'm being selfish."

Ginny straightened her shoulders and turned towards Harry again. She would not let him do this. She would not let him destroy both of them. She stepped up to him, almost nose to nose, and said quietly, "Would you rather I die and you mourn me, thinking about all that could have happened or would you rather we be happy in our last moments together and you honour my memory by living your life?"

Harry shivered and backed away. "How will I be able to live if you're not there?"

"Just like I would be able to live if you die," she murmured. "You think you'll shatter if I die but what about me? I've loved you for years, Harry Potter and I just had gotten you when you were torn from me again. How would I feel?"

Harry just stared at her as if he had thought she wouldn't miss him at all.

"You'll live your life by honouring my memory and thinking about the happy times we had together and you're going to defeat He-Who-Doesn't-Even-Have-A-Nose and you're going to get drunk and party and get married to some blondie out there and you're going to die at a ripe old age."

Ginny smiled softly. "And if I live, then you and I are going to defeat He-Who's-Obsessed-With-You together and get drunk together and fly to Gretna Green where we elope and Mum sends us a Howler but it won't matter to us because we're happy and we'll laugh. We'll have dozens of kids and I'm going to curse you because it's all your fault and we are going to be amazing parents and send our children to Hogwarts and we'll relish the peace. We're going to die old with wrinkles and white hair and we'll die holding hands."

Ginny backed away till she was almost out of the living room and Harry was across the room from her. "What would you prefer? You go off on your secret mission without me or we spent these days together and I send you off with a kiss and a promise to come back?"

Harry sent her a surprised look which made her chuckle dryly. "I know I can't come with you, Harry. I'm underage; I'll just be a liability. Besides, I know you won't be able to focus with me being there. You'll just keep worrying about me."

"Think about it," she said quietly and turned around to leave.

"We're going on a mission to defeat Voldemort."

Ginny turned around. Harry had moved across the room and was only a few steps away from her. Ginny faced him and took a step closer.

"I know." She said simply.

Harry stepped closer and raised his hand to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. He didn't remove his hand, instead, he gently caressed her cheek with his knuckles making Ginny lean into the touch.

"I love you." He said intently.

"I know." She said again. "I love you too."

Ginny leaned up and pressed her lips to his. It went on for several long seconds and wasn't passionate or intense. It was soft and spoke of promises and apologies and comfort.

Ginny backed away from him and pressed her fingers to her lips. She wanted to keep the taste of him there forever. "Think about me when you falter, Harry. Don't let me be your weakness, let me be your strength. Think of me when you need the motivation to go on," she said, almost whispering. When Harry didn't say anything, she turned and walked out.

Just before the door closed behind her, she heard Harry sing.

Hold on, I still want you
Come back, I still need you

A tear slipped down Ginny's cheek and landed on the floor.

Aut hor's Notes: The song's name is 'Hold On' and belongs to Chord Overstreet. I fell in love with it the first time I heard it and my mind immediately went to Harry and Ginny. I have wanted to write this for a long time and I finally sat down and did it.

During an interview on, Overstreet said the following:

“I was going through a lot in a tumultuous relationship at the time and had lost somebody close to me, and I thought, ‘What would happen if that happened to the person I was not in a relationship with anymore but still really loved?’ I wrote the song from that perspective.”

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