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Decisions
By Rianna

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Category: Post-HBP
Characters:Harry/Ginny, James Potter, Lily Potter
Genres: Angst, Fluff, Drama, Songfic
Warnings: Sexual Situations
Story is Complete
Rating: R
Reviews: 16
Summary: After coming close to the one thing Harry and Ginny had both wanted for the longest time, Harry withdraws, and finds himself getting advice in the most unexpected of forms. Songfic to the Goo Goo Doll's "Iris"
Hitcount: Story Total: 5162







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Iris

And I'd give up forever to touch you
Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now
And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight


Harry stood outside of her doorway every night, listening to her breathe. Occasionally she would stir, but mainly, he stood there, not daring to peek into the cracked door, but not daring to leave. He smelled her orange and cinnamon scent even from there, and it reminded him of what she was, and what he'd lost. Mainly, it kept him alive, as it had for a year while he searched for the last of Voldemort's horcruxes, and, ultiamately, as he triumphed over the Dark Lord. Just the thought of her, and what her memory had done for him, brought him so much joy, yet so much pain.

It was over dinner that August night that he finally decided to finally look into those eyes that had so eluded him for what seemed like the longest year in the history of the world itself. He found her gaze surprisingly strong, for it had been so long... but among the bountiful fields of brown splendor he found something completely unexpected.

He found longing. The same grueling, incredible longing, the same yearning for him that he'd felt for her for what now seemed like a lifetime. He spent the rest of dinner basking in the gaze, and subconciously made the decision he'd been wanting to since the night Ron and he'd found Ginny and Dean kissing in the corridor.

There wasn't a moment to spare
***

The hours after dinner and before he would be fulfilling their unspoken, subconcious agreement would be fulfilled were that of hell. Harry laid on his bed, feeling his insides burn as he gave a name to the monster that he'd been fighting so hard to tame which was about to be given it's heart's content: dragon. It roared and roared, burned him with such heat that he found it hard to not run to Ginny's room that instant. He knew he must wait. Ginny wasn't sharing her room any longer with Hermione (who'd taken over Percy's room), but there were other people that remained awake into the wee hours of the morning. Once or twice, he could almost hear the dragon inside of him screeching louder than the maternal Hungarian Horntail had when he'd captured it's egg, but it turned out to only be his beating heart. He dared not close his eyes, though he knew that sleep would not be coming to him that night.

Finally, he knew it was time. He pulled his Invisibility Cloak over himself, more as a force of habit than a precaution. He stepped slowly down the stairs, making sure to skip the creaking one as he made his way down to her room. He walked past the parlor, and finally found her door, which, though only plain brown with a rusted brass knob, had never looked so beautiful. He carefully opened it and found her sitting on the bed, awake as he.

"Harry" she whispered, no trace amount of suprise in her voice. He lowered the cloak and it fell to the ground in a heap, and he silenced any other words she may have been about to say with a kiss. She did not protest; instead, she lead them gracefully towards the bed, without making a sound. She was on top of him, straddling his body with hers as she slowly unbuttoned his nightshirt, revealing his bare chest. He gasped as her hands laid onto him, surprisingly cool and light against his hot skin. The monster inside of him, no longer feeling neglected roared its approval, and was begging him to remove her top as she had so kindly done his. But he resisited: he wouldn't go any farther than she wanted. With all he felt for her, he owed her that.

Ginny had been thinking along the same lines, though. She skillfully took it off, revealing her lacy pink bra. Harry gasped slightly, and she let out a low, animal sound, telling him she wanted more. He moved his mouth towards her neck, putting feather-light kisses everywhere he could find. His lips reached her cleavage, and she moaned. Every primitive instinct inside of Harry, along with the monster, was pushing him to move faster, but he slowed it down, moving his mouth passionately back up her neck and to hers. Her hands were on his back, and he knew what was coming. Her hands reached for the top button of his trousers, but he suddenly sat up.

"Harry!" she gasped, panting. He stood slowly, a look of horror on his face.

"I'm sorry, Ginny." he said. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry." He swept up his cloak and threw it over himself, and was out of the door as fast and quietly as humanly, or wizardly, possible. Ginny sat on the bed, and felt a tear run down from her eyes that still held the fire.

He was rushing back up the steps, making too much noise to be cautious, but rushing nonetheless. He threw open the door to the room he shared with Ron, and awoke him with a start.

"Harry?" Ron asked, his eyes adjusting to find him throwing his things in his trunk. "Harry, what in the bloody hell's gotten into you?"

"I've got to go, Ron." he grunted, still without a shirt. "I've got to go, I've got to get away from her."

"From who?"

"From Ginny?"

"Why would you need to get away from her?"

"To protect her."

Ron opened his mouth, and closed it again. A look of understanding dawned upon his face.

"When will you be back?"

"I'm not sure. Soon enough, I expect. I just need to get away right now. Just tell your mum-and Ginny-that I'll be back. I just need to..."

"You've got it. And Harry?" Ron said, his expression unreadable.

"Yeah?"

"Don't you dare hurt her again."

Harry nodded, and pointed his wand at his trunk, sending it to his destination. With a pop! it was gone

And I don't want the world to see me
Cuz I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am


He stood next to his father's and mother's graves. though he knew there were no bodies inside them to be beheld. They were over what had been the ruins of their house in Godric's Hollow. He could still remember that horrible laugh, his mothers' scream, and the flash of green light. He felt every emotion he was feeling wash over him, and collapsed to his knees. He screamed, he cried, he moaned.

How could I have done that to her? How could I leave her?

Guilt began to creep into his heart, making it impossible for him to stand even if he'd tried. He was reduced to whimpering, the tears falling thick and fast now from his green eyes. He said three words over and over.

"How could I, how could I, how could I..."

The tears burned as they fell, and yet he cried on, as if he wished to cry out everything he'd ever done to hurt her. And when the tears stopped falling, he could stil taste them on his lips.

Did I make her cry?

He was exhausted, and he fell asleep, right above his mother's grave, thinking about Ginny.

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah, you'd bleed just to know you're alive


He knew where he was before he could see it. He opened his eyes and found himself in a room immersed in white, somehow enveloped, just as the cave in which he and Dumbledore had found the fake horcrux was immersed in blackness. He knew, somehow, that he was on the other side of the veil, but from here, he couldn't hear the whispers it had produced. Just pure white, no sound, no touch, no taste. And though he couldn't see or hear them, he knew his parents stood behind him. He turned and found them, both very whole and emitting a faint glow.

He felt a tear slide down his cheek as he saw his parents holding hands. Even here, in the realm of the spirits passed, he still could feel her. He still loved her.

I love her...

His mother nodded, and he was sure she had heard his thoughts.

How am I here?

It doesn't matter


It was his father's voice, or what he'd come to believe was his father's voice, from dreams and memories.

Why am I here?

You nearly made a life-altering decision, Harry


It was his mother. He turned down his head in shame, but his mother put her finger to his chin to lift it.

It's nothing to be ashamed of, Harry. It's the act of two people in love who are ready for it. The question is, are you?

Harry was taken aback. His dead parents were talking-telepathically-to him about sex. He knew now what Dumbledore had meant when he said he was very extraordinary.

I'm not sure

They exchanged glances.

Go to her, it was his father, and you will.

They faded away, and Harry awoke to find the sun rising. It was too early to go back, so he sat, and thought on it, making the decision that he'd nearly made for both of them.

And I don't want the world to see me
Cuz I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am


Harry sat across the room from Ginny, underneath the Invisibility Cloak, and watched her as she played a game of Wizard's Chess with Hermione, beating her triumphantly for the fourth time. Hermione moaned in defeat, and Ginny smiled broadly. For a moment, he could've sworn they locked eyes, but decided it was just a trick of the light. Slowly the occupants of the room began to trickle out, off to bed. Hermione and Ron were sitting together on the couch, while Ginny sat on a large chair, reading a book. She looked so beautiful to him, mouth slightly agape and her head tilted just so that the shadows beneath her hair cast a pattern of light over her face that was the pure essence of seduction. Harry moved uncomfortably in the chair as he noticed this, for he had been waiting for the longest time. Finally, Ron and Hermione bid her goodnight, and they were as alone as they'd been in the early hours of that very morning.

"You can come out now, Harry" she said.

He gasped, but reluctantly took off his cloak.

"How did you know?"

"I can just tell these things."

The look in her eye gave Harry no doubt, and the tone of her voice gave him the suspicion that she was a better Legilemins than Voldemort had been.

"So, I was hoping you might explain your actions for this morning."

Harry hung his head, feeling the same guilt rising in his chest, though much stronger now that it was being addressed.

He looked up, and found a look of vulnerability in her eyes. He realized she was just as scared as he was.

"I know what it must've looked like, to you, I mean." he said. "I never should've..."

"Why?" she interrupted. "Why should'nt you have? I know you want it just as much as I do, if not more. If I've learned nothing else about you, Harry Potter, I've learned that the thing you want the most, you always hide. I know, Harry. I know."

He stared deeper into her eyes, and found that same definat look that had always been there. He smiled; some things never changed.

"What are you smiling about?"

"Well, it's just that, you know, we didn't exactly plan on using protection."

She smiled back.

"I think I've got all that covered..."

***

A/N:I hope you all like it! I don't normally write fics with sex (or even that infer sex) so this may be kinda weird. Read and review, as always
Reviews 16
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