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SIYE Time:10:29 on 29th March 2024
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Seeking the Truth
By Been Reading

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Category: Post-OotP
Characters:Harry/Ginny, Hermione Granger, Ron Weasley
Genres: Drama, Fluff
Warnings: Death, Sexual Situations
Rating: PG-13
Reviews: 364
Summary: *** The author has been reminded via the e-mail address on file that this story is listed as incomplete and has not been updated since 2006 ***

**March Dumbledore Silver Trinket Award winner for Best Drama and Best Romance**

Ginny Weasley's excited about starting her first real job after finishing school, except for one small thing: she'll have to face Harry Potter for the first time in over a year. Ginny struggles to deal with feelings she thought she had long put behind her, and with figuring out what really happened between Harry and Ron to fuel Ron's sudden hatred of his ex-best mate. Ginny is forced to make the ultimate decision... true love or family loyalty.
Hitcount: Story Total: 93597; Chapter Total: 5044
Awards: View Trophy Room






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Disclaimer: Nothing is mine, just having fun with it.




Encounters in the Bathroom


Two weeks after Leaving Feast


Harry sat alone in a Muggle bar in London, drowning his sorrows in alcohol. The vodka wasn’t as good as the firewhisky he’d consumed before he left his flat that night, but he didn’t want to be in a wizarding place. He needed to be alone. He slammed back another shot as the bartender walked over to where he was sitting.

“Something troubling you, mate?” the bartender asked.

Harry glared at him.

“Sheesh, I was just asking. I’m going to have to cut you off, though. Let me know if you want me to call you a cab.”

The bartender walked away as Harry continued to glare at him. Harry dropped his head on the counter top, silently wishing his life away.

“Wotcher, Harry,” a voice called him back to reality.

Harry picked up his head long enough to see Tonks before slamming it back against the counter. He welcomed the headache he knew he’d have in the morning.

“You’ve become a tough bloke to track down,” Tonks continued, ignoring Harry’s state. “We’ve been trying to tell you that you were accepted into Auror training, even though you never actually got to finish the application process.”

Harry’s only response was to bang his head again. Tonks kept talking anyway.

“I saw Hermione back at your flat. She told me you were living together. She looks bloody awful, like she’s been crying all the time and hasn’t slept in days.”

“I’ll be sure to tell her you said so,” Harry replied sarcastically. He wished that everyone would just leave him alone.

“Everyone misses you.”

Harry snorted.

“They do! They’re all very worried,” Tonks insisted. “You know I’m not going to judge you and Hermione if you’re in love. You can’t help who you fall for.”

Harry finally looked up at Tonks. “But you’ve already judged me. Why doesn’t anyone believe I’d never do that to Ron?”

“So tell him!”

“I tried! I’ve written him a letter everyday this week and he hasn’t responded. He won’t believe me unless I give him a different reason why Hermione broke up with him. It’s not my fault I’m not allowed to tell him that she broke up with him for his own good.”

“What?” Tonks exclaimed. Her face paled and she took the stool next to Harry.

“She says it’s for his own bloody happiness. I say it’s ruining all of our lives. Well, that and the fact that I’m a murderer.”

“Hermione got hit with that curse!” Tonks exclaimed, finally putting the pieces together.

“Bloody hell! I wasn’t supposed to tell anyone. Swear you won’t say,” Harry urged her.

“I swear, Harry,” Tonks said solemnly. “It’s not my place. And you’re not a murderer. Nobody thinks that.”

“Yes, they do.” Silence came between them as Tonks tried to figure out what she wanted to say next.

“You know I’m seeing Charlie now,” Tonks began.

“Then this is probably the last time I’ll be seeing you,” Harry interrupted.

“Come back to the Burrow with me. Get this whole thing worked out before it’s too late,” she pleaded.

“I can’t face them; too much has happened.”

“That doesn’t matter. They’re your family.”

“No. I’m the reason they lost so much of their family. I can’t go with you,” Harry said as he dropped his head on the counter again.

“I’m not going to keep arguing with you, but you’re wrong.” Tonks paused and sighed. “You should stop drinking so much. And you should help Hermione. She needs you; she’s going through a lot right now if she was hit with that curse.”

“I know.”

“You know, I hear they’re trying to get the Quidditch leagues going again this year. They’re hoping to have the national leagues by next year. They want to give the people something enjoyable to do to take their minds off everything that’s happened. I’d say you deserve more than anyone to do something you enjoy for once, instead of something you feel like you’re supposed to do.”

Harry didn’t respond, but Tonks knew her message had sunk in.

“Good bye, Harry.”

“Tonks?” Harry called right before she reached the door.

“Yeah?”

“Will you write me, let me know how everyone is doing? I can’t promise that I’ll be able to return the letters, but it’d give me peace of mind to know that they’re surviving.”

“Of course. And if you ever want to see a familiar face, I’m an Auror. I can be discreet.” Tonks turned and walked out the door, leaving Harry with the smallest feeling of hope for his future. A smile graced his face for the first time in weeks.





Ginny was trying to get ready for bed but her mind was running faster than her body could handle. She was actually at the point where getting ready for bed was starting to scare her. She hadn’t had nightmares like this since the summer after the Chamber of Secrets. She wasn’t sure what was causing it all, but the only thing she knew was that she was being tormented by thoughts of the war since Harry had been back in her life.

It was hard to wake up from a nightmare where your dead roommate was taunting you. She felt guilty for her feelings about her roommate’s death, guilty for surviving. It made her miss her mother and brothers even more than she normally did. She had done such a good job of pushing all of her thoughts of the war out during the day, but they seemed to haunt her at night.

Her thoughts strayed to her father and how miserable he seemed to be. He seemed to age ten years every time she saw him. It looked like he was fighting to keep something in; but whether it was his grief at losing his wife, his sons, or something else, she didn’t know. Maybe she wasn’t the only one being haunted by nightmares of the war.

Ginny looked at her reflection in the mirror critically. She had bags under her eyes that made her look much older than she really was, and her hair didn’t look nearly as healthy as it did when she younger and happier. She knew she had lost weight since the end of the war. She didn’t look unhealthy, but she lacked the womanly curves she once had. Her mother would be ashamed of how she had let herself fall apart.

She shook her head as she thought of all the other things her mother would be ashamed of. She knew that Molly Weasley would have never let Harry leave their family. Ginny felt like she kept catching glimpses of the old Harry–the fun Harry, the Harry that was her best friend. She just didn’t know how to pull the old Harry out to the surface, or if he even wanted to come out. When she closed her eyes, she could picture their late night conversations about life in the common room. And if she really concentrated, she could still feel Harry holding her hand during their one date at Hogsmeade. She wanted to get past all of the hurt and anger to find the place in her heart where she cared about life. And if she was really honest with herself, she wanted to get back to that time where she cared about Harry.

Ginny had finally finished getting ready for bed when she heard a gentle knock on her door. She grabbed her ratty dressing gown and tightened it around her waist. She glanced at the mirror, and after making sure she didn’t look indecent, she opened the door.

“Tank?” she said curiously, opening the door the rest of the way. None of the guys had ventured to her side of the manor before. “Is something wrong?”

“I’m not sure,” Tank said slowly.

“What do you mean, ‘you’re not sure?’” Ginny asked anxiously. She could feel her heart pounding in her chest. What would she do if there was something wrong with one of the guys?

“Well, after you and Harry had that fight, he locked himself up in his room and we haven’t heard anything out of him since. I mean, you saw that he wasn’t at dinner, but there haven’t been any noises coming out of his room at all,” Tank explained.

Ginny felt her heart sink to her stomach. “Why are we still standing here talking? Let’s go try to figure this out!”

She hurried out of her room with Tank right behind her. She ran all of the way from her side of the manor to the team’s side. When she reached Harry’s room, she knocked, first gently, then more insistently when no one answered.

“Oh, of all the times to leave my wand behind,” she muttered.

Tank smiled and motioned her to move aside. “Allow me. Alohomora!”

The door flew open, and Ginny gasped at the site before her. Harry’s redecorating had consisted of ridding the room of everything but his bed and his trunk, both were securely fastened to the ground. “What the…”

“Well, there’s Harry’s wand, so he must not be too far,” Tank said, pointing to the wand sitting on the bed. “Acciowand!”

“Wait, there’s a noise coming from the bathroom,” Ginny said. She walked over and gently knocked on the door. She tried the knob and found it unlocked. As soon as she opened the door, she felt herself being pushed through. Before she could realize what was going on, the door slammed shut behind her. She tried the knob but it was now locked. She let out on long groan and rested her forehead against the door.

“Ginny!”

Ginny slowly turned around to find herself face to face with Harry, who only had a towel wrapped around his waist. Ginny tore her eyes off his bare chest, and felt her face turning bright pink. She first thought that his chest looked muscular and well defined, but then noticed that the definition came from his protruding ribs. She made a mental note to keep better track of his eating habits.

“What are you doing here?”

“I’m not exactly sure,” Ginny said bitterly. She turned around and pounded on the door. “Tank! Let me out of here!”

She could hear laughter coming from Harry’s room.

“Sorry, no can do!” Tank called. The laughter came through even louder.

“And why not?” Ginny yelled.

“Because if you two don’t work out whatever it is that’s been bugging you, you’re going to kill each other before the World Cup even starts,” Tank explained through his chuckles. “We don’t want that to happen.”

“Yeah, for some strange reason, we’re kind of fond of the two of you,” MJ added.

“Although, we’re not exactly sure why in your case, Potter,” Dustin called. “You tend to be a bit of a git.”

“And kind of rude a lot of the times,” Jeff added.

“So when you two work through things, we’ll let you out,” Wesley finished.

“Well, if you lot would stop sharing a brain and think, you’d realize what a bad idea this is!” Ginny yelled, slamming her palm against the door.

“I think you’re right, Jeff,” Tank said cheerfully. “It is time for a Silencing Charm. We’ll be back to check on your progress in a while.”

“Maybe,” MJ added laughing. “Silencio!”

“I can’t believe them!” Ginny exclaimed. She turned around to face a still mostly naked but very amused looking Harry. “Why you look so happy?” she asked, crossing her arms over her chest.

“It’s just funny, that’s all,” Harry said with a shrug. “I’m assuming you don’t have your wand.”

“No, I left it in my room. Tank took yours, too. I don’t know why,” Ginny added. “Well, I take that back, I know why. I wonder how long they’ve been planning this.”

“So, what do we do now?” Harry asked.

“I guess we just get comfortable and talk,” Ginny said with a sigh. She wished she had more than just her pajamas and dressing gown on. Both were old and a bit tattered, and even though she knew Harry knew all about her family’s financial situation, she couldn’t help but feel a bit embarrassed. She knew she was blushing, and was assuming that the blush had traveled down to her chest. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath and tried to get her emotions under control.

When she felt calmer, Ginny leaned against the wall and slid down to the floor. Harry grabbed another towel from the shelf and sat down on the edge of the tub, putting it across his lap to make sure he was covered.

“You said earlier it wasn’t the time or the place,” Ginny said slowly. “What about now?”

“I meant what I said before about secrets,” Harry replied.

“Yes, well, you weren’t exactly making sense.”

“Since we have nothing but time, let’s see if I can explain. As far as I can tell, I have three types of secrets,” Harry began. “The first type is those that I’m legally not supposed to tell. I have a lot of secrets that the Ministry won’t let me tell anyone but on a strictly need to know basis. For example, who stayed with me this weekend. The worst of the war might be over, but there’s still so much going on that the general public doesn’t know. If they found out, well let’s just say that it would make the press conference look like a picnic.”

Ginny looked at him critically. “Well, I can understand that, but my family is hardly a security threat. We were just as involved as anyone.”

“That’s just it, though, I don’t want you guys to have to be involved anymore. Your dad is in no mental condition to get involved in another war. Neither is Charlie. And you, Ron, and the twins deserve to have a normal life for a change. You didn’t get that when I was in your lives.”

Ginny rolled her eyes. “We chose to be involved; it wasn’t like you forced us.”

“Exactly,” Harry said with a sigh.

“Okay, well we’re obviously not going to see eye to eye here. Move on to the second kind of secrets,” Ginny said.

“Well, those are simple; those are the secrets I keep for other people. The ones that no matter how much I wanted to tell you, I couldn’t.”

Ginny saw something unrecognizable in Harry’s eyes as he said those words. “I can accept that,” she said. “Move on to the third type.”

Harry looked at the floor. “The third type is my secrets that I don’t want to tell you. They’re either too painful to talk about or too dangerous.”

“What do you mean by dangerous?” Ginny asked.

“I mean that if people found out you knew, they’d want you dead. Like with the prophesy,” Harry said quietly.

“Is that what this is about? You’re blaming yourself for all of those deaths again?” Ginny asked harshly.

“Well, people died to protect my secrets. Knowing my secrets got them killed,” Harry said.

“People wanted to protect your secrets, Harry,” Ginny said quietly. “People wanted to protect you. People loved you, Harry.”

“People loved the idea of me; they loved the hero.”

“I didn’t,” Ginny replied, her voice almost a whisper. “I loved you for you.”

Harry shook his head.

“This isn’t getting us anywhere. All I know now is why you don’t want to explain anything and that you tried to once.”

“What do you want to know?” Harry asked quietly.

“Why is your room bare?”

Harry shook his head. “That’s a Ministry secret. So is why I was leaving at night.”

“Why couldn’t you have told me that to start with?” Ginny asked, frustrated.

“Because I know you, and I knew you wouldn’t give up until I told you everything,” Harry replied.

“Okay, maybe you’re right. Next question: have you ever been romantically involved with Hermione?”

Harry looked up and his eyes met Ginny’s. “No,” he whispered as he shook his head.

Ginny could tell by the look in his eyes that he was telling the truth. She let out a groan in frustration.

“What?” he asked, obviously surprised.

“This is what I don’t understand,” Ginny said angrily. “If all these times you’ve both been innocent, despite all of the evidence to the contrary, why’d you stay away?”

“Well, after the letters were sent back, I figured you all really didn’t want to have anything to do with me. I figured that what Ron said was true,” Harry said.

“What did Ron say, Harry?”

“That I as good as killed your mum; that nothing but pain had come to your family since I became a part of it,” Harry informed her.

“Those blokes were right, you are a stupid git! Didn’t you know Ron was just angry? That he didn’t mean those things?”

Harry shook his head and refused to look at her.

“Don’t you remember that if it weren’t for you, I would have died my first year? That my dad would have died? Harry, you saved our family time and time again. You can’t blame yourself that you couldn’t do it every time.”

“You almost died in the Chamber,” Harry said as if he were trying to work something out.

“You know I did,” Ginny replied, not seeing the relevance of his statement.

“Do you remember what it was like, almost dying?”

Ginny was startled, but she slowly nodded her head. “It was the most beautiful place I’d ever seen, but at the same time there was nothing special about it. It was like a dream, but I knew it was more than that.” She looked at Harry and he nodded in agreement. “I felt so guilty about everything that had happened with Tom that I didn’t think anyone would want me alive. I almost killed people; I’d set a monster out on the school.” Ginny paused to wipe the tears from her cheeks. “I wanted to give into the light, to leave this world behind. Then a woman appeared. I couldn’t see her face clearly, but she looked like she could have been a part of my family.”

Ginny paused and shook her head. “I don’t know; I didn’t recognize her so I guess it wasn’t important.”

“That’s okay, just keep going,” Harry urged her.

Ginny felt like she was on the verge of having a breakthrough with Harry, so she nodded and continued. “She told me that I still had a lot of living to do, that my job on earth wasn’t done yet. I tried to argue with her that no one would want me now, but she just told me to listen. And then I heard you. You didn’t want me to be dead. When I knew that you wanted me alive, I wanted to live. I tried to go back but I couldn’t. The woman told me it wasn’t time yet, that I had to wait for you to help me.”

Ginny paused again and smiled sheepishly. “As silly as it may sound, I never had any doubt that you would save me. I knew that you’d be there for me.”

Harry blushed slightly and grinned. “I couldn’t leave you down there. But this isn’t about that. Tell me more about the woman.”

Ginny closed her eyes and tried to remember everything about the experience. “I know we continued to talk, but I really can’t remember what we had talked about. I’m sorry, but the next thing I remember is waking up and seeing you there at the Chamber.” She looked at Harry curiously as they sat in silence. “Why did you make me relive that if you aren’t going to say anything?”

“When I defeated Voldemort, I almost died. I saw your mum and I tried to follow her, but she wouldn’t let me. I reached for her but I couldn’t touch her. That part was kind of scary, actually.”

Ginny shivered slightly at the description of her mother. Harry looked at her, concerned. “I’m okay, keep going,” she assured him.

Harry nodded and continued. “Well, that’s when Dumbledore showed up. I heard his voice before I actually saw him. I just wanted to give up, to leave the world. I thought I had fulfilled my destiny; I wanted to be with my parents and Sirius again. But Dumbledore wouldn’t let me; he told me that I still had things to live for or something like that. I was afraid that people wouldn’t want me anymore; that they would think I was a murderer and blame me. It was almost like I had to fight a battle with myself before I could come back to the real world. It was a scary feeling, not thinking I had anything to live for. Dumbledore was fairly persistent, though. He always was.”

“But all that’s ridiculous!” Ginny interrupted. “Of course you still had things to live for! We still loved you! It would have destroyed me if you had died.”

Harry looked slightly taken back by her last statement, and Ginny instantly regretted the words leaving her mouth. Once Harry had recovered, a wry smile crossed his face. “Funny, I think you just admitted you thought the same thing,” Harry replied dryly.

Ginny’s lips formed a silent ‘oh’ as she realized the hypocrisy of her statements. If she had believed her blood relatives wouldn’t love her anymore, she could see how Harry would doubt his make-shift family.

“Anyway, Dumbledore told me to listen like the woman did with you. Hermione was calling me back. Dumbledore said she still needed me, and I knew I had to go back.”

Ginny finally realized what the point of this conversation was. “And when you woke up Ron accused you of all the things Dumbledore had tried to convince you weren’t true.”

“Exactly. Whether he meant it or not, all of the things he said were confirming my biggest fears. He called me a murderer and blamed me for your family’s losses. I gave it one last try with the letters, and it destroyed me when he sent those back. The reporters were partially right; I did drink a lot. I had just moved in with Hermione, she was depressed and wasn’t taking care of herself. I spent most of my time in pubs trying to forget about everything. When I found out I had been accepted into Auror training, it suddenly didn’t seem like what I wanted to do anymore. I just wanted to be happy.”

“I seem to remember being yelled at for telling you something similar,” Ginny said.

Harry took a deep breath. “I know. The thing is, in order to do that, I felt like I had to cut most people out. I didn’t feel like I could trust anyone, and I didn’t want anyone getting hurt because they were close to me. That’s why I was glad when Hermione started working and traveling a lot. It put distance between us; it made her safer. I didn’t have to worry as much.”

“You can’t go through life not trusting people, Harry,” Ginny said softly.

“It’s the only way I know how to these days. I don’t want to let people in; just talking to you like this is hard.”

“You’ve been letting the team in,” Ginny pointed out.

“Not like this. They know the tip of my personality; they don’t know me,” Harry replied.

“You can trust them,” Ginny insisted.

“Building up trust takes time,” Harry whispered. “But destroying it only takes seconds.”

“You’re saying you don’t trust me anymore? You don’t trust me because I didn’t believe you when you said you weren’t involved with Hermione after Ron and I found you two in bed together. You don’t trust me because I didn’t seek you out to figure out what really happened. You don’t trust me because I believed the worst about you instead of believing in you.”

“I wish I could trust you, but it’s not that simple. I’ve been hurt too many times in this life,” Harry replied softly.

Ginny crawled her way over to where Harry was sitting. She sat on her knees in front of him and looked him in the eyes. “I made the mistake of not believing in you once. I won’t do it again.”

The look in Harry’s eyes was raw and passionate, and Ginny was suddenly very aware of their state of undress. She felt herself being drawn toward Harry, and she was unable to stop it. She saw Harry’s eyes begin to close and felt her own do the same. She could feel Harry’s hot breath against her lips, and she knew that their faces would be touching in an instant. As soon as the thought crossed her mind, she felt the slight pressure of his lips against her own. It was sweet, gentle, innocent; it was heaven on earth. To Ginny, it represented everything good in the world, everything worth living for. She was scared that if she moved at all the moment would end, but it ended anyway. Harry pulled away from her and motioned for her to be quiet.

“How are you two doing in there?” Tank called through the door.

“I think we’ve come to an understanding,” Harry called back. “If you would be so kind to let us out; I’m a little cold.”

Laughter rang from the other room and the door popped open.

“Thanks.” Harry walked into his room and threw on his dressing gown. “Since you lot trapped me in a bathroom all night would you at least have the decency to let me get dressed and go to bed?”

“All right, all right,” MJ said. “But tomorrow, we’re going to have to have a serious chat about your decorating skills, Potter.”

“Good night, MJ,” Harry said with a forced smile. When the team had left the room, Harry turned his attention to Ginny who was still sitting on the bathroom floor. “I’m sorry, that shouldn’t have happened.”

Until that moment, Ginny hadn’t been aware of how many times one person could break your heart. “I see,” she said quietly. “I’m sorry I’m so repulsive to you.”

Harry rolled his eyes. “You know that’s not it.”

Ginny felt her hands clench into fists at her sides. “What is it then? You’ve never done a very good job of telling me what you want. Merlin! You’re so hot and cold, Harry. I never know what to do with you! I never know what you want from me!”

“Excuse me for always trying to do what’s right, even if it’s not what I want!” he exclaimed. “We’re playing with fire here!”

“You need to get over that stupid nobility complex. Do what you want and not what everyone wants you to do,” Ginny retorted. “It’s time to grow up, Harry.”

“What do you want from me?” he asked, his eyes almost pleading with her.

“I want to know what you want. Did you want to kiss me or not?” Ginny asked quietly. She looked away from him, unsure that she’d be able to handle his response. If he said he didn’t want to kiss her, she didn’t know what she’s do.

“You have to understand that it’s still going to take time for me to trust you again, and if you’re honest with yourself, you don’t really trust me either,” Harry replied slowly, taking long, steadying breaths. “I don’t know if we’ll ever be in a place where what just happened is okay, but I do know that things would only end badly if we tried to start something while we don’t trust each other.”

Trying to retrieve her ego, Ginny stood up and walked into the bedroom. “When did you get to be so smart? You’re making me look bad for implying you hadn’t grown up.”

“When I started living with Hermione.”

She couldn’t help but flinch at his response. She didn’t want to associate any improvement in him to Hermione. No matter how good friends she and Hermione had been, the hurt was still there. It only proved to her that what Harry had said about trusting each other was true.

“I see. Well, good night, Harry.” Ginny made her way to the door.

“Ginny?” Harry called.

“Next time we have a weekend off, would you come with me to visit Hermione? I know she’d love to see you.”

Ginny smiled genuinely. “I’d like that, Harry.”

She just wouldn’t tell Harry that she’d like to corner Hermione and force answers out of her… that might result in her invitation being revoked. She had to fight back a childlike giggle at the thought.

As Ginny walked back towards her bedroom, she swore she could still feel Harry’s lips against her own. She tried to memorize every moment of the encounter so she’d have something to fall back on the next time she began to doubt Harry. She was now more frustrated than she had been before she had found out anything about Harry; she still had so many questions she wanted answered. She wasn’t sure how she was going to handle being in the home Harry shared with Hermione. There was no doubt that it was going to be awkward. She just hoped that she’d make progress with the trip, instead of running into more brick walls.

When Ginny reached her bedroom a thought crossed her mind. “Harry said he had been in love and decided to do something about it during his seventh year…”


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